I am officially fed up, I think to myself as I caress the head of my little sister, Nmah, who is sleeping soundly on my thighs. I shift my gaze to my left and briefly stare at my mother who is peacefully snoring and I briefly wonder how she can be so relaxed, even in her sleep, with the knowledge of our condition.

I see her clutching her rosary between her plump fingers and the sight angers me. Why hold on to that as if God is actually watching over us. As if he actually cares about us.

My mother has always been a good Christian. She goes to church regularly, she participates in activities and contributes to help others with her time. I never understood why, because even after all her good deeds God never paid us any attention. If he did, we wouldn't be here squatting in my best friend's house after having been kicked out of our own house by our landlord because of failure to pay the bills for several months.

If God cared for us, we wouldn't be struggling everyday just to find something to put on the table. If God cared for us, my father would not be laying in his grave right now, dead. Just the thought has my eyes watering. He was a good man, a good Christian. Yet, at the end of the day, that was all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

I realize that the tears are freely pouring from my eyes now but really, I do not have the strength in me to brush them away. I do not have the strength to do anything anymore, and I know that it weren't for the two women on this bed, I would have ended my life a long time ago. It holds no purpose anyway. No addition to this world.

A year ago things weren't this bad. My father was alive, my mother's akara business was thriving, and with both their help, I was able to go to the university and complete my studies. Towards my completion of university, my father took ill and then a few weeks after my graduation, he passed away.

Without the former breadwinner of the family, we were barely passing by. My mother's business began failing and I was finding it increasingly difficult to get a good paying job. At this point, any job, no matter how mediocre, would do so I often took odd jobs just for us to be able to eat but it was still barely enough.

So, today, after being unable to pay our rent for months and making endless, weightless promises of future payment to our landlord, he finally kicked us out. We now have to squat with my best friend, Diana, who was kind enough to let us stay at her place until we get back on our feet. I briefly wonder how long that would take.

With a shaky breath, I wipe at my tears, reminding myself that they do nothing but reduce my productivity.

I gently lift Nmah from my thighs and place her on the bed before standing up and making my way to the small living room in this two bedroom apartment.

I find Diana on the couch, pressing at her phone. Her attention immediately turns to me when I slump down on the worn out couch next to her. She drops her phone on the stool bedside her slowly, her soft brown eyes gazing upon me worriedly.

"Thank you for allowing us stay here. I can't tell you how much this means to me, to us." I voice and for a split second I'm scared of how empty and resigned I sound. Nothing like my usual self. But, the truth is I've not been myself in months

"You know you and Aunty Chika are like family to me. And family never turns their back on each other." She tells me, pulling me into her side.

"It's going to be alright, Ada." She tries to reassure me, her hand wrapped around my top torso. "Very soon, it's going to all work out. You just have to be patient."

I shake my head, unwilling to believe that lie. It is not going to be alright. I voice this to her, my voice sounding scratchy from all the crying I have done today. This makes her pull me tighter into her body. "It will, you just have to believe that it will."

I remain silent this time even though I want to ask her, for how long? For how long am I expected to believe that before it actually happens, if ever?

She lets out a small wistful sigh, her chin resting atop my head as she glides her hand up and down my arm in a comforting gesture. Her phone suddenly begins ringing, the shrill sound breaking the silence. I pull away from her and give her some space to answer the call.

"Hello?" I hear her say lowly. "Oh, hi Sofie." I recognize the name immediately. Diana and I had gone to university with Sofie but she was always more of Diana's friend than mine and it was totally fine with me as I never did like the aura of arrogance that surrounded her anyway.

She continues to speak in a low tone before finally dropping her phone. Diana lets out a small sarcastic laugh before clapping her hands together. "Wonders shall never end." She says, amusement clear on her face.

"What happened?" I ask her.

"That was Sofie o." She says vaguely.

"Ehen?" I ask already knowing as much.

"She told me that Eki just moved to Lekki and started her own business. That same everlastingly broke Eki. I guess she has broken her cycle now." Diana says with a small laugh. "I'm happy for her sha."

I sit up straight at that. Of course, I remember Eki. She's a pretty, slim dark skinned girl who used to like to beg people for things. From provisions, to clothes, to money and anything else you can possibly think of. She didn't come from a wealthy family either and she wasn't all that sound academically so I could partially understand why she was the way she was but people didn't think of that, rather, she earned several degrading nicknames for herself in university.

"She got a job?" I ask Diana. "That's great. I'm happy for her."

Diana looks at me for a moment, as if to verify if I was serious before bursting out into a loud laughter. "Eki? Get a job? Are you joking right now? Someone that should still be in university because of the amount of carry overs that she got."

"Oh." I muse, remembering that fact. "So how did she hit it big then?"

"Well, from what I hear, she got herself a sugar daddy. It makes sense though, she's a pretty girl, young too, I won't be surprised if it is indeed true." Diana says.

I turn to her sharply at that. "Sugar daddy?"

"Yes. These days this whole sugar daddy thing is getting really common and honestly with the right connections or sites, you can find the best of the best." Diana says dismally, turning her attention to her phone.

I'm quiet for a while as I feel the gears in my head working. Why hadn't I ever thought of this before? I'm tall, I'm what most would call beautiful with my mocha skin, big brown eyes, straight nose and nicely shaped jaw. I'm not all that thick but I have a good handful of ass, perky breasts and a nice, shapely body. I could totally pull this off if I put my mind to it, I think to myself.

A part of me is even surprised that I am even considering such a crazy thing to do right now but I am awfully desperate and it should not be a surprise the lengths that desperate people can go.

I quickly weigh the pros and cons in my mind.

Pro: -Easy money.
-Sex with an older man. (This was one preference of mine that I had never voiced to anyone; my likeness for older men.)
-Giving my mother and sister the life that they deserve.

Con: My mother's disappointment.

I know for sure that is one of the things that goes against her beliefs. She would see it as me prostituting myself out there to men, which, in a way, it probably is. But I'm desperate and frustrated at life, eager to release myself from the tight shackles of poverty. So I decide to just go to a site just like Diana had said. At least there I would be sure that I'm not having sex with every Tom, Dick and Harry.

With my mind made up, I excuse myself from Diana, bidding her a good night before rushing to my room and pulling out my old, worn out phone. In a matter of minutes, I have managed to locate some Sugar relationship sites, the top ones in Nigeria apparently.

I sign up for three, all of which ask me to wait 24 hours for processing of the information I had given of myself, probably to make sure I'm legit. With an annoyed huff, I turn to the bed and drag a blue thin wrapper over my cold body and Nmah's, holding on to her, hoping for some warmth from her small frame.

I lay awake for about half an hour just thinking of my life and desperately hoping I'm accepted into at least one of the sites. Of course I won't depend alone on it, as I need money urgently. But I still need it anyway. And then, finally, sleep finds me and whisks me away.

I dream of a peaceful life. I dream of being free from this life of poverty and worry some day.

The next morning, I open my phone to find that I was accepted into all of the sites I had signed up for.

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