One month ago

 "Get out. Go away from my room. GET OUT XAVIER." She yells at me, tears streaming down her face. I want to wipe them away, to make everything better. But I can't. I am the reason why she is so upset in the first place.

Her friend, Jordan, rushes into the room and drags me by the arm, forcing me out of the room.

"I'm so sorry Candy. I love you. I love you so much and I should never have hurt you"

I have never said those words before to anyone other than Vera. I need her to know it, but she doesn't look at me. Jordan pushes me put the room, then out the door.

"We're going to your house to pick up her stuff. Now."

His tone brooks no argument. I get into my car and drive, knowing that he is right behind me.

It is the longest drive I have ever been on, and I have enough time to reflect on everything that brought me to where I am. I remember it so clearly.

Looking for Candy, knowing that I had messed up again. I tried her number, but it wasn't going through. Out of my mind with worry, I tried Jordan's number. He told me where she was, and how stupid I was for messing up. I agreed.

Beatrice stepping up to me. "She left huh? I guess she isn't cut out for you. Here, have a drink with me." I try to tell her that it isn't Candy's fault, but as I toss back the alcohol, I seem unable to speak.

Beatrice offering me the bottle of vodka as she confessed her love to me.

She held me in her arms, but I pushed her away as I realized that Candy had been right from the very beginning.

She cried again apologizing and I had to comfort her. She has been my best friend from childhood after all.

She offered me one more drink. "One more drink with your best friend.", she sniffed. I couldn't refuse.

And that was where the memories ended. The next thing that I remember was waking up in a bed, Beatrice by my side, and it was morning, and she was frantically explaining to me how we had almost had sex, how I had almost cheated on the love of my life.

Replaying the memories made me feel like scum, but I do it anyway, until we reach my house.

I watch Jordan go to her room, picking up her things, and folding them into a box. I feel like he is picking up parts of me, breaking them of piece by piece. As he steps out of the door, I can't help myself.

"Please, tell her I am so sorry. Tell her I love her."

At that, he snaps. Jordan grabs me by my throat, and pushes me into the wall. I try to move away from him, but he starts raining punches on me, and rather than try to defend myself, I allow it. He has all the right to be angry – if I could punch myself, I would do it to. I let him go on for as long as he wants, until finally, he slows down, panting heavily.

"I never want to see you around her again", he spits at me.

And with that, he drags out the suitcase of her things – the last part of her leaving me for good.

***

I can feel the stares as I walk into Louis' restaurant, but I ignore them. A waiter comes up to me, presumably to kick me out. Instead I say "Get me Louis, quickly. Tell him it's Xavier."

When Louis arrives, he doesn't waste any time with words, ushering me to the backroom where he offers VIP services. As I sit on a chair, he starts to clean my bruises.

"What happened to you man?"

Usually I would shrug off such concern, but I can't seem to. Before I know what I am doing, I have blurted out the whole story to Louis, who is staring at me aghast by the time that I am done. I don't blame him. Sharing emotions has never been my thing, and I tend not to talk about my girlfriends. However, Candy is different. I know that he can tell.

"Did you ever know that Beatrice loved me?"

Louis gives me a pointed look. "Everyone knew that Beatrice loved you dude. It was too obvious. She did everything for you, always spoke only about you, threatened a lot of girls who wanted to talk to you..."

"Okay, I get it.", I cut in, frustrated by my own blindness over the years. "But I never saw her like that. I always saw her – "

" – as a friend", he completes for me.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?"

Louis rolls his eyes exasperatedly. "Come on. We all told you at some point. Even Vera mentioned that she noticed Beatrice giving her the evil eye when both of you were dating, and you totally ignored her. Face it. You just didn't want to know."

"I wish I did though.", I sat soberly. "I've lost Candy now due to my own stupidity. If I had known, I wouldn't have even been with Beatrice that evening."

Louis looks at me for a moment. "Are you sure that you and Beatrice almost – you know?"

"Had sex?", I complete for him. "No doubt about it. I woke up half undressed in bed with her."

"But you don't remember anything", he argues. "Beatrice could have lied about the whole thing, and you were drunk and naïve enough to fall for it."

I run my hands through my hair in exasperation. "You think that I haven't thought of that? There is nothing I want more than to be able to tell Candy that it was a misunderstanding. But the truth is that I woke up naked in her bed. She told me what had happened."

"She could be lying. I want to do a drug test, find out if she spiked your drink. Give it a chance, Xavier."

I glare at him. "I am only doing this because it gives me one more chance with her. I love her. I don't want to let her go."

Louis' face softens for a minute. "Have you told her this?"

I nod, my voice choked up with emotion. I will not allow myself break down like a child.

"Let's get started."

***

It's been two weeks since I did the drug test with Louis. Two weeks without seeing her smile, or hearing her voice. I've practically begged Linda for updates, but she refuses to answer my questions. All she said is, "She isn't talking to anyone Mr Reyes." She gave me a pointed look as she said this, as if she hates me. Usually, I would fire her on the spot for daring to use that tone around me, but I can't. she has all rights to hate me.

Last week, I received all the things that I had bought for her. I dropped them in her room, then locked myself up with a bottle of scotch. Drinking seems to be the only way I can escape my sadness, my loneliness. Even if it is just for a moment.

Sometimes, I walk through her room, or sit on the couch where we cuddled, and I remember all the good times. Other times, I try not to think of her now. I know that I was bad before, but she changed me, made me see things differently. I wish for her to come back. In my mind, I have relived that night so many times, thinking of alternate ways I could have handled the situation.

If only I had not yelled at her.

If only I didn't walk away.

If only I followed her immediately and apologized.

If only I hadn't gotten drunk.

Self-loathing is one of the worst things in the world, and now, I am experiencing it firsthand.

***

Life has become too monotonous without her. I saw her once on the hallway in her school and I tried to speak, to explain how much I missed and loved her, but she refused to give me a chance.

Not that I blame her. In her shoes, anyone would do the same.

As soon as I got home, I opened a bottle of scotch and let the scorching burn soothe my struggles.

My house smells of nothing but scotch.

As I was drifting away on a hazy cloud, I heard a buzzing noise. At first, I thought that it was her ringing the doorbell, but I soon discovered that it was my phone. I glanced at the caller ID.

Louis.

I picked up the call. Louis started talking immediately, but his voice was too loud and unclear.

"Slow down dude.", I slur.

"Are you freaking drunk man?", he practically yells.

"Maybe?"

He groans in frustration. "Sober up now. I need to see you."

"Why? Is the drug test out?"

There is a pause on the other end. "Yes, but it's more important than that."

I want to ask what could be more important, but Louis rushes along.

"It's about Candy and Asher."

A/N: so here is a bonus chapter showing what it was like for Xavier during the month apart. What do you think? do you feel sorry for him? Leave your opinions in the comments. Will be posting soon loves.💋💋💋.