I don't think I've got a single messed up version of Narwhale... so...

Alister! Now, you may be wondering how on EARTH I could ruin this wholesome little guy.

Well...

""Player TommieXO, currently one life down and two lives left. You also lost your
first life in the explosion. It killed me that I
couldn't save you- literally. So now you've
got two remaining."
"But by the time I'm through with you, you'll have none of them left."