You should have been here

And I would have been so happy

Chapter 20 ~ The Moment I Knew

Max Caldwell

I stood next to my bedroom window, intently staring out the window and biting my lip in excitement every time a car approached the house, but then slumping my shoulders when they zoomed past.

I glanced down at my cell phone to check the time. It was almost nine.

"Where is he?" I asked myself as I continued to peer out the window with the hope of Liam showing up any second now.

The party had "started" over an hour ago, but I insisted that we waited until Liam came. I knew the guests downstairs were getting a little irritated by me, but it was my birthday and my birthday couldn't be complete without my boyfriend.

My gaze briefly drifted away from the window to look at my phone. There weren't any new messages or missed phone calls. If Liam was running late, he would've told me.

I heard my bedroom door crack open, but I didn't bother to turn around to see who it was. "Max," the thick, velvety voice said.

I heaved a sigh and forced myself to look at Jamie. He gazed back at me with sad and worried bright blue eyes as he waltzed further into my room.

"Your parents told me to get you," he noted. "They're getting really pissy."

I shrugged. "Who cares? It's my birthday. They can wait."

Jamie sighed. "Wait for what, exactly?"

I could feel my hands balling into tight fists and my teeth clenching together. "For my boyfriend, Jamie."

He lifted a curious brow. "Your boyfriend? I didn't know you had a-"

"I don't have to tell you everything, you know," I spat back at him. "And why did you bring him with you?"

Jamie's brows caved together for a moment, but he relaxed when he realized who I was referring to.

I had invited Jamie to my birthday party because he was my friend. His boyfriend, however, was not my friend. Then again, I would be asking too much of him if I asked him to spend a minute away from his beloved boyfriend.

He scoffed. "You have no right to be snappy with me. I'm here, aren't I? I can't say the same about that boyfriend of yours."

I shut my eyes and sucked in a deep breath, trying to relieve myself of the anger building inside me. "He'll be here, okay?"

Jamie raised his hands in surrender and backed into the doorway. "Okay, whatever you say. Just know that we're gonna cut the cake with or without you."

I took another deep breath and dismissed him with a simple wave of my hand. When I was sure he was gone, I quickly dialed Liam's number and held the phone up to my ear, clutching it tightly. After six rings, the phone went to voicemail.

"Hey, um, it's me, again. I'm sorry to bother you, but where are you? It's been over an hour. Please just tell me if you got stuck in traffic or something. I really don't like leaving all these messages and not getting a response from you..." I took in a shaky breath, "...just get here soon, okay? Bye."

I stuffed the phone in my back pocket and peered out the window again.

There was no way Liam was going to miss my birthday. Not after he promised he'd be here. Not after we shared that very intimate moment on the beach. Not after I told him I loved him.

As more time passed, however, my hope was starting to wear thin. I probably stood outside my bedroom window for another thirty minutes before I decided this was all a waste of time. I was spending my birthday sulking around my room, waiting for someone who wasn't going to show. As much as I wanted to wait some more, in hopes of Liam showing up at the last minute, the party wouldn't be any good if the guest of honor didn't attend.

Finally deciding to have a little fun, I jogged downstairs to meet everyone circled around the dinner table. As soon as they noticed my presence, they stared back at me like I had suddenly grown three heads.

"What?" I asked them.

My dad shook his head in disbelief. "After your mother spent days planning this, you just stay locked up in your room?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but my mother beat me to it. "Calm down, Carl. He's just being an antsy teenager."

As soon as my dad looked away in disapproval, I mouthed a quick thank you to my mother. We both knew he wouldn't be so accepting of Liam, considering the fact that he took months to accept my sexuality.

"Happy birthday, Max!" a delicate female voice sounded from the dining room. It didn't take me long to recognize Robin's wide rimmed glasses and high ponytail. I gave her a small grateful smile in response.

I caught a glimpse at Jamie who was smiling his signature grin. Beside him, was his boyfriend, Scar, who didn't seem to be all that interested. Chances were, he only came for the free food.

My mom clapped her hands together, bringing all eyes to her. "So, are you going to blow out the candles, Maxxie?"

I gave a short nod and moved to the center of the dinner table where the Quicksilver-themed cake sat in the midst of fancy table decorations. I stared blankly at the cake for what felt like forever as my mother lit the sparkling candles.

Everyone started to cheer and sing "happy birthday" to me, but I fell into a deep state of solitude. Their voices quickly became indistinguishable background noise as the sound of my breaking heart pounded loudly in my ears. With each waking moment that passed without Liam here, my heart broke into a million pieces. Soon enough, there wouldn't be anything left of it.

I broke out of my brief moment when my mom ordered me to make a wish.

On any given day, I would have wished for my superpowers to finally make themselves known. Today, however, I found myself wishing for one thing.

And for a brief second, I was almost sure my wish came true when the miraculous sound of bell chimes echoed throughout the house. I felt a tiny pinch in my stomach, a wave of excitement that swept through me as I rushed to answer the door. I threw the door open wholeheartedly, preparing myself to leap into Liam's arms and not give a damn about what my dad thought.

But when I laid eyes on the visitor, I was thoroughly and utterly disappointed.

"Happy birthday!" Trey exclaimed with a growing grin on his face. He wasn't wearing a baseball cap, like he usually did, and his hands clutched tightly onto two gift bags.

I stood there, just staring at him with no emotion whatsoever. "I'm going to give you three seconds to leave, or you can bet I'll find another rock to pelt you with."

He ran a nervous hand through his dark, short curls. "I understand you're mad at me and everything, but I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't get you something for you sweet sixteen!" He waved the gift bags teasingly in the air.

I squinted at him. "I didn't want you to get me anything."

"But you don't even know what I got you."

"I don't care."

Trey gave me a skeptical look before he dug his hands into one of the gift bags and retrieved a packaged action figure. "Zachary Foxx, first generation Galaxy Ranger."

In that instant, I swore my eyes bulged out of my sockets and rolled onto the floor in astonishment. "No way! What? How? This is like a severe rarity!"

"I brought it from someone for like, a lot, of money."

I snatched the package from his hands and revelled in the antique aura of it. "Trey, this is amazing! I don't know whether to hug you or slap you."

He lifted a brow. "A hug would be nice."

I tore my attention away from the action figure and sent him a cold glare.

Trey sucked in a breath. "Too much?"

I nodded. "Just a tad."

He sighed. "Well, at least I tried, right?"

Rolling my eyes, I focused my attention on the other gift bag he was holding. "What's in that one?"

The realization struck Trey that he had forgotten about the other present and he handed me the gift bag. "Oh, um, this is just filled with a few dinobots that I thought might be a great addition to your collection."

I wanted to be mad at Trey, I really did. But his presence outside my house right now reminded me of the reason why we were best friends in the first place.

"Do you want to come in? Scar and Jamie are here, and my parents are just starting to cut the cake."

His thick eyebrows pulled together, reflecting his concern. "Jamie is here?"

I smiled to myself, knowing Trey and Jamie didn't exactly get along. "I understand. I'll save you a piece of cake."

He returned the smile. "Thanks, Max."

"No, thank you for the lovely presents. I really like them."

"Anytime."

He turned to leave, but I quickly grasped onto his wrist, holding him back. He prepared himself to speak, but I interrupted him by throwing my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry," I murmured. "I didn't mean what I said to you. I don't hate you. Without you, I wouldn't have known the difference between the field goal and a touchdown."

I didn't need to see him to know he was smiling. Not even a minute passed before he melted into the tight embrace and returned the hug. "I love you, Maxxie."

"I love you, too," I whispered in his ear before pulling away from the hug.

Trey smoothed out his clothes as soon as the embrace came to an end, and he cleared his throat. "Well, I'll see you at school?"

"Yes." I nodded. "Yes, you will."

He sent me one last quick smile and a short salute as he backed away from the door and turned around, speedily jogging to his car that was parked just a few houses away.

I stepped back into the house, closing the door behind me. For a moment there, I had completely forgotten about Liam's absence, but the sinking feeling came flooding back when I heard the laughter of my family and guests back in the dining room.

Shaking away the discomforting thoughts plaguing my mind, I made my way back to the gathering area and placed Trey's gifts in the pile of presents I received from everyone else.

And the night seemed to pass this way.

Someone would tell a joke and everyone else would laugh, including me, because that was the courteous thing to do. My parents would tell stories about my childhood and I would pretend to be embarrassed. Robin would ask me questions, and I would respond in the most curt way possible.

My mind was elsewhere and I was certain that everyone knew it by the time the night was over.

In fact, my mother took it upon herself to point it out when everyone was gone and she was starting to clean up. "Max?"

I whipped around quickly, wearing a forced smile. "Yeah?"

"Don't let that boy get you down," she advised. "I know you were really looking forward to him being here, but if he wants to miss your birthday, that's his loss. He has no idea how great of a person you are."

I knew my mom was only trying to make me feel better, but it wasn't working. "Thanks, I guess." I let my voice fade away, unsure of what to say next.

She smiled that little sweet motherly smile of hers. "Now, get some rest."

Thoughts continued to whirl around in my head as I made my way up the stairs and to my bedroom. Did he forget about me? Did he get caught up in something more important? Was I overreacting?

I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I couldn't think of any good reasons as to why Liam would miss my birthday party.

Not even bothering to change my clothes, I turned off the light and crawled into bed. Even then, I couldn't put my thoughts to rest. It was like they were keeping awake, like they were trying to tell me something that I should have known ages ago.

No one was ever going to love me because I was me, and I wasn't worth loving.

I felt the slight vibration of my cell phone under my pillow and I tugged it free, staring blankly at the text message that illuminated the screen.

I'm sorry, I couldn't make it.

I tasted a salty tear on my tongue before I was consciously aware of the fact that I was crying. I read the message again, three times, four times, five times, and I still couldn't believe what I was reading.

No explanation. No reason. No anything.

Burying my face into my pillow and curling myself into a ball, I finally let my emotions take over.

**

Morning came along quickly. As soon as my alarm sounded with its obnoxiously loud tone, signaling it was time to wake up, I pulled the sheets over my head in an attempt to block out the annoying noise. Obviously, that didn't work and I was forced to get out of bed to turn it off.

When my bedroom grew silent, I knotted my fingers into my hair, pulling slightly. "I'm fine," I told myself, "I'm totally fine."

I took a deep breath and forced myself to my feet, trying to ignore all the memories of last night, but failing pitifully.

After losing my virginity twenty nine times, you would think that I learned my lesson by now. I should have realized that nobody wanted to be with me, but there was always a sliver of hope that kept me from breaking down.

But now that hope was gone, and I was definitely breaking down.

As I began to shuffle to the bathroom to get ready for school, I heard my father's loud, authoritative voice echo throughout the house, bouncing off the walls with displeasure and purpose. He was generally an angry person when provoked, and I was usually the source of his anger. If he wasn't yelling at me, then who was he yelling at?

Quickly running out of my bedroom and jogging downstairs with mighty speed, I breezed into the kitchen where all the commotion was taking place. My heart skipped a beat when I saw my mom on the verge of tears, my dad's hands balled into fists, and the familiar brown-haired boy situated between them.

"Liam?"

His turquoise eyes met mine almost instantly and he pulled his lips into a smile. "Hey."

Before I could respond and give him a piece of my mind, my dad intervened. "Are we just going to ignore the situation at hand?" he barked. "Since when did my son have a boyfriend? And you-" He jabbed an accusing finger into Liam's chest, "-you told me you were straight. I let you in my house, god dammit! You said you were doing a project! All this time you guys were..."

I could tell he didn't want to piece everything together. He didn't want to realize that Liam and I were more than friends.

My mom frowned. "Carl, stop being a jackass. Max is gay and he's allowed to have a boyfriend. Stop acting like all of this is news to us."

My dad gritted his teeth together. "He's not allowed to have a boyfriend!"

"Why the hell not?" She fired back.

"Because it's wrong! It's disgusting! He can like boys all he wants, but he's not going to actually be with one."

Her eyes widened in horror as she reached out and pounded her fists against his chest. With every touch, he stumbled backwards. "Don't you ever call my son disgusting!"

"Linda!" he clamored to get her attention, but she wasn't listening. Her brown eyes looked almost black with all the anger sweeping over her.

"Get out of my house!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs. "Get out, asshole!"

Usually, my mom and I were the ones who were scared of my dad. Now it was clear that both my dad and I were terrified of my mother's new-found rage.

Eventually, my dad came to his senses and bolted to the front door without uttering a single word.

I looked back at my mom with wide eyes. "Mom?"

She continued to stare at the door where my father once was. Placing a hand on her protruding hip, she released a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Maxxie. He'll be back when he learns not to call you names."

I frowned. "How did he..."

Knowing exactly what I was going to say, she pointed at Liam. "He told him."

As if these past two days couldn't get any worse! "You told him?" I questioned, growing angrier with every second. "What the hell? Why?"

Liam looked at me with a blank expression, shrugging his shoulders with nonchalance. "He wouldn't let me in."

I looked to my mom for confirmation, but all she did was raise her hands in mock surrender. "I'm not going to be a part of this conversation. My head hurts and I just started my period this morning. I'd advise you not to bother me for the next few days." She snatched a water bottle from the island and sent me a quick smile before sashaying her way out of the kitchen, leaving us to be completely alone.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should say anything. After all, I wasn't the one who stood him up on his birthday.

Even after everything that happened, Liam was still smiling. "Did you just wake up?"

I narrowed my gaze and folded my arms against my chest. "It's June third."

He knitted his brows together in confusion. "What?"

"It's June third," I repeated, "my birthday was yesterday, remember?"

As though suddenly remembering, his smile faded. "Max," he pleaded as he reached for my hand.

I responded by moving away from him. "You didn't text. You didn't call. You didn't tell me you weren't coming until after the party. What the hell is wrong with you? You promised me. You said you'd be there! I was waiting for you the whole night and you didn't show!"

He breathed out a long sigh. "I know, I know. I just got caught up in some stuff."

"What stuff?" I demanded. "What's more important than letting me know you couldn't make it?"

Liam folded his hands in his lap. "Scotty's mom came over and gave me a bunch of his stuff."

I didn't think it was possible for my heart to hurt any more than it already did. "Scotty? Your dead ex-boyfriend, Scotty? You stood me up for someone who isn't even alive?"

His lips pressed together in a thin line. "You don't understand."

I faked a humorless laugh. "You're right! I don't understand how you can claim to be my boyfriend when you're clearly in love with someone else. Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to know that? That I'm never gonna measure up to Scotty? That I'm never gonna be as good as him?"

Liam gazed back at me with lifeless eyes.

"Or maybe I should kill myself! Maybe then, you'll love me like the way you love him."

His lips twitched into a slight pout. "No, don't do that."

"Then what do I do?" I countered with a questioning brow. "I really fucking love you and I'm not sure if you even like me. It seems like you're only around when it's convenient for you! When you need me, I'm there for you. When I need you, you always push me away."

He shook his head violently. "No, that's not true."

I threw my hands in the air in exasperation. "Then what is? Do you love me, Liam?"

He stared at me for a long while, and then let his gaze drop to the floor.

In that moment, I knew his answer. He didn't have to say anything. It was clear as day.

Sighing, I placed my hands at my sides and tried to maintain my composure. "I don't want you to give up Scotty. I know he means a lot to you and it's only fair that you have enough time as you need to get over him. Until then, I don't think it's a good idea for us to be ... together."

Liam didn't protest, so I assumed he was thinking the same thing.

"Okay," he finally agreed as he stood to his feet.

"Okay?" I questioned with a raised brow.

Liam tossed his jacket over his shoulder and started to walk to the main entrance. Once he propped the door open, he turned to me and said, "Yeah, okay."

I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I doubted it looked convincing. "So, this is goodbye?"

He appeared to be in deep thought, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip and barely meeting my gaze with his glazed over eyes. "Yeah," he said with a slight nod, "goodbye."

And with those words, he was gone, leaving the summer breeze to submerge me in heartbreaking silence.

**

a/n: The song of the chapter, The Moment I Knew, goes really well with this chapter, so check it out when you can.

Is this the end of Liam and Max? I think there are less than 10 chapters left in this book, but don't hold me to that because it all depends.

Thanks to grantxolivia for the lovely cover to the side, or to the top, or wherever Wattpad puts it nowadays.

I also want to take a moment to thank everyone for reading this story. You guys don't have to vote or comment, but you do, and that makes me soo happy. I do enjoy reading your comments and I do so whenever I'm feeling down. Keep up the awesomeness.

Until next time,
Lara <3