And you've got your demons

And darling, they all look like me

Chapter 21 ~ Sad, Beautiful, Tragic

Liam Slater

When Scotty died, I stopped going to church.

It wasn't exactly a domino effect where Scotty's death triggered my hatred for the church and everything it stood for. It was more of a gradual disliking. With time, I realized that I couldn't serve someone who wouldn't accept me as I was.

It was only when Scotty died that I realized that there was no point in worshiping anymore. What could I possibly be grateful for? The love of my life was gone and he left me here alone.

So when my mother burst into my room, insisting that I accompany her to church, I was thoroughly surprised. I learned to play the advantages of being depressed by convincing her that church wasn't a safe place for me. It worked, up until now.

"Why?" I groaned into my pillow.

"Because Owen and his father are in town."

I lifted my head to look at her. I should've known that was the real reason she wanted me to come. Owen was known to be very misguided and my mom took every given opportunity to "save" him.

"They're going to meet us there, so get ready," she remanded as she inched out of the doorway and closed the door behind her.

I snarled to myself and ran both hands through the spikes of my hair, sighing heavily. I wasn't in the mood to go to that wretched place, or anywhere for that matter. I was perfectly fine with staying in bed all day and drowning myself in a sea of Scotty. After everything that happened yesterday, I deserved at least that.

After a moment's hesitation, I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stood to my full height. My gaze drifted to the nightstand where my cell phone laid. I stood in the middle of my room for quite a while, chewing thoughtfully on my lip as I debated on whether or not I should send Max a text message. Nothing too personal or anything, but just something to say hello.

I reached for the device and turned it on, silently hoping for a message from Max. When I saw the screen was void of any new messages, I tossed it onto the bed and trod warily to my closet to get dressed for hell on earth.

**

As soon as my parents stepped out of the car, they were greeted by a group of fellow church-goers. My parents were regular members of the church and seized every opportunity to give back to the house of god, whether it be my attending church-funded organizations, or giving tithe more often than necessary. This gave them the status of the most-liked and most-approachable members. Sometimes, I wondered if people actually went to church to worship God, or to just put up a front and make everyone believe they were righteous people.

Right now, I was leaning toward the latter.

Through all the madness, i was able to slip past the other families dressed in prudish clothing without being detected. I made my way to the grand entrance with the intention of finding a seat near the back, just in case I needed to escape in the middle of the service.

My plan was short-lived when a strong hand grabbed onto my shoulder and pulled me backwards.

"You just gonna walk past and not say hi?" Owen greeted me with outstretched arms, not wasting any time wrapping them around me. "Come here, you motherfucker, you."

A cold shiver ran through my body when I caught a whiff of his strong cologne. Knowing him, he was probably heavy handed on the cologne to mask the scent of the weed he was carrying in his pocket.

When he finally released me, I created quite the distance between us, but he didn't seem to notice. "Where's Mom?" he inquired as his dark eyes scanned the crowd.

"She's too busy receiving the award for best-Christian-of-the-year," I muttered under my breath.

Owen turned to look at me, a smile on his face. "Good one."

Shrugging, I glanced at the grandfather clock mounted above the main doors and sighed. Any minute now, I would have to sit and listen to an old man preach hypocrisy.

Owen caught my stare. "You all right, bro?"

I faked a quick smile. "Yeah, of course. Let's just find a seat before it gets too crowded."

He studied me for a full minute until he finally gave in, reluctantly following me past the grand swinging doors.

We didn't talk much after that. Owen tried to make small talk as people flowed into the aisles and took their designated seats in the pews, but I was reasonably short with him. He took the hint that I didn't want to be bothered much because I had other things on my mind.

The last time I stepped foot into this church was for Scotty's funeral. I didn't know much about Scotty and his family's beliefs, but it didn't really matter if they worshiped God or not. Because at the end of the day, the church didn't accept them, and they made that very clear at his funeral.

The priest had gone as far as publicly asking God to take Scotty's abominable sins into consideration when it was time for his judgment.

As much as I was repulsed by the church's obvious disregard for Scotty, no one else seemed to be bothered by it. My mom even commented on how it was such a touching prayer.

It wasn't. It really wasn't.

Halfway through the service, I started to doze off. I had already tuned out of the sermon and my lost hours of sleep were starting to fall heavily on my shoulders.

But my eyes flicked open when I heard a familiar masculine voice purr in my ear, "Wake up, Liam. Sleeping in church is very rude."

I turned to face the voice, only to come face-to-face with Scotty's bright, oceanic eyes. He sat grinning at me expectantly, as if waiting for some great revelation to hit me.

"Scotty?" I asked in a soft whisper.

"In the flesh," he replied with a silly smile, "well, not really, but you get the point."

My mouth fell open and my eyes grew wide, refusing to believe what I was seeing.

Still grinning, Scotty folded his hands on his lap as he surveyed the congregation. "You know, I never liked that man. He looks like the kind of person who refuses to give you barbecue sauce with your chicken nuggets at McDonald's." He paused to laugh at his own joke. "But his facial hair is fucking epic."

I was dreaming. I had to be dreaming. There was just no way this was real.

Scotty looked up at me, his cobalt eyes glistening with curiosity. "How's Marcy?"

"M-Marcy," I stammered through all the confusion. "Why do you want to know about Marcy?"

He looked away from me and shrugged carelessly. "No reason in particular. You didn't give her my diary, did you?"

I shook my head.

He sighed in relief. "Good. I wouldn't trust her with that."

"But you trust me?" I found myself asking.

His lips peeled back into a cute smile and it made my heart do back flips in my chest. "Of course, baby."

My heart pretty much melted at the sound of those words, but before I had the chance to process them, Scotty leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my cheek.

He pulled away with another comical grin on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Y-you're d-dead."

Scotty squinted. "To some extent, yes."

This was unbelievable. Everything about him felt so real. "Why did you kill yourself, Scotty?"

His eyes grew dark, then. All of the humor drained from his face, and he was left with a blank, clueless expression.

"Scotty," I reiterated.

He didn't respond. Instead, his thick brows furrowed in confusion and his mouth twisted into a frown. With every second that ticked by, Scotty's face paled, and he truly looked dead.

Panicking, I jumped up in my seat and shook his shoulders. "Scotty!"

He blinked at me, as though he was suddenly breaking out of his thoughts. "I don't know," was his short reply.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I practically yelled at him. "You left me!"

He was unresponsive, yet again. He stared at me for a long while before the faintest of smiles crept onto his face. Just when I thought he was going to give me a legitimate answer, his body slowly dissolved into the surrounding air, leaving no evidence of him being there in the first place.

In that moment, I awoke from my dream with a start. A large gasp escaped my lips when I realized I had been dreaming and my heart was was working overtime, pounding copiously in my chest. I had attracted the attention of several other people around me, including Owen, who had placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Dude, you okay?" he whispered.

I felt the tears building in my eyes. "No, no, I need to get outta here."

He nodded in agreement as he snaked his hands around my wrists and pulled me into an unknown direction. Tears clouded my vision as we bolted out of doors together, not bothering to entertain the stares that had arisen from the assembly. Before I knew it, we were out in the thick, sticky summer air, trudging to Owen's pickup truck.

He waited until we were safely seated inside before asking, "Are you all right? Do you need a light?"

I was still trying to catch my breath and slow my heart rate, but it wasn't working. "Yeah," I breathed out.

Owen reached into his glove compartment and tugged out a pack of cigarettes. He retrieved a single one from the pack, rummaged through his pocket for a lighter, and lit the end of the cigarette. He handed me the cig and watched carefully as I took a long drag.

As the smoke flushed through my lungs, my breathing slowed. "Thanks," I said to him as I gave him the cigarette back.

He stuck it into the corner of his is mouth and fumbled with his car keys. Finally jiggling them free from his pocket, he started the car. "Where to?"

I thought I would be okay by myself. I thought I could control it. I thought I didn't need Max.

But I couldn't have been more wrong.

"The Busy Bean," I responded.

Owen frowned. "You're over here hyperventilating, and you want coffee?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. "Just take me there."

"Fucking shit, man," he spat while rolling his eyes, but he eventually backed out of his parking space and started on the route to the local coffee shop.

It wasn't even five minutes later when we arrived, courtesy of Owen's insane speeding. He wasn't exactly the safest driver in the world, and I was scared for my life during the whole ride.

"So," Owen sang as he switched the car off, "is there a reason why we're here, or are you just being extra bossy because you're in one of your episodes?"

I rushed out of the beat up truck, ignoring him completely. As I jogged to the entrance of the coffee shop, I could faintly hear Owen's profanities, the sound of the car door slamming, and trailing footsteps behind me.

I breezed into the shop, the savory scent of freshly brewed coffee filled my nostrils and the sound of the coffee machines sputtering out order after order filled my ears. The place was peculiarly packed with loud mingled voices and barely any available seats.

I scanned the crowd, searching for one employee in particular. When I locked eyes with a familiar black-haired boy, I propelled myself forward, elbowing my way through the growing lines of customers until I caught up with Max, who appeared to be running away from me.

The rush hour didn't provide much space for him to run because I latched onto his wrist before he could escape. "Hey, wait."

He spun around to face me with his arms folded against his chest and his eyes growing darker by the second. "What."

I didn't practice what I was going to say, so I said the first thing that came to mind, "I, um, just wanted to talk."

He raised a brow. "Do you see all these customers? I have to work."

He turned to leave again, but my grip on his wrist kept him still. "Wait, but this is important."

Max's gaze lingered on me for a long while. "Okay, what," he spat, getting straight to the point. "What is it?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat and leaned closer to him in fear of someone overhearing our conversation. "I saw him today."

His eyebrows jerked together. "Him?"

I glanced over my shoulder to see that Owen was standing near the window, staring back at me with disbelief. "Scotty," I clarified when I redirected my attention to Max. "I saw Scotty."

He gaped. "Oh! Wow! Well, um, that sounds like a really personal problem. Maybe you should talk to Dr. Reis about that..." He quickly spun on his heels to walk away.

"Max!" I called out. "This is a big deal. I haven't had such vivid images of him since he died. It can't be a coincidence that this is starting to happen after we, you know, broke up."

Max narrowed his gaze at me. "So you're saying that I'm the reason you still haven't gotten over the dead guy? Wow. Never heard that one before." He rolled his eyes in irritation and gave me a disapproving pout.

I groaned. "Max."

His dark brown eyes burned into mine. "What do you want me to do about it, Liam? I've moved on, and so should you."

I slapped a hand over my forehead and lazily dragged it over my face. "When I was with you, I didn't think about Scotty as much as I did before. You made me less miserable, and I'm really lonely without you." Smiling weakly and interlocking my fingers with his, I said, "I kinda miss you."

"Kinda?" Max questioned just as he ripped his hands away from mine. "Is this supposed to be an apology? Because it fucking sucks."

"Max..."

He had a sad look in his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry that this is happening to you," he said, "but I don't want to get involved anymore, and I'm certainly not going to be some rag doll that you toss to the side whenever you get what you want out of me."

I felt my heart break in that very moment. "But Max-"

"I've got a lot of customers." He backed away from me slowly with an apologetic smile curving onto his lips.

I didn't realize how much I liked Max until he walked away from me, leaving me without any hope to cling onto. I thought I would be able to woo Max back into my arms like I had done before, but I couldn't, and that made me very angry.

It wasn't my fault that I was this way. If anything, it was Scotty's fault.

It was Scotty who turned me gay. It was Scotty who made me fall deeply in love with him. It was Scotty who took his life without any explanation.

It was fucking Scotty!

Balling my hands into fists, I stormed through the shop in search of Owen, who was standing a few feet away from the exit, chatting to a most-likely married brunette.

When he saw me approaching, he ended his conversation with the brunette and threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "Seriously, Lee. You better have a good reason for dragging me here."

I stomped over to his truck and angrily kicked a dent into the side. "I hate that bastard!"

Owen's eyes barely popped out of their sockets as he raked both hands through his dark hair and ran to the side of the truck. "Dude! Chill the fuck out! This is a beauty."

I faced him and bared my teeth in a threatening manner. "I don't give a shit about your piece of shit car! I give a shit about Max! And now he doesn't want to talk to me because of that son of a bitch, Scotty!" Becoming more agitated, I kicked another dent into the truck.

Owen was slowly but surely losing his cool. "Liam!"

All the anger sitting beneath my skin finally surfaced, and before I could register it, I found myself picking up a rock and throwing it at the truck's window. "That motherfucker!"

"LIAM!" Owen shouted at the top of his lungs as he tackled me to the ground and socked me right in the face. "Calm yo ass down."

Pain ripped through my nose but it didn't quite measure up with the pain in my heart. I tried to wiggle out of Owen's grasp, but he kept me planted on the ground with his hand wrapped firmly against my neck.

Finally realizing I wasn't going to escape, I gave up with a long sigh. "I'm gay, Owen."

He gave me a crazed look. "No fucking shit."

I didn't know exactly where it came from, but I started to chuckle softly to myself. "Don't tell mom."

"I'm not gonna tell mom," he told me, "but you need to calm down."

I raised my hands in mock surrender. "I'm calm."

He lifted an inquiring brow. "You sure?"

"Yeah," I said to reassure him, but I was really trying to reassure myself.

Owen breathed out a long sigh of relief and relaxed the grip on my neck. "Good. Now, let's get high."

**

a/n: Check out the gif to the top of Owen. Him and Liam could definitely be half brothers, right?

I'm sorry that this chapter was a little bit rushed, my bad! I wrote it while I was heavily deprived of sleep. I'm not really satisfied with the last bit of this chapter, but whatever. Anyway, I want to ask you guys what do you think of Owen, and how do you think this story will end?

Until next time,
Lara <3