WARNING: EXTREME CRINGE ALERT, RETREAT IMMEDIATELY IF YOU CAN'T WITHSTAND EXPOSURE TO INTENSE AMOUNTS OF CORNINESS!! THANK YOU

I always regret opening my childhood notebooks because I was quite a strange child and the stuff I come across makes me want to cleanse my mind with bleach or gouge my eyes out.

But what I shall share right now is quite special. It made me want to repeatedly bang my head against a wall, get a concussion and hope I would wake up in the past so I could shake myself and scream, "WTF WERE YOU THINKING?"

Now that this is out of the way, let me bless your eyes and mind with a poem written by my 11-year-old-self, "The Potato in Love". I shall dedicate this to the tagged below:
zephyrfragments xJustARandomWriterx
-toxichearts
DrakeKearney

I originally planned on posting a picture but as my handwriting was messier than my thoughts at the at the time, *importantly clears throat* here goes :

I've seen a lot of things
Summers, Winters, Springs
Until they uprooted me from the ground
But I didn't make a sound
(Four lines in and I'm already exploring the option of existence erasure)

As I was thrown into boxes and sacks, from stores to dusty racks.
But one lucky night,
In front of me bloomed a beautiful sight,
Red as a rose
Wet yet not gross .
(KETCHUP ISN'T WET, PAST-ME!! TF?)

My whole life of greens and yellows and fluffy marshmellows,
I had never seen anything as beautiful as her, my fellows
(Kill me, please)

"The name's ketchup," she said
and BOOM I was dead
(not actually)
Suddenly overcome with a love so great
That I forgot I was late
In expressing my love

For ketchup was with mayonnaise
And I felt  like rotten cheese
I cried and I died internally
Drowning in sorrow for enternity
(Oops that escalated quickly)

Until life was lost in the flash of a knife,
And I became french fries.
Awaiting the human's fork on my grave-like plate,
When suddenly I saw something great.
(Shit's getting intense damn)

It was ketchup, gentleladies and gentlemen!
Being freed from her bottle,
Awaiting the slaughter.
(Slaughter?? You cant--nevermind smh)

She dripped down beside me,
As graceful as a bee.
A beautiful glob of bright red,
(*Frantically scrawls into list of cute things to call one's significant other*)
Removing all worries from my head.
"I love you!" I screamed
And she dripped onto me
Wrapping me into a hug
As carefree as a bug.
"I love you too!" she cried
And then we both died
When the human chewed and swallowed us whole,
"How's dinner, Cole?"
(Well, fuck you Cole, you vile heartless being)

But our love shall forever remain,
A bright hope in moments of pain.
An example to potato and tomato-kind
That love isn't always kind
(No...no...NO)

This was painful to read :( .

I think I had this phase of writing about inanimate objects since my fifth grade teacher assigned us to write something from the POV of an umbrella. I thought it was edgy and cool to write more of that shit but as you can see here, it got way out of hand.

I never ate french fries without ketchup since then because I didn't want them to die separated and that's a habit which has stuck :(. I mean french fries just taste incomplete without ketchup now.

But lol whatever, I hope this doesn't haunt me in the future. This is the last thing I would want someone to read on my funeral.

Please share a weird childhood anecdote so I can feel normal again. Thanks.

xoxoxo
Nushie