I've just had a sort of epiphany.

So for the past month, I was on a break from writing.

Like I don't know, I just couldn't write.

I'd write a sentence and think it was so stupid and ugh and then I'd just stop.

I'd look at what I had previously written and all of it would seem either too over-the-top, too plain or just awkwardly phrased. I don't know.

So like any normal person, I told myself I had lost the ability to write  and boom I just stopped. I mean there was no point in forcing myself when even I didn't like what I was writing.

I discovered this song today and I thought I'd just base off a short story on it just for lols. And after such a long time, I actually had fun. I mean, I wouldn't call it good writing but it was writing that I enjoyed. I wasn't thinking if it was good or bad or whatever.

I've realized that writing stopped being fun for me when I started looking at it through other people's eyes.

Like sure, it may be absolute garbage but hey it's my harmless garbage. It's garbage that I put a lot of effort and heart into so why shouldn't I like it?

It's like, you know, when you have a dumb party at your house and you realize how badly you've trashed it in the morning. Yes, that part sucks but hey you also had a lot of fun and really, it was worth it.

Or when you're singing your favorite song and you sound like Donald Duck on steroids but you don't care because fuck your voice, it's a great song.

(Terrible analogies but you get what I mean. Hopefully. )

Writing stopped being fun and therapeutic for me when I started judging it so much and so harshly.

I've always been a loved the notion that you don't have to be great at things to enjoy them. It's about time I started believing it.