The insult struck Asiya so hard that she became numb.

Expectations.

Expectations.

Expectations.

Racist.

Yusuf's family is racist.

Yusuf had made it sound like their expectations were nothing. Small things. Silly things. Insignificant things.

How would she fit in when they had already decided there was no place for her?

Wanting his wife to be a specific skin colour was not nothing. Hating someone because of their skin colour was not nothing. Yusuf's family was racist.

"You're leaving. Now." Asiya's mum pushed her chair back. "Get out of my house."

Aunt Hina remained seated and engaged Asiya's mother in a stare-down. Hannah, sitting between them, shrunk in her seat as though lasers were beaming above her head from the women's eyes.

"I was only answering Asiya's question," aunt Hina said.

Asiya's mother turned to Aminah. "Aminah, please clear the table. I will inform your father that Yusuf and his family are leaving." She swept out of the dining room without a backward glance.

"Hina, please, let's just go," Hannah begged quietly.

"I wasn't planning on staying," aunt Hina said haughtily.

Hannah jumped onto her feet. Her head was low, and her face was flushed. She hurriedly gathered her things together while aunt Hina stood over her, her hand guarding the purse she hadn't removed from her shoulder.

Asiya simmered in her seat while her sister moved around her, carefully stacking half-eaten plates with Fawaz on her hip.

Asiya didn't know which of her feelings were stronger. Anger or shame.

She was angry at Yusuf for lying and for watering down details about his family as though their true colours wouldn't eventually bleed through his words.

She was also angry for him. Aunt Hina hadn't only slandered her. Her words painted Yusuf, too, even if his pigment didn't allow his aunt to see it.

Aunt Hina had spoken so comfortably and easily in a stranger's home. What does she say in their own?

Asiya's body sank into her chair. Shame swirled in her stomach like a whirlpool.

She had been stupid. Allah had blessed her with eyes, but she had acted blind.

Yusuf's news at the station may have been incomplete and a lie, but it had still been a red flag. One Asiya had recognised.

Why did she ignore it?

Why did she carry it into her home? A place where she was supposed to be safe. Where the spit of ignorant words shouldn't have been able to reach her and seep into her skin.

Why had Asiya dropped her guard and convinced her family to lower their shields? She had introduced Yusuf to her parents and exposed disgusting hate to her sisters.

Yusuf had, in a way, warned her something bad would happen. Everything had been so predictable, yet Asiya had selfishly failed to protect her family from the attack.

"Asiya are you okay?"

Asiya blinked. Her sister and Yusuf's family were gone.

Yusuf moved closer to her. "Asiya, what's going on?"

Asiya placed her hands on the table. Her body felt heavy like she had been drenched in water. She pushed herself up onto her feet and met Yusuf's mesh of green and hazel eyes.

"What's going on is that your family is racist," Asiya said. She was lowkey surprised she had managed to speak calmly and plainly.

"What? No–"

Asiya jerked her finger towards Yusuf. "Don't lie to me Yusuf," she warned.

"You're angry," Yusuf said.

Asiya scowled. "What gave that away?"

"Can we sit down and talk? Please?"

"No. You're leaving."

"I'm not."

Asiya closed her eyes. She was on the verge of boiling over. Her blood felt hot and wild like it was moving backwards, forwards, and in unnatural loops inside of her, and Yusuf wasn't saying anything that was helping.

"I'm not leaving until we talk," Yusuf said stubbornly.

"Talk?" Asiya hissed as she marched closer to Yusuf. "Fine. Your family is racist, and you knew! That was why you lied. That was why you didn't tell them about me!"

Yusuf let go of a breath. "Okay. My aunt says stuff. Yes. But my mum isn't–"

"Your aunt's mouthpiece, after all! She rarely speaks! Especially when it matters!"

"You're not being fair," Yusuf frowned.

"I'm not being fair?" Asiya echoed lowly.

Her scarf loosened, and a piece of the fabric unravelled itself from where Asiya had positioned it across her shoulder.

A scream bubbled up Asiya's throat. Its force was so strong that it nearly split Asiya into two. Her breath was coming out in splinters.

Yusuf wasn't stupid. He was one of the smartest people Asiya knew. So why was he speaking as though he was? Why was he pretending to be ignorant when they both knew he wasn't?

Asiya flattened her lips, closed her eyes and pulled back her temper.

"What's not fair," Asiya said slowly, "is us speaking for weeks, me telling the people I love about you, and you hiding me away like I'm some dirty secret. What's unfair is my family and I being insulted in our home. What's not fair is you not being honest with me, not warning me."

"I'm sorry," Yusuf apologised.

"Is that all you've got?" Asiya questioned harshly.

"What else can I say?" Yusuf asked desperately. "You're right. I lied about them. I lied to you because I knew-I knew-that-we're–"

"Yusuf! Come on! We're leaving!" Aunt Hina called from the hallway.

Asiya cautiously released a breath and repositioned her scarf. "Just go, Yusuf."

Yusuf lowered his body to meet Asiya's low gaze. "Asiya, please. Their opinions don't matter. What matters is ours. Yours and mine, and mine is that I love you."

Asiya's breath clogged in her throat, and she moved her eyes.

He had never said that to her before.

Yusuf moved too. He stood stubbornly in front of Asiya, but his face was not pure defiance.

Asiya felt like she was looking in a mirror because Yusuf's face seemed to hold all her hurt.

"I love you, Asiya. I swear I do." Yusuf's voice was thick and shaky. It hit Asiya like buckets of water, dampening her rage.

Asiya clenched her fist, trying to hold on to her anger like a leash. She didn't want to give it up. Doing so felt like she was letting Yusuf's family win.

But Asiya's heart was abandoning her. It was running away from her and towards Yusuf.

If Asiya held onto her heart, pulled it back and fought with it, it would break.

But it felt like if Asiya let it go, if she lost it to Yusuf, she'd lose everything.

"I'm so sorry for what's happened. I'm so sorry for not warning you, but I would've never brought my mum here if I thought she wouldn't accept you."

Asiya could hear the sincerity in Yusuf's words. The desperation. She could hear something clawing its way up his throat as his hands squeezed at his sides.

Yusuf sounded like he was about to cry, and Asiya knew that if he did, each tear would weaken and undo the strings that kept her heart trapped in her body.

Yusuf loved her.

Was that even possible? It had only been a few weeks since they had started getting to know each other.

However, Yusuf's words seemed sincere, and they swelled into the cracks that had recently formed in Asiya's heart.

"It's the first meeting, Asiya. I'll speak to my mum. I'll sort out my aunt. Please, please, don't decide anything based on one meeting," Yusuf begged.

"I think one meeting has told us everything we need to know," Aminah said as she entered the dining room.

Aminah was no longer carrying Fawaz, and she positioned her free hands on her hip and gave Yusuf a dirty look.

Yusuf ignored Aminah's comment. "Asiya, I love you. I'll fix everything. They'll apologise. I'll sort it all out. Everything will be okay. I promise."

Asiya's face crumbled as Yusuf's promise smothered her anger.

Asiya believed him.

Yusuf had been scared, and could Asiya really blame him?

Yusuf loved her.

He had been in an impossible situation. Tell his family or walk away. Walking away was the easy option, but Yusuf loved her too much to choose that.

If only Yusuf had told her sooner, Asiya could've shared his secret and kept it.

She would've gone against everything she believed in and would've helped Yusuf hide it.

If Yusuf had told her sooner, her heart would've been spared from his secret instead of being a victim of it.

Asiya's pinkie finger twitched, ready to twist itself around Yusuf's promise. But Aminah intervened.

Aminah locked her fingers through Asiya's, strangling her promise in her large hands.

Asiya's eyes stung. Tears were threatening to ruin the face she had spent time curating.

"Yusuf. It's time for you to leave," Aminah said. 

-       

"You're not going to cry, are you?" Kulthum asked, her lips pinched together in disgust.

Asiya pulled her hand out of Aminah's.

"No," Asiya answered as she glared at her younger sister.

However, Asiya was careful not to squeeze her eyes too much.

The pressure behind them was unbearable. It felt like there were water balloons behind Asiya's eyes, and if she blinked, they would pop, and tears would run down her face like rivers.

"Good, because you're an ugly crier, and no man is worth being ugly for," Kulthum said.

"Kulthum, this isn't the time," Asiya snapped as she placed her hand on her chest.

Her heart was still there. Intact and beating. It wasn't breaking, or at least it didn't feel like it was, but something about it was definitely changing.

Asiya felt like she was in the middle of losing something—something that should've been insignificant, something that she didn't necessarily need but would miss if she lost.

"Kulthum is right. He's not worth it," Aminah said bluntly.

"Aminah! How can you say that?" Asiya gasped.

"I don't want to backbite, but just believe me when I say it," Aminah sniffed. 

"Has bi Allahu wa neemal wa kil," Asiya's mum recited as she embraced Asiya in her arms. "It'll be okay. There'll be someone else. Someone better."

Asiya ripped her head away from her mother's chest.

Someone else? Better?

Yusuf was like a kidney. Asiya didn't need him, but he was hers.

Like a small pearl in a sealed clam, if Yusuf was removed from Asiya's life, it would be destroyed.

"He said he'd fix it," Asiya said.

Her mother's eyes darkened. "Fix it? This isn't an it, Asiya. Or a what. It's a who. These are people, and their feelings, their hate, run deep. It can't be fixed, at least not overnight or within a few weeks. And they need to want it to be fixed, Asiya. They need to want to change."

"Yusuf's mum didn't say anything," Asiya pointed out.

"Exactly."

"Yusuf doesn't need their permission."

"No, but you need ours."

Her mother's tone was tight. Her words hit Asiya and felt like the tip of a cane landing on her back.

Asiya's breath stilled. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing. We've not decided anything," her dad quickly said. "Look, Yusuf is a decent guy–"

"But his family isn't!" Asiya's mum interrupted angrily. "Did you see the way she turned her nose up when we showed her around? How she looked at us and our home with disgust? You didn't hear the questions she asked! The way she behaved and spoke! It was rude, derogatory and shameless. I should never have let her speak for so long."

"It was quite unpleasant," Aminah unhelpfully added.

"They were unpleasant," Asiya's mum hissed. "Why on earth would we let our daughter marry into a family where she would probably be subjected to more abuse?"

"Because he's a nice guy," Asiya's dad argued in a low voice. "That Asiya clearly has feelings for, and it's also her choice as much as mine."

Asiya's mum clicked her tongue. "Oh, so we're playing that game, are we? I am her mother."

"I know," Asiya's dad said softly.

"No, you don't know. You don't know how hard marriage can be for a woman. The burden of forming relationships, fitting in, and conforming is on the woman! You don't know how difficult it is for a woman to integrate into the man's family without extra biases!"

A fresh batch of tears swelled in Asiya's eyes, and static tickled her nose.

Asiya's parents disagreed, but she had never seen them argue.

Their squabbles never escalated into fights that could fill a room with such intense heat, that everyone around them had to move cautiously so they didn't get burnt.

Her mother had a temper. One that Asiya knew she had inherited.

It could erupt from a small flame into a blaze quicker than the speed of light, but her mother rarely let that happen.

Unlike her, Asiya's mother could control her temper and never lost it with her dad.

Asiya's dad was the head of the household, but he knew and respected that her mother was the heart.

Asiya's parents made decisions together and always included her and her sisters in the discussions.

Asiya's dad never took advantage of his position. He had never moved his position against her mother's. Until today, and it was all Asiya's fault.

Asiya wanted to cry. Her home was in chaos. All these things happened for the first time because of her stupid feelings for a guy.

"Don't make this personal. This is about Asiya," her dad said dismissively.

"I'm not making it personal. I'm speaking honestly. It's a fact. It's the way humans have reconstructed the world. Ask any married woman."

"You're a married woman."

"So why aren't you listening to me?"

Her dad scrubbed his hand against his beard. "What are you trying to say, Sharifah?" His voice was thin.

"I'm not trying to say anything. No matter how nice, kind or patient the man is, or even if his family is more welcoming than the shoe mat outside our front door, it doesn't remove from the fact that the woman is the one who typically leaves her home and has to work and create a new one! You can ask Aminah!"

"Don't bring her into this," her dad said.

Asiya's mum swung her arms in Aminah's direction as her face twisted with frustration. "She's in this Abdul-Rahman! She was there! The woman insulted her too!"

Asiya's dad looked at Aminah.

"I don't have anything else to say," Aminah said.

Asiya sighed, grateful for her sister's ability to hold her tongue. Besides, Aminah had already damned her and Yusuf enough, and Asiya wanted her parents to stop fighting.

"Does anyone else have something they'd like to say?" Asiya's dad asked loudly as his gaze moved around the room, holding it for longer on Asiya's face compared to everyone else's.

Asiya's mum rolled her eyes while Asiya and her sisters shook their heads silently.

"Sharifah?" her dad's tone softened as he turned back to her. "Anything else?"

Asiya watched her mother's lips twist and separate slightly as she tried not to kiss her teeth. "Abeg," she sassed quietly with a dismissive wave.

"What happened today," Asiya's dad started.

Asiya's eyes lost their focus. Pins and needles attacked her hands as her dad spoke.

She had been here before. She had received the same speech from her dad after Ibrahim.

Asiya had been the cause of chaos before, and here she was being the cause again.

She had opened her mouth and puffed out the first few breaths of wind that joined together and formed a hurricane, again.

The crushing feeling of de ja vu Asiya was experiencing caused her to lower her head into her hands.

Yusuf was supposed to be different. He was good.

He was so good that it felt like he was almost perfect. That was why Asiya had allowed herself to get carried away, to fall head first into what she had thought was a bed of roses, all the while forgetting that roses still had thorns.

Was her wanting to continue with Yusuf a sign of belief or delusion?

Asiya used to think she could tell the difference, but she was no longer thinking with her head. Today had shown her that her heart now had a seat at the table. One that held so much power and influence that it resembled a throne.

"Ya Allah," Asiya whispered against her palms desperately, making the air around her sticky. "Please don't put my heart in the hands of someone not meant for me."

"Asiya, did you hear what dad said?" Aminah questioned.

Asiya looked at her dad.

"Yusuf is a good man," her dad said.

"Not every good man is a husband," her mum muttered.

Her dad ignored her mum and continued speaking. "I'll give you some time to think about everything. My decision is final, and I will base it on what you want and what I think you need. Okay?"

"Okay," Asiya said quietly.

"You need to pray," Aminah said to Asiya.

"Yes. Long and hard," her mum said dully as she left the room.

"You need to pray, Istikhara, Asiya," Aminah repeated. She tapped her finger on the table and looked at Asiya, radiating a never-ending calmness Asiya had always envied. "Remember that no one can challenge the answer to a decision you've brought in front of Allah."

Asiya swallowed a sob. "But mum and dad said–"

Aminah shook her head. "Not even them."

Aminah grabbed Asiya's hand. "I also want you to remember that so many people love you, Asiya, more than you can count. Focus on them and not the ones that don't. Okay?" she said before giving Asiya's hand a squeeze.

-

Author's Note: Poor Asiya. 🥹. Chapter breaks my heart. What do you guys think, would you expect your partner to tell their parent's about your race? If you are from different backgrounds. Would you do the same?

Personally, I think it's very sad we have to do it but I would. Can save a person from so much heartache, clearly 🙄🤣

-

Chapter Glossary

Has bi Allahu wa neemal wa kil: Dua. "Sufficient for us is Allah, and [He is] the best Disposer of affairs."

Isthikhara: it means to seek good. It is a non-compulsory prayer that is prayed to seek guidance, wisdom or help from God when making a decision. Within that prayer there is a specific dua you recite asking God for help.