Why do I care so much about what other people might think of me? Why do I want to be liked so bad?

It's not that I don't like myself. I don't see other people's opinions as a direct reflection of who I am like I used to, I don't rely on them like that anymore but ughh dgshsgsh I still care a lot.

I can never do anything for the sake of doing it or for fun, it just feels pointless. Like I'm wasting my time. I need someone else to tell me it's important, that it matters.

And I know it's not right because if someone else told me they felt this away, I'd tell them they deserve to do things just for fun. Not everything has to matter to people or be a big deal or be helpful or whatever. I know I deserve it too but I can't really apply it to myself. It only works for a little while and then I give up and go, "No this is pointless, I need to be doing something else that matters."

I guess it's because when I do things only I enjoy, it makes me feel kinda selfish. If someone else tells me that it's important or that it matters to them, then I feel like "Oh look at least someone else cares,", they like it or it makes them happy, then it feels like I'm doing good. I'm not being selfish. It's a bigger deal than my sole enjoyment, it just matters more. Does that make sense?