Chapter 11

. ₊ ⊹ . ₊˖ . ₊

It's hard to fall in love when you are known for the overconsumption of the romantics. You believe love, among all other things, is an omnipotent emotion that pushes someone to act in such a way that is only possible because they're in love. It is only possible because they can see beauty in pain. They can see beautiful attachments in longing. They can view a thunderous storm as a promise that a rainbow will come; and all things that are shadowed in black and dire clouds will be basked in the warmth of  prismatic hues.

Yet for some reason, Kiran Lemuel Conjuanco has given me a new meaning of being romantic—it's the state of having someone to rely on. It was as if Kiran Lemuel made sure our souls were already tangled together and we are bound to voyage this life together.

"Bagay sa 'yo lahat," Kiran commented while putting the eye glasses on me. His fingers gently brushed against my cheeks.

I was facing the mirror with lights illuminating on its side. Halos nakatingin sa amin ang mga sales lady; halata sa mga titig nila kung bakit! They were ogling at Kiran. Ang mga mata ay nagsisipag-hugis puso. Halos lahat yata ng p'wedeng ipasukat sa akin ay binibigay nila para tumagal kami rito. I could even hear their earthly sighs.

"Do you like the clear ones? Or do you want thin frames?" tanong ni Kiran habang inaasikaso ako.

"Depende sa b-budget," sagot ko sa kan'ya. Sa utak ko, habang nagsusuot ako ng mga eyeglasses dito, kina-calculate ko na kung magkano ang aabutin. Sa dami ng pinasuot sa akin ni Kiran, parang uuwi akong na kahit ang paa ko ay nakasalamin na rin.

Kumunot ang noo n'ya sa akin. "Budget? Saan?"

"Mas mura yata sa kabilang optical," sabi ko sa kan'ya sa mahinang tono. "Doble ang presyo rito."

May savings naman ako. I usually don't spend a lot of money; mas inuuna ko palagi kung ano ang kailangan kaysa sa kung ano ang gusto ko.

"Lifetime naman yung repair," sagot ni Kiran. "You're paying for the aftercare as well, Nacia. It's better than the other ones. Dito ako bumili ng anti-radiation glasses ko."

"Mahal eh." Ngumuso ako sa kan'ya. "Hindi kaya ng budget ko."

Kiran stifled a laugh. "Baby, I won't let you spend a cent when you're with me."

"Ako ang gagamit, Kiran," saway ko sa kan'ya at kumunot ang noo. "Bakit ikaw ang gagastos? Bakit ikaw ang bibili? Lumalabo na rin ba mata mo?"

He pinched my nose. "Ang daming sinabi. I want to spoil you a bit. Sige na, please?"

Ngumuso ako at napailing. "Ayoko. Kung gusto mo, bibilhan mo ako ng salamin pero may ibibili rin ako na kailangan mo o gusto mo. Doon lang ako papayag."

Alam ko naman na malayo ang agwat ng socio-economic status naming dalawa. I hate that I have to be reminded of that fact because I know. . .it'll be hard to reach him. Alam ko naman kung hanggang saan lang dapat ako pero pinangarap ko pa talaga ang isang tulad n'ya.

His eyebrow rose, he smugly smiled at me. "What if you can't buy the thing that I want?"

"Huwag naman yung mahal, Kiran," I said, frankly. "Isang daan lang ang baon ko kada araw tapos kalahati no'n ay pamasahe ko na. Pero kung gusto mo talaga, susubukan kong pag-ipunan. Basta ba, ituro mo lang."

Bahagya siyang natawa. "I want a kiss, Nacia. Mahal ba ang halik mo?"

"Kiran!" My cheeks immediately warmed upon hearing those words from him. Lalo siyang humalakhak. His fingers slid around my waist which made my heart pound against my chest. Ang init ng kan'yang kamay ay ramdam ko na agad.

Ang mga nakiki-usisa na sales lady ay unti-unting nagpanggap na nagaasikaso ng mga salamin na naka-display. All of them wore reddish cheeks as well, narinig siguro ang sinabi ni Conjuanco!

"Bagay sa 'yo itong apricot," Kiran leaned forward to put another eyeglasses on me. Tinanggal n'ya muna yung naunang salamin bago dahan-dahan pinatong ang panibagong eyeglasses sa aking tainga. "Bakit ang ganda mo?"

"Kiran!" saway ko at napanguso. "Huwag mo ako landiin dito. Maraming tao. . .nakakahiya na masyado."

He shrugged off and slowly a smirk crept on his ethereal face. "What can I do? I'm proud that I admire you, Nacia. I can't help it. . .lalo na't maganda ka naman talaga."

I sighed then decided to get my prescription already. Pinaghintay ko na lang si Kiran sa gilid, sa may mga upuan. I glanced at him and saw that he was pursing his lips, para bang kahit sa loob ng mismong consultation room ay gusto n'yang pumasok para samahan ako.

I smiled to myself. How cute.

Umupo na ako sa harap ni Doktora. She examined my eyes by using a machine, and by undergoing some tests. She explained the perfect glasses for me to wear as soon as the check up was completed. Makapal na raw ang grado ko kaya mas maganda kung papanipisan na ang lens na ang ipapagawa ko.

Tumaas ang grado ko ayon sa doktora. It was probably because I don't always wear my glasses. Masama pala raw iyon. Yet, when I always wear my glasses on, nahihilo naman ako at nangangalay ang gilid ng aking tainga sa bigat ng salamin. Hassle naman kung contact lens dahil kailangan mas maging maingat ako sa paggamit nito. Ayoko naman na makatulugan na may suot na contact lens; I am usually too tired to even do the routine for it.

Handa na akong magbayad sa cashier nang harangin ako ni Kiran. He glared at me, as if I betrayed him by opening my wallet. I retracted my steps and watched him pay for my bill. Kinuha n'ya ang resibo at inabot sa akin.

"Sasamahan kita sa pagkuha nito," sabi n'ya sa akin. "I was supposed to buy you every pair of eyeglasses you've worn but it's not recommended to always switch from one eyeglass to another."

My cheeks flustered as I snatched the receipt from his hand. "Okay na yung isa lang. Saka, doble ang presyo nito kaysa sa nakasanayan ko. . .let me treat you in return. Ano ba ang gusto?"

"Kiss nga." Ngumisi siya.

"I'll give that to you for free," mahinang usal ko. "Ngayon ay sabihin mo na kung anong gusto mong ipabili?"

May pera pa akong natitira dahil siya naman ang nagbayad ng para sa salamin ko. I'm not sure what he has in mind but if in case that my money is not enough, pagiipunan ko muna at babalikan ito upang bilhin para sa kan'ya. I just hope that Kiran will wait until then.

Nakapamulsa si Kiran habang nililibot namin ang mall. I was nervous as I followed his footfalls. Halos tumitingala ako minsan para mahabol kung saan nakatuon ang mata ni Kiran. He was tall even when I'm already wearing heels.

Huminto siya sa isang maliit na kiosk. It was selling. . .keychains. Nakasabit ito sa mga wall racks at halos kakaunti na lang ang natira. I guess Kiran likes it because his eyes were glued on a small mushroom keychain. May salamin yung mushroom at nakangiti ito. Nagi-isa na lang siya sa rack at halos wala na siyang katabi. It was as if the keychain was the only one who didn't get to be picked among the other designs.

"I like this one," he chuckled, then lifted the keychain using one of his hands. "It looks like you, Nacia."

I squinted my eyes to look at the mushroom. Hindi ko alam kung malabo lang ba talaga ang mata ko ngayon dahil wala akong salamin. . .o sadyang mas malabo na ang mga mata ni Kiran sa akin. I definitely didn't look like a mushroom. Parang sinabi na rin n'yang mukha akong penis.

Ang sama talaga ng ugali.

"Mukhang ano. . ." Ngumuso ako.

"Ano?" Ngisi n'ya.

I made a face and he instantly roared in laughter. He probably already knows what's running in my head. Mukha naman kasi talagang etits. Pero cute lang na version.

"Nakakita ka na ba? Hindi pa naman ah," puna ni Kiran at kinuha yung keychain mula sa rack. "This is too small, Nacia."

"Size shamer," I outright told him.

He shrugged off. "Di ah. I've only seen mine so it's really small to compare, Nacia."

Napalunok naman ako ng bikig sa aking lalamunan. Happy thoughts, Nacia! Don't think about what he said!

Nangunot ang noo ko at nanalo ang pagiging kuryoso. "Totoo ba 'yan? You haven't seen others?"

"Hindi ko naman sinisilip yung mga umiihi sa tabi ko, Nacia." He chuckled then his brows met in the middle because of his confusion. "Why are we having this conversation?"

"E-ewan ko!"

"Gusto mo ba makakita—" He chuckled when I gently nudged him. Mukha na namang akong sinampal dahil sa sobrang pula ng mga pisngi.

"Bakit? Papakita mo ba sa 'yo?" naiinis kong saad.

"Later," he playfully said and gave a boyish grin. "Kung gusto mo."

I groaned inwardly because how could Kiran be this flirty? Para bang nag-ipon siya ng kalandian sa katawan at ngayon n'ya lang binubuhos sa akin.

I got the keychain from his hand and went over to the person who's in charge of the kiosk. Binayaran ko ito at medyo napanguso nang mapagtantuan na mura lang ito kumpara sa binili n'ya sa akin na prescribed eyeglasses. I sighed, naka-isa na naman siya sa akin.

Kinabit n'ya agad ito sa bag n'ya. He was like a kid who finally got his favorite toy. Napangiti ako nang makita na nagliliwanag ang mukha n'ya dahil sa keychain.

I never thought that some happiness doesn't require much. It only took a kechain to make him smile like he was given an expensive gift. Halos fifty pesos nga lang yung keychain.

Kiran, I often wonder, have you been neglected this much that it doesn't take a lot to make you happy? 

My lips parted upon seeing his reaction. "You like it that much?"

"It looks like you," he said, then glanced at me. "Of course, I love it."

My cheeks instantly reddened. Umiwas ako ng tingin at napanguso na lang. Tingnan mo ang isang ito, wala pang kami pero sobra na akong pinapasaya. Hindi ko pa nga hinahayaan na mangligaw talaga pero gusto ko na siya agad sagutin.

"Gusto mo ba talaga ako ligawan?" tanong ko sa mahinang tono. "I like you already."

Bigla siyang bumusangot. "I want to go through hell to have you. Gusto kong umakyat ng ligaw, gusto kong kausapin ang mga magulang mo, at gusto kong maipakilala kita. . .sa pamilya ko. I want to go through the tradition of earning your love."

Napangiti naman ako. "Kapag uuwi ako sa amin, isasama kita. Baka sakaling maalala mo rin kung saan kita unang nakilala."

"We've met before?" His lips unclasped. Bahagyang nanglaki ang mga mata n'ya. His curious dark eyes blinked a few more times.

"Oo?" I chuckled then gave a small smile. "Gusto kong malaman mo kung gaano mo ako tinulungan noon."

Ang batang Nacia ay nagsusulat pa rin dahil kay batang Kiran. She would imagine that Kiran was the main lead's love interest. Sa iba't ibang storya, iba-iba rin ang anyo ni Kiran. He would be a pilot, a seaman, a painter, or just someone plainly made to fall in love with the main character.

Kaya ngayon na sinasabi n'yang gusto n'ya ako. . .para akong nililipad sa ere. It felt surreal and a little too good to be true. Halos nakapinta na sa aking labi ang aking ngiti dahil sa mga binitiwan n'yang mga salita.

This was sailing smoothly. . .and it made me dread for the following moments to come. Masyado akong masaya. Nakakatakot.

My fear manifested as soon as I learned about Kiran's friends. Wala naman sana akong issue sa kanila. I know that Kiran can have friends that are outside our circle. Mas mabuti nga yun dahil mas maganda sana kung mas maraming makakakilala sa isang tulad n'ya. I didn't want to keep him hidden from the world.

Pero. . .ang gaganda kasi nila. I saw his friends  and they were two beautiful women. They were tagged in his recent IG story. Mukhang may pinuntahan silang tatlo. I'd like to believe that it wasn't supposed to make me jealous because he asked me first if he could go out with his friends. Pumayag naman ako kahit na alam kong dalawang babae ang kasama n'ya. I didn't know that they would be drop dead gorgeous!

Nakaupo ako ngayon sa isang upuan na gawa sa kahoy sa may patio ng bahay nila Mineth. She invited me over because we have the same requirements to fulfill in one of our subjects. It required a lot of attention so she wanted to do it in a peaceful place. Sumakto naman na pumuntang Batangas ang mga magulang n'ya at nasa Manila naman ang kan'yang kapatid dahil nagaaral ito roon.

I looked into their profiles. Aziah and Charlotte were both beautiful women. I stalked them for a bit while Mineth was busy preparing our snacks. Kabado pa nga ako sa pags-scroll dahil baka may ma-like ako sa mga pictures nila.

Si Aziah ay may maikling buhok at kadalasan ay halos crop top ang suot sa mga pictures n'ya. She looked like the life of the party because most of her pictures as well are from clubs. Her body was to die for. I had baby fats so I pouted to myself. Kahit yata umupo ito ay wala siyang bilbil! Her face was charismatic enough that boys would flock on her comments. Mamimili na lang siya kung sino ang type n'ya roon.

Si Charlotte naman ay mas kakaunti ang pictures. It was often her and her beach body. Maganda rin ang hubog ng katawan n'ya, pero mas mukha siyang may kumpiyansa sa sarili kaysa kay Aziah. Aziah was only posting silhouette sometimes, si Charlotte ay buong katawan talaga ang binibida. She also screamed old rich based on her feed alone. Ang highlights n'ya ay parang globe na dahil iba't ibang flags ang nandoon. I guess she was fond of travelling.

Grabe, wala akong binatbat sa kanilang dalawa. Can I even be compared to them if they were a lot more confident than me? Bukod sa wala akong profile picture ngayon dahil wala pang okasyon na nagmukha akong maganda. . .I wasn't confident enough to let others see my body. Hindi ito kasing flawless tulad ng sa kanila.

My cheeks flushed as soon as the thought lingered in my mind. Subukan ko na lang kaya itanong kay Kiran?

Nacia:
Hello Kiran.
Bet mo ba kung naka-bikini ako sa profile picture ko?

Napakislot ako nang tumunog ang cellphone ko. I warily opened my phone and checked who called. Nakita ko ang pangalan ni Kiran kaya naman agad ko itong sinagot.

"Hello?"

"Is this a punishment?" he rasped, like he was being reprimanded. "Baby, what did I do wrong?"

Napasinghap ako. Naliliyo ako sa tono ng kan'yang boses. It was if he was afraid of losing me, para bang handa siyang magmakaawa para sa pagpapatawad ko kung sakaling malaman n'yang may di ako nagustuhan na nagawa n'ya. He's innocent right now, ako lang talaga ang nakakaramdam ng paninibugho.

"Ha?" I wetted my lips. "Hindi ah! Seryoso ako. . .kasi baka gusto mo lang yung mga pictures na gano'n kasi. . .close ka sa mga babaeng magaganda ang katawan."

The words slipped off my mouth. Napakagat ako ng aking labi. Ang daldal mo talaga, Nacia!

"Ha?" he asked, in confusion.

Napanguso ako at napabuntonghinga. "I'm sorry, Kiran. It's just probably jealousy. Ang gaganda kasi ng mga kaibigan mo."

"You feel jealous when I'm around them?" tanong ni Kiran sa mahinang tono. Para bang tinitimbang n'ya ang sitwasyon.

I sighed to myself. It was probably immature of me to feel this way. Wala pa namang koneksyon sa amin ni Kiran. Mangliligaw pa lang siya pero parang sinasakal ko na siya. I shouldn't feel this way.

"Hindi naman. . ."

"Lalayo ako sa kanila," he firmly said.

My eyes widened a fraction. "H-hindi naman kailangan! They were your friends before you met me. Hindi mo sila kailangan layuan."

"But if they make you jealous, I'd rather not be close to them than lose you," sabi ni Kiran at napabuntonghininga. "I don't want you to feel insecure. It's the least emotion that I want to make you feel."

Ngumiti ako habang nakatapat ang cellphone sa aking tainga. "No need, Kiran. They're your friends. Siguro. . .pakilala mo na lang ako? I'm sure that they're nice people."

"Hindi sila mabait, Nacia," sagot ni Kiran. "Lalo na yung Aziah?"

"Ah, baka kaya kayo friends," I replied.

Kiran's crisp laughter transversed through the line. "You're effortlessly funny, Nacia. I like that about you. But thank you for telling me about this. I appreciate your vulnerability."

"Hmm?"

"I want you to be honest with me. . .sa lahat ng bagay," sabi n'ya sa kabilang linya. I could hear him exhaling. "I want to know what makes you happy, what angers you, and what makes you sad. I want to memorize your existence, I want to imprint you on my life."

"O-okay." Napalunok ako. "I'm sorry for getting jealous. Nagandahan kasi ako sa mga katawan nila. My body isn't like that. Sorry."

I wasn't as thin as them. I wasn't curvy. I look like a plain board to compare. Kaya naman ay nahihiya ako dahil hindi rin ako confident sa katawan ko.

"Bakit ka humihingi ng sorry?" tanong n'ya at narinig ko ang bahagyang paggalaw n'ya. Lumalayo siya sa ingay. He's probably at a party right now.

"Kasi hindi maganda yung katawan ko," I confessed in a low voice. "I probably couldn't post pictures as. . sexy as them because my body isn't as flawless."

"You don't need to. . ." Kiran said in a hush whisper. "I'd even consider myself blessed if I saw your body." 

My lips were tightly sealed  as his words lingered and condensed within me. Napangiti ako nang wala sa oras.

"What does that mean?" I asked, uncertain.

"Sana mapa-Amen po." Halakhak ni Kiran sa linya. "Ma-bless po sana ako someday." Lalong naging matunog ang tawa n'ya.

My cheeks flushed then trapped some air inside my mouth. "Kiran naman eh."

"See you tomorrow. . ." mahinang sabi n'ya. "O mamaya? Kung gusto mo? Dumaan ako d'yan? Sunduin kita. . ."

"Hindi na." Umiling ako. "Baka mag-over night kami para rito. I'll see you tomorrow. Enjoy the party. . ."

Parang ayaw pa ibaba ni Kiran ang tawag pero inunahan ko na siya. I didn't want to prolong the conversation because I might spoil his fun. Totoo naman na mas nauna n'yang nakilala ang mga kaibigan n'yang babae. I have to suck it up. Ang totoo rin ay hindi naman yata sila sobrang close. . .or the relationship is really platonic in all sides.

Naging abala ako sa paggawa ng mga isa-submit namin bukas. I took a quick peak on Kiran's Instagram to see how the party was going. Pero nagulat ako dahil nagpalit pala siya ng bio.

Kiran Conjuanco @klconjuanco
student-director. nacia's.

There was a surge of emotions inside my chest, all of them untamed and unchained. Yet, the one reigning the most was my heart going through a circus of happiness and adoration. Napangiti ako dahil kahit wala akong sabihin. . .gumagawa siya ng paraan para alam kong ako lang talaga. There was no competition.

I saw some of the comments and it only confirmed my hunch. . .they were really just platonic. They treated Kiran like a little brother.

COMMENTS

lottevilarde hoy kulang ng lock

klconjuanco ano????

lottevilarde student-director. 🔒nacia's.🔒

ziahsfleur kulang din ng pader student-director. 🧱🔒nacia's.🔒🧱

lottevilarde
student- director.
🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
🐍💣🧱🔒nacia's.🔒🧱💣🐍
🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

lottevilarde  ayan kiran, di na nila magagalaw ang pagiging boyfriend mo ni nacia 👍

lottevilarde  super safe yan

ziahsfleur
wag mo kakalimutan
student- director.
🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
🐍💣🧱🔒nacia's.🔒🧱💣🐍
🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍
👼 Aziah and Lotte's Baby Prince 👼

klconjuanco nakakairita talaga mabuhay kapag kayo yung kasama ko sa mundo ☺️ sana mag-apocalyse na 🙏