Chapter 11

Things felt different at school come Monday. Camilla and Lydia and Sam sat with me, since I was the first to get to homeroom. They included me in their conversations. It was like all of sudden we were friends. I mean, I was their friend. I worried that Camilla knew Duke had followed me out of the party, but apparently Matt was keeping all of my secrets. They knew I was Alex's best friend, so they were cool with me. For now.

"Hey," Matt smiled at me in first period, sliding into the seat beside me.

"Hey."

"How was your weekend?" His hair was such a light blond color. I'd never really noticed before.

"Oh, fine. I didn't really do anything," I answered, pulling out my binder for the class.

"Ah, yeah. So, do you want to hang out after school? Lex and Lydia and I are going to -"

"I have to work," I interrupted, looking away.

"Oh, damn."

"Another day, okay?" I asked, trying - for some reason - not to disappoint him.

He smiled, at least. "Yeah, for sure."

Lex was disappointed, or maybe even mad, when I he heard that I had to work, too. His eye brows furrowed and he curled up his lip, annoyed. I could tell he was upset even though he was trying to hide it.

"Tomorrow?" he suggested, at the end of the day.

"Sure," I nodded, agreeing.

He grinned, happy with my answer. And I was happy, too, that he was trying hard to include me. But I was still waiting to feel like I fit in there, with them. I still felt like I was a piece of a totally different puzzle, and someone was just jamming me in, hoping that I fit.

I wasn't surprised that Duke strolled into the library fifteen minutes before it closed that evening. I wasn't upset about it, either. I was just about to sign out, but I was taking my time. I had a feeling he would show up, even though he hadn't replied to my last Facebook message.

He smiled, but he didn't look his confident self, let alone arrogant. His hair was messy and his leather jacket was unzipped, a t-shirt under it.

"Hey, friend," I said, then realized how dumb it sounded.

Duke let out a laugh. "Hi."

"Need a book?" I asked, then shrugged.

He shook his head. "I think it's obvious I'm just here to see you, now."

I kept a straight face. "I'm leaving, though."

"I was hoping you'd say that," he grinned.

I swallowed hard. "I have to study tonight."

"So, I can take you home?" he suggested, stepping back a bit. "I mean, I'd like to drive around again with you, but if you need to get home, I can drive you."

"Duke..." I didn't even know what to say.

"It's Winston."

I stepped out from around the desk and he stepped back again, almost as if he was afraid of me.

"I told you, I don't think we should hang out," I managed to say.

"And yet you keep telling me when you work, and messaging me on Facebook..."

"Your girlfriend has been being nice to me. Her friend Lydia is dating Lex, now." I told him these things so he would understand. Maybe he would back off. Maybe he would be afraid to keep seeing me.

"Oh, Lydia is so... boring." He rolled his eyes. "And she really doesn't like me."

"Does anyone like you?" I spat out.

"You tell me." Now, his confidence was back.

I looked away, then started walking to the door. He followed. Outside, I looked at him again.

"I do like you. That's the problem," I admitted.

"It's not a problem to me," he told me, then smiled, showing off a dimple I hadn't seen before.

"Do you not get it? Or do you think it's a joke?" I asked, feeling annoyed.

He looked offended. "What?"

"This is my life. And it will be all fucked up if-"

"If you decide to be friends with me?"

"Yes. And... you're kidding yourself if you think this is just..." I didn't finished the sentence.

"Just what?" he wanted to know.

I bit my bottom lip, then shook my head.

"Penelope, just what?" he asked again.

"Just two people, becoming friends," I said quietly.

We just looked at each other for a minute, me breathing too heavily. It was scary that all I could think about about how I wished he would kiss me. I didn't know him as Camilla's boyfriend. I didn't see him how Lex and Matt and Lydia saw him. I knew him as this guy who saw me. A guy who liked me.

"Can I drive you home?" he asked, breaking our silence.

"I told you, I don't live far," I answered.

"It's late. My car is right there," he said, motioning towards the parking lot.

I wasn't ready to let him know my truths. I wasn't ready to lose whatever we had, now.

"I'd rather walk," I said, finally.

Suddenly, he grabbed my hand. His was big and warm and as he linked his fingers between mine, I had to close my eyes.

"You're right," he told me, his eyes on me. I waited. "We're not going to be just friends."

I wasn't far from my neighborhood - after taking the train to Williamsburg and walking awhile - when my phone rang. It was 10 P.M. on a Monday, so I was surprised.

"Hello?" I answered. The number was unknown.

"Hey, Penelope," a voice said in my ear. "It's Lydia."

"Oh, hey."

"Are you busy?" she asked.

"No, just got home from work," I told her. I was just down the street from my house.

"Oh, wow, okay. So, Lex gave me your number. I hope that's okay..."

"Yeah, sure."

"I just... I wanted to make sure you're cool with me and him," Lydia said, and I even more surprised, now.

"Um. You and Lex?"

"Yeah. He said you and him are just good friends, but-"

I was walking up the path to my house. "We are. Friends."

"He said his last girlfriend didn't like you and him hanging out..."

"Lydia, she was sort of crazy. Controlling him. I'm not into Lex, I swear. He was just always there for me, that's all," I told her, now walking into the kitchen. It was dark.

"Okay, great. Yeah, I figured. I want us to be cool," she went on.

"We're cool," I repeated.

My mom waved from the living room as I passed through, then I slowed down.

"Awesome. So, do you like Matt? It would be so cool if the four of us-"

"Uh, no. It's just that... he's nice, but I'm not..."

"Oh, yeah. I get it. He's too nice."

"Um, it's not him. But, I have to go. See you at school?" I finished, trying to get off the phone.

"Yeah! Okay, bye Pen!"

I tucked my phone into my bag and started walking again, when my mom called out.

"How was work?"

She was sipping a Coke with a bowl of popcorn in front of her.

"Good. Slow." I turned back to tell her.

"And school?"

"It's good, too," I nodded.

She hesitated, then went on. "Penny, I'm done drinking. I sent a cheque to the detention centre, and told them I'm preparing to bring Asa home."

Suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe. "Really? What... changed?"

"I'm seeing someone, Penny. I have been for a couple weeks. He's a business man, he's divorced, no kids... but he's helped me realize-"

Of course. It was a new guy. They had tried to change her in the past. She would get sober for a couple of months, be doing well, but then something would happen to end the relationship and she would start drinking again. I'd been through it with her too many times to count.

"Okay, Mom," I told her, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.

"I'm serious, Penny. He's a good man. I'm done-"

"Fine, I'm glad. The visiting hours are 11am-12p.m. on Saturday," I told her instead.

She smiled and I noticed she actually did look good for the first time in a long time. "Great. I can't wait."

I wasn't sure if I believed anything she said anymore, but I was crossing my fingers this time would be different. I just really wanted Asa home.