Long chapter ahead!!!

The bold ones are scenes of the memory.
Please note as mentioned in the introduction that few excerpts are from the book, few my own and few are ones from the book that have been modified!

All credits for excerpts from the book go to JKR. I own only parts of my story. No plagiarism intended!

Happy Reading!!
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It was bright and it was hopeful. It was a dream come true. It was supposed to be his escape from the hell he called home. It was to be his respite from pain and his relief from hurt. It was to be home. It was to be where he felt belonged and safe. And he had held these notions, believing in them when he had sailed in the boat towards the castle holding the hand of the only friend he had had. But they had remained what they were - mere notions! They had never translated into being his reality! And with time, he had given up on even giving them a single thought. 

For he had hoped and it had been squashed mercilessly. He had buried the corpse of the once warm and strong emotion deep within his heart then. He had cried and his weakness had been mocked. He had locked his tears away and buried it right beside his dead hope then. He had loved and had been brutally subjected to immense hatred in the hazel eyes he had wished to see at least a little bit of acceptance in. He had strung together the broken pieces of his heart then and buried the still strong emotion deep within. He had sustained the graveyard within his being and expressed his void with anger, bitterness, vindictiveness and resentment. It had been easier to be despised for these than what had constituted his genuine feelings. The world had decided to hate him, shun him anyways. His inner demons had then decided to atleast give them the proper reasons to do so and he had let them take over himself, hiding his true self behind shields so strong that he himself hadn’t been able to penetrate them at times! 

A lifetime had passed since those emotions that filled his void had driven him down a path marred by darkness. A path that had scarred him irrevocably for life. A path that had ultimately led to the deaths of the only people he had ever cared about and that had left him feeling hollow despite the vortex of repressed feelings that had thrived within his depths. A lifetime had passed with guilt and regrets. A lifetime had passed behind masks and secrets. A lifetime had passed marred by misconceptions, deceit, vengeance and hatred. 

A lifetime had passed since the adjectives cold and unfeeling had been associated with him. A lifetime had passed since people refused to realize that he had been as human as any other and had felt all the emotions others were capable of. A lifetime had passed since he had imprisoned those graves and those feelings behind the unyielding shields of his mind.

And now, standing in front of the stone gargoyle guarding the headmaster’s office, having taken the second chance at life he had been given, his mind shields almost near to collapsing with the memories and emotions flooding his mind, Severus Snape felt the burden of the memories of 39 years his now 15 year old body contained . It had taken all that he had within to find the strength to come here without waiting for some modicum of control over his feelings because he had been afraid he would never be able to do it, if not done now. Taking a few breaths, he tapped on the gargoyle, pleading with it to allow him entrance for he did not have it in him to search for the password right now. The gargoyle must have sensed his agitation and his sincerity for it sprung open almost immediately. Severus did not waste a single moment as he rushed up the stairs and knocked at the door, completely unaware of a presence right behind him. 

"Come in" came the agonizingly familiar voice, a voice that had last spoken to him through a damn portrait! Severus sucked in a few more deep breaths before entering right in. He barely registered the surprise in the cerulean blue eyes for the sight of the man, in flesh and blood and not as a portrait served as the last straw that broke all rational hold on the overwhelming vortex and after a lifetime, Severus finally let himself have the much needed breakdown! Albus Dumbledore who had just opened his mouth, having recovered from his surprise, to ask why young Mr. Snape happened to be here, closed it shut in shock even as he watched the normally strong boy who detested showing any sort of vulnerability collapse on the floor and sob his heart out. Heart wrenching sobs that spoke of agony and pain so deep that they should have been incomprehensible to a 15 year old child, escaped Severus's shuddering body, hitting right at the Headmaster's heart and leaving him vastly impacted for the first time in ages! 

It took a few moments but then Dumbledore managed to regain some amount of composure. He stood up and immediately made his way to the distraught boy who had collapsed on the floor. He bent down, ignoring the creak of his ancient joints and pulled the frail boy into his arms. Severus continued sobbing, holding onto the man he had considered father, his face buried in the white, soft beard. Dumbledore softly patted his head, unaware of what to do for the way the child clung to him stirred something deep within his heart. 

Ariana -It felt like holding Ariana in his arms and his normally strong shields did nothing to quell the single tear that flowed down his eyes. He hadn't felt this way since his little sister. But somehow, this frail, bitter, vengeful child had, by clinging onto him with all his might, stirred the very affection he had felt he would never be able to express ever again after losing his Ariana. 

"Shh….hush Severus! What's the matter child?" Dumbledore asked, concern radiating from his tone. His prejudices and wariness aside, at the moment all that mattered was the 15 year old boy sobbing in his arms, clinging onto him as if he were a lifeline. A boy who had never shown himself to be anything except strong right from the moment he had entered Hogwarts as an 11 year old. 

It was difficult but finally Severus managed to hold onto some composure even as he broke out of the hug awkwardly, his cheeks red with embarrassment. His obsidian eyes held a tinge of red and were slightly puffed up as well due to all the crying. He moved back and mumbled an extremely embarrassed sorry and stood up wiping his tears. Dumbledore stood up behind him.

None of them noticed the dumbstruck person behind them though who was yet to stop gaping like a fish out of water!

–

Severus moved towards the desk and swallowed a lemon drop that he knew was laced with a calming draught and it helped him instantly gain the semblance he needed in the moment. 

"This is going to take a long time, Headmaster. There's a lot that I have to say and show. We would require your pensieve for the same. What I'm going to tell you will seem impossible and you might not be able to believe me. But I have the evidence required to justify. If you can spare enough time now, please make your way back to your chair"

Dumbledore stood still for a moment after which he nodded. He made his way to his chair while Severus summoned the pensieve silently. Dumbledore did not have enough time to even express surprise at that for the man immediately began his tale. 

"I am not Severus Snape, a 15 year old Slytherin, Headmaster Dumbledore. I am Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master, Spy and Head of Slytherin House. Upon my death I was given a choice to return back in time to make peace with the regrets and burdens I had. The price of the Dark Lord 's defeat was too high. I was given a chance by the Master of Death and hence I retain the memories of my previous lifetime." 

Severus lifted his wand to his forehead and pulled out a silver strand of memory. Placing it in the pensieve, he urged the headmaster to look in so that he could prove what he had just told. The headmaster nodded calmly and the two jumped in unaware that a third person had jumped in as well. 

My Lord!" a much older Snape protested, raising his wand.

"It cannot be any other way," said an ugly looking man with red eyes and snake like slits. It had to be Voldemort. 

"I must master the wand, Severus. Master the wand, and I master Potter at last." 

The third person who had followed them into the pensieve frowned at the name. Meanwhile, Dumbledore looked at the wand in Voldemort's hand, his eyes furrowed. That Voldemort had the wand meant only one thing - he was dead! 

Voldemort swiped the air with the Elder Wand. It did nothing to Snape, who for a split second seemed to think he had been reprieved: But then Voldemort's intention became clear. The snake's cage was rolling through the air, and before Snape could do anything more than yell, it had encased him, head and shoulders, and Voldemort spoke in Parseltongue.

There was a terrible scream. Snape's face lost the little color it had left and whitened as his black eyes widened, even as the snake's fangs pierced his neck, as he failed to push the enchanted cage off himself, as his knees gave way and he fell to the floor.

Dumbledore winced and the third person's eyes widened. The invisible person was thoroughly glad of his decision to cast the silencing spell around him because he just couldn't muffle the gasp that escaped his lips at the sight before him. 

They came out of the pensieve. 

"This is the proof of my death. My conversation with the Master of Death though cannot be shared. I hope you understand" 

Dumbledore shook his head even as he settled back on his chair.

"Now that you know exactly who I am, I would like to tell you everything from the beginning. It will take a lot of time. Are you free enough for it today?" Severus asked, reacquainted with the deadly composure he was known to have when needed. It made him look regal despite the youth in his face. 

Dumbledore peeked at his schedule for the day. He found nothing in it which couldn't be postponed for a later date. So he pushed aside his work. This was important, much more than anything else!

"You have my full attention and time Mr. Snape"

"Severus would do, Headmaster "

"Alright then Severus! You can call me Albus as well”

Severus nodded stiffly. 

“I feel this will be better if you ask questions and I answer since I already see some questions have formed in your mind”

“We must have been really close for you to have gauged that” Dumbledore remarked

“We were close,” Severus said, swallowing the lump in his throat. Dumbledore nodded.

“How did I die, Severus?” Albus asked. Severus did not seem surprised that this was the first question he was asked but a flash of pain did flash through his visage before it became blank. This did not go unnoticed by Albus but he said nothing. The third person, at this point, decided to give up processing the information and just sat down, listening to the conversation. He decided to react properly after he had heard everything and this kind of control was really surprising for his usual impulsive self! 

“I killed you!” Severus said, occluding completely to stall the onslaught of those memories. And despite his resolve, a sharp, shocked gasp escaped the third person’s lips.

“There must be a strong reason that I’d have asked that of you” Albus said gravely.

“There was. But before we get to that, you need to know a few things”Severus said and Albus nodded

“During the owls this year will mark the beginning of the downhill in my life. After the Defense Owl will mark the worst of the Marauder’s bullying and also the worst memory of my life” he said and then picked out a silver strand of memory, placing it in the pensieve. The two entered the pensieve while the third person followed, a moment later. 

The entire scene of what happened by the lake till the scene by the Gryffindor entrance where Lily makes it clear she doesn't want to have anything to do with him played out after which the three men stepped out. Dumbledore’s expression was grave, Severus’s was pained and the third person’s was a mix of horror and shame.

They settled down again.

“I’m extremely sorry Severus! I never thought it would get this worse” Albus said. He felt slightly ashamed. He had let his prejudice cloud him and had brushed off the marauder’s antics because he thought their hearts were in the right place. But seeing the memory and feeling all of what Severus had felt then slid the curtain off his eyes.

“It’s alright Headmaster” he said in a blank tone which was indicative enough that he did not want to talk about it.

Albus sighed but nodded.

“She refused to forgive me and with her gone, the darkness within me finally took over me. With her gone, the only person who cared was gone and I was left with people who either had something to gain from me or who hated me. The moment Lily turned away from me, the moment I saw the hate in her eyes, that moment I realized that the last of my family was gone!

My father was an abusive drunkard who found pleasure in beating his witch wife and wizard son. He had tried on more than a few occasions to beat the magic out of me. He was the major reason behind my dislike of muggles. My mother was a good woman. She was the only person who made all of it bearable and I loved her. I wanted to learn and get into a good job so that I could earn the respect and money for her, make her proud and get her out of that house.But right before my fifth year, I found her dead on the kitchen floor, her wrist slit. Lily was the only family I had left and when she left, all the will left me. People expected me to become a death eater anyway so I became one.” Severus paused to swallow the pain ebbing his chest and gulped down the water that magically appeared in front of him. Albus looked at him sadly but Severus was relieved to see there was no pity in them. His cerulean blue eyes held shame, guilt, sadness and regret.

The third man in the room swallowed painfully, tears flowing down his eyes. Immense shame filled his being. Their idea of fun had destroyed Severus’s life completely. How could they have done this? 

Guilt unlike anything else filled him. He had tormented this boy all because of petty jealousy and house prejudice. He had made him out to be evil and unworthy of being so close to his crush. Just how wrong was he and just how low had he stooped to ruin somebody’s life like that.

“I was marked right out of Hogwarts.I had to accompany the death eaters in the initial few raids but after that, he only used me for potions. Lily and James married right out of Hogwarts. They were twenty when their son Harry was born. The war was rising day by day and amidst this came the event that changed all of our lives.” he said in a blank, emotionless tone.

“I was asked by the Dark Lord to interview for the post of Defense Professor. He wanted me to become his spy in your camp. I agreed. You were interviewing Sybil Trewalney for the divination Professor post at Hog’s Head. I was waiting outside for my turn when I heard a prophecy that the otherwise fraud made. I only heard half because you must have cast a silencing spell then. You sent word through Abeforth that you wouldn’t be able to meet me that day due to some urgent work. Since I never believed in Divination and had taken the class only to be with Lily and knowing I had to report something and that he would pry it out of my mind anyways, I relayed what I heard of the prophecy to him, bracing myself for the torture because surely he wouldn’t believe such crap. But unfortunately for me, he did believe it. So much so that bringing the prophecy gave me a ticket to his inner circle!” Severus said and sighed. 

“I dint think of this much. I never realized what a grave mistake I had committed by giving him the prophecy. It wasn’t until after a few weeks when the Dark Lord had an important meeting with his inner circle members that I realized just what I had done!” the familiar wave of guilt and self-loathing enveloped him. He would never be able to forgive himself for this!

“The part of the prophecy that I had heard and told him goes such

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... 

The Dark Lord had taken this prophecy very seriously and had decided to kill the child who fit the prophecy to eradicate his vanquisher before that child could discover that power. It disgusted me but I could do nothing about it. Dissuading the Dark Lord wasn’t a really good idea anyways. I paid little attention to the meeting. I still did not believe in prophecies and I thought after some futile search, this would be dropped. But I was proven rid of this notion just the next moment because they had narrowed down to two families who fit the prophecy - the Longbottoms and the Potters!”

A louder gasp escaped his mouth as he heard that. What the hell? His family as a target all because of some stupid prophecy? For a moment irrational anger clouded him as he glared through his cloak at Severus. But one look at him drained out all anger from James Potter! The boy in front of him looked like an epitome of guilt and anguish. 

It was evident where all of this was headed to, to Dumbledore. He sighed. 

“Just show me the memory,Severus. I know it will be difficult to speak it out.”

Severus nodded. He brought to the fore all memories till the Potters’s death. His anguish multiplied but he pledged on. His only mercy was that he hadn’t seen James and Lily dead. He had just been told. He pulled out the memories and placed them in the pensieve.

The three entered again.

The three men watched as a desperate Severus came pleading to Dumbledore to save the Potters.

“The prophecy does not refer to a woman. It speaks of a boy born at the end of july…” an older Dumbledore began, an inscrutable tone to his countenance

“Yes yes I know that. But he thinks it’s his son” a desperate Severus interrupted, impatient as he felt time running out.

Something shifted in Dumbledore’s face at his words after which he said, adopting the same countenance as a moment before

“What will you give me in return Severus?” 

Severus hesitated for a moment after which he said in a tone dripping certainty and resignation

“Anything”

The memory changed to reveal the two men in Dumbledore’s office

“....are under the Fidelus Charm..” Dumbledore affirmed to the man in black, who just nodded his head.

“I have arranged for what you wanted. The Potters are safe and as you had asked of me, they do not know about you. It’s your turn now”

The older Severus’s expression betrayed nothing but his internal feelings were all clear in the pensieve. There was fear, mistrust, self loathing, heartbreak, agony, resignation and doubt, all felt avidly by the onlookers.

"What you ask of me to prove my loyalty is my entire self laid bare out, my innermost feelings, those secrets behind my masks and all of me no other person has ever seen. I don't trust you Headmaster Dumbledore, not after the times I've felt let down by you, all for being a Slytherin, but I do hope this wouldn't reach any other person. Do understand that this is not my choice but an action necessary to be done" Severus said, his voice speaking the blunt truth to the Headmaster, gripping onto the last vestiges of his pride before he would lay himself completely bare in front of the man he respected but felt dejected with.

The older Dumbledore had a stoned mask on his face, depicting nothing but the younger Dumbledore knew precisely just what his counterpart was feeling. 

Dumbledore and James watched on as the memory Severus began telling and showing his entire life story to memory Dumbledore. They saw his difficult and painful childhood, his simple innocent desires, his need to belong, his craving for love, his childish enthusiasm, him viewing Hogwarts as a change, a reprieve but also more so - a home. Tears slipped past James's eyes as he watched just what his counterpart had snatched from the boy him and his friends bullied so relentlessly. They had snatched the feeling of safety and home and then proceeded to snatch his only friend whom he considered family! Ashamed was too small a word to describe what he felt at the moment. True, the lake incident was yet to happen in this world but it did not change the fact that they had already made his life miserable for him! But he resolved internally that he would not let this happen this time! He was pulled out of his thoughts when the memory changed to show the two men in Dumbledore's office again, only this time Severus was on the ground, his countenance screaming devastating agony, anguish and anger!

"You promised to keep them safe! You said they were well hidden. How did this happen then?" Severus screamed, anger and anguish evident in his tone. His magic rattled the trinkets in the office.

Tears dripped down the memory Severus's eyes and the intense pain and devastation he felt moved the two in the pensieve. The real Severus was seated on the floor of the memory, his head in his hands, unwillingly to live through this again. James swallowed trying to process just what this implied.

"This wasn't supposed to happen, Severus! But the Potters trusted the wrong man as their secret keeper. There's nothing that could have been done!" Dumbledore said.

Severus shook his head.

“All that I asked of you was to keep them safe. Nothing else! And you’re saying nothing could be done?”his voice shook with his efforts at restraint. 

“I’m not all-knowing or almighty, Severus. I am but a human. It was a grave mistake, I understand but it wasn’t anticipated. It wasn’t intentional” Dumbledore said sharply.

“I did not imply it was. But you must understand,Headmaster, that I just lost my last motivation to live. It should have been me instead of them!” he whispered, anguished.Guilt weighed heavily on his chest and so did regret.

“There is no point lamenting over what’s done Severus! I do not undermine the extent of your grief nor can I lessen the burden of your guilt but I can give you a reason to live”

“And what might that be?” Severus asked after a moment of silence.

“Their son survived Severus. He survived the killing curse and despite all attempts to prevent it, he has been marked by Voldemort. He has become the child of the prophecy!”

All blood drained from Severus’s face but he remained silent. 

“I need you to protect him. His life would be a difficult road ahead and I need you to protect him when he comes here”

“Hogwarts is safe, headmaster, and you’ll be right here anyways. You don’t need me nor does the boy. Nothing will harm him here and he’ll have people who would be there for him.” he said and turned to leave when he heard Dumbledore say

“He looks just like him, his face and his hair, with her eyes. Do you remember how James Potter looks, Severus? Do you remember Lily Evans’s eyes? Do you remember what your heart holds for them.”

“Don’t…! Just don’t….” he said,frozen in his spot.

James’s brows furrowed in confusion at the statement. Severus’s emotions as Dumbledore said that baffled him even more. Why had Dumbledore said both of them? Why did he not feel any surge of hate in the pensieve that the Slytherin harbored for him? Why was there a sharp jolt of heartbreak and anguish instead?

Dumbledore did not pay any heed though. He continued mercilessly

“And don’t you remember just why this is the state of their family today? Don’t you remember because of whom this is so? Is it not your duty to protect what or more so whom died protecting?”

Severus stood completely silent for an entire moment. 

The people in the pensieve could feel his guilt, could feel the excruciating pain he harbored in his shattered soul at that point. And then they could feel the rise of determination, the strong need for atonement. 

He  turned then, his face devoid of any emotion. The only evidence of his breakdown a few moments back were the red in his eyes and the tear stains on his pale face. 

They could physically feel all his emotions being locked behind something concrete. 

“Alright Headmaster. I accept this responsibility. I vow to protect James and Lily’s child. But in turn, I ask for only one thing. The boy must not know! I need to hate him and that is going to be very difficult in the first place. I can’t…..Dumbledore! No one can know!”

Dumbledore looked at him sharply for a moment after which he sighed tiredly

“My word ,Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you!”

Severus nodded curtly and walked away.

The memory changed and they watched how Severus became Professor Severus Snape, his life running only on one motive. They watched as he got ridiculed by the 7th years, who were just a few years younger and had been there during his own time at Hogwarts. They watched as he locked away the hurt,humiliation and his regular emotions of guilt, self-loathing and anguish and donned the acerbic, intimidating aura of Professor Snape! James could feel another wave of shame wash over him at that. That he and his friends had ruined somebody’s life this much for shallow reasons, all in the name of pranks and righteousness, left him feeling more and more like a monster. This reality check was proving to be too much indeed! Merlin knows how Severus lived using emotions like these for an entire life!

The memory changed again and showed his 10 years before Harry Potter arrived. It showed the formation and deepening of bonds between Dumbledore, Minerva and Severus. It showed his improvisations in potions and his record of preventing major potion disasters. 

Then it showed his increasing anxiety, uncertainty as the day Harry Potter would arrive at Hogwarts grew nearer. And finally showed the sorting ceremony of young Harry Potter who was too skinny and small but had bright emerald eyes and was his father’s almost photocopy. They saw as he became a hatstall, was announced a gryffindor later and had a small redhead boy, obviously a Weasley as his best friend. James was reminded of Sirus for a moment. 

The memory changed to show Harry’s first Potions class, Severus’s efforts to hate the boy and to show how he managed to convince the boy to hate him, instead, with his unfair and slightly mean disposition.

Dumbledore sighed. He had been completely silent since he had seen his counterpart behave such with Severus. It did not help that these memories were like a mirror with his mistakes staring right back at him!

His eyes moved to the real Severus sitting on the floor of the pensieve, his head resting on his knees pressed tightly against his chest. 

Before he could say anything  though, they were ejected out of the pensieve. James fell out with a thud but managed to hold onto the cloak. 

Dumbledore sat down at his seat and gestured to Severus as well to which he nodded.

_

It took a lot of coaxing for Severus to finally agree about the tea break. And when he relented, he sure did realise his tired body had surely needed it! Not that he would ever admit it to the old man! 

They sipped their tea in silence and were soon finished. It was time for the second round of memories. 

Severus pulled out the memories of Harry Potter's Hogwarts years and placed them all in the pensieve. They plunged in yet again to visualise these.

The memory began with Harry's first year. It showed what Severus had observed of Harry. And the feelings of longing and guilt served to confuse James further because surely what they implied couldn't mean the truth! There was no way what they implied was the truth! 

He shook his head, deciding to ponder over this later, and looked up to see his….his son, his boy from another lifetime!

Memories kept pouring of all Harry's years at Hogwarts. James' heart broke as he heard of Sirius's life in Azkaban which only multiplied to immense devastation at his death and Remus 'already hard life becoming such. He vowed that he would not let his friends suffer the way they did, in this lifetime. 

James managed to regain some composure  but it slipped away right the next moment, even as the earth seemed to pull away from his feet as he learnt of the abuse his son suffered at the hands of the Dursleys! A vortex of feelings plagued him, so complex in its nature that his body, which was unaware of such strong emotions, felt overwhelmed by it. 

And amidst all of this was the rising admiration and respect for the man, this boy with greasy hair, hooked nose and a green tie he and his friends had ridiculed and bullied so mercilessly, who despite everything, had devoted an entire lifetime to his family's name! 

And then came the memory that marked the events that led up to and with which they had begun their conversation - Dumbledore 's death. 

It was night-time and Dumbledore sagged sideways in the throne like chair behind the desk, apparently semiconscious. His right hand dangled over the side, blackened and burned. Older Snape was muttering incantations, pointing his wand at the wrist of the hand, while with his left hand he tipped a goblet full of thick golden potion down Dumbledore's throat. After a moment or two, Dumbledore's eyelids fluttered and opened.

"Why," began Severus, without preamble, "why did you put on that ring? It carries a curse, surely you realized that. Why even touch it?" he raged in concern and fear. 

A distinct ring lay on the desk before Dumbledore. It was cracked and the rumored possession of Godric Gryffindor,  his sword lay beside it. 

Dumbledore grimaced.

"I...was a fool. Sorely tempted..."

"Tempted by what?" he asked sharply. 

Dumbledore did not answer.

"It is a miracle you managed to return here!" Severus shouted furiously. 

"That ring carried a curse of extraordinary power, to contain it is all we can hope for; I have trapped the curse in one hand for the time being--"

Dumbledore raised his blackened, useless hand, and examined it with the expression of one being shown an interesting curio.

"You have done very well, Severus. How long do you think I have?"

Dumbledore's tone was light and conversational, as if he might have been asking for a weather forecast and not talking about his life coming to an end! Severus hesitated, and then said, "I cannot tell. Maybe a year. There is no halting such a spell forever. It will spread eventually, it is the sort of curse that strengthens over time."

Dumbledore smiled, which irked Severus even more

"I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you, Severus." he said. The genuinity in those words though left him feeling taken aback for a moment after which he recovered himself.

"If you had only summoned me a little earlier, I might have been able to do more, buy you more time!" Severus said furiously. He looked down at the broken ring and the sword. "Did you think that breaking the ring would break the curse?"

"Something like that...I was delirious, no doubt..." said Dumbledore. With an effort he straightened himself in his chair. "Well, really, this makes matters much more straightforward."

A look of utter perplexity painted Severus's face. Dumbledore continued to smile and calmly said 

"I refer to the plan Lord Voldemort is revolving around me. His plan to have the poor Malfoy boy murder me."

James frowned at the words. This was the very same 'Malfoy boy' who had troubled his son time and again, without any consequence! 

"Just like you, isn't it?" his conscience whispered and James 's head lowered in shame. Of course, just like him. Karma was a bitch after all! What he had done, his son had paid for it! He shook his head and redirected his attention back to the memory. 

Severus was seated on the chair across the desk from Dumbledore, his fingers rubbing his head.

Annoyance, fear, concern, anger, irritation, pain, foreboding, worry and many such emotions swivelled, as felt by the ones in the pensieve but were tampered down within a moment, pushed behind something concrete. 

It was a long moment after which Severus began 

"The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. This is merely punishment for Lucius's recent failures. Slow torture for Draco's parents, while they watch him fail and pay the price."

A sharp wave of disgust coursed through James. There was no love lost between him and Malfoy and nor did he know Narcissa except from what Sirius had told him. But even they did not deserve this fate of their son. They might be pathetic people but they have always valued their families. It has been evident in the generation of Malfoys that they themselves and their close family was what mattered, even above ambition, even despite it! 

His hatred for Voldemort as he learnt of how that monstrosity had wrecked all of their lives increased impossibly more. Voldemort was no longer a Dark Lord out there whom James wished to fight and defeat for the glory it would hold. This monster had now become the one he wished a cursed existence till eternity on, one where he would be subjected to hell and more and where he would rot till every single pore of his was disintegrated to dust, where he would plead for death but would never be fortunate for it! His magic flared in response to his emotional upheaval, startling Dumbledore. Severus was too lost in avoiding the flashes that the memory triggered to register it. Dumbledore looked around, his eyes narrowed, causing James to clench his fists and make an attempt to control his emotions. He couldn't afford to be found out now! He needed the truth! Dumbledore continued his scrutiny for a moment more before he focused back on the memory. 

"....now, the natural successor to the job, once Draco fails, is yourself?"

There was a short pause.

"That, I think, is the Dark Lord's plan."

"Lord Voldemort foresees a moment in the near future when he will not need a spy at Hogwarts?"

"He believes the school will soon be in his grasp, yes."

"And if it does fall into his grasp,"  Dumbledore said, 

"I believe I have your word that you will do all in your power to protect the students at Hogwarts?"

Severus gave a stiff nod. There was no doubt about it at all! 

"Good. Now then. Your first priority will be to discover what Draco is up to. A frightened teenage boy is a danger to others as well as to himself. Offer him help and guidance, he ought to accept, he likes you--"

"--much less since his father has lost favor. Draco blames me, he thinks I have usurped Lucius's position."

James couldn't help but scoff. That Lucius had been arrested came like a slight relief after what the bastard had done with his son! It was too meagre compared to what he deserves. 

"All the same, try. I am concerned less for myself than for accidental victims of whatever schemes might occur to the boy. Ultimately, of course, there is only one thing to be done if we are to save him from Lord Voldemort's wrath."

Severus raised his eyebrows and his tone was sardonic as he asked, "Are you intending to let him kill you?"

"Certainly not. You must kill me." Dumbledore said with all the calm in the world, as if he had just not imposed on a man who considered him a father figure, a sinful burden that would crush him. As if he hadn't asked of a man who led life by remorse and guilt for indirectly being the cause of death of two people he cared for two decades ago, an added burden of a death by his own hands! 

There was a long silence, broken only by an odd clicking noise. Fawkes the phoenix was gnawing a bit of cuttlebone.

James gasped while Dumbledore looked down shamefully. How could his counterpart have not thought even once of Severus? Yes, war demanded difficult decisions and sacrifices. But the way his counterpart had behaved with Severus was just not right. It had been harsh and demanding from the beginning! Could his counterpart not see just what he had placed on Severus's shoulders? 

"Would you like me to do it now?" asked Severus, his voice heavy with irony. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"

He couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips at the wit Severus possessed, even in such circumstances. But it dimmed as he felt avidly, the emotions Severus hid behind irony and sarcasm!

"Oh, not quite yet," Dumbledore said still  smiling. 

"I daresay the moment will present itself in due course. Given what has happened tonight," he indicated to his withered hand, 

"If you don't mind dying," Severus said roughly, 

"why not let Draco do it?"

"That boy's soul is not yet so damaged," Dumbledore said. 

"I would not have it ripped apart on my account."

"And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?" Severus asked in a voice which held his immense hurt, anguish and anger. 

The prominent emotions as felt by him and what were evident in the tone of those words struck Dumbledore right at the heart. 

James swallowed the lump in his throat. Severus' anguish was raw and hard hitting and made James realise that Severus was as human as any other and was not the evil monster they made him be! On the contrary, the man had more moral strength and the power of humanity than most. 

"You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation," Dumbledore said. 

"I ask this one great favor of you, Severus, because death is coming for me as surely as the Chudley Cannons will finish bottom of this year's league. I confess I should prefer a quick, painless exit to the protracted and messy affair it will be if, for instance, Greyback is involved-- I hear Voldemort has recruited him? Or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it."

It was plainly visible, the emotional manipulation and Dumbledore was taken aback by how habitual, manipulation had become to his counterpart that it had blinded his eyes to visualize living, breathing humans as puppets! 

His tone was light, but his blue eyes pierced Severus as though reaching through his very soul. A moment more lasted after which Severus gave a curt nod. It showed that he had evidently understood the manipulation but had resigned himself to carry this burden as well! 

Dumbledore seemed satisfied.

"Thank you, Severus..." he said.

The memory left behind a lot of feelings and questions in the minds of the two. But the memory changed and they were pushed to the corner, to revisit later.

"Information….." Severus said with an indiscernible expression.

"You trust him and burden him with 'information', whilst refusing him all these years. Why now Albus? Why him? Why do you not trust me?"

"It is not a question of trust. I have, as we both know, limited time. It is essential that I give the boy enough information for him to do what he needs to do."

"And why may I not have the same information?"

"I prefer not to put all of my secrets in one basket, particularly not a basket that spends so much time dangling on the arm of Lord Voldemort."

"Which I do on your orders!" Severus exclaimed outraged.

"And you do it extremely well. Do not think that I underestimate the constant danger in which you place yourself, Severus. To give Voldemort what appears to be valuable information while withholding the essentials is a job I would entrust to nobody but you."

"Yet you confide much more in a sixteen year old boy who is incapable of Occlumency and who has a direct connection into the Dark Lord's mind!"

"Voldemort fears that connection," Dumbledore said.

 "Not so long ago he had one small taste of what truly sharing Harry's mind means to him. It was pain such as he has never experienced. He will not try to possess Harry again, I am sure of it. Not in that way."

Ahh his son! Of course! His brave brave boy who had defeated Voldemort so many times already. Yet each time came with loss and pain. And despite how proud he was of Harry, he wished all of this would never have happened! His son never got to lead a normal childhood! He shouldn't have been burdened with connection to the monstrosity that called himself Voldemort. He shouldn't have had to do what all the adults had failed in! 

"I don't understand."

"Lord Voldemort's soul, maimed as it is, cannot bear close contact with a soul like Harry's. Like a tongue on frozen steel, like flesh in flame--"

"Souls? We were talking of minds!"

"In the case of Harry and Lord Voldemort, to speak of one is to speak of the other."

James frowned in confusion while Albus's face adopted a thoughtful look. The significance of the statement, while not discernible, felt ominous to James. 

Dumbledore glanced around to make sure that they were alone. They were close by the Forbidden Forest now, but there was no sign of anyone near them.

"After you have killed me, Severus--"

"You inform me nothing of what is going on! Why should I do anything for something I know nothing about, Albus?" Severus snapped and real anger flared in the thin face.

"You gave me your word, Severus. And you aren't a man who would back out of it, especially not for such petty reasons. Haven't you known my habit of secrecy since ages?"

Severus looked angry, mutinous and ready to argue his point. His dark eyes reflected his hurt. Dumbledore sighed and interrupted him before he even began.

"Come to my office tonight, Severus, at eleven, and you shall not complain that I have no confidence in you..."

The memory changed. 

They were back in Dumbledore's office, the windows dark, and Fawkes sat silent as Severus sat quite still, as Dumbledore walked around him, talking.

"Harry must not know, not until the last moment, not until it is necessary, otherwise how could he have the strength to do what must be done?"

Now what must his son do? Why did Dumbledore sound so grave?

"But what must he do?"

"That is between Harry and me. Now listen closely, Severus. There will come a time-- after my death-- do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when Lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake."

"For Nagini?" Severus looked astonished.

"Precisely. If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry."

"Tell him what?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself onto the only living soul left in that collapsed building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry, and it is that which gives him the power of speech with snakes, and a connection with Lord Voldemort's mind that he has never understood. And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to and protected by Harry, Lord Voldemort cannot die."

Dumbledore's eyes widened while James collapsed back in mute shock.  

How do you react when you hear that a piece of soul from a monster has stuck onto your son's, making it miserable?

Questions plagued Dumbledore. He had ventured briefly into soul magic before and this possibility posed a lot of questions. A soul was stable in any human. Sins and wrongdoings stain the soul but it takes more than that to destabilize the soul! For Voldemort's soul to have been in such a state of instability that it would break off by a rebound curse, albeit it being the one curse which wasn't supposed to rebound, he must have indulged in foul, evil magic. Nothing else could provide this outcome! 

"So the boy...the boy must die?" Severus asked after a pause.

Severus looked calm but from within, as felt in the pensieve, he was anything but! 

"And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential."

A wave of pure rage swept through him. When he had heard Severus's hesitant conclusion, he had prayed just as the man that this wouldn't be true. That Dumbledore would say that this wasn't the intended truth. But of course, this had to be true. But of course his son had to be the sacrifice needed for war. He clenched his fingers and grit his teeth to control his magic which threatened to go haywire. 

"Not now, my inner sentinent, not now!" he repeated in his head to calm down.

Another long silence. Then Severus said,

"I thought...all those years...that we were protecting him for them. For James and Lily."

"We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength," Dumbledore said, his eyes still tight shut. 

"Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth. Sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort."

Dumbledore opened his eyes. Severus looked horrified.

James was sure he was as horrified too!

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?"

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?"

"Lately, only those whom I could not save" Severus said. He stood up. 

"You have used me."

"Meaning?"

"I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep James and Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter--"

"But this is touching, Severus," said Dumbledore seriously. 

"Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"

"Don't you dare! You know very well that circumstances demanded that I hate him"

"And your personal feelings had nothing to do with it?"

"My personal feelings?!" Severus shouted. 

Hurt and anguish were the most prominent emotions after anger, avidly felt in the pensieve.

"Have they ever mattered? Has it been you who has to see the child of the only two people you have ever cared about in the world daily and be reminded of the worst mistakes of your life? Reminded of your regrets? Seeing the child each day reminds me that I am the reason he's an orphan today! Do you live with this guilt Dumbledore? Do you live with this burden? " Severus said, his voice mounting with pain, with every word uttered.

“It has been two decades since. Is that burden still potent enough? Do those feelings still hold?” Dumbledore asked coldly.

Albus froze at the words of his counterpart. The way those words tore Severus pinched his heart. What had he become in the future? 

An outrage unlike any other coursed through him. He pulled out his wand and shouted "Expecto Patronum!"

  From the tip of his wand an elegant silver doe burst out. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Severus, his eyes were full of tears.

"So after all this time?"

"Always," Severus said.

Dumbledore took in a heavy breath. 

“I was thirteen Albus. I was thirteen when I fell in love with him! And from that moment, that love has stayed! Hidden behind a facade of hatred of course, but it has still stayed in my heart, this love for him that I hold even today! Despite everything, despite him hating me, despite him making my life hell, I have loved him and I shall always love him. Nothing that has happened has changed it and nothing that will happen can change it either” Severus said and walked away. 

He stood in complete silence for a moment, frozen and numb, before his legs gave away. The sight of the silver doe remained plastered on his vision even as those words repeated themselves in his mind.  “He loves you, loves you so deeply that it sustained him for an entire lifetime. And what have you given him in return? You taunted him, abused him, destroyed his life and he continued to love you despite! How much hurt would he have felt at every wrongdoing of yours? How would he have persisted on, holding onto a love more painful than anything else? The man you called and believed to be a monster has been more fundamentally human than you! ” his conscience prodded, waking up from a deep sleep!

A vortex swiveled within him as his heart tore up with an unfamiliar ache. His eyes then fell on the real Severus sitting with his head on his knees. A burst of mahogany and amber surrounded them in the pensieve, a rare event where the sentient magic showcased its undiscovered aspects.

Just what was this man? How could anybody love somebody so much despite that person literally destroying his life? 

The respect that had arisen in his heart deepened even more. 

The next memory played, this time showing Dumbledore's portrait instructing Severus. They watched as the plan of Seven Potters was relayed and they watched as the Battle Of Seven Potters played out. They watched how Severus saved Remus's life at the cost of George's ear and they watched how Mad-Eye fell to his death. Dumbledore felt immensely saddened by Alastor's death. 

They watched Charity Burbage's gruesome death and how it added just one more burden of guilt and regret on Severus's soul. They watched as Hogwarts was taken over by death eaters but as predicted, Severus's role in Albus's death favoured him the spot of the Headmaster. They watched how Severus abided by his promise and managed to save many students from the Carrows while still keeping his cover. They watched as the students rose up and fought, carrying on a rebellion. They watched the rise of the DA again. James could feel his chest swell with pride similar to how he felt when he learnt his son had began the DA. The valor and leadership shown by Ginny( who reminded him of Lily), Neville(truly Frank and Alice's son!) and Luna as well as the other students was truly inspiring and admiration worthy. The involvement of Slytherin students in this served to further clear the prejudice in his system against that house. 

They further watched Severus's plans with Dumbledore's portrait and him asking Phineas to spy on the trio who were on a quest unknown to himself but which was essential for Voldemort's downfall. They watched as he defended Hermione when Phineas called her a mudblood. And they watched the planting of Gryffindor sword. 

And they watched what little of the Battle Severus himself was able to see. 

They watched as Harry learnt the truth after retrieving memories from a dying Severus at the shack, learning the reality of his most hated teacher's life and allegiance as well as his own destiny. 

They were ejected out then as they had come to an end of his memories. 

A few moments of silence prevailed as all the three felt various emotions swiveling in their chest. The silence was broken by Severus himself

"Harry marched to his death and allowed Voldemort to kill him. His selfless sacrifice provided protection for everybody he cared about, similar to Lily's protection. He did not die though. He was given yet another chance at life as the Killing Curse that had struck him had killed the part of Voldemort's soul in his body. His soul remained intact, so he was able to come back to life. He vanquished Voldemort then, in their last fight and went on to live happily. He married Ginevra Weasley a year after the Battle and they went on to have 3 kids. He also looked after Remus and Dora's son, his godson as his own after their death in the final battle. This was shown to me by the Master of Death to provide the needed information and the necessary closure as well"

He felt his chest would burst with the amount of pride and admiration as well as devastation that filled his young heart. His boy! His brave, brave boy! His amazing son who had braved on despite whatever he had suffered in his life! 

"Harry was indeed a courageous soul" Dumbledore remarked, tears in his eyes.

"Yes he was" Severus agreed instantly.

A moment of silence followed 

"You have been very brave, dear child!" Dumbledore said, looking directly into Severus's obsidian eyes. Tears filled obsidian eyes as he felt moved by Albus's pride filled words.

He just looked away and blinked his tears.

"I have just tried to atone for my sins Albus. I failed to keep them safe. Their son's life was destroyed because of me. Now all I seek is to make sure they are alive and well and can lead the life they deserve to live and couldn't live in that lifetime!"

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Long chapter hehe!
9272 words!!

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