Chapter 13

It was a small park, tucked away, but part of a popular area near the water. Asa and I liked it there because we could pretend we were normal kids, while knowing there was a whole new world just across the bridge. That was years before I started high school. Before Asa got into trouble. Before mom started drinking.

Duke parked in an empty parking lot and we walked into the area together, me leading the way. He followed me through some trees and down a path towards the park.

"Woah," he commented as we sat side by side on the swings. "It's so secluded."

"Yeah. It was always busy when we were kids, but sometimes I come and sit here at night by myself," I answered, looking up at the dark clouds above us.

"So, your brother..."

I kicked at the sand under my feet. "He's fifteen. He started getting in trouble when he was pretty young and I basically had to raise him. But he was always with these older guys, who had him selling drugs. They beat him up, bad, if he didn't do what they told him to do."

"Why'd he get sent away?" Duke asked, swinging back and forth a bit.

"My mom couldn't handle him. I was in high school, you know, over there, and he had just started at East too, but he got kicked out. The high school here is bad. The cops picked him up and said they better not see him in trouble again... but then a week later he was picked up for selling weed to an under cover cop..."

"Oh, shit."

"I was really angry at him for awhile. But he's been there a long time. He's grown up and he doesn't want to do that shit anymore. I visit him when I can," I paused to take in a breath. "Anyway, my mom and I are going to see him tomorrow."

"Oh. Are you excited?" he asked, his swing now still.

"Yeah. I am always anxious to see him. But my mom's pretty flaky, so I can't get my hopes up," I replied.

A crack of thunder boomed in the distance. It was fully dark now and I could tell the storm was closer. But I didn't want to leave.

"My mom has been cheating on my dad for, like, a year," Duke spat out, then looked at me for a reaction. I just blinked a few times, unsure of what to say. "My dad knows now. My mom just found out that he knows. It's a big mess. I went to Jersey because my dad's sister lives there. My mom refuses to end the marriage because she says her reputation is on the line. My dad is getting his own apartment soon. I'm just stuck in the middle and I can't take sides and I can't tell anyone."

"You just told me," I said, keeping a straight face.

Duke smiled. "Right."

"Sorry, that sucks."

"Yeah. Well, my mom sucks. But I have to go to these public appearances with her and my brother and smile and act like she's amazing." He looked half amused and half angry.

"That's horrible."

He nodded. "She loved Camilla, of course. And other snotty girls I've dated."

"So, she'll hate me?" I let myself smile.

"Well, maybe. But I'm done trying to please my mother. I'll be eighteen next week."

"Next week?" I asked, surprised.

"Yep. I was held back in kindergarten." A grin appeared on his face.

I let out a laugh. "Oh."

He was quiet for a minute but then reached over to grab my hand. I let him. Another crack of thunder hit before the sky lit up with lightening.

"The storm is getting close," he said, although that was obvious.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"I should take you home." It was more of a question.

"I guess so," I nodded.

In his car, parked outside my house, we were both quiet again. Now he knew where I lived. Things were definitely different. We knew a lot about each other now. It was pouring rain on the car, and I saw my mom's car was in the driveway. Maybe she was actually going to see Asa the next day.

"Thanks for the ride," I told him, finally.

"Yeah. Of course." His voice was quiet.

"You're not really what I expected," I admitted, looking at him again.

"No? What did you expect?"

"I mean... when we first met, you were arrogant and confident. And then you were really drunk, at that party-"

"I was pretending. To be confident, I mean," he answered.

"Why?"

"Because I've always had to pretend I have this awesome life. And that I'm happy. But I get drunk a lot because I'm actually pretty unhappy. Or, I was."

I knew what he meant. I'd been pretending that my life was just fine for a long time. Overall, it wasn't. Overall, it was pretty terrible. But didn't want anyone to judge me based on that.

"Well, I'm glad you're not an over confident douche bag," I smiled.

"Who said I was a douche bag?" he asked, curious.

"Uh, Lex. And Lydia."

"Of course they did. And they are friends with Camilla. And you are friends with them." The look on his face was more like defeat, now.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"So, you won't want them to know that you and I are... friends?" he wondered.

"I don't know," I admitted, but felt stupid saying it.

"Did you have fun tonight, with me?"

I smiled, then told him, "Yes. I'm surprised I told you all about my mom and my brother."

"I'm glad you did. And for the record, you're the only person who knows about my parents."

I nodded, still not wanting to get out of the car. But I had to get up early to get ready to go see Asa. I had to go inside and talk to my mom.

"I should...go in," I said, not looking at him.

The rain was slowed down a bit, at least.

"Yeah. I hope tomorrow goes well," he offered.

"Thanks."

"Penelope... when can I see you again?"

My heart skipped a beat. His voice was so sweet and calm, yet somehow full of desire. I looked up at his eyes, which were so hopeful. I knew right then and there that he wasn't just a friend. I knew I wanted more.

"I'll send you a message?" I offered, hoping it would be enough.

He smiled again, then gave me a nod. "Just so we're clear...I am feeling things for you that are more than friendly."

"Okay?" I breathed out.

"All you have to do is tell me you are feeling the same things," he whispered, giving me a chance to tell him something, anything.

"I am," I said quickly, "but I don't know-"

He interrupted by pressing his lips to mine, and I breathed in, surprised. I'd never been kissed. I'd never gotten to be a normal teenager. His warm tongue swiped across my bottom lip and my body reacted, even though I couldn't comprehend it. I didn't know how to kiss him back, but when his tongue found mine, somehow, I knew what to do.

A few minutes later, he pulled away, his eyes wide.

"Shit," he said, breathing heavy. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" I asked.

"I didn't... I don't want you to think I..."

"Duke," I stopped him, touching his hand lightly.

"Winston," he corrected me again.

"It's okay," I said. "That you kissed me." I licked my bottom lip.

"I kept imagining kissing you... but I was with Camilla... and then I just..." He was blushing, for real.

I smiled, pulling back a bit. "I will message you tomorrow."

"Okay... tomorrow," I repeated.

I glanced back at him and smiled, then opened the car door and got out before he could say or do anything else.