Chapter 15

The air was cool but it wasn't fully dark yet. It was mid October so definitely closer to fall than summer, but it wasn't too cold. I was shivering though.

My heart raced as I watched Winston get out of his car and start walking towards me.

"Hey," he cooed, when he was almost close enough to touch me.

"Hi," I said, stopping.

He hesitated, then told me, "You look good."

I pulled at the bottom of my sweater. "Really?"

"I mean, you always look good, but..." His voice trailed off and he stepped closer again.

"What should we do?" I asked, my voice sounding too nervous. "We could go to the park again... or we could stay here."

"Here?" he questioned me, surprised.

"My mom's out."

He nodded, but I could tell he wasn't sure about that. "Moms don't usually like me."

"Well, I promise mine won't care if you come in," I told him.

Usually, I'd be very cautious of bringing someone to my house. Lex was my only friend who had been inside since I was twelve. But Winston was different. I knew there would be no judgement.

"I was thinking coffee or something, but..." he said, and suddenly I thought I had ruined this entirely.

"Oh, yeah, sure. The Starbucks is a few blocks away," I said quickly.

"We can stay here," he told me, nodding at my house. "If you're sure your mom won't mind."

I lead him through the front door and through the kitchen to the tiny living room. Our TV was old and sat on an ancient wooden TV stand. The couch was well worn and there coffee table had chips missing and cigarette burns. Suddenly I felt embarrassed.

"We've always been... I mean... we've never had much extra money," I spat out.

Winston crossed the room and sat down on the couch, wiggling around a bit. "I love this couch. I want my dad to get some used furniture for his new place. My mom's house is filled with untouched, uncomfortable furniture. Sure, it's pretty. But what's the point if no one can use it?"

I sat beside him, half smiling. "My mom got this house when she found out she was pregnant with me. My dad was still around then, but I guess it was always off and on. When she got pregnant with Asa, he freaked out and said he didn't want kids. I was two and I don't remember him at all. My mom has always worked two jobs, and I've been taking care of Asa since I was eight."

"Wow, that's so..." He let his voice trail off.

"Are we too different?" I asked, suddenly.

"You are... exactly what I needed," he told me without hesitating. "Someone who doesn't judge me based off my family."

I smiled. "That's what I need, too."

"Well, it's perfect then."

"You really don't care that my house is small and falling apart and this neighbourhood is -" I tried.

Winston reached over to put his hand on mine, stopping me. "I feel like I fit in here, Penelope. I'm so comfortable here, more so than I've felt in Chelsea, in a long time," he whispered.

"Really?" I asked.

He nodded, still holding my hand. He was warm and I liked it so much, it made my skin vibrate.

"I'm so glad my mom sent me to your library that morning, to find that stupid book," he grinned. "I guess she did one thing right."

I smiled back, thinking about that day. Then, he'd been just some guy who had been sort of rude to me at work. Now, he was this sweet guy who actually cared about me. Of course, soon enough my mind reminded me of that fact that he was Camilla's ex. It wasn't easy to forget that. He was - or had been, at least - someone that I had no business be-friending. Or kissing. And yet there we were, together. And it didn't feel wrong anymore.

*

When my mom drove me to school on Monday morning, I felt fourteen again, on the first day at East High. She talked about normal things like the weather and how she would have to stay late at work that day, and how her new boyfriend, Mitchell, was going to come over for dinner later that week. It felt like she was really trying to get us to be normal again, as if we ever were.

"See you tonight," she called after me, as I waved and headed towards the school.

She had a meeting with Principal Jenkins at 9 A.M., to talk about Asa. I knew she was ready to beg and kiss ass to get him back into the school. I was only accepted because of my grades in Junior High. Asa was accepted because I attended the school. But they don't tolerate skipping classes or failing grades.

The buzz at school all of a sudden was the Winter Formal, which was in two weeks. There were posters everywhere, reminding people to get their tickets . The theme was Sweet Dreams, which made no sense to me. But apparently Camilla and Lydia - who were on the student council - knew.

"It's like... going to be so romantic," Camilla said loudly in homeroom, mid week.

"I'm so glad I'm dating Alex," Lydia cooed. "I wouldn't want to be single for senior year."

Camilla narrowed her eyes. "Brett took me to a movie on the weekend. He's a good kisser."

"So, you're dating now?" Lydia asked, nudging her arm.

Camilla shrugged. "We'll see. He's cute and he's sort of giddy around me. It's a nice change."

Lydia nodded. "From Duke? Man, he was so... bizarre."

I wanted to stop listening, once again. I hated that they talked about him at all. I hated that anyone would talk badly about him.

"He was just... wounded, I think." Camilla said this like she felt bad for him, now. "Hey, Penny, are you going to the dance?"

I looked up, eyes wide. "Uh, no. No date."

"Um, what about Matt?" Lydia suggested, smiling at me.

I shook my head.

"The Winter Formal is special, Penny. You should still go," Camilla told me seriously.

"Maybe," I shrugged.

Back in September, I assumed Lex and I would go together as friends. But since things had progressed with him and Lydia, I knew that wouldn't happen. I was not going to go as a third wheel, either. I just hoped Matt didn't actually ask me to go with him. I knew that would just be awkward for everyone.

Since I'd snapped at Lex about it, he hadn't brought it up again. I knew why he wanted me to date Matt. It would make sense for our group of friends. But he was just nice. Nothing about him excited me. Maybe, if I'd never met Winston. Maybe I would have gone out with Matt then. But I wasn't going to pretend to like him when I had Winston waiting for me.

The week passed as usual, although now I got periodic texts each evening, from Winston. In my living room that past Saturday night, we mostly just talked. I liked being with him and he stayed until midnight, then kissed me goodnight before going out to his fancy car. I wondered what my mom would have thought - or the neighbours, for that matter - if they saw that car outside my house.

SCHOOL IS STUPID. This text came in from him on Tuesday evening, while I was at the library.

Wednesday evening, he sent - MY MOM IS MAKING ME GO SHOPPING FOR A NEW SUIT FOR SOME EVENT THAT IS COMING UP.

And then Friday, right after school, he asked if he could come see me.

IM JUST GETTING TO WORK, I texted back.

OH, RIGHT. CAN I BRING YOU A COFFEE?

I pulled open the heavy door to enter the library, my phone in the other hand.

I WOULD LIKE THAT.

When he came in awhile later, I was actually busy. I saw him walk passed while I was helping a woman and her daughter who were looking for certain section. Mrs. Walsh was at the desk when I finally made my way over. Then I saw that Winston was there, chatting away with her.

"That's very sweet," she said to him as I neared them. "We do pride ourselves on being a unique library."

"It's my favourite one in the city," he went on, smiling at me.

Mrs. Walsh - blushing - spotted me. "Oh Penelope! Your friend here was just telling me how he enjoys this old place."

I nodded at her, then looked at Winston. He winked, then held out a coffee to me.

"I have to run," he said, which surprised me. He usually tried to stay as long as he could.

I took the coffee out of his hand and waited until I knew that Mrs. Walsh was far enough away to hear us.

"Thanks."

"I'm supposed to be home by now," he shrugged, like he was apologizing for having to leave. "Big event tonight. I hope it's the last one I am forced to attend."

Suddenly I remembered that he said his birthday was coming up.

"My brother is... coming home tomorrow. Things are going to be... different." I spoke slowly, so he would stay longer.

He nodded. "Everything worked out?"

"Miraculously."

"I was hoping to see you this weekend." It was just a statement, but it made my heart pound.

"I can try," I answered.

"Okay. Let me know." He smiled and then leaned forward to touch my hand.

I nodded, blinking hard, taking in his touch. I wanted him to keep it there forever.

"I have to go. I'm... sorry," he whispered.

"Yeah, go. Thanks again for the coffee," I told him, even quieter.

He dipped his chin and raised it again and I wanted to tell him that I wanted him to kiss me, but I didn't move. He turned to leave, just looking back for one more smile. I waved, and then he was gone.