Note:
Chapter dedicated to Kath! Happy Birthday!

Thank you for the comments and appreciation, alliviates! Enjoy reading!

Chapter 26
. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

Whenever I feel inspired or simply energized, I immediately open my laptop or the nearest device that I could find to put my words into a container. Iniisip ko na sayang naman ang nilalabas ng imahinasyon ko kung hindi mapapakinabangan. I feel like I should always make use of my energy to write. Kaya siguro natatanga ako ngayon dahil hirap akong maglabas ng mga salita.

Since I was put on the same position with Rien, mas bumigat ang nararamdaman kong pressure mula sa proyekto na ito. At first, I saw it as a job that I needed to fulfill the tasks. Pero dahil pareho na kaming head script writer ni Rien, pakiramdam ko ay magiging malaki ang responsibilidad ko sa takbo ng storya nitong pelikula ni Kiran.

Kiran:
Hello.
I might not be at the office.
Chat na lang if there's any questions.
Thanks.

Rien:
ingat ka raw, ninong
sabi ni riencio :)

Kiran:
pakisabi sa tyanak mo
na wala akong pake ☺️🤍

We want to shoot between June until November, that's already ideal since most movies are done in a shorter period so they would cost less when it comes to production. Kaya naman pinipiga ko na ang utak ko na makapagsulat tungkol sa dalawang bida sa script namin.

We were both at the office, pareho kaming pudpod ni Rien ngayon sa pagsusulat ng script para sa Act Off Script. Wala si Kiran ngayon dahil ang alam ko ay mga interview na pinaunlakan. Unlike us, he actually had a tight schedule.

"Ano ulit name ng bida natin?" Rien glanced at me, we were already moving forward towards the storyboard "Yung director?"

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," I answered.

"Gago? Seryoso?" Rien's lips parted, mukha siyang nagpipigil ng tawa dahil sa narinig.

"Cali for short," seryosong sambit ko.

"Fuck," halakhak ni Rien. "Sa susunod, ako na magpapangalan sa mga tyanak natin."

Napangiti ako, because I remember Kiran. Tyanak yung tawag ni Kiran sa mga figurine namin ni Rien. Ewan ko ba roon, pero balita ko ay bumili siya ng isang buong set matapos makita na nage-enjoy kami ni Rien mangolekta. Nanalo na naman ang kapitalismo laban sa amin.

"Eh yung writer?" tanong ni Rien sa akin.

I mulled over for the answer but I couldn't think of any. Bahagya akong natahimik nang mapagtantuan na wala akong masagot sa tanong n'ya. I felt bad over it because I wasn't writing this halfheartedly, but I felt like all of my ideas were already consumed by my first script. I could only offer scrapes for this script.

"It's time for babynames.com to shine," biro ni Cio nang makita ang ekspresyon ko. "Huwag mo masyadong isipin. Pangalan lang naman eh."

"How do you name your characters, Rien?" I asked him. Ako kasi ay depende sa first letter ng pangalan ng taong pinag-basehan ko, it's a bit tricky because it's obvious but it's easier to jot it down.

"Sometimes, I look for symbolism from names," sagot ni Rien. "kapag matapang yung character ko, dapat gano'n ang meaning ng pangalan n'ya. But gradually, I moved forward with easier names to pronounce, ang hirap kasi i-explain paano i-pronounce ang ibang pangalan ng mga character."

I nodded in agreement. I used common names for that sole reason as well. Pero naiintindihan ko rin yung mga writers na gusto ay kakaiba ang mga pangalan ng mga charactera nila, some make it more unique and astounding. They'll do anything for it to stand among the crowd. Kahit pa magamit na ang lahat ng letra sa alphabet, if it means that their characters will be easier to recognized, they'll use it.

"Let's settle with Avo," I smiled at Rien. "sa tingin ko ay magandang tunog neutral ang pangalan nila. Maybe that's how they click. Cali has a feminine name while Avo sounds like a man but she is actually a girl."

"And let's name her as Avocado, para di nagi-isa si Cali sa problema pagdating sa mga pangalan," Rien added, he started to jot down the ideas we combined together.

We had fun brainstorming, magsisimula na rin kami sa pagsusulat nito dahil hinahabol namin ang deadline. Gusto ko sana ipabasa muna kay Kiran ang nabuo namin pero mukhang abala rin siya sa iba pa n'yang proyekto, at matapos ang paguusap namin ay nagkaroon ng kaunting lamat ang aming koneksyon.

Pagkauwi na pagkauwi ay nagpahinga lang ako bago mag-shower para maging presko ang pakiramdam. Ang mga sumunod na oras ay ginugol ko sa pagsusulat ng nabuo naming premise kanina. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't a freeloader when it came to this project. Kahit paano ay gusto ko makatulong talaga.

Title: Act Off Script

Premise:
In a small town on Batangas, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious 'Cali' Cruz and Avocado 'Avo' Belmonte met for a second time in their life—but this time, only as the director and the writer of a movie they used to aspire to make. What once was an ideal love turned into a room of hate for each other. Yet, for the movie. . .and dream that they used to have, they'll try hard to make it work for the last time. As the movie progresses, they'll accept that their love was right but it was made in a wrong lifetime.

Cali, an optimist turned cynical director, hates Avo, the writer she used to date, for leaving her with a lot of what-ifs before they graduated from their film school. Together, they'll embark on a journey of self-love, acceptance, and the truth that sometimes passion is not enough for the heart to still beat after it's been beaten to death by life itself.
This script would explore themes of regrets, passion versus practicality, and the reality that sometimes love simply isn't enough to make someone stay in our life—the same as passion cannot always make us stay in something that used to bring us joy.

My fingers froze as soon as I finished writing my initial draft of the premise. Can I really go forward with this? Hindi ko alam kung paano ito tatapusin. . .hindi ba talaga sila magkakatuluyan? It was easy for me to destroy the happy endings that my characters could have; but for this script, it was hard to accept that Cali and Avo would not end up together.

If this premise gets approved, we'll finally move forward with writing the script. Ibig sabihin ay mas makakasama ko na naman si Rien at Kiran. Gaya ng pagbubuklat ni Cali sa mga sugat na humihilom na, mukhang gagawin ko rin ito para sa script na ito. I'll have to show them the scars that I had to conceal because it was hard for me to ask for help without feeling the burden on my chest.

I figured that this would be like passing a manuscript; pikit mata na lang na sanay ay tanggap ito ng kung sino mang magbabasa. I have to let it go through the editors and some of the office staff from Likha. Bago pa man ito makarating sa mismong head namin.

Pumasok ako kinabukasan na may baong determinasyon para sa hawak kong premise. Ipaglalaban ko na dapat ay magkatuluyan ang dalawa, that they already went through a lot just for them to not end up together. It defeats the purpose of romance—which technically romanticizes life, hope, and redemption.

"Good morning!" bati ko sa mga nakakasalubong ko.

Our corridors had glass and wooden walls, but some of the walls were designed with bookshelves. The bookshelves had a lot of books from Likha, ang ilan sa mga ito ay mga libro pa no'ng 1990's. We can pick a book and read when we have free time, a privilege when you work for a publishing company.

All of them stared at me dumbfoundedly, as if it's the first time that they saw me inside the building. Aminado naman akong hindi ako pala-kibo, lalo na kung hindi naman ako yung kinakausap. Pero gusto ko sana talaga tanggapin nila ang hinanda kong premise. I changed a bit of it. . .giving hope that one day the director and the writer would find their way to their love, even if it means it will take time.

"Nandito raw si Pearl!" sitsit nung isa sa mga nasa cubicle. Nagsilingunan naman silang lahat sa pinto.

"Sinong Pearl?"

"Si ivong_pearl4s," sagot naman nung kausap n'ya.

Oh.

My lips thinned upon hearing her username. She's the one who's next in line after tocrecent. Mas matunog ang pangalan n'ya sa mga kabataan kaysa kay tocrescent.

Hindi nanalo ang pagiging kuryuso ko dahil pumasok na agad ako sa conference room. I waited for the editors and some of the staff to meet me. Hindi kasi makakapasok si Rien dahil may trabaho raw ito na kailangan unahin. Si Kiran naman ay busy pa rin. They did text me in advance. Nagalala pa nga si Rien at gusto sana ipa-move para may kasama ako mag-present, but I insisted anymore.

Inayos ko ang blusa ko. I was wearing a blue button down shirt and a white pencil skirt. This was one of my favorite shirts because it's a bit expensive, kumpara sa mga damit kong nabibili ko lang sa sale. I wanted to look formal today.

I turned on my laptop and started to manipulate the settings to connect it to the projector. Kumakabog pa ang puso ko dahil kabado talaga ako na hindi nila tanggapin yung gusto ko sana mangyari. I also asked Rien about it and he told me that he thinks we could give it a try. Pero si Kiran pa rin talaga ang huhusga kung papayag ba siya na magiging happy ending na lang, or open ending kung sakaling ayaw n'ya talaga.

I wanted this movie to give hope, because in reality? Writing could really make you feel hopeless and drain your inner soul; it can make you feel that you're making an enemy out of yourself.

I was prepared already and I looked at the ticking clock just above the projector's light. Nakita ko roon na halos isang oras na pala ang lumipas pero wala pa ring tao sa loob ng conference.

I texted Mineth if she would come to the meeting because the more  the time was running, the more my pulse would race. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay may mali rito.

Mineth:
Hello!
I can't come.
Naka-sick leave ako.
Tell me deets na lang after the meeting.

Nacia:
Wala pang tao sa conference. 🙁

Mineth:
What?
Akala ko nag-start na kayo?

I sighed as I looked around. Wala talagang tao sa paligid ngayon. Iniisip ko tuloy kung may fire drill ba? Iniwan ba nila ako mag-isa rito? Hindi naman siguro gano'n; kung sakali man na hinayaan talaga nila akong masunog dito, mumultuhin ko talaga sila kahit nasa banyo pa sila!

Nacia:
Di pa nga makapagstart kasi
wala pang tao. 🙁

Nakalimutan kaya nila? I waited for them patiently, pinagsaklop ko ang mga kamay ko habang pinapanood ang kamay sa orasan na umikot. Hindi ako madalas mainip pero parang may mali?

I drew a deep breath as soon as the realization finally sank in. They're not going to come.

Bakit?

Pinatay ko na yung projector nang sumapit na ang 4 p.m.; I waited there diligently, halos mamuti na ang mga mata ko habang mag-isa lang akong naka-upo roon. Lumabas na ako ng conference room na nanglalamig, hindi lamang ang balat dahil sa aircon kung di pati ang kalooban ko ay nanglalamig.

The first one to message me was Rien. Binasa ko ito habang dinaramdam ang bigat ng dibdib ko.

Rien:
hello.
kamusta? did they approve?

Nacia:
Walang kumausap sa akin.
Walang um-attend ng meeting.

I wanted to console myself that maybe they had forgotten but I knew the truth. . .they might have purposely avoided going through that meeting because Rien and Kiran wouldn't come. I suffered from overthinking the entire premise and sacrificed an entire sleep for it but no one. . .wanted to hear a word from me.

My eyes stung as my nose started to itch. Iniiwasan ko umiyak sa pampublikong lugar dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na walang magpapatahan sa akin. Walang yayakap sa akin. Walang papanig dahil palaging dismaya lang naman ang kaya kong ibigay sa kanila.

My friends. . .one day I'll disappoint them as well, like I always do with other people that I love. It was like a shadow that I can't escape from  because it's always tied to me.

Umupo na muna ako sa isa sa mga bakantang couch malapit sa conference room. I was trying to distract myself by reading a passage over and over again, it was written over a sintra board just in front of me.

What is yours will always be yours, and what's not meant for you will never be a part of you.

Talaga ba? Because I have always thought that writing was a part of me. Ever since I was a child, all I cared about was fighting off dragons, rescuing princesses, and embarking on a journey that will take me into another world. When I was in high school, I would write about a nerd who's secretly a heiress, or a bad boy falling for an innocent girl, and about a group of friends finding comfort from each other. I thought about it, and I knew that I would pursue writing even if it means I would sacrifice a lot because being an artist means letting go of the normal life—because not everyone can be an artist and not everyone is willing to let go of the life that people expect you to live.

Napabuntonghininga na lang ako.

Nakarinig ako ng mga yabag ng mga paa na papalapit. Humahalo sa tunog ng kanilang mga sapatos ang kanilang mga hagikhikan. I looked at them but they barely looked at me. Tumawa-tawa lang sila habang may hawak na isang libro. The book was very bright and had a lot of illustrations going on the cover.  When I saw the familiar name of the author, napagtantuan ko kung bakit walang tao kanina.

Oftentimes, people say that we should pursue our dreams, because it's the thing that makes us feel alive the most. It's the oil to our engine. It's the thread to sew our fate. It's the ink to our pens. At first, it's true that it can be fulfilling but it gradually fades, like the words on receipt once the sun shines on it. It's a good dream until someone wakes you up. It makes you think that it's called a dream for a reason.

"Hindi ba natuloy yung meeting?" usisa ng isa sa mga staff na napadaan.

"Hindi yata? Lahat ay busy magpapirma kay Pearl eh," the other man shrugged. "Saka naman wala yata sa meeting si tocrescent. Kahit yung director ay di rin um-attend."

"Ay, edi sino lang?"

"Yung isang writer lang," sagot nito. "Si deepyawns? Si Nacia."

"Ah, parang di naman yata sikat."

"Kaya nga tinamad sila puntahan eh," sagot n'ya at bahagyang natawa. "Palagi rin namang nandito lang 'yon. Mas gugustuhin ko pang makinig kay Pearl dahil siya ang sikat ngayon. Hindi naman pansinin 'yang si Nacia."

Tumango ang kausap n'ya. "Ilang years na rin siya rito, ano? May mga best sellers naman siya. Pero bakit wala siyang masyadong promotion? Walang book signing?"

Nagpantig ang tainga ko sa mga narinig. My breathing hitched and I could feel my stomach churning at each word that they threw to each other. Hindi ako makaalis sa pwesto ko sa takot na makita nila ako. I've heard a lot of criticism over the past years, but maybe I'll never get used to it. Maybe a part of me will always be hurt over the words of others. Hindi naman kasi kami nagiging manhid sa mga salitang binabato sa akin. . .we simply pretend that it doesn't reach us in hopes that it wouldn't be part of our daily overthinking.

"Alam mo bakit?"

"Bakit?"

"Baka raw kasi walang pumunta," sabi niya at umiling-iling. "Kaya lang naman best seller 'yang mga libro n'ya dahil matagal na silang naka-display. Pinapaubos na lang talaga."

My heart clenched as I heard those words. Pinipiga ang puso ko nang pinung-puno. Gusto ko silang sigawan na tumahimik na sila pero hindi ko magawa dahil opinyon naman nila 'yon. And I knew that maybe a part of it was true. This is the reason why I couldn't be proud of it. Alam ko sa sarili ko na baka nga pakulo lang ito ng naghahandle ng mga libro ko para mabenta na.

Maybe Pablo Bello made the right decision to take over my first script because I wasn't meant to be recognized as the writer of it.

Tumayo na ako at dahan-dahang pumunta sa elevator. I wanted to unwind. I wanted to breathe because everything was suffocating me. I pressed the ground floor button and started to wipe away my tears. Nakakahiya, sana ay wala akong makasalubong na kakilala ko. It would be hard to explain why I'm suddenly crying. Pagkabukas ng elevator ang unang bumungad sa akin ay si Agape na naka-itim na suitcoat, she was wearing a white shirt underneath it and partnered it with black slacks.

"Hello!" She gasped, her lips turned downwards. "Hoy gaga?! Umiiyak ka?!"

My eyes were probably already red. Napalingon naman ako sa paligid at nakitang napako sa dako namin ang tingin nung dalawang empleyadong naguusap tungkol sa akin kanina. I wanted to escape from their sight so I immediately went inside the elevator as well. Hindi na tuloy nakababa si Agape!

"Sinong nangaway sa 'yo?!" she loudly asked. "Susugurin ko! Nasa kaninang floor ba?!"

"H-huwag na!"

"Bakit?" She widened her eyes at me. "Hindi sila p'wedeng magpaka-mean girls dahil hindi nila kamukha si Regina George!"

I bit my lower lip. "Hindi na. . .wala naman silang ginawa sa akin."

"Hindi ka naman iiyak kung wala silang nagawa," she sighed and held on my shoulders. "It's okay. You don't always have to defend them. Dapat sa mga ganitong pagkakataon ay kinakampihan mo ang sarili mo."

I looked at her. "I can't. . .dahil alam ko naman na tama sila."

Umiling-iling si Agape. "Girl? It's not about who's right or wrong. It's about knowing when people are overstepping over your boundaries. Huwag mong hayaan 'yang mga 'yan dahil masasanay. Ano? Forever gago na lang?"

I wiped my own tears once again. "I'm sorry you had to see this."

"Ano ka ba. . ." mahinang sambit n'ya. "I was actually here to check on you. Sinabi kasi ni Kiran na baka hindi siya makapunta rito ng isang linggo dahil naka-locked in taping sila para sa isang documentary sa Palawan."

This time, it was my eyes that widened in surprise. Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya pumunta rito para sa akin. I don't think that we're really close enough but the gesture warmed my heart a bit.

"Kiran was worried that you wouldn't ask for help from others," sabi n'ya sa akin. "Hindi ka raw kasi talaga mahilig magpatulong kahit nahihirapan ka na. Kung magagawan mo ng paraan, sinosolo mo raw."

My eyes went wide upon hearing it from her. Hindi ko alam na kinukwento pa rin pala ako ni Kiran sa kan'ya. And why isn't she offended? Hindi ba dapat ay ma-offend siya dahil nagkukwento pa rin tungkol sa ex ang boyfriend n'ya?

"That's why I'm here!" She smiled widely. "Ang kaso ay naligaw ako! Kaya sorry kung late ako sa meeting, ha? Anu-ano ba ang napagusapan n'yo?"

"Hindi. . .wala, walang um-attend," sumbong ko sa kan'ya kahit ang boses ay pahina nang pahina.

"Ano?!"

"May emergency kasi yata kanina kaya—"

She shot up a brow. "And they didn't inform you beforehand? Aba? Bakit? Oras lang ba nila ang mahalaga?"

Napalunok ako. I have never meet someone as confrontational as Ruby, ngayon pa lang sa katauhan ni Agape. Hindi ko inakala na ganito siya dahil mukha siyang mahinhin. Well, not really shy but more like aloof.

"You're one of the head writers for this project. Humihingi ka lang naman ng kakaunting oras pero di pa nila mabigay," sabi n'ya sa akin. "We can really face them now if you want. Ayokong matutulog ka na baon ang ginawa nila sa 'yo."

Nagulat ako dahil pinindot ni Agape yung floor number kanina. My entire face blanched at the thought that she would confront them for me. Paano kung dahil dito ay lalong magiging masama ang tingin nila sa akin? The thought almost paralyzed me in fear.

"H-huwag na lang!"

She stopped mid-way, anng bumukas ang elevator ay lumabas na kaming dalawa. She blinked her eyes at me as if she couldn't believe that I stopped her from putting up a fight for me.

"I don't want to talk to them," I bit my lower lip as I shook my head. "I don't know the words to say to people. Kaya nga siguro ako naging writer dahil. . .I can't express myself in real life. I could only say my sentiments and my real feelings in fiction."

Bahagya siyang natigilan na para bang prinoproseso n'ya ang mga salitang sinabi ko. She slowly nodded her head.

"Okay."

"Okay," ulit ko at parang nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib. "Let's not talk about it anymore."

"Ay no! Nasabi ko na kina Kiran," she said as she showed me that she already sent a message to him. Hawak-hawak n'ya ang cellphone n'yang may keyring sa gilid. "I'll let him handle this."

"You trust him that much?" mahinang sabi ko at lalong naramdaman ang paninibugho. I should have. . .trusted him as well.

"Yup! I trust him. . .and I know that he wouldn't stay still knowing that someone is bullying his girl. " Ngumiti siya sa akin.

We decided to go to the pantry. Lahat ng mga empleyadong papasok ay sinasamaan ni Agape ng tingin at agad siyang lilingon sa akin upang tanungin kung yun ba ang nangaway sa akin. Agad naman akong iiling. Kaunti na lang ay i-angat n'ya ang middle finger n'ya

"Dala ko pala mga libro mo!" She happily rummaged through her black totebag. Ang dami n'yang keychains, nagmukhang tindahan ang kan'yang bag sa dami ng nakasabit.

Nagulat ako dahil biglang nilabas n'ya ang tatlong libro ko. Halos maluha ako nang makita ito sa kan'yang mga kamay. Hindi ko mapigilan ang unti-unting paghikbi. My heart. . .swelled in happiness because it's the first time that I saw someone holding my book. 

Dahil sa totoo lang, sa dami ng mga bookshelves na nandito ay walang naka-display na libro ko. So there's a bitter aftertaste whenever I see the books on the shelves, lalo na yung mga bagong libro pa lang dahil nauna pa sila sa libro kong mas matagal nang nakaimprinta rito. 

"Hala. . ." she softly said. "Sorry, ayaw mo bang nagpapapirma? Hindi ko naman ito ibebenta! Personal copies ko lahat ito! Hinanap ko pa sa mga bookstores malapit sa amin."

"T-thank you," I cried hard. "Thank you for supporting my books."

"Huy, 'wag kang iiyak!" She panicked. "Iiyak din ako 'te! Mababaw lang luha ko, promise! Dati nung nakapatay ako ng langgam, ginawan ko pa siya ng sarili n'yang burol kasi paano naman yung mga naiwan n'yang kapamilya? Naku, makukunsensya ako kung umiiyak ka dahil sa akin!"

I hugged her tight as I started to cry in her arms. "You're too kind! Sobrang salamat!"

She hugged me back. She gently puts her hand in an up and downward motion. "Ano ka ba? It's nothing! If you need someone to talk to, you can always reach out!"

"I've heard. . ." humihikbing sambit ko. "In-offer-an ka rin daw ni Killian? Pero tinanggihan mo rin?"

She shrugged. "Oo, aba! Sabi ko sa kan'ya kung ma-chuchupa ko ba 'yang milyones n'ya? Kasi yung anak n'ya kaya kong chupa-in. Mahaba ang difference!"

Nanglaki ang mga mata ko. "W-what?!"

Her eyebrows furrowed as her lips settled on a pout. "Mukha ba akong mauuto sa pera? At kamukha ko ba si Mama Mary? Maling babae yata in-offer-an n'ya kasi yung anak n'ya mahilig sa mukhang santa. Eh, ako, mukhang santanas lang eh."

"Hindi ko naman kamukha si Mama Mary. . ." I mumbled.

She squinted her eyes. "Ano?"

I licked my lips. "I'm just happy that. . .you were able to fight for your love."

"Di rin," she sneered scornfully.  "ano namang laban ko kung nilalaban ko nga pero siya mismo sumusuko? Kapagod din."

"Huwag mo sana siya sukuan. . ." I said softly.

She sighed and her eyes finally showed how it was teeming with exhaustion. "Pagod na rin ako lumaban sa isang digmaan na hindi ko naman teritoryo."