And this is when the feeling sinks in

I don't wanna miss you like this

Chapter 19 ~ Come Back, Be Here

Liam Slater

Days seemed to pass by in a blur.

It was always the same routine. I would wake up and mope downstairs until my parents asked me how my sleep was. I never planned on telling my parents that I rarely slept because sleeping required being idle. Every time I was idle, I was thinking of Scotty and every time I thought about Scotty, I couldn't sleep.

Then my mom would make pancakes and decorate them to resemble a smiley face, and I would fake a smile at her because it was what she expected me to do.

I would tell her I wanted to hang out with Marcy or other unnamed friends and she would smile and nod, because it looked like I was making progress. Really, though, I was seeing Max in secret spots and spending most of the day with him.

His birthday was today, and I knew exactly what I was going to get him: matching Spider-man onesies, one for me and one for him.

I had already told my parents I was planning to hang out with Marcy for the night and because they think Marcy is my girlfriend, they didn't even bother to raise an eyebrow. If they had known that I didn't really like girls in the way I liked boys, I knew they would personally hand deliver me to Satan to do whatever he pleased.

Because in the end, that was the reality of my situation. I was deemed an abomination by God and my family.

Minutes before I had planned to head to Max's place, the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting any visitors and from what I remembered, my parents were currently attending bible study. So I was utterly surprised when I opened the front door and came face to face with Marcy.

Except she wasn't alone. Standing next to her, with familiar ocean blue eyes and wisps of loose blonde hair framing her heart shaped face, was Scotty's mother.

The last time I saw her was at Scotty's funeral when she delivered a touching but very sad eulogy about her son. And now, she was standing at my doorstep.

"Mrs. Forbes, w-what are you doing h-here?" I stammered out, not being able to wrap my mind around the fact that she was standing in front of me.

She gave me a small smile, but I wasn't so sure if it was genuine or not. "Hello, Liam. It's very nice to see you again. I hope I'm not intruding on anything."

"No, no you're not." I opened the door wider to allow both her and Marcy to enter the house. I noticed Mrs. Forbes was carrying a medium sized box situation in the crook of her arm, but she didn't make any comment on it.

"It's been a while since I've been here," she sighed hesitantly. "Does your mom still go to bible study?"

I internally laughed at the thought of my mother missing bible study. "Never missed a day," I replied with a small smile. "Do you want anything to eat? To drink?"

Mrs. Forbes' sad eyes dropped to the floor and she heaved a sigh. "Thank you, Liam, but it isn't necessary. I'm only dropping by to give you this." She held up the mysterious brown box.

I raised an eyebrow, hinting at her to continue.

"My husband and I are getting a divorce," she explained bluntly. "Nothing's been the same since Scotty passed, and we decided it is better if we go our separate ways. We're selling the house and everything in it, but I thought you guys might want some of his personal things, since you were the three musketeers and everything."

I watched as Mrs. Forbes tried not to cry. I could see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

Reluctantly, I took the box from her hands. "That's very nice of you, Mrs. Forbes, but I can't possibly-"

"I insist," she demanded "I already have plenty of memories of Scotty in my heart and my lovely photo album collection. My ex-husband and I don't exactly have a use for an outdated MP3 player." She gestured toward the box, where an iPod shuffle laid atop the pile of Scotty's personal things.

An unnerving silence settled between us. Marcy and I exchanged glances, and as much as I hated her for everything she did to Max, I knew this would be a very touchy moment for us. She was Scotty's friend too, and I had to accept that.

In an effort to break the silence, Mrs. Forbes cleared her throat and gave us both a flashy grin. "Anyway, I shall be on my way. Send my regards to your mother." Without wasting any more time, she took one last glance around the house and made her way out the door so quietly that I didn't know exactly when the door closed.

The atmosphere grew quiet once again as Marcy and I stared at each other. She didn't bother to say anything, like she knew I would eventually snap.

Sighing, I set the box filled with Scotty's things on the floor. "I have somewhere to be."

Marcy raised an inquiring brow as she plopped onto the nearest sofa and began to rummage through the box. "You don't want to check out some of this stuff?"

I glanced down at my watch. If I didn't leave now, I would certainly be late. "We can look at it when I get back. Right now, I need to-"

"Oh my gosh! Look at this!" She practically squealed as he tugged out an old worn out photo from the box.

The Polaroid picture was torn at the sides, and it looked like it was tainted by spilled coffee, but the content of the picture was still intact. The photo was taken at Scotty's ninth birthday, where we all dressed up as teenage mutant ninja turtles to go with the theme of his party. Scotty had a bright smile on his face that showed he didn't have a single care in the world.

Before I realized it, I had already made my way to Marcy's side, leaning over her shoulder to get a closer look at the picture.

"I can't believe you guys made me wear that," she commented with a short laugh. "The things I did for you guys."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Oh, shut up. We all know you were itching to pretend to be Raphael."

She sent me a cold glare for a total of three seconds before she burst into laughter. "Okay, fair enough."

She started to play with something that clinked as she moved it, but my attention was captured by a picture of me and Scotty kissing. I snatched it from the box before Marcy could see it and smiled to myself.

Scotty's parents knew about his sexuality, but I never thought they knew about my relationship with him. Then again, Mrs. Forbes decision to include this picture in the box of Scotty's personal belongings certainly meant something.

Marcy caught my smile and she attempted to peek over my shoulder. "Hey, what are you smiling at?" I tried to hide the picture before she could see it, but I failed miserably. "Oh."

I knew Marcy was silently judging me, but I silently didn't care. The only reason why I hadn't picked a fight with her yet was because Scotty was the subject of our conversation and Scotty would never want us to fight.

She surprised me, however, by saying in a soft, solemn voice, "I'm sorry."

I lifted my gaze to meet her chocolate brown eyes. "What?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for everything I said to you. I'm sorry for lying to your parents about us. I'm sorry for not being a good friend."

I didn't spend much time debating over whether Marcy's apology was sincere or not. Truth was, I stopped caring about Marcy a long time ago. She might have been my friend when Scotty was still alive, but she didn't mean much to me anymore. I'm pretty sure she knew this, but she was still trying.

I continued to rummage through the box until my fingers brushed against a leather bound book. When I tugged it free from its secured position at the bottom of the box, I set the book in my lap and flipped through the pages. I didn't need to read much to know it was Scotty's diary. I had always seen him writing in it from time to time and when I asked him, he claimed he was documenting his life just in case he became famous one day.

And if there was anything I knew about Scotty, he definitely lived a life worth documenting. Despite his constant setbacks, he always thrived to be the best at everything. He faced challenges every single day that made him a better person. I, on the other hand, spent most of my days moping around the house and pretending to watch TV.

"That bastard," Marcy snapped as she retrieved a small stuffed bear from the box. "I've been looking for Mr. Pringles ever since I was little! He had it this whole time!"

I laughed at her. "I could have told you that. He stole a bunch of your stuff."

She snapped her wide eyes to mine. "My barrettes?"

I nodded. "Yep."

"My colored pencils I got from Moscow?"

"Those too."

Her mouth fell open in awe. "I can't believe this."

I found myself laughing even harder. Scotty stole most of Marcy's personal stuff just for the mere fun of it, and it wasn't like he was an expert at lying or anything, so I started to wonder how Marcy could not notice Scotty was the culprit this whole time?

Marcy responded by shoving my shoulder. "That's not funny."

I continued to laugh. "It kinda is."

She gave me a playful eye-roll as she clasped her hands together and stood to her full height. "Do you think we can finish going through this another time? I promised my mom I'd be quick."

I dismissed her with a simple wave. "Yeah, that's fine. They'll be in my room whenever you want to stop by."

Her rosy lips pulled back into a cheesy grin. I fully expected her to leave without saying anything else, but instead, she threw her arms around my neck, capturing me in a one-sided hug. "Thank you. You're truly amazing and again, I'm really sorry about everything."

Wanting nothing more than to escape this awkwardly tight embrace, I faked a smile. "It's fine."

"I'll stop by tomorrow after school," she notified me as she gathered her things and started to head to the front door.

My response was simply a short nod as I curled onto the couch with Scotty's diary in my hands. As soon as I heard the door close behind Marcy, I flipped open the leather journal to a random page and began to read.

"Holy motherfucking shit.

I'm in love with my best friend.

How is that even possible?! I went away for the summer to visit my grandparents and when I came back, Liam had gotten taller and more ... sexy. I never had a crush on him before (for the mere purpose of him being my best friend) but what. the. fuck. It's gotten to the point where I was actually starting to fantasize about him. It can't get more fucked up than that."

The smile made its way onto my face before I could stop it. Reading Scotty's personal thoughts felt like a violation of his privacy, but I couldn't muster the strength to stop.

In the matter of minutes, I was flipping through the pages one by one, reading its contents and smiling like a little girl every time.

I felt as though Scotty right here with me. Like he was leaning over my shoulder and saying things that weren't really funny but still funny because they were coming from his mouth. It felt like he was still my boyfriend.

It felt like he was still alive.

**

a/n: So it's been a while, and that's only because school is ending and everyone wants to assign last minute stuff. The good news is that I'm ending school tomorrow, which means more updates! I plan to finish Addicted by the time the summer is over.

My question for you is ... How do you feel about Liam missing Max's bday party? I apologize if this chapter was short, but this could have only been written in Liam's POV, so yeah.

The winner of the inline comment contest thing is @CieloV with 163 comments!

Until next time,

Lara <3