Chapter 25
. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

I could taste the bitterness from his voice. It was a silent sting from a jellyfish, it felt like he didn't mean to hurt me but I came across him in the wrong way.

Napalunok naman ako. Hindi ko rin alam ang isasagot. I didn't want to refute him or have an argument with him. I knew that anything that may come out from my mouth would only fuel the fire between us.

"Kiran," I sighed exasperatedly. "You won't understand—"

"Well, I truly don't!" His voice thundered across the room. "Dahil pakiramdam ko ang hina ko sa paningin mo. Pakiramdam ko ay ang baba ng tingin mo sa pagmamahal ko sa 'yo. You know what hurts the most? I'd go to a war for you but fuck it, ikaw mismo ang babaril sa akin!"

The betrayal was melding with his voice. Nararamdaman ko ang poot n'ya para sa sitwasyon naming dalawa. Kahit ako ay nanatiling tuod sa aking pwesto. I couldn't move an inch because I was afraid that it would reveal how weak I feel right now. My knees were buckling, not because of fear, but because of the reality that he might be right about everything and I wasted our chance together.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice," his voice softened. He blew out some air. "But you're quite unfair, mas naniniwala ka pa sa politikong corrupt kaysa sa akin?"

"Kiran. . ."

"Ni hindi ka pa nga sinasayawan ng budots, naniwala ka na agad?" He scoffed.

Napailing na lang ako sa kan'ya.

"If I told you everything. . .you think you'd be able to handle it?" saad ko sa kan'ya.

"I can handle everything so long as you are with me," mahinang sambit n'ya. There was a shift in his gaze. "Ikaw lang naman yung walang tiwala sa akin."

"Your father would use me against you," my voice croaked. He's too powerful. Mayaman at maraming connections sa iba't ibang tao. I don't dare to defy him but I wouldn't want to work against him as well, lalo na maraming madadamay kung sakali sa panig ko.

"Let him," he hissed slowly. "I dare him to do it."

"Easy for you to say—"

"Everything was easy when I was with you," marahang sabi n'ya at tumitig sa akin. "It was easy to breathe. It was easy to move. It was easy to live. You made me think that finally. . .after a very long time, I have something to look forward to, in this life."

My lips pressed in a thin line. Ramdam ko ang bawat bitaw n'ya ng mga salita. Para akong nagbukas ng dam ng mga emosyon dahil hindi n'ya pinipigilan ang sarili n'yang sabihin ang mga salitang hindi n'ya nasabi noon. Maybe because. . .he had already moved on from me.

My breathing hitched. "Your father would go through any lengths to make you obey him. At paano kung ako ang maging dahilan para mapasunod ka n'ya sa gusto n'ya?!"

He snickered and shook his head. "Bobo ba ako sa paningin mo? Athanacia? You think I'd fall for it? To hell with him! Edi subukan n'ya. But it wasn't enough reason for you to leave me knowing fully well that I loved you."

"He'll be able to manipulate you!"

"I don't care."

Umiling ako. "Madali lang para sa 'yo ang isipin dahil hindi ikaw ang gagamitin n'ya! He can use me as leverage and what? You can't defy him anymore!"

"At this point, you're just trying to find any excuse on why you left me," he sneered and his eyes stared daggers at me. "Dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko hahayaan idamay ka n'ya. He isn't the only one who's building connections, and I'm sure that he's afraid of not leaving any legacy on."

My eyes faltered as the pain on my chest once again blossomed. "You were hurting when you were with me. . ."

"I was hurting but fuck it, I was with you," nanghihinang sambit n'ya. His eyes started to get red on the side. "Kaya huwag mong sabihin na 'yon ang tamang desisyon no'ng panahon na 'yon. Dahil kung ako ang tatanungin? I wouldn't leave you alone knowing that you were hurting as well. Ikamamatay kong makitang nasasaktan ka at mag-isa noon, Nacia. Kaya hindi ko alam paano mo kinayang iwan ako mag-isa habang nasasaktan sa ginagawa mo."

My shoulders sagged as my voice cracked. "I h-have to go."

Ngumisi siya nang mapakla sa akin. "Dito ka talaga magaling ano? Takasan yung mga bagay na alam mong makakasakit sa 'yo? And maybe that's why you write as well. . .to escape your reality. You like to run off from your problems instead of facing them head on. Kaya ka umalis sa inyo, 'di ba? Kasi di mo kaya komprontahin mga magulang mo. Kaya rin iniwan mo ako, hindi dahil nagaalala ka sa akin, pero dahil ayaw mong harapin yung mga problema nating dalawa."

My eyes started to sting, as if it was triggered to produce tears. Nanatili akong tahimik habang pinapakinggan siya. The wind was with us as it blew air in our direction. Nakikidalamhati sa lamig ng relasyon naming dalawa.

"You'd rather create a make-believe version of what's in front of you instead of facing the harsh truth," sambit n'ya sa akin. "I want to see you succeed at writing, dahil naniniwala akong magaling ka talaga. . .pero ang galing mo rin manakit."

"Kiran. . ."

He smiled bitterly at me. "I wanted to be fucking happy for you; pero nanghihinayang lang ako na kaya kong maubos para sa isang tao na ang bilis akong bitawan."

. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

The realization that Kiran was right all along made my stomach churned in acid. Maybe I didn't fight for him, and I only wanted to find a reason for me to escape being hurt as well. Siguro nga ay takot akong masaktan noon kaya mabilis para sa akin ang umalis sa sitwasyon. I thought it was for him. . .but it was truly just because I couldn't handle my emotions well and my situation at that time wasn't ideal.

Napabuntonghininga na lang ako nang pumunta muli sa pantry. I want to drink. Naabutan ko roon si Rien na kumakain ng biscuit, yung biscoff.

He blinked at me. "Oh? Pugto na naman 'yang mata mo. Boksingero ka ba?"

I smiled weakly. "May yelo pa ba?"

He nodded and went to the refrigerator to check. Ilang beses siyang lumingon sa akin para tingnan kung gaano kapugto ang mga mata ko.

I like how Rien doesn't ask why I cried. Mas tinatanong n'ya pa kung bakit it namamaga, na para bang binibigyan n'ya ako ng pagkakataon kung magsasabi ba ako ng totoo sa kan'ya o gagawa ng dahilan dahil nahihiya akong umamin na umiyak na naman ako.

"Biscoff?" anyaya n'ya sa akin. "Mag-merienda ka muna bago ka makipagsapakan ulit."

"Hindi ako nakikipagsapakan."

"Pero palagi kang mukhang may black eye," puna n'ya sa akin. He went to the countertop and got some biscuits for me.

My lips curled into a pout. "Sorry kung pangit ako dahil sa eyebags ko."

"Di ah," he glanced at me. "Maganda ka."

"Thanks."

Biglang natawa si Rien at napailing. He gave me some biscuits and ice once again. Tinanggap ko naman ito.

"Ni-release na pala ang schedule natin," Rien said as he scrolled through his phone. "We're currently still at pre-production; the only difference is we already have a director. Usually, script muna o concept ang nabubuo bago kumukuha ng director, but in our case, nauna si Kiran na piliin."

"Buo naman na ang concept 'di ba?" tanong ko kay Rien.

Tumango siya. "Yup. It's about a love story between a script writer and a director but the movie starts off with them being exes, tapos unti-unting malalaman ang dahilan ng break up nila."

"Bakit ba sila nag-break?"

"Ang tinitingnan kong anggulo ay creative differences, o p'wede rin socio-economic reason. The typical rich prey on poor trope, tapos saka na lang natin mas palalimin kapag mas kilala na natin yung mga characters," sagot ni Rien. "That's what The Script of Us lacked."

"What?"

"Parang hilaw pa yung story," sabi ni Rien sa akin. "The writer fell in love with the director, and then what? They created a movie out of their love. Parang may kulang. Parang stagnant. Wala silang growth. Ang tanging sugat nila ay sa writer lang din, hindi masyado nagtuon ng pansin sa director."

My heart hammered against my chest. Totoo 'yon dahil ang tanging focus ko lang naman noon ay ang pananaw ko. I didn't think director was the main character. . .but only as a supporting character. Kaya siguro hilaw dahil parang umikot lang yung kwento sa writer.

"I thought we could focus on the writer so we could write easily, but I think we can also go through the lens of the director this time," sabi ni Rien at tumitig sa akin. "Okay lang sa 'yo yun?"

Unti-unti akong tumango. A small smile smeared on his lips. "Dahil d'yan date raw tayo nila Kiran."

"W-what?"

"I mean. . .para maisip na natin yung mga kulang sa concept," sabi ni Rien at bahagyang nagkibit ng balikat. "Wala kaming nabubuo kapag kaming dalawa lang dahil madalas siyang nonchalant."

"Oh, bakit hindi ikaw ang unang kumausap?"

He shrugged. "Ano siya? Chicks? Ugali na nga lang n'ya, di rin maganda eh."

Napakamot na lang ako ng ulo. Ang labo rin kausap nitong isang ito eh. Pareho silang pride ang inuuna sa pinapairal.

We attempted to reach out to Kiran, but his phone was not answering. Kaya naman imbis na makapag-brainstorm kaming dalawa ni Rien ay nagikot-ikot na lang kaming dalawa sa mall.

"May pangalan na ba mga bida natin?"

Rien cocked his head. "You want to name them? I don't think Kiran would mind."

Napanguso ako. "Ano bang mga ugali nila? I want their names to be associated with their personalities."

Si Kia at Nate kasi ay galing lang naman sa first letters ng name namin ni Kiran. Kung uulitin ko 'yon, baka isipin na naman ni Kiran ay hindi pa ako nakaka-move on sa aming dalawa.

Hindi pa nga.

Pero sa akin na 'yon.

He doesn't have to know about my lingering feelings. Ayoko rin makasira ng relasyon ng ibang tao. Mukhang masaya rin naman na siya sa bagong girlfriend n'ya eh. I also felt his deep resentment for what I did before. I'm already lucky to work with him with this project.

Napadayo kami sa Filbar's at nagtingin ng mga figurines. Pero nangliit ang mga mata ko dahil mga naka-box halos lahat. Paano ko malalaman alin yung design na gusto ko riyan?

"Bakit ginigatekeep?" Kumunot ang noo ko at inalog-alog yung box. Paano ko malalaman yung laman nito? P'wede ba buksan?

"Blind box po 'yan," sabi sa akin nung bantay. She smiled at me. "Baka gusto n'yo pong boyfriend n'yo ang kumuha para sa inyo. Madalas sila ang swerte."

"Gano'n po ba?" Lalong kumunot ang noo ko. Paano kung walang boyfriend? Sorry, next time na lang? Idaan na lang sa prayers?

Ngumuso yung sales lady kay Rien na mukhang naghahanap din ng pagkakagastusan. Natatawa ako dahil imbis na sa figurine nakatingin yung mga tao rito, sa kan'ya sila nakatitig. He was really that good looking. He didn't have to try hard, nakaputing t-shirt lang siya at black shorts na hanggang tuhod n'ya.

Lumapit ako kay Rien. Agad naman siyang lumingon sa akin. I looked hopeful while tugging his t-shirt to the direction of the blind boxes.

"Yes?"

"Pahiram muna ng kamay," I smiled at him. "Pili-an mo ako."

His lips went apart before he cleared his throat. "Saan?"

Tinuro ko roon yung mga semi-kalbo na figurine. I find it cute because kasing-buhok nila si Rien. Mga halos kamukha n'ya rin. Baka tyanak ni Rien siguro ang mga ito?

Tahimik na namili si Rien ng mga blind box. Tatlo ang kinuha n'ya tapos binayaran agad. My lips parted as I followed him on the counter.

"Bakit tatlo?"

"Para 'I Love You'," nakakalokong ngiti ni Rien kaya naman siniko ko siya.

Ang mga sales lady naman ay parang kiti-kiting kinilig. Ang bilis naman nilang maniwala!

"Ewan ko sa 'yo."

He shrugged. "Tatlo na lang kasi ang nandoon kaya kinuha ko na lahat. Ayoko may ma-iwan. Baka maging sad siya. Tapos i-overthink n'ya gabi-gabi kung bakit hindi siya pinili."

"Blind box lang 'yan?" My lips formed into an 'o'.

"Kahit ang mga bulag na kahon ay may feelings din, Nacia," he stifled a laugh which made me chortled in return.

"Sorry po kung inaalog ko kayo kanina," I playfully went along and whispered to the boxes. "Nahilo po ba kayo?"

Napailing na lang si Rien at lumabas na kami upang bumalik ng office. May isang oras pa kasing natitira. Doon na lang namin bubuksan yung mga blind boxes.

When we went back. Excited ako sa pagu-unbox pero halos nanglaki ang mga mata ko nang hinayaan ko si Rien ang unang magbukas ng kahon para sa aming dalawa. Ngiting-ngiti ako habang si Rien ay busy sa pagbubukas. Natigilan siya at napatitig sa akin. His eyes went momentarily stuck on me.

"Hm?" I looked up to him. Malaki pa rin ang ngiti. "Di mo pa bubuksan?"

"Bubuksan na. . ." he drawled and once again brought his attention back to the box.

The first box had a cute figurine. It looked shy with flowers on its back. Cute na cute siya para sa akin dahil kamukhang-kamukha ni Rien! Medyo dust blue ang damit at puti ang buhok. The expression of the figurine reminds me of Rien so much, observant and aloof. Mukhang torpe ang unang anak namin ni Rien.

"Oh wow!" I giggled. "Ang cute n'ya!"

"You want to keep it?" Ngiti ni Rien. Umangat ang tingin sa akin. Natutuwa ako dahil ingat na ingat siya sa paghawak ng figurine, parang sanggol talaga ang nasa mga kamay n'ya.

"Ikaw nagbayad eh. . ."

Nakakahiya naman angkinin. Pero ang ganda ng nabunot n'ya! Sa susunod ay palagi ko na siyang dadalhin sa mga 'yon. Manghihiram lang ng swerte dahil wala pa naman akong boyfriend.

"Yeah," Rien nodded and his lips pursed. "Mag-coparent na lang tayo."

Tumango-tango naman ako. "Sige, panganay natin 'yan. Ako naman ang bibili ng lalagyan n'ya. Sa acrylic na lang ano?"

"What the fuck?"

Napalingon kami sa nagsalita. It was Kiran who had his brows arched together. Bahagyang nagtagis ang bagang n'ya na tila ba hindi siya natutuwa. Oh? Bakit kaya? Ang pangit ng timpla ng mukha n'ya ngayon.

"Tangina n'yong dalawa, bumubuo na kayo ng pamilya d'yan ah," sumilip si Mineth mula sa likod ni Kiran. Nangingiti ito habang nagtataas-baba ng kilay.

"Pamilya?" Kiran sneered, he was obviously displeased.

"Yeah," Rien bobbed his head. "Meet our panganay."

Pinakita ni Rien yung figurine sa kanila. Lalong nagtagis ang bagang ni Kiran at lalong natawa si Mineth.

"Dalawang oras lang naman nawala si Kiran," Mineth chuckled. "Nakabuo na kayo agad? At kamukha pa ni Cio!"

Ngumiti ako. "We'll name him Riencio, then."

Umiling si Rien at ngumisi. "Fine, pero sana yung susunod ay kamukha mo."

Tumili-tili si Mineth at hinampas-hampas si Kiran, na mukhang natatae dahil sa ekspresyon. Pinaghalong inis at naguguluhan ang naghahari sa kan'yang mukha ngayon.

Kiran scoffed at us. "Tapos ang pangalan ay Nacia Kalbo?"

"Hala kayo, inunahan n'yo pa kasi magkaanak si Kiran," pilyang sambit ni Mineth. "May naiinggit tuloy. Gusto mo rin ng anak kay Nacia, Kiran? O baka kay Cio?"

My eyes turned to slits as my attention slowly went towards Kiran. Pero totoo rin naman, halos semi-kalbo ang mga buhok ng mga figurine na ito. Kaya naman kung magkakaroon ako ng kamukha sa mga figurine, siguro nga ay Nacia Kalbo ang pangalan.

Rien looked at Kiran and gently let the figurine bow on the knuckles of Kiran, tila ba nagmamano ito sa kan'ya. "Mano raw po, ninong."