Think I've said this before, probably a lot of times but I consider myself a religious person.

Honestly I don't even know where this is going but I feel like talking about religion; what it means to me, how I used to see it, how I see it now and how I wish other people would stop using it to degrade other beliefs and lifestyles. Because I feel like it's this really important part of me and I don't talk about it very often.

So I say I "consider" myself religious because lol most people don't. If you don't "look" religious and sound preachy 24/7, you're obviously not religious.

Anyways, that's a rant for another day.  So I believe in God, I'm a practicing Muslim, sort of spiritual and religion really is my sanity sometimes. It's something that has always been a part of me, something I can always hold onto. It's a wonderful feeling knowing someone's out there watching over you and all the people you love and loving you no matter what.

I didn't always see it like that though. I used to be a super judgemental and close minded person when I was younger. One of those, "Oh if you do this, if you do that, you're going to hell" people.

(Thank goodness I discovered actually analytical scholars and feminism)

If that version of me saw myself now, I'd prolly think I was going to hell too lol.

This kind of thinking was mainly influenced by how many religious people around me behaved. They'd frown upon people who had different beliefs and judge everyone through the lens of religion.
"Oh, you drink and that's prohibited so you're a bad person."

Ignoring the parts of religion where you're told to respect other people's beliefs, lifestyles and treat everyone the same.

"Lol yeah they are kinda rude but look they pray so much, they're a good person!"

Good manners, respect, compassion, tolerance and basic human decency are one of the things most emphasized in my religion and I don't understand how so many people following it ignore that.

It literally says that God will forgive you for not praying, etc but if you hurt other people in any way, you're not forgiven for that until those people forgive you.

Sometimes, it got to the point where these people would fucking dehumanize others who didn't reflect their beliefs. Once, my uncle showed me this video of this earthquake and how it took down a nightclub and all of the people there were screaming because they were about to die.  The entire building collapsed. It made me so sick in the stomach and then he says, "They deserved it." Why? Because they were partying and drinking and that's haram (prohibited).

That's such a fucking terrible thing to say. How can someone even think like that? They were literally people having fun, they had lives, they had families, they were hurting no one and you'll look at them like they're not even humans because they don't follow  your religious values? Nowhere does God or religion tell you to be some apathetic, heartless psychopath.

People who think like this can go fuck themselves because what the fuck? This is how they justify honor killings, by placing their moral values over actual fucking lives.

( Fun Drinking Game: Take a shot everytime I say "fuck")

I think this is mainly because the majority of people incorporate culture into religion and loool some aspects of my culture are so deeply rooted in misogyny and intolerance, it ain't even funny. The only point of women is getting married off and turning into baby-producing-machines. Women are always taught to compromise, to sacrifice what their needs for others, to not be outspoken.

Fortunately, my parents don't believe any of this bs and treat me and my brother the same, thought they do have these values ingrained into  them. Like for example, they'll look down on women and men who are married and share domestic responsibilities. Yk, minor stuff like that but it's still there.

Unfortunately, the majority of my relatives religiously follow these cultural values and actually think they're religion.

I'm not going too deep into this part because hey that's also a rant for another day. Honestly, I could base off a book on what's wrong with the values of my culture. But so many people are speaking up about it all these days and reclaiming it, that makes me happy.

So my point here is, some people, specifically men, need to stop misinterpreting religious scriptures to their own benefit.

Mind your own fucking business when it comes to other people. Them living their lives and being happy however they want to doesn't effect you in any way so shut the fuck up about it.
You don't own women, they don't owe you shit, you have no authority to "control" them.

I'm glad I see religion differently now and can separate it from culture.
I'm not the best example of a Muslim.
I think I do a lot of things that are prohibited and as times are so different now, I really think it's unavoidable? Like good for you if you're perfectly following everything but everyone is at different stages in their religious journey.

I don't wear the hijab yet (I used to two years ago but then stopped because it was for the wrong reasons) and I don't see myself wearing it anytime soon but I hope I will at some point in the future. Even if I don't, I'll always be trying my best to be a better person and spread love and kindness because isn't that one of the core parts of religion too?

I mainly consider myself religious because I do very firmly believe in God. I pray a lot and I feel like I can talk to Him about anything. He has always been this source of hope and unconditional love to me. It's a beautiful feeling, one I can't even put into words.

So yes this is it. I don't even know what this is. It was a rant in the beginning but now it's just how I feel about religion? Everything I write in this book is so destructured sjshsjshajshaj.

xoxoxo

Nushie