Chapter 20

. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

I am good with words but with apologies? Kung mali ang hindi marunong humingi ng tawad, ako na ang makasalanan.

Nauna si Cio sa akin papunta sa conference room, sinusundan ang tinatahak na daan ni Alejandro. Mukhang napikon ko yata siya dahil sa sinabi ko. In my defense, I was just curious! At hindi ko naman alam na siya si tocrescent. Because I thought tocrescent was a girl. . .and she's the one who's with Kiran. Akala ko pa nga jowa ni Kiran si Cio eh, aanakan n'ya pa ng lima!

Edi sino 'yon 'di ba? Guni-guni lang namin? Multo? Nilalaro na lang ba ako ng isip ko?

Bakit ba hindi ko naisip na lalaki si Cio? His name says it all. Pero kapag nakikita ko naman ang mga tawag sa kan'ya ng readers n'ya, they refer to him as Mx. Cio, kaya hindi ko alam na lalaki pala siya.

Napailing-iling ako. I turned the door knob and went inside the conference room as well. Namataan ko si Mineth na agad nanglaki ang mga mata sa akin. She pointed towards the seat beside her, motioning me to move towards it. Tumango naman ako at unti-unting napaupo nang makalapit na sa kan'ya.

"Sino yung pogi?" Hagikhik ni Mineth at kinurot pa ako.

Ngumiwi ako sa kan'ya. "'Yan talaga ang unang bungad mo sa akin?"

"Sawa na ako sa mukha mo at sa mukha ni Ruby," she hissed then looked at Cio who comfortably sat on the end of the table. "Gusto ko naman ng mukhang ikakama ako."

"Mukhang matatakot siya sa 'yo," sikmat ko kay Mineth. She glared at me in response.

Lumingon ako kay Cio. And he was already staring at me with his deep set eyes. Malalim ang titig n'ya na tila ba pinagaaralan ako. I don't know if it's because of what happened earlier, pero ramdam ko hanggang ngayon ang pagkapahiya sa nangyari. I looked down in response to his intense stare.

The door slightly went ajar and a familiar built came in. His hair was a bit messy, naka-polong itim siya na nakatupi ang sleeves hanggang siko, at naka-itim na slacks. Kiran Conjuanco gazed at me coldly before sitting down in front of me.

Napalunok ako dahil. . .hindi siya pagkain pero titikman—nakakainis talaga nahahawa na ako kina Ruby! Hindi naman ako bastos dati eh.

"Pangit ba gising ng isang 'yon?" bulong ni Mineth sa akin, pertaining to Kiran.

"Hindi talaga maganda ang umaga n'ya palagi," sabi ko nang maalala na no'ng unang kita namin, nasungitan n'ya rin ako dahil bagong gising siya.

"Ah, baka kasi hindi ikaw ang katabi kaya hindi maganda ang gising," hagikhik ni Mineth.

"May girlfriend siya. . ." saway ko kay Mineth.

"Ah edi pangit umaga kasi di katabi girlfriend," she shrugged off. She threw a look at me and I scowled at her.

Siguro nga.

Maalaga naman kasi talaga si Kiran pagdating sa girlfriend n'ya. I can attest to that. I knew how. . .he can love as fierce as a burning torch. Kaya nga hindi ko rin itatanggi ang panghihinayang ko na mabilis kaming naupos.

When he caught me staring at him, he lifted an eyebrow which automatically made me avert my sight away from him.

Why was I punishing myself like this?

"Hello," Ma'am Lorraine smiled as she sat beside Kiran. Doon ako nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib, hindi kasama ni Kiran ang girlfriend n'ya.

I can accept that he has a new girlfriend but seeing them together is another story. Alam kong makirot pa rin sa dibdib ko kung posibleng makita silang magkasama.

Sa utak ko, hindi ko maiwasan gawan ng kwento yung girlfriend n'ya. She must probably be from an influential family, or perhaps she's a model? Kinausap din kaya siya ni Senator Conjuanco? The thoughts were swirling like leaves blown by wind inside my head.

"So, Nacia's here to guide Cio, in script writing," Ma'am Lorraine's voice went a little higher, emphasizing to capture my attention.

"Bakit? Doesn't he write scripts?" tanong ni Kiran at napalingon kay Cio.

"I don't," Cio answered flatly. "And that's where I'll voice my question as well. Bakit ako ang napili n'yo? If the context clues are correct, Nacia's the one who's a script writer."

Hindi sila sumagot. Nanatiling tahimik ang buong kwarto. Alam ko naman ang sagot sa tanong nila. I wasn't really a known writer to begin with, and even if I managed to outsell most of my books, I was still considered as a hidden gem for most. Hindi tulad ni Cio na kahit yata pirma lang ang ibenta, may bibili pa rin.

I didn't want to accept it at first but maybe it was true that sometimes passion isn't enough and even hard work wouldn't sustain.

I smiled. "I have a lot on my plate right now. Kaya hanggang tulong lang ang kaya ko ibigay."

Cio's defined brows furrowed. I could see that he didn't believe me. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit gusto n'yang ako ang magsulat, isn't this an opportunity for him as well? If this was offered to me, with the right price, hindi ko rin naman tatanggihan.

"So, magkasama silang dalawa?" Tumikhim si Kiran. His eyes coldly looked at us.

"Yes," sagot ni Ma'am Lorraine. "Nacia will guide Cio, but the story will be purely written by Cio. Unless, you already have a story in mind? P'wede naman natin sundan na lang 'yon."

I saw how Cio scoffed at that statement. Hindi ko maiwasan ang maintindihan ang naging reaksyon n'ya. It was as if his name was just being dragged into the project. Iniisip ko nga na totoo pala na director mismo ang nasusunod kung saan ang direksyon ng isang script.

"I don't mind. . .kung siya ang magsusulat," Kiran glanced at Cio. May halo itong paninimbang kaya naman nagtaas din ng kilay si Cio sa kan'ya.

Sige lang, magsungitan lang silang dalawa. Ang pusta ko ay kay Kiran dahil walang tatalo sa sama ng ugali n'ya. Cio looks aloof but he seemed to be more civil than Kiran. Si Kiran ay papalapit ka pa lang ay nagsusungit na agad eh.

It's weird that Kiran looks like he is surprised to see Cio in person. Siguro nga ay hindi n'ya rin alam na lalaki ito, kahit naman ako ay ngayon lang din nalaman na lalaki pala siya. Yet, I don't really think it's the issue here.

"Bale, magkasama silang dalawa kapag gagawa ng script?" tanong ni Kiran. "Si Cio at si. . .Nacia."

I sucked in a breath. His voice always felt velvety in my ears. Lalo na kapag pangalan ko ang binabanggit n'ya. Hindi ko maiwasan ang mapangiti dahil noon ay may halo itong lambing kapag binabanggit n'ya ang aking pangalan. But now, it was purely out of courtesy.

Cio frowned. "May masama ba kung magkasama kaming gagawa ng script? Paulit-ulit mo kasing tinatanong."

Kiran shrugged. "I'm just asking, kung kayong dalawa lang?"

Cio playfully smirked. "Oo, kaming dalawa lang. Bawal ba?"

Lalong dumilim ang ekspresyon ni Kiran. It was as if he wanted to say something but he bit his lower lip to suppress his words. He tilted his head and plastered an annoyed scowl on his face. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay nahuli siya ni Cio sa isang bitag.

The meeting proceeded and I took down notes. Hindi ko maiwasan ang ma-distract minsan dahil panay tingin sa akin ni Kiran. Nahuhuli ko siya minsan pero nagpapanggap na lang akong hindi ko alam. It was hard to ignore his lingering stare because I can feel it pricking my skin. And when the meeting was finally adjourned, I started to stretch a bit because I was sitting for hours.

"Are you sure you're taking this project?" Malamig na wika ni Kiran. He was looking at me with pure disdain that I could feel the panic surging inside my chest.

"Oo naman," I tried my best to smile. " Sayang din kasi kung sakali. Extra income rin at makakatulong pa ako sa una mong pelikula."

His eyes squinted at what I said. Hindi ko alam pero rumihistro sa mukha n'ya ang dismaya. Hindi ko alam. . .gusto ba n'yang umalis ako sa una n'yang pelikula? Maybe he didn't want me to be a part of his first film's credits.

Pinilit kong palawakin ang aking ngiti. "Huwag kang magalala. I won't be part of your first film. Hindi ako hihingi ng credits. Okay na ako sa mababayaran sa pagtulong kay Cio. Si tocrescent lang ang kikilalanin na writer ng una mong pelikula."

I thought he would be relieved to hear it from me. Pero lalo nanuot ang sakit sa kan'yang ekspresyon. He smirked sarcastically while shaking his head.

"I don't really care about that," malamig n'yang bigkas. "Mas nagaalala ako na mang-iwan ka na naman sa ere. Tutal, doon ka pa naman magaling."

Ouch.

His eyes pierced through me, as if he was watching me suffer from his words. He didn't have to press the wounds that hard. . .he knew that I would still bleed from it. Sinubukan kong hindi masaktan sa sinabi n'ya pero naiintindihan ko rin kung saan siya nanggagaling. I couldn't blame him for feeling that way.

"I won't," tipid kong sagot kahit ramdam ko ang hapdi sa aking dibdib. "Sana hindi kita mabigo, Kiran."

"I hope you don't fucked this up, Athanacia," he said before gathering his materials and quietly left me.

It hardened my heart to hear those words from him. Alam ko na galit siya sa akin at kung tutuusin nga ay professional pa rin naman siya. He didn't voice out his distaste in front of others. Kung tutuusin ay p'wede n'ya ako ipatanggal agad kung gugustuhin n'ya dahil siya naman ang inaalagaan dito.

I sighed as I went outside the conference room. Nakita ko si Mineth na may dala-dalang kape. Right, she went to get the free drinks from Ma'am Lorraine. Ngumiti agad sa akin si Mineth at lumapit upang i-abot ang kape sa kan'yang kamay.

"Two old friends—" she sang, which I stopped almost immediately by hushing her.

"Walang gano'n," I shook my head. "He hates me. Halata naman eh, buti nga kanina ay hindi nag-walk out agad."

"Nagpapakipot lang 'yon," Mineth shrugged.

"May girlfriend nga."

"Ayun lang," she sighed. "Doon ka na lang kay Cio! Ang gwapo pala no'n, ano? Hindi halata sa kan'ya na malulungkot halos yung mga natatapos n'yang mga nobela."

"Grabe ka naman parang sinabi mo na rin na kailangan malungkutin din siya."

Napalingon tuloy ako sa paligid namin at napagtantuan na nawala bigla si Cio. He didn't even bid goodbye. Siguro nga ay mahiyain siya o di kaya masungit din kaya may sariling mundo. I wonder if this project will be smooth? Sana naman ay walang away na mangyari sa aming dalawa dahil ayoko naman kumalaban ng isang kapwa manunulat, mamaya ay gawin n'ya akong kontrabida sa mga susunod n'yang nobela eh.

⊹ . ₊˖

Sumisingaw ang amoy ng niluluto kong porkchop habang nakatitig ako sa aking cellphone. I was currently in our shared space, sa condo unit namin ni Mineth. She was outside, taking a quick errand to buy some soft drinks. Bibisita raw kasi mamaya si Ruby sa amin.

Kiran:
I'd like to get involved with the writers. Thanks.

My brows immediately knotted upon seeing his reply on our group chat. Mabuti nga't hindi n'ya ako bl-in-ock kaya naman walang awkwardness sa loob ng group chat namin para sa proyekto na 'to. Ang weird naman kasi kung naguusap sila tapos may isang tao akong di nakikita ang reply.

Was he really hands on? Bakit gusto n'yang makisali sa aming dalawa ni Cio? Or maybe he doesn't trust me? Kasi siguro naman may tiwala siya sa kakayahan ni Cio dahil siya mismo ang pumili rito.

Should I be offended?

I groaned inwardly upon realizing I was overthinking this too much.

"In short, gusto kong makabalikan si Nacia! Pakipot pa si gago!" Ruby snapped her fingers when I told her about Kiran's reply. "Pakiramdam ko 'yan ang hidden meaning ng reply n'ya. Because Jakob and Diether are not even involved with the writers of the films they produce."

"Assistant Director pa lang naman silang dalawa," sabi ni Mineth. "Pero oo nga, hindi sila nakikialam sa development at sa pre-production na nagsisimula. Hands on ba talaga 'yan si Kiran?"

"Hands on kay Nacia," tukso ni Ruby.

"Gago, may girlfriend nga raw," saway ni Mineth.

"Hoy? Tangina n'yo naman? Baka tamang hinala lang kayo ah," Ruby snickered. "Malay n'yo naman kaibigan na babae lang. Mukhang lowkey nga lang din 'yan si Kiran magmula nang sumikat eh."

"Maganda eh," ani Mineth. "Writer din yata. Curious lang ako kung sino sa mga manunulat ng Likha. Si ano kaya 'yon? Ibong adarna?"

"Ibong perlas zero four something tapos may underscore," I said, trying to remember her username. Bored kaya siya nung ginawa n'ya yung username n'ya? Ang haba eh.

"Right," Mineth nodded. "Pero seryoso? Edi threesome pala kayong tatlo if ever?"

I scoffed at her term. "Third wheel namin si Kiran, pero baka nga ako pa ang third wheel dahil duda akong kakausapin ako ni Kiran."

He's professional, alright. Pero hindi ko rin masisigurado na hindi lalabas ang sungay n'ya kapag magkausap kaming dalawa. Pakiramdam ko nga ay nagtitimpi lang siya nung huling usap namin. He was probably itching to go out of the room just to avoid me.

"Bale may kwento na talaga si Kiran ano? Si Cio lang ang magsusulat para sa marketing strategy na rin?"

I shook my head. "I have no idea. Sana nga hindi ma-offend si Cio."

We received a few story pitches for the development. Kadalasan na tiga-approve lang si Kiran, samantalang ako ay naghihintay lang matapos sila sa pagpili ng storyang gagawan namin ng script.

Lorraine:
Batangas ang location ng story?

I guess if you'll have a vacation near the area, your creative juices will be squeezed. P'wede ba kayo sa weekend, @everyone?

I moistened my lips. Mukhang malaki ang budget nila para sa project na ito. They're basically making sure that Kiran was comfortable with everything. Halos isubo na lang lahat sa kan'ya ang gusto n'ya.

Kiran:
That'll be great.
Thanks.

Nakakapanibago ang mga reply n'ya. I miss him being more carefree and laidback. When he used to send cat emoticons and didn't really think about his response thoroughly. Pero siguro dahil work naman itong pinaguusapan kaya mas pormal ang mga nagiging sagot n'ya.

Maybe, in general, I really just miss him.

Nacia:
Okay lang po sa akin.

Rien:
👍

Rien? I checked his full name. Oh, Rien Crecensio pala. Kaya siguro tocrescent ang pen name n'ya.

I looked at the profile of Cio, who goes by his first name in public. Pinindot ko ang 'View Facebook profile' pero dahil sa madulas na screen ay napindot ko ang 'Audio call' which sent me in a frenzy as I immediately cancelled the call. Kabadong-kabado ako habang nakatitig sa mismong cellphone ko.

Rien messaged me as soon as my face went completely blanched.

Rien:
ang halata? haha
di ko inakalang mahilig ka pala sa goodnight call

Nacia:
Sorry. 😭🥹

Rien:
np
are you comfortable with the vacation setup?
yayain mo na lang yung kaibigan mo na babae na sumama para di awkward para sa 'yo

Nacia:
Hala, 'wag mo ako masyado isipin. 🥹 Salingkit lang naman talaga ako e.
Thanks for worrying?? I appreciate it po.

Rien:
lol
type ka yata ni Kiran
gut feeling lang haha

My cheeks went crimson. Hindi na nga type e, nasa stage na kami na sana hindi na lang n'ya ako nakilala. Maling kuwento ang naiisip ni Rien.

Nacia:
Malabo.

Rien:
you should see how he looks at you tho

there's yearning whenever he looks at you; as if you were the reflection of his lost joys.

crush ka yata eh hahaha

Nacia:
Hindi gano'n 'yon.
Baka nga galit 'yon sa akin.

I found myself having a comfortable conversation with Rien. Siguro dahil hindi n'ya alam ang tungkol sa amin kaya mas wala siyang paghuhusga sa pagkukwento ko. I knew that if I told my other friends about this, alam ko naman na sasabihin nilang mali ako dahil natakot ako kay Senator Conjuanco at nagpadala sa nararamdaman na galit.

I wished I could have been more kinder to Kiran during those days.

Nagsimula na ako magempake nang mapagdesisyunan nilang ituloy ang pagbabakasyon sa isla kung saan magkakaroon ng shooting para sa pini-pitch naming story. It was a love story between a writer. . .and a director; which made me reminisce about my first written script. Hindi ko maiwasan na ikumpara ito.

Magkatabi dapat kami ni Cio—Rien, dahil mas sanay siyang tawagin sa pangalan na 'yon. It would also be awkward to call him by his pen name, lalo na't anonymous writer pa siya. Kaso, nagulat na lang kami nang may pumagitnang gamit sa aming dalawa.

"Pinapalagay ni Kiran, marami raw kasing gamit sa likod eh," sabi ni Mineth at tinitigan pa ako na para bang may pinaparating siya.

I only raised an eyebrow at her. Umusog tuloy ako dahil nagkaroon ng puwang sa gitna namin ni Rien. I saw Kiran's smirk slowly forming in his ethereal face, parang demonyong napagbigyan.

"Parang gago naman, gumagawa siya ng sarili n'yang ikaseselos," Rien scoffed then proceeded to take most of the weight of the bag. "Hindi ba masikip d'yan sa pwesto mo?"

I shook my head. "Okay lang ako. Ikaw ba? Masikip ka?"

Rien momentarily blinked his eyes and chuckled. "Di rin."

Lumingon sa amin ni Kiran, pero agad din siyang tumalikod. Ewan ko ba rito, kulang na lang ay siya na mismo ang pumagitna sa aming dalawa ni Rien. Hindi mapanatag na magkatabi kaming dalawa ng favorite author n'ya eh.

Umangat ang tingin ko kay Rien. "Ah, Cio. . .I mean, Rien. Saan mo nakilala si Kiran? I think he likes your novels. He asked for you, specifically."

He barely shrugged. "I doubt."

"Magaling ka naman," I smiled at him. "Kaya nga nung sinabi sa akin na ikaw ang kukunin, hindi na ako nagtaka."

"Hindi naman n'ya ako kinuha dahil gusto n'ya ang mga sinusulat ko," he said then glanced at me. "I doubt that he even knew tocrescent beforehand."

"Anong ibig mong sabihin?" My forehead knotted.

"He specifically just told Likha that he wanted to work with a male writer," sabi ni Rien. "Kahit sino, basta lalaki. I don't know if he's against female writers or not. Ang babaw n'ya naman kasi kung gano'n. . .pero baka nasaktan 'yon ng babaeng writer? May ex siguro na writer."

I almost choke out of my own saliva. "Di naman siguro. . ."

"Lalim ng tinatanim n'yang galit eh." He chuckled playfully. "Maybe he didn't want to have any female writer besides her; 'yun lang naman ang nasa isip ko."

"Duda ako," I pursed my lips.

Ngumisi lang si Rien bilang tugon sa akin. Napalingon ako kay Kiran na ngayon ay nakasuot na ng kan'yang mga headphones at mukhang umidlip muna.

We arrived at the resort around 4 p.m. and we explored some of the amenities before going to our rooms. Nagyaya sila na pumunta munang bayan para makapamili ng mga kailangan pa namin. And we were trying to explore the place so we opted to also try some of the public vehicles.

Sumakay na kami sa jeep at medyo malapit ako sa may driver dahil ako ang naunang pumasok, ako na rin ang nagtanong kung magkano ang fare namin.

"Excuse me," wika ni Kiran at bahagyang tumabi sa akin.

I gasped and tried my best to calm down. Napatikhim ako at sinubukan ibaling sa iba ang atensyon ko.

"Magkano po pamasahe papunta sa dating kami?" seryosong saad ko sa driver kaya naman nabulunan si Mineth at nanglaki ang mga mata ni Rien sa narinig.

Oh.

Oh my god!

My cheeks heated upon repeating the words inside my head.

"Ineng, saan 'yon banda rito sa Batangas?" Tawa ni kuyang driver.

"Sorry po," I mumbled and tried to avert my gaze.

Napailing na lang si Kiran at ngumisi. Kumuha siya ng isang daan sa kan'yang bulsa at inabot ito sa driver. "Kuya, bayad po, isang naka-move on na."