{Trigger Warning | Mature Content}

『Before Lunch』

<Jungkook POV>

The first class just ended and I was on my way to get my history book from my locker. I have to finish my art during lunch as well since the time that we had during class wasn't enough. It never is. Which meant that I won't be able have lunch with the guys.

I walked to my locker lethargically since I was kind of upset that I can't have lunch with the guys. I had just reached out my hand to get a hold of my history textbook, when she showed up. Ahreum. Tapping my shoulder in her usual flirtatious way and spoke to me seductively. As a person who is older than me, her self respect keeps plummeting each time she stoops to this level of flirting.

"Hey, kooks." She said with a vivacious looking grin plastered on her white washed face.

"Ahreumssi, I thought we made this clear, please don't call me that." I said, standing my ground but not up for having this conversation now. She raised her elbow and placed it on my shoulder as though I were a support stand. With her other hand, she brought it into my line of sight and began tracing shapes in the air with the pointy nail of her index finger.

"Sorry... Jungkook." She said, giving me the cheapest 'Trying-to-seduce-you' look. "I was just curious to know. What were you guys talking about earlier?"

"Earlier? I was hounding V-Hyung for not showing up for game night." I said as I reached to nudge her elbow off of my shoulder. Due to the sudden lack of support, she stammered back a few paces and regained her balance to ask me yet another question.

"What about y/n. I heard her voice too." She persisted with her voice getting less and less seductive after each word.

"Oh, y/n? She and Hyung were having coffee yesterday, that's why he didn't come." I said, finally getting a hold of my history book which I had been desperately trying to acquire in order to leave this conversation. Ahreum looked kind of taken aback when I said this. I swore I saw her eye twitch a bit when suddenly she spoke a little louder.

"Hold on, you haven't heard?" She said taking a step back to justify her volume. "She's pretty much a prostitute. Sleeping around with guys all the time." I wore a shocked face and everyone within range of hearing her got interested and came closer. It's only human nature, I didn't want her to speak bad about someone that I had assumed was my friend, but curiosity had gotten the better of me.

"I've heard that y/n was sleeping with her father and she's the reason her parents divorced. Also why they moved mid-year." She continued, everyone around her left in awe. She didn't say anything else and just turned around and walked away. She seemed satisfied for some reason. The way she smiled seemed so weird, as though she just had a mood flip from seduction to satisfaction.

Y/n is so nice. It just really shocks me to believe that. I don't know, I have to tell Jimin-Hyung about this and ask what he thinks about it. As I made my way back to class, I already began hearing whispers travelling through the loud hallways. It had seemed like everyone already knew. Damn does news spread like wildfire.

『Back to Present』

<Y/N POV>

All I remember was running away in the hall with tears in my eyes and whispers tickling my ears as I passed the gossiping halls, running out of school like someone was chasing me. I left the premises and ran home. The only thing going through my head was Taehyung's face when he saw me standing there in tears.

Shock.

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I had gotten home with tears that filled my eyes with sorrow. I was certain that my mother wouldn't be here since it was barely 1 pm. The mixed emotions I felt had started giving me a headache — No, a migraine. I wasn't even sure about how I would go back tomorrow. How to face my demons and accept what has happened. My head was just fixated on Taehyung's face when he saw me.

Does he hate me now? Of course, he does! He has to. Who wouldn't hate the girl who's rumoured to sleep around? It's happening again. I can already foresee what's going to happen. I know this from experience. They're going to call me those things again. Accuse me of having STD's, tease me in the hallways, leave sexual drawings on my desk, in my locker...... Call me a slut who wrecked her own home.

I can't deal with any more of this. The pressure is just too much now. Every time I think about anything worth while, I'm engulfed by this sea of negativity. It's as though I'm being swallowed whole in a monotonous world devoid of meaning. Absurd, right? I don't think I would be able to live with this anymore. The future holds nothing but disappointment and depression for someone like me. It was at that moment that I figured, what's the point in going on any further.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. The constant feeling of a breath of air hurting your chest as you inhale. The lump in your throat that makes it difficult to swallow. I'm tired of the repetition. The pain lingers in my mind and the memories of those nights I replay in my head over and over again. The mere thought of it, enough to make my entire body shiver.

I started slow. Slow so that I would feel the pain. Each ounce of agony as I slowly carved patterns into my arms. The meaning to life. There is no meaning. Is there even a God? If so, then where is my angel? Is waiting for this so called 'saviour' even worth the desolation that one feels?

With each thought and each new engraving, I found myself getting closer and closer to my wrists. With each cut, I reminded myself of why I'm doing this. Why I was going through with this. It's because of the fact that I'm tired. There is no point in life if all you're doing is suffering. With each cut, I was reminded of the emotional pain, which fuelled the need for more incisions on my skin.

In that moment, just as the blade grazed the top of my skin at the lowest and most vulnerable area, the metal object had fallen to the ground, dropped by the sudden loosening of my grip.
When a person's perception is limited to thoughts such as not seeing the light of day ever again, all they can of is negative thoughts. Regardless of what you may think, said person will always have these — Almost instinctual— words of hope. At that moment I stopped. I thought to myself,

"but what if I live one more day, will things be different?"

I stopped for a second. That second felt like ages. If I've been feeling this way for so long, what could a day change? These words of hope had kept me alive for so long it seems. At this moment, every time I looked at the blood trickling down my wrists, the eyes of my two classmates flashed in my head like a mirage being seen in a desert.

My perception of the world was clouded once again. On impulse, I rapidly manoeuvred my way to the basin. The water was gushing out of the faucet as I held my arms under it to rinse the blood off while I felt the cold tears drop down my face.

I wasn't even sure if the blood had clotted yet, however, I made my way into my bedroom and buried my face into a pillow which muffled the noise of my wailing. Each tear that streamed down my face, reminding me of the tears that I shed in the past. I ran my fingers through my hair and softly scratched my scalp to calm me down.

Hours later I heard my mom come in. I was still holed up in my room but my tears stopped. Thank goodness too. If I had continued crying, I might have died from dehydration before a cold blade. My wounds had stopped bleeding by now and the blood was already clotted.

"Y/n, sweetie, you home?" She yelled from downstairs.

She's chirpy today. I walked down after applying eye drops in my eyes to reduce the redness to greet her without having her notice anything wrong. The sound of her humming slightly reassures me to know that she was in a good mood today. I looked at her and my eyes shot up.

"Oh, sweetie, your eyes look puffy, are you sleeping enough?" She asked with the look of concern painfully evident in her face.

Her lipstick was slightly smudged. I glanced over at her neck, seeing a freshly planted love bite on it. That explains her mood. The simple thought of where it would have come from disgusts me to my core. It's hard to believe that this is the same woman who accused me of seducing people because of a coat.

"Sleep? Maybe I should sleep earlier tonight." I said to her as she nodded her head in confusion. "I'll get going now then, it's 7 pm after all." As I walked up the stairs she looked at me, probably leaving me be since I seemed tired.

I gave her a final glance and saw the confused look on her face as I walked away. It isn't as though she's wrong though. I am tired. I was tired of skipping school to avoid mockery. I was tired of faking illnesses to have an excuse to stay home. At this point, I'm tired of being tired.

I laid in bed that night, having nothing on my mind expect how I was supposed to live with this torment. As if it wasn't enough at my old school. I'm just so tired of everything. I'm tired of the constant fear running through my mind when I walk past people. What's killing me most of all is what Taehyung thinks now. He probably sees me as someone loose now. I wonder if he regrets getting involved with someone like me.

Does he despise me now?

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