Chapter 14

The detention center was over an hour away, in Long Island. My mom hated leaving Brooklyn, and so she drove this mostly quiet. I had so many questions for her but I remained quiet, too. It just seem like the right thing to do.

We arrived right on time and entered the secure area to wait. A guard called us and a few other families in to the visiting room a few minutes later. We sat at a table with plastic chairs and waited. I could heard quiet voices all around, but both my mom and I remained silent.

As the door opened, another guard lead about ten kids into the visiting room. Asa was third in line, his eyes wide when he saw us.

"Hey," he said, sitting down across from us.

His hair was getting long, but he looked good, even better than the last time I'd seen him. He was holding back a smile.

"You look really good," I told him right away.

"I am good," he answered, stretching out his hands onto the table.

To me, he still looked like a little boy sometimes. But he was taller than me now, and it seemed like he'd been working out in there.

"Oh, Asa," our mother said quickly, grabbing for his hand. "I'm sorry for not coming to see you. For leaving you here."

Asa looked nervously at me, then to her. I knew he wasn't going to be quick to forgive her, but he would try. He was always sticking up for her, when we were younger.

"It's okay," he told her, even though it wasn't. "My charges got dropped because the lawyer they gave me proved all the things I've been doing to get cleaned up in here. I'm working, staying out of trouble."

"Asa, that's awesome," I told him. "I'm proud of you."

He shrugged. "It's a program for kids under eighteen. They pair them with a lawyer and they advocate for them."

"I'm proud of you, too," our mother agreed. "And I'm clean, too. No more drinking."

Asa looked at me again for confirmation, so I nodded.

"I have to get some information to them here, but I'm bringing you home," she went on.

"What?" Asa looked shocked, honestly.

"They'll release you to me, soon. I have to get you back into East, and sign some stuff about your probation-"

"East?" I interrupted. It was the first I'd heard of this. "Really?"

"The high school in Williamsburg isn't good for him, Penny. I have a meeting with your principal on Monday."

"Wait, I get to go home?" Asa asked again.

"Soon," our mother nodded, squeezing his hand. "Maybe a week."

"Oh my god." My brother looked happy, yet terrified. I knew him. I knew that he knew this wasn't going to be easy.

"We're going to be a family again," she finished, tears in her eyes. She seemed so sincere.

When she went to the desk with a guard to sign a few things, I had a minute to talk to Asa alone.

"She quit drinking again?" he asked, wanting the truth.

"Yeah, it's been a couple weeks."

"So, how do you feel about me coming home?" he wanted to know.

"What? I can't wait. I missed you so much, you know that," I told him.

"Okay." He didn't seem convinced.

"Asa, you just have to stay out of trouble," I reminded him, like he didn't know that.

"I know. Going back to that neighborhood scares me, though," he admitted.

"You'll be okay. I'll be with you. I spend most of my time in the city, anyway. You'll have to, too," I smiled.

"Oh, right. You're fancy," he laughed.

"Oh, not really. But I work there and go to school there, so..."

Suddenly our mother was back, a smile on her face.

"I just have to send them proof from the school and we're all good. You'll meet your parole officer this week," she explained.

Asa nodded. "Okay."

"So, we will see you again next Saturday, to come home," she went on. Even she looked a bit unsure. This was happening, and fast.

Asa looked at me and forced a smile. "Great."

On the drive home, the mood was different. My mother was happy, talking about Asa and how she had to get his room ready and get groceries. But I felt more nervous, now. It was hard to believe she was acting so different, all of a sudden. Like, why did she finally care about us, now?

"So, the parole officer will be checking in?" I asked her, more than half way home.

"Oh, yes. So we must make sure there's groceries, and tidy up a bit, you know?" she answered, trying to sound like this was no big deal.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"And he will be calling the school to check Asa's attendance," she added.

"Wow. Well, Asa is going to do better, I just have to make sure he stays out of trouble in Williamsburg. Those guys -"

My mother looked at me sharply. "It's not up to you, Penny."

I wanted to tell her it was always up to me, to feed him, get him to school, play with him. I did everything for him. But when I started at East, Asa got left behind. It wasn't my fault, but he felt like he didn't belong anywhere, until he started hanging out with the older guys who got him in trouble. It felt like my fault, though.

"He'll need to stay busy, and spend time in the city with me," I told her, keeping my eyes on the road.

"Penny, he's not your responsibility." She was actually serious.

I bit my lip, annoyed. Of course he was. He always had been. "Okay," I said instead.

Lex had called and texted, but I hadn't checked my phone all day. We got home around 3 P.M. and I was emotionally drained. My mother announced she was going out for the evening, which I was sort of happy about. I just wanted to be alone.

HOW WAS ASA? Lex had texted.

GOOD. HE'S COMING HOME IN A WEEK, I replied.

WOW, THAT'S GREAT.

YEAH. THINGS ARE GOING TO BE REALLY DIFFERENT FOR ME.

I BET. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT COMING TO THE PARTY TONIGHT? he asked.

I was not a girl who went to parties every weekend. The fact that I had been to two already was weird, and I especially didn't feel like it now. Plus, I knew Winston wouldn't be there.

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST YOU GUYS WATCHING A MOVIE? I asked back.

OH, YEAH. IT'S KIND OF A PARTY NOW. SO...? Lex texted a few minutes later.

NO, THANKS. I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY.

ARE YOU SURE? MATT CAN COME GET YOU.

LEX, NO. I DON'T WANT MATT TO DRIVE ME AROUND. IM STAYING IN TONIGHT.

OKAY, OKAY. SORRY, Lex sent one last text.

I didn't reply to Lex and dropped my phone on the couch beside me, instead. I turned on the TV to watch a movie, but got bored of it half way through. I decided to go out for a walk, but barely made it around the neighborhood before I was home again. I hadn't thought too much about Winston all day, but now I couldn't stop thinking about what he was doing. I opened Facebook and sent him a message before I could even think twice.

So, it went well. My brother is actually coming home soon. But now I'm full of anxiety about it.

It was awhile before I checked to see if he had answered me.

Do you want to talk about it?

I sort of did, but I felt silly telling him that. I hadn't had a chance to think about how we'd kissed the night before. I knew things would be different now, but I really didn't know how.

I have to have dinner with my mom and my brother but I can come pick you up after? If you're not busy. He sent, when I didn't answer.

I took in a deep breath, reading his next message. My mom was gone for the night. Lex was going to be at a party. There was no reason not to hang out with Winston. Besides the fact that I was terrified.

Okay, text me? 555-2347

Oh, texting now? Okay.

I finished the movie from earlier, then cooked some chicken nuggets for dinner. I imagined what it would be like when Asa was back. He'd been gone for more than six months. I had changed. I had a job and friends and Winston. What would Asa think about him?

It was almost 8 P.M. when my phone finally dinged.

It was Lex. SORRY, DON'T BE MAD AT ME. I JUST WANT YOU TO HANG OUT WITH US. I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU.

Smiling, I sent back, IM NOT MAD. JUST TRYING TO PLAN FOR ASA COMING HOME.

OKAY, PROMISE? he asked.

YES. AND I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO HANG OUT OR GO TO PARTIES AS MUCH FOR A BIT.

OKAY, I KNOW.

THANKS, LEX, I texted back.

OF COURSE <3

Another half an hour passed, so I checked my phone again. Nothing. Finally, it went off as I was heading to my bedroom to change.

FINALLY DONE. I CAN BE THERE IN 20 MINUTES? Winston had texted.

OKAY, I replied.

I put on different jeans and changed my hoodie out for a long cardigan, then added some make up and brushed my hair. I knew it wasn't a date but at least I looked better than before.

I was watching out the front window when he pulled up, so I quickly slipped on my shoes and went outside, not even realizing I was holding my breath.