⚠️ This chapter contains kissing. If you wish to skip that part, these emojis > ⚠️😚 < will be placed before and after the paragraph depicting a kiss (sandwiching it). ⚠️

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Yusuf folded the cuffs of his shirt.

His firm had acted for a director who had set up a screening of a film that wouldn't hit cinemas for another five months. 

Everyone who worked at the firm was invited, regardless of their job title. The firm's new roof terrace would be decked out to match the event's exclusive vibe, and the partners had ordered everyone to dress to impress.

He and Asiya were still fighting, and while Yusuf was worried about their periods of silence becoming permanent, no one at his firm would suspect a thing. 

Yusuf and Asiya were both good at putting on a show.

"I'm ready," Asiya announced as she stepped out of their bedroom.

Time stalled as Yusuf's locked his gaze on Asiya. 

She was wearing a pistachio green satin gown. A piece of fabric wrapped across the dress just below her torso before it dropped and trailed behind her feet.

Yusuf's feelings swirled together as he studied everything about Asiya. The matching scarf she had wrapped around her hair, her graceful fingers holding a silver clutch, and the way her hips subtly swayed under her dress as she moved towards him and her face.

Yusuf felt like a spoilt child. 

He didn't want to go to the social anymore. 

He didn't want people to see Asiya, not when she had spent most of the weekend hiding from him. He didn't want her mingling and talking to other people when she had barely spoken to him. 

Yusuf didn't want to share her, especially when he didn't have full access to her.

"The taxi's outside. Shall we go?" Asiya asked.

Yusuf nodded like he was mute.

Yusuf kept stealing glances at Asiya throughout their journey. He wanted nothing more than to touch her, to place his hand on hers, and stroke apologies over her skin.

No one at his firm was worthy of an introduction to her, and they would all be in his way. He and Asiya needed to talk, and they couldn't at the social.

Once they had exited the taxi, Yusuf hooked his arm through Asiya's and dragged her into a cloakroom in the office, locking the door behind them.

"Yusuf!" Asiya hissed. "What on earth do you think you're doing?"

Yusuf squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't concentrate. He could barely answer her. 

Asiya's usually soft, high-pitched voice sounded alluring to him, as though she had coated her vocal cords in rich honey, and her words plunged Yusuf into a dizzy haze.

"Yusuf." Asiya clicked her fingers, bringing him back. "Yusuf, what's the matter? Let's go. What if someone wants their coat?"

"No one will know we're here, and the movie will have started by now. Everyone will be occupied," Yusuf whispered.

"Okay...so what are we doing here?" Asiya asked.

"We need to talk, and I don't want to wait any longer to do that," he replied.

"Asiya. I miss you," Yusuf whined. 

Can't she hear it? 

How desperate he sounded. How his voice had deepened and tangled itself with something else. "I hate fighting with you."

"I'm sorry," they both blurted out simultaneously.

"I'm really sorry for staying out without telling you and saying all those things to you," Asiya apologised. "I don't believe them or think them. I was just hurt. You come home late all the time, Yusuf. I knew you would sometimes, but it's been every day since we got back from our honeymoon. It's like you're avoiding me."

Yusuf's heart cracked at the same Asiya's voice did.

"Do you even want me around? It feels like you're running away from me."

Yusuf searched for Asiya's hand and grasped Asiya's slender fingers in his. She didn't pull her hands away, but Asiya didn't secure Yusuf's grip either.

"Of course, I want you around," Yusuf said.

He pinched his eyes shut as he filtered through his thoughts and tried to create the perfect sentence and apology to fix everything.

"Yusuf." Asiya's free hand found and travelled up his chest. "Where did you just go?"

He could hear the slight smile in her voice, and his breath settled as though it were trapped in a jar, sealed by Asiya's smile.

"I'm not running from you. It sounds like an excuse, but I'm sort of running from myself, and I know it's not fair," Yusuf said.

Selfish. 

Yusuf had called Asiya selfish during their fight, but he had been the selfish one. 

Yusuf had focused on his wants, boundaries, comfort and needs and neglected Asiya's.

Asiya had made concessions. 

She had been giving him her all; now, it was his turn to try. 

She couldn't carry their relationship on her own, and Yusuf couldn't continue taking from Asiya; otherwise, nothing would be left of the woman he loved.

"I'm scared," he said. Yusuf hated how pathetic he sounded. "It's like there's a cork in my chest, and it tightens and resists whenever I try to open up. When I do, it feels like nothing changes, nothing I do or say is enough, or things get worse. I don't want to risk things going wrong with you, Asiya. That's why I," Yusuf's voice faltered.

Asiya squeezed Yusuf's hand. "Your work is a distraction."

"Yeah, one that I know is unhealthy and unfair to you but really effective and comforting to me," Yusuf quietly confessed.

When he worked, it felt like putting together a puzzle. Each time he simplified a complex contract into simple sentences or created a solution from a single judgment, Yusuf felt like he was grabbing pieces of a puzzle and snapping them into place, creating a perfect picture when everything else around him felt like it was falling apart. That was comforting.

Work gave his mind something else to obsess about. It gave him a break. This respite continued afterwards, too. 

Yusuf would be so fatigued, and the harder Yusuf worked, the longer his brain would be temporarily disabled from overthinking.

"I don't know how to fix it or if I even can," Yusuf said.

"You don't have to fix it alone. I have some ideas. We can figure it out together. I know I've been a moody cow recently. I haven't allowed you to talk at times, but I want to listen to you," Asiya said.

"And I want to talk to you, but not like I did on Friday night. I'm sorry, and I'll never speak to you like that again," Yusuf said.

Once the lines that weren't to be crossed had been redrawn, Yusuf kissed Asiya's fingers, realising he had barely been functioning without her. 

Like a missing piece of his rib, her absence had seemed insignificant, but now that they had reunited, Yusuf realised it had been excruciatingly painful.

"Who knew we could have a mature conversation?" Asiya teased. "Aminah's marriage course didn't go to waste."

"No, it didn't," Yusuf grinned.

"Shall we go upstairs now?" Asiya asked.

Yusuf rubbed Asiya's waist. "Can I kiss you before we do?"

"Yes," Asiya said breathily.

> ⚠️😚 <

Yusuf pressed his body onto Asiya's like their clothes were covered with static electricity.

Asiya kissed Yusuf back fiercely. The kiss triggered an explosion within Yusuf, causing his mind to shift and become lost in the smoke and debris. He ran his hands over Asiya's dress and tugged on the overlapping pieces of material, desperately trying to anchor himself to her.

Asiya broke their kiss. "Yusuf, wait. We have to stop," she said breathlessly.

Asiya placed a hand on Yusuf's chest and inhaled loudly. "We have to stop, or we won't appear at your firm's event tonight," she said firmly.

Asiya's scent, closeness, and the fact that he could feel every inch of her had overwhelmed Yusuf. 

He could feel where Asiya's bust started and ended, the slight dips in her hips and the shocks that spawned from her fingertips and travelled through him as she gripped his body.

> ⚠️😚 <

Yusuf's mind was numb, but he found a way to focus and steady his voice. "I don't care about appearances. I just want to be with you. By ourselves. Just us. Alone," he purred.

Asiya laughed at his desperate plea. "Alright, but where are we going to go? I'm overdressed for most places."

"I have an idea."

- A -

The pair didn't have to wait too long to get a taxi as the one they had taken to the firm was still loitering around in the area.

"You again, was the event not good?" The driver politely inquired as he tried to have a conversation with them.

"Yeah, something like that," Yusuf mumbled as his gaze flickered to Asiya.

He placed his hand on her leg and stroked it with his fingers.

Asiya wound down the window and stuck out her head. She felt like she was overheating.

Yusuf hadn't given the taxi driver an address. He directed the driver with polite, "Turn here, please," and by pointing at random lampposts, minor landmarks and houses.

The taxi driver dropped them off in front of an alleyway wedged between an abandoned church and some small, disintegrating cottages. 

Asiya looked around her surroundings. The area looked contrastingly different to the other central London postcodes.

"We're going in there," Yusuf said as his finger pointed into the strange dark path.

"Erm...It looks dodgy," Asiya said.

"We'll be okay. We need to go through it, and then we'll be at the place."

"You're not secretly a murderer, are you?" Asiya joked.

"Maybe," Yusuf matched Asiya's playful tone. "Or maybe I'm revealing that I'm actually Batman," he sang as he wiggled his fingers.

Asiya held Yusuf's hand and allowed him to lead her through the tight path. Her eyes were downcast, and her mind was focused as her feet stumbled over the broken, pebbled pathway.

After tripping on her dress for the second time, Yusuf let go of Asiya's hand.

"Get on my back," Yusuf lightly demanded as he squatted.

Asiya bunched the sides of her dress into her hands so her feet were on display and jumped onto Yusuf's back. She linked her legs around his torso and wrapped her hands around his neck.

They pottered upwards like that for a few more minutes until the pebbles on the ground turned into smooth concrete, and the alleyway expanded under an archway.

"Whoa," Asiya whistled as she took in the new view. Yusuf gently lowered Asiya onto her feet and moved her through the hidden paradise.

The couple stood in the middle of what seemed to be the ruins of a palace. Pieces of the building's infrastructure remained, like small turrets that leaned out from the ground and severed walls with large, cracked, golden, glazed windows, but a lot of the building's stone and the floor were arrested with green vines, wildflowers, bushes and messy clusters of moss.

The majesty of the location was the sunset. The fragmented palace, with no roof, doors or proper walls, gave them an uninterrupted view of the sun, leaving her shift from the city of London.

"How did you find this place?" Asiya asked Yusuf.

Yusuf cocked his head to one side. "I found it by accident. When I first moved to London, the city was too loud and busy for me. I got lost one day and was out of data, so I couldn't open Google Maps. I bought an unlimited plan after that."

Asiya released a short laugh.

"I was just walking. I stupidly assumed that the quieter and smaller the roads got, the closer to my place I would get. Instead, I found this," Yusuf said.

"It's beautiful," Asiya said as the melting sunrays fanned over her face.

"It is beautiful," Yusuf repeated as he deliberately locked eyes with Asiya.

"You're so cheesy, Yusuf," Asiya giggled as she placed her head on his chest.

"It's peaceful," Yusuf said. "It's like a piece of peace broke away and landed here. It's grounding and reminds me of Allah's promise that after hardship comes ease."

Asiya snugged her face against Yusuf's chest as she hummed a tune of agreement.

When a brief, non-disruptive breeze stroked Asiya's exposed cheek, she couldn't help but think that this place screamed Yusuf.

"I'm sorry," Asiya apologised. Her eyes weren't brave enough to detach themselves from the sunset.

"What for?"

Asiya was not only ashamed to mention their argument, but she was also scared that casting Yusuf's mind back to when she had been so horrible to him would cause the peaceful feeling between them to dissolve.

The wind spoke, but Yusuf didn't.

Oh gosh, he's remembering, isn't he? Remembering how much of a cow I am. I've ruined this moment, haven't I? Asiya mentally questioned herself.

"Asiya. Don't mention that night again. I've already forgotten about it," Yusuf said.

"I am sorry, though. I was so mean."

"I'm sorry too because I wasn't any better."

"I know, but you barely said anything, and the little you did say was because I purposely pushed you. I was so harsh. Yusuf, I'm really–"

"Asiya." Yusuf placed his hands on Asiya's waist and faced her. "No more apologies. Okay?"

"Okay."

- Y -

Yusuf stared at Asiya. Her beauty seemed to brighten as the sun sank lower into its bed.

"I just...I don't know how you can look at me," Asiya said.

"Jaan," Yusuf murmured as he ran his hands along Asiya's cheek, "mera dil aapke pas hai, mujhe pata hai aapke pas hai, kyun ke jab mai aap ke saath hoti hun mera dil dharakna band ho jaata hai. jo mere wujood ka hissa hai, mai us ko kese na dekhu?."

Asiya's eyebrows scrunched together slightly. 

She didn't understand the raspy, love-filled words that had left his lips, but answering Asiya in a different language was the only way Yusuf could properly say it.

A subtle pressure developed in Yusuf's head. 

It wasn't a headache. 

It was more of a burdening desire to kiss Asiya and not stop. 

When Yusuf's neck could no longer support the weight of his current feelings, he lowered it and did just that.

The couple stayed there for hours until the dark sky kissed the stars goodnight.

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Author's Note: I grew up in London and still live here (part-time). To my knowledge, this place doesn't exist, but a very similar place does. St Dunstan in the East. In Central London. It's a former churchyard garden. It's partially destroyed. Looks like something out of Harry Potter, Zelda with a mixture of The Hobbit. It's very pretty and quite peaceful when it isn't busy.

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Chapter Glossary

Yusuf's Statement (Urdu): the one who is a part of myself/my life/my existence, how do i not look at them?