When Yusuf sat up at Fajr time, he first noticed how empty the room felt.

Yusuf had watched Asiya cradle herself on the sofa before he locked himself in their bedroom, but he hadn't expected her to sleep on it. 

He had thought she would trickle into their room later; however, her side of the bed hadn't been untucked.

"Asiya," Yusuf croaked as he cracked open the bedroom door. His throat felt raw, his voice sounded strained, and his mouth was exhausted from all the running it had done last night. "It's time to pray."

Asiya was sitting cross-legged on a prayer mat. A small Quran was open in front of her. "I've already prayed," she said without turning to look at him.

Yusuf cracked the bedroom door open some more. "Are we still going to do dhikr together? Recite Quran?" he asked, already knowing her answer.

"What do you think?" Asiya hissed before Yusuf shuffled away.

- A -

Asiya didn't go back to sleep after Fajr. Her thousand-pound sofa felt uncomfortable under her bones, and her mind wouldn't let her body rest anyway, so she put it to work.

Asiya swept and mopped the floors, loaded and reloaded the dishwasher, defrosted the freezer, and polished her windows until they gave her uninterrupted views of the city. 

She sprayed, sanitised and wiped every item in the flat as though they had been stained by their words from the night before and muscled away layers of limescale until her fingertips felt raw.

She picked up the broken bouquet of roses and placed them on the counter.

Yusuf had accidentally stepped on them last night. 

Their petals had been crushed and were prematurely wilting, and their stems were bent, but they were salvageable.

The sun had fully risen, barring Asiya from attempting to go back to sleep. She picked up her phone and punched out what had happened between her and Yusuf last night on her screen.

Aminah 8:45 am: What exactly did you say made things get that bad?

Asiya 8:45 am: Aminah, what the hell. You're MY sister.

Aminah 8:45 am: Yes. ☺️ I know that.

Asiya 8:45 am: So why are you assuming it was my fault???

Aminah 8:46 am: I didn't say it was your fault, but you have mummy's tongue. We all do sometimes.

Asiya 8:47 am: ...I didn't say anything too bad.

Aminah 8:48 am: 🙄 Asiya, do you even believe yourself?

Asiya drafted a message to her sister, and her heart sank.

Her words looked so harsh in black and white. Asiya couldn't bring herself to repeat them. She highlighted her message to Aminah and deleted it.

Why did I say all those things?

Asiya knew she wouldn't have been able to take them back, but she had been so angry. Everything inside of her had fired up and vomited out of her, and she had made Yusuf sick, too.

Asiya 9:15 am: I called him names. I said horrible, horrible things to him, Aminah. He said some awful things back, too.

Aminah 9:15 am: Was the marriage course I gifted you guys a waste of money!?

Aminah 9:16 am: Rule 1 of fighting with your spouse (because you will fight with them) Don't. Insult. Each other!!!

Asiya 9:17 am: I know.

A grey text bubble appeared and hovered underneath Aminah's name for a few minutes before an essay took its place.

Aminah pointed out and explained everything Asiya already knew. Asiya had acted inconsiderately. Yusuf had some responsibility for her. She had to respect him, talk and apologise to him.

Mean words did nothing to feelings except bruise them and the knuckles that delivered them.

The last time Asiya had an outburst like this, she had lost a friendship, and the thought of losing Yusuf made Asiya's heart flatline.

While he had played his part in their fight, when Asiya put herself in Yusuf's shoes, she and Yusuf were standing on the same side, and there was a large gap her feet couldn't fill.

Yusuf had wanted an explanation, like her. He had wanted to talk, something she had also wanted to do. He had been worried about her, just like she had been worrying about him. He had wanted to listen, and Asiya had been dying to be heard for weeks.

Asiya needed to apologise to Yusuf, but would a sorry be enough? 

Her apology would come from the same tongue that she had used to tear into him, and the word sorry felt too small to stitch together the wounds she had created on him.

- Y -

"Asalamu alaykum beta how are you?" Hannah asked Yusuf.

Yusuf pressed his phone to his ear. "I'm good, Alhamdulillah. How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm at your aunt's house. I'm going to spend the weekend here. How's Asiya?"

Yusuf looked at the bedroom door. He hadn't attempted to leave the bedroom, and Asiya hadn't dared to enter it. "She's fine," Yusuf said.

"Alhamdulillah. Do you guys have any weekend plans?"

Other than seeing how long I can go without food, and she can go without using the bathroom? Yusuf said inwardly. "No."

"Oh," his mum sounded. "Well, can I speak to her?"

"Yes. You can call her," Yusuf said.

"Call her? On her phone? Why don't you just take the phone to her?"

Yusuf flopped onto the bed without responding.

Questions tumbled out of his mum's mouth. "Yusuf, what's going on? Did you and Asiya have a fight?"

"Why would you think that?" Yusuf asked.

"Because I asked to speak to your wife, who is meant to be in the same house as you, and instead of passing her the phone, you told me to call her myself!" his mum answered. "Is she out again?"

"No, she's here," Yusuf said shortly as he kicked his feet into the carpet.

"So why can't I speak to her?"

"Because I'm not speaking to her, and she's not speaking to me!" Yusuf burst before his face crumpled.

She had been trying to for weeks. Asiya had been spelling out what she wanted, and Yusuf had acted as though he was deaf.

"What happened? Tell me. You can trust me," his mum said encouragingly.

Yusuf let go of a breath before loosely narrating his argument with Asiya. "It was horrible, mum. I want to fix it, but we went at each other for ages, tit for tat. I would've never thought Asiya and I could fight like this."

"I would've."

Yusuf jumped up like he had been bitten. 

The remark had been cripply and low, but Yusuf had heard it because it had been surrounded by a static silence. 

Saliva and the stale taste of nerves flooded his mouth. He lifted his finger over the red button.

"Mum...am I on speaker? Is someone there?" Yusuf asked quietly. "Are you alone?"

"I'm alone," his mum said after a few minutes, but Yusuf didn't believe her. He made an excuse and hung up before his mum could question him or say goodbye.

He wiped his hands over his face.

"Yusuf, shall we pray Asr?" Asiya's voice drifted into the bedroom. She wasn't in it. She was standing at the door, on the skirting board. Still, Asiya had broken the barrier, and Yusuf felt their invisible boundary erode.

"Yeah, sure. I have my whudu," Yusuf said.

"I need to do mine," Asiya said.

Yusuf grabbed Asiya's hand lightly, and even though he was the one who was stopping her, Asiya took his breath away. "I think we need to talk. I want to talk to you."

Asiya squeezed Yusuf's hand, and he felt the knot in his chest loosen. "We could talk on Monday. We have your firm's event tomorrow, and it'd give us some time to organise our thoughts."

Yusuf agreed because his thoughts were a mess.  

-

Author's Note: I think we all know who the voice belonged to. 🤭Just your friendly reminder that our "friend" is still around.

-

Chapter Glossary

Fajr: The prayer Muslims observe before sunrise.

Whudu: Purifying routine that must be performed before prayer.

Quran: The thing that is recited. The religious book.

Dhikr: A form of worship.

Beta: (Urdu) Child.

Asr: Third prayer Muslims observe during the day.

Alhamdulillah: Arabic term. It means praise be to God/We thank God.