Song for this chapter: Don't want my heart

Whoever said that time heals all wounds needs to be stabbed. Repeatedly. Then left to be bitten by wild animals. We'll see if time heals his wounds. The news was all over the papers. I don't know how a reporter got to see Xavier and Beatrice kissing, but now everyone knows. Jordan was the one who showed me the paper, since I refused to leave the room. When I saw it, I screamed and threw things around, then sat down on the bed, blank, empty and emotionless. I stop feeling, I stop caring.

One week later

I send all the things Xavier gave me back to him – the iPhone, the dresses, ... everything. He has ceased to exist to me, and I don't want any reminders lulling around.

Linda tells me that he has stopped coming to work, and on the rare occasion that he does, he locks himself in his office. His name is sacrilege now. I can't even think of it because it hurts too bad. My things are now in Jordan's apartment. Jordan went over to his house to pick them up, and beat him up so badly. Jordan says that he didn't defend himself, just stayed there and allowed Jordan hit him. Jordan also got my things from my parents' house, so now I have all my books in the room, which is good – it distracts me. I read like my life depends on it, which it probably does since my last exams are coming up soon. My suspension is over, but I don't return to school – I can't risk it.

This is also the week that Asher starts coming around. I don't talk to him, but he still stays, still tries to lift my spirit. He doesn't look at me in disgust – and he has the full right to, considering that I look like a homeless bed-ridden sloth.

On the first day that Jordan lets him in, I tense, barely looking up from my reading as he enters. He sits on the bed, and I ignore him – if he mentions his name, I'll tell Jordan to kick him out.

"So, we're reading advanced literature?", he asks, gesturing to the book that I am holding in my hand, and I look up at him in surprise. We don't talk, but I listen, and he comes by every other day. Other than that, my life is monotonous. I read, I pick at the food that Jordan brings me, I try to sleep, only to wake up plagued by nightmares, so I read again.

Two weeks later

Linda and Jordan talk about how worried they are about me, about seeing a therapist. But they don't understand that I am not depresses. I am simply taking time out for myself. The good thing about going through a breakup, or whatever it is that I am going through is that I can think on my life. Looking back, this is my fault. I allowed myself to believe that I could change Xavier, allowed myself to be played, even though Asher had warned me. We weren't even dating, so I can't say that he cheated on me. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but it's the realization that counts right?

One month later

"Well, well, look who's alive. I reckoned you committed suicide after Xavier dumped you.", Audrey snickers as I put my books in my locker.

I try to ignore her, the same way I've been ignoring all the looks of pity and malicious comments all day. I did not come to school for chitchat. I came because my final exams started today.

I start to walk away, but she drags me back. "Don't turn away when I'm talking to you. how does it feel huh? Being used and played."

I grab her hair. "You obviously haven't forgotten what happened the last time you cornered me", I growl, slamming her head against a locker. "Don't mess with me. I do not mind getting expelled."

I turn away to the exam class without even looking at her. As I hurry on, I round a corner and bump into someone. Someone smelling strongly of vanilla. Someone with piercing green eyes. Someone who I never want to see again.

Xavier looks up at me. He looks paler, and there are dark circles under his eyes. Despite all this though, he still looks devastatingly handsome. Not that I care.

"Candy can we – "

"Stay away from me, Mr Reyes", I say, my voice cold and robotic.

He looks at me pleadingly, but I walk away, not looking back. I have made a decision, and I am not going to be that girl anymore.

As I walk into the class, I turn back to stare at Xavier. I am not sure, but I think I see a tear run down his cheek.

***

Exams are brutal. When you add that to all the stares and whispers from students and teachers, it is enough to make anyone go crazy. However, I have become extremely good at ignoring people, so all the comments go straight over my head. I don't see Xavier during the two weeks of exams and I tell myself that this is a good thing.

The last paper is calculus. Of course. Usually I finish the exams quickly, but here I work hard, double checking each answer until I am sure that I have answered all the questions accurately.

In the end, I finish with everybody, and we leave together. As soon as we are out of the class, there is a round of cheering and screaming and even talk of a party to celebrate. However, I am not in the mood. I go outside, and Jordan is waiting for me in his car, the way he has been for the past two weeks.

"So", he says, as he starts driving away. "There's a party right?"

"I'm not going", I reply.

Jordan doesn't push me, but he sighs, a bit disappointedly. I know how worried he is, but there is nothing I can do about that.

As we pull up in front of the apartment, I see a white BMW parked in front of the house. My skin instantly crawls. Could it be him?

Jordan and I watch as the driver door opens, and out comes a guy who I recognize. Louis

He makes his way up to the car and taps on the window.

"Miss Greene, we need to talk".

Jordan looks at me, asking whether or not he should leave me with him, and I give him a slight nod. Warily, Jordan leaves the car and Louis gets in.

"Miss Greene, I know you don't want to talk to me.", Louis starts, and I give a cynical smile. He already knows of course.

We both study the dashboard of the car, before I speak up.

"Why are you here?", I ask.

Louis looks at me, as if weighing how much to tell me.

"I was there that night – at the party. I saw you run out of there. Then I saw him start looking for you."

If he is disappointed by my lack of reaction, he hides it well.

"What do you know about Beatrice?"

Hearing her name brings out the violence and bitterness in me.

"She's the blonde goddess who can do no wrong and is the epitome of perfection."

He gives a small smile, "Seriously though, what else do you know about her."

I pause a bit to think. "She is his closest friend. They've known each other for a long time right?"

He nods. "She's always been obsesses with Xavier.", he says, and I wince at the forbidden name. "He was her hero from a very young age and she would do anything to spend more time with him. Except he didn't see her that way. He treated her like a friend, even when they were 'friends with benefits'. I guess he was just..."

"Blind?", I suggest, as he pauses to look for a word.

"Ignorant", he says. "But now he knows that she isn't a friend to be trusted"

"Too late".

"No, it isn't.", he says. "Something happened that night. After Xavier looked for you, Beatrice found him. She convinced him to have a drink, and he complied. I think you already know that Xavier doesn't usually drink", he waits until I nod my head, then he continues.

"Xavier drank, and almost finished the whole bottle, but he came to me in the morning, trashed and almost out of his mind in worry because he said that Beatrice told him that he had kissed her."

He pauses, letting the words hang for a moment.

"We did a test, and I found drugs in his system. Miss Greene, I believe Xavier was drugged. And I believe that Beatrice did it. You are the first girl that he has loved in a long time. And trust me, he has spoken to me enough times for me to know that he loves you."

"But why hasn't he said that before?", I ask in spite of myself. "And how do I know that he isn't just using me because I look like Vera?"

"He is scared and scarred. He doesn't want to admit his feelings because he is scared that you will leave him like Vera. I don't know if he is dating you because you look like her, but I do know one thing: drunk or not, Xavier wouldn't touch a girl that's not you."