2 feb

12am:

i used to think i had sex to share my body—to hand out the love i'd found within myself. someone must have been missing it, and i wanted to be the one who gave it to them. i wanted to touch them like they meant something. i wanted to be held like i wasn't meant to fade.

but that was a lie—a delusion.

i offered myself, for men to judge before they ate, and when i was licked clean, i had to find some way to dish myself out again—i had to find another man to put me in his mouth and swallow.

i call it self-destruction; practice for death.

but he can't take anything from you

if you've been empty since september 2.