Midway through the wedding, and Harry had yet to be noticed. He sat in the last pew, his hands clasped in his lap, and his eyes studying the beautiful cathedral around him. High arches on the ceiling, colored glass windows, ribbons and bouquets of white roses lining the aisles. The entire time up to that point had been spent thinking of a certain dark beauty, and how she would look in a white gown as she sauntered down the aisle with a thin veil over her flawless face. Her beauty would be able to stand out even amid the cathedral. The images wouldn't leave Harry's mind.

A few glances had been spared in his direction. They all looked at him briefly, as if they only just barely could see him sitting there, and then they would look away, averting their attention to the ceremony. Harry didn't mind. He didn't know what he expected from these people but he didn't expect much. His mother, who sat in the first pew, had yet to even break her attention from his sister and her groom. Her eyes had been watery the whole time, quiet sniffling being heard throughout the cathedral, and a tissue box being the only guest sitting beside her. He wondered if she would be this emotional at his wedding.

His hand slipped into his pocket as it vibrated quietly, earning him a few scornful gazes. He rolled his eyes and took out his phone, reading over the message.

Feeling a bit lonely without you, daddy. x

Harry nearly choked on the breath in his lungs as he looked at the picture attached to the message. It was Carmen, wearing absolutely nothing except for the pair of knee socks she had on before he left. He shifted in his seat, breath thickening and eyes looking around to make sure no one had sensed his momentary surprise. All eyes were focused on the alter, thankfully.

Are you trying to get me hard while I'm in a church?

He pressed send and looked away from his phone, calling for every ounce of his restraint to not look at the picture once more. It had made the wedding even more unappealing, now that he knew back at his apartment there was the love of his life wandering around nude.

"I do," Harry heard his sister say with a smile on her face, breaking him away from his drifting lustful thoughts. Moments later, the couple shared a love-filled kiss and clapping emitted from the crowd of guests. Harry, not wanting to bring attention to himself, and simply because he couldn't help it, clapped for them as well. Perhaps if his sister hadn't become such a stranger to him, he might have been genuinely happy for her.

His clapping was put on hold as his phone buzzed again and he peeked at it again, not being able to fight the giddy feeling in his stomach that always accompanied thoughts of Carmen.

Maaaaybe ;)

He shook his head to himself, letting out a low chuckle. Before he could type out a response, a voice startled him and his phone was quickly slipped back into his pocket.

"You made it," his mother smiled. He couldn't tell if it was a real smile, or the kind of sardonic smile that meant she knew he would come from the moment she asked. Either way, he narrowed his eyes defensively, remembering the things that she had said to Carmen only a matter of weeks ago.

"Yeah," he pinched his lip between his fingers and refused to make eye contact with her. "Not for you, though. For Gemma."

"She'll be happy you came," she said, a certain sense of sincerity in her voice that made Harry relax just the slightest. Why did it seem like everything made him tense these days?

"Okay," he couldn't think of anything else to say. Lips pressed into a straight, firm line, he looked in the other direction from her, signalling the end of the short-lived conversation. His mother continued to stand there, tapping her freshly manicured nails against the side of her thigh.

"Do you love her?" she asked suddenly, her voice softening drastically. She quickly moved to sit beside him in the pew, setting her clutch in her lap. Neither of them looked at each other, pretending to watch the people around them as Gemma and her groom greeted all of the guests together. Harry and his mother were the only ones sitting down.

The question caught Harry off guard. He had been expecting her to leave and talk to his sister instead, since the day was obviously about her, not him. His lips twitched in hesitation before he spoke.

"Very much," he admitted.

"I know it may not seem like it-" she dabbed her eyes with a tissue that had been hidden in her hand. Harry glanced at her, not knowing whether to scoff at the action or to sympathize. "-but I only want what's best for you, Harry. And I know that that girl is not it."

"You don't know anything," he said calmly, turning his head and tapping his fingers against his thigh. It must've been something that ran in the family.

"But I do, Harry. I know what it's like to love someone that is completely wrong for you." Harry's body tensed visibly, but she continued. "Your father was a horrible man-"

"You don't think I know that?" he spat, cutting her off.

Harry of all people would know that.

"No, I know you do. I know that you had to grow up watching him be horrible to me a-and I know he was never much of a fatherly figure for you and your sister." Harry heard his mother sniffle, and at this point he wasn't sure if it was artificial or not. "But I couldn't just leave him. I loved him so much, Harry. Probably more than what you think you feel for that whore."

Teeth gritted, he refrained from interrupting her despite the flash of red in his vision.

She reached her hand out and hesitantly placed it on his knee. He tensed.

There was a certain air between them that was uncleared. Thick, hazey, obscured.

"She won't make you happy, Harry. She will ruin you."

He flinched and swatted her hand away from his knee. "Didn't you and dad already do that, though?" he hissed with as much venom in his voice as he could muster.

"I suppose," his mother nodded and played with the tissue in her hand. "I don't think you're as 'ruined' as you think, Harry. I haven't seen you in a long time, I know, but... but you've always been a very good person. A much better person than I could have ever been and I need you to know that I'm proud of you."

"A good person? Do you even hear yourself?" Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, we all make mistakes-"

"Yeah but we don't all kill people and cheat people out of their money, do we?" The words left no trace of guilt on his tongue, which is exactly why Harry knew he wasn't a good person.

His mother let out a breath. "Yes, but you came here today. Why? You didn't have to and you know you didn't."

"I came," he fumbled with his words for a moment, "I came because I had nothing else to do," he lied.

His mother hummed, nodding skeptically. "I don't think you give yourself enough credit, Harry. You deserve a lot in this world. You deserve to have your family by your side, and a nice wife. You're not getting any younger, you know. The lifestyle you're leading will get old soon, believe me. It wasn't long after I met your father that he wanted to settle down."

Every mention of his father made Harry cringe visibly. "He settled down with you, but fucked other women every night," he reminded her casually, not caring that the statement made hurt flash in her cold eyes.

"Marriage is fucked up in that sense," he continued, watching his sister as she leaned into her new husband's side. "People do it to be tied down to one person for the rest of their life, but yet nobody actually wants that. Nobody is happy when they're married, I don't think."

Even as he said the words, they didn't hold much eviction even to himself. Being tied down with Carmen would be anything but unhappiness.

"I think a lot of people rush into it these days," his mother spoke. "And they don't think about it properly. You have to think ahead, Harry. Will that person be someone good for your future?"

"I know what you're trying to do, mum. It's not working. Carmen is more than just some whore to me. She... she's everything that I want and need. You wouldn't understand." He sighed and shook his head. Not even he understood so how could his mother?

"Are you coming to the reception?" she asked him after a few moments, the previous conversation still thick in the air.

"Dunno."

"You should. Gemma would want that."

The guests were just starting to leave the church, and his mother stood up from the pew, grasping her clutch. He had to choose between going to the reception, or going back to his apartment where Carmen was waiting for him in only those sultry knee socks.

It wasn't too hard of a choice.

"I'll send her my congratulations," he muttered as he stood up as well, hands burrowing in his pockets. He turned and strided out of the cathedral before his mother had the chance to protest, his gait never failing to emit confidence even though inside he was questioning almost everything about himself.

The air was cold and nipped at his flesh the moment he stepped out of the church. Gray clouds hung in the sky, and he wondered to himself who would ever want to get married in November. He kept his hands in his pockets for warmth and made his way to his car.

"Harry!" someone called from behind him and he swore under his breath. The sound of heels clicking against the stone pathway sounded through the silent evening.

He turned to see his sister, the fabric of her gown bunched up in her hands as she jogged, or waddled more of, towards him. He mentally groaned, taking a moment to seriously contemplate whether he should just continue walking. He took a moment too long because before he could even decide, the girl that was now a stranger to him was standing a mere foot away, breathing thickly from running.

"Um, hey," he muttered, keeping his eyebrows low. She looked just as he remembered, but more mature and less fragile.

"You came," she breathed, a small smile growing on her lip. The evening wind pushed the fabric of her dress around her ankles.

"Wouldn't want to miss out on my sister's wedding," he shrugged, but barely got the last word out as a pair of arms were suddenly wrapped around his neck. Her small body practically flung at him and she hugged him tightly, as if he would dissipate into the November air.

Harry hesitantly wrapped his arms around her, his body stiff and uncomfortable.

"I hope you're doing okay," she whispered, still hugging him tightly.

"Yeah, I'm perfectly fine," he couldn't help but have a slight edge to his voice. He had been on his own for years now, of course he was okay.

Gemma pulled away and smiled at him, having to stand on her tippy toes even while in her heels so their eyes could be level. She patted his cheek lightly and Harry tried not to swat her hand away. He wanted to leave and he wanted leave right then and there. He had his girl waiting for him.

"Are you coming to the reception?" Her lips tugged down in a frown.

Goddammit. His lips pressed together and he tried his best not to appear as annoyed as he was. "I, uh, wasn't planning to. No." He watched his sister's face fall drastically, someone who was a stranger to him, and yet his chest tightened with guilt. The chances of going home to Carmen were slipping away from him, and he let out a sigh. "Do you want me to?" he questioned slowly, instantly regretting it.

"Yes," she beamed at him brightly. So much for getting home to his girl. "It would mean the world to me if you came."

He sighed and nodded his head reluctantly. "Yeah, okay."

****

Raining. It was now nearly midnight and drops of rain were lightly pattering against the windows. Carmen sighed to herself, hating the feeling of longing that was eating her alive as she sipped at her cup of coffee. She wanted to stay up for him, to fulfill the promise that she made about giving him a nice little dance. He had texted her an hour ago saying he would be back no later than 11:30, yet it had already passed.

She wasn't hurt or anything. She was happy for him that finally he was getting to reconnect with his family. Even though the details of his relationship with them and his past were being kept from her, she was well aware that things were not very smooth between them. It made her happy to think that he was happy.

But what bothered her was how she couldn't even seem to go a minute without wanting to send him a nother picture or dirty message. She couldn't erase his emerald eyes from her mind, or his stupid tattoos. She didn't even want to go out just in case he would come back while she would be gone. It was like a sickness, what she felt towards him. And she despised it.

"Stupid asshole," she grumbled to herself, dumping the rest of her coffee in the sink and rubbing her hand against her forehead. "Stupid, mother fucking cute asshole."

She sighed and padded to his room, taking out one of his shirts to wear to sleep. It smelled of him, of his rich cologne and natural masculanity. She inhaled the scent and felt the longing for him only grow. It was like her craving for Harry Styles could never be fed fully, no matter how much she had of him.

In the quietness of her thoughts it was easy to hear the steady knocking at the front door, even from Harry's room. She inwardly groaned, remembering the last time she had opened the door to someone and it turned out to be his bitch of a mother. Swearing under her breath, she sauntered to the door and placed her hand on her hip as she opened it.

"Look, do you know what time-" She stopped herself as she stared into a familiar pair of warm brown eyes, her eyebrows raising in surprise.

"Carmen," Stephan greeted with a nod of his head, the most discreet of smirk on his lips.

****

dont know how i feel about this lmao !! i know what i want to happen but eh

anyway ily

imma try to update again soon!