Chapter SIX

"You go to East High, right?" Matt asked, pulling away from Camilla's house.

His car was nice and had shiny leather seats. He seemed like a nice guy, and I knew Alex wouldn't have let me go if he didn't trust him. But I really didn't know him at all. I didn't know anyone, besides Alex.

"Yeah," I agreed, looking out the side window.

"So... why do you live across the bridge?"

It was such a simple question, but I knew it was filled with judgement and confusion.

"I grew up there. My mom found out I could go to East High for ninth grade if I had a certain grade average, so she made it happen," I told him.

"That's cool. My cousin lives in Brooklyn, too. But she goes to this super sketchy high school..."

I knew of two schools he could be referring to. Girls I went to middle school with went to those schools. At least one of them had a baby. The guys that Asa got in trouble with went to those schools. Drug dealers.

I stayed quiet for the rest of the drive, just directing him to my neighborhood once we crossed the Williamsburg bridge. It only took about fifteen minutes to get to my house and when he pulled up , I saw it in his eyes. More judgement. The neighborhood was sort of hidden behind a sketchy supermarket and my house was small. It was a one story with not much property. The front steps were broken. The door needed a paint job.

"Thanks, really," I said quickly, unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Not a problem. See you at school?" he asked, smiling. But I could tell he wanted to get out of there.

"Yeah, school," I repeated, even though the thought was daunting.

The house was quiet when I stepped inside and exhaled. I guess I'd been holding my breath since I got into the car with Matt. Nothing was comfortable about being one on one with a guy I barely knew. But at least nothing bad happened.

HOME SAFE, I texted Lex.

GOOD. GLAD YOU CAME. EVERYONE WAS HAPPY TO SEE YOU, he sent back a few minutes later.

I wasn't sure I believed him.

My mom had a day off the following day, which meant she walked to the store to get alcohol and then drank all day with our neighbor, her friend Louanne. Louanne was a bit older than her and lived with her boyfriend, who was pretty mean. They didn't have kids, thank God.

I left before lunch to go to the mall. I walked to the bus stop and bussed to the small mall, to get some stuff for school and some jeans and a sweater. I wandered around as long as I could before leaving, and decided to walk all the way home. It took longer than I thought but I didn't mind. It was still warm, that end of August summer heat. I hadn't heard from Alex all day, but I didn't mind that, either.

It was early evening when I got back to the house. Right away, I heard the yelling. Sliding the door open slowly, I waited to make sure it was safe to enter. My mom was doing the yelling, as usual. She was always angry when she was drunk.

"I just can't believe the shit that kid has put me through!"

Louanne was sitting at the table, nodding, a half glass of wine in front of her.

"He should have been good, right? Why the hell did he have to to turn out so horrible? And now that damn place keeps calling -"

"Mom," I spoke, surprising myself.

Usually when she was drunk, ranting, yelling, I would avoid her at all costs. I kept my mouth shut. But now she was talking about Asa.

"Shit, Penny," she shouted in my direction. "Where were you?"

"The detention centre has been calling you?" I asked instead.

She looked at Louanne, then back to me. Then she poured another glass of wine for herself.

"They want me to... send them money... can you believe that?" She was slurring her words.

"Mom, you just have to go see him. They'll release him to you, if you sign the forms to verify you'll make sure -"

"Shut up, Penny," my mom snapped. "It's better with him there."

"Mom..." I said, hurt. "Are you serious?"

"You can't tell me your life hasn't been easier since he's been gone," she accused me.

"I go see him! I was there two weeks ago! He's doing good now. He wants to come home." My heart was racing. I was so angry with her.

But she slammed her hand onto the table, making a wine glass go flying to the floor.

   Louanne jumped up. "I should go," she said quietly.

"Damn it, Penny," my mom yelled, ignoring her friend.

"Maybe if you were sober once in a while, you would know that I'm angry, and I miss Asa, and -" I said, shaking my head at her.

"Get out of my face!" she yelled.

I stopped and looked at her, disgusted, then pushed a chair in and walked out of the room.

In my bedroom, I dropped my bags from the mall and kicked the door after I slammed it shut. I hated her and how she made me feel. I had been years since we had acted like family. It had been so much worse since Asa had been gone.

My phone buzzed as I fell onto my bed, holding back tears.

HEY HOW WAS YOUR DAY? Alex, of course.

And just like that I was crying. Not a little bit, but full blown sobbing onto my pillow. I couldn't catch my breath.

FINE. EXCEPT MY MOM IS SO DRUNK SHE WAS SCREAMING AND BROKE A WINE GLASS, I sent back to him a few minutes later.

OH MY GOD PEN, REALLY?

Alex knew my Mom wasn't great, but I even hid the worst of it from him. He mostly knew she worked a lot and I was usually alone.

IM FINE. JUST A BAD DAY.

I WISH I COULD COME SEE YOU. IM HEADING TO MATT'S TO PLAY MADDEN.

LEX, IM FINE, I told him.

CALL ME TOMORROW?  he asked.

OKAY.

~~

The train to the East Village on Monday morning was packed. I felt like I couldn't breathe, stuffed between other passengers. It was 7 a.m., far earlier than I wanted to be on a train with random strangers. Homeroom was at 8 a.m.

When I found my name on the board, indicating where my homeroom was, I felt dread. Alex was in a different Senior homeroom class. We'd been in homeroom together the past three years. We just assumed it would be the same again.

Mr. Hendrix called attendance and handed out our schedules as I sat at the back of the room, alone. There were people around me, but I felt so secluded. It wasn't until nearly the end of homeroom, thirty-five minutes, that I realized both Camilla Rhodes and Lydia Sparks were in the room. At least they were familiar faces.

First period Calculus was horrendous, and still no Alex anywhere to be seen. Matt was there, and his buddy Caleb, but I wanted Alex. Matt slid in to the desk beside me, putting out his fist for a bump.

"Are you smart in math?" he laughed. "I'm going to bomb this class."

I shrugged in his direction. "We'll see."

"Penny, right?" Caleb asked me, his too-long hair falling into his eyes. He was at the party at Camilla's, too. I hadn't spoken to him.

"Penelope," I corrected him. I hated Penny, because my mom had always called me that.

"Caleb," he smiled, holding out his hand. "Lex and Matt said you're cool."

"Uh, thanks," I replied, shaking him awkwardly.

I glanced at Matt, who nodded. He knew my secrets, where I lived, and I really wished he didn't. I had no idea if he planned to tell anyone.

At the end of class, I tossed my bag onto my shoulder and booked it out of there, heading for second period Chemistry, which was at the other end of the school.

"Pen!" Finally, I heard Alex's voice, coming down the hall. "Chemistry?"

I spun around, "Yes!"

"Yes," he repeated, grinning.

We walked into class together and I let myself relax slightly as we sat at the back of the room. Camilla and Lydia and another tall blonde girl came in and sat nearby.

"When's your lunch period?" Alex asked me, dropping his bag by his feet. "And how's your day been so far?"

"Lunch is third," I answered, then shrugged. "It's been fine."

"Fuck, my lunch is fourth," he yelled, smacking the desk with his hand.

Lydia leaned in. She was on his other side. "My lunch is fourth, too."

Alex grinned at her, but let it fade when he saw that I noticed.

"Fifth?" he asked me, looking hopeful.

I flipped open my binder to check my schedule, since I hadn't memorized it. "US History."

"Yes, me too," he practically shrieked. He laughed, then added, "Not that that's an exciting class."

I shook my head, but was glad to have another class with him. I smiled at him, because his reaction was sweet. And then our teacher came in.

When the final bell rang, I headed to my locker to ditch my books then went out the main doors. Alex had mentioned coffee after school, but he was no where to be found. I was almost off school property when I heard his voice.

"Hey!"

I looked over my shoulder and there he was, hanging out of the side window of Matt's car, which was driving slowly on the road.

"Where you going?" he yelled, a huge smile on his face.

I shrugged. "Walking."

"Get in! We are grabbing coffees and goin' to Matt's..."

But somehow I didn't feel right about it. Maybe because it was Alex and other people now. Maybe I was just overwhelmed with the first day of school. But I knew I wasn't going to go with Alex and Matt, and I knew where I was walking to.

"I'm not really..." I said, then scrambled to finish the sentence. "I'm tired. I think I'm just going to head home."

Lex looked disappointed and I hated it. "Pen? You sure?"

I nodded. "See you tomorrow, okay?"

Finally he pulled his body back into the car and called out , "Okay!"

And then the car drove off and left me behind.