"Wait." The top of Olivia's mug was positioned at her lips, ready for her to take a sip. "Yusuf? Yusuf. Yusuf from school fit Yusuf?"

"Yes," Asiya nodded manically. "Can you believe it?"

"I don't believe it." Olivia placed her mug back on the table. "So, let me get this straight. Yusuf from school. The guy you had a fat crush on–"

"It wasn't a fat one," Asiya interrupted.

"I'm in the middle of a process, Asiya! Let me process this!" Olivia snapped theatrically.

"Alright." Asiya rolled her eyes. "Just process everything quicker!"

The few days Asiya had had to wait to share the news with Olivia had felt like they had gone by in agonising years.

Yusuf asking for her dad's number had been most of what Asiya had been thinking about. 

The news had been moving against the walls of her mind and nearly leaked out of Asiya's mouth whenever she opened it.

It had been all Asiya wanted to talk about. But she hadn't wanted to share the news over a text message. A text box wouldn't encompass all of Asiya's feelings and wouldn't do the news justice.

Such news deserved a platform. Luckily for Asiya, Olivia also lived in London, so Asiya could use a little café near Kings Cross before catching her train home as one.

"Okay." Olivia tucked the front strands of her hair behind her ears. "So, you're telling me, Yusuf, from school spawns in your office five years later, still fit as fu–"

"Olivia!"

"Sorry! Still fit as. Then he sits you down and asks you for your dad's number because he wants to marry you?" Olivia said slowly.

"Potentially marry me, but yes!" Asiya drummed her fingers against the table. "Isn't that crazy?"

"What's crazy is that all this has happened, and you're still sitting in this dingy café and not under a wedding arch!" Olivia hissed as she thumped her palm on the table. "Girl, why the hell have you not told your dad? Why haven't you texted him? Why is your ring finger still naked?"

Before Asiya could answer, Olivia stretched herself over the table and grabbed Asiya by her arms.

"Have you lost your mind? The boy liked you, and now the man has said he still likes you! Earth to Asiya! Do you still have a brain in there?" Olivia shrieked as she shook Asiya like she was one of her protein shakes.

"Olivia, please lower your voice!" Asiya hushed as her friend released her.

"Asiya, please start explaining yourself!" Olivia grinned, matching Asiya's matron like tone.

Asiya stirred the marshmallows in her hot chocolate and watched them bob up and down.

"I'm mostly shocked. A part of me is excited we met again, and I'm lowkey gassed that Yusuf said he's interested in getting to know me," Asiya expressed.

"Brain still in Asiya's head? Check," Olivia chirped as she flicked her finger in the air.

"A part of me still can't believe it," Asiya said.

"I can believe it," Olivia said.

Asiya tipped her head to the side and flattened her features. "Olivia. This is Yusuf we're talking about."

"And?" Olivia shrugged. "You were a catch then, and you're even more of a catch now."

"Come on," Asiya scoffed.

Dating was haram, and Asiya had had no envy for it when she was younger, but she had still noticed how boys had used her as a bridge to get to Sarah and Olivia.

"Are you saying you don't want to crack on with Yusuf cause you think you're not good enough for him?" Olivia asked, her eyes narrowed threateningly.

"Maybe."

Olivia opened her mouth, but Asiya waved Olivia's pep talk away before her voice could deliver it.

"That's irrelevant right now. The reason why I took Yusuf's number instead of giving him my dad's, and the reason why I haven't told my dad, is because of Ibrahim."

A long, deep 'oh' vibrated out of Olivia's mouth. "I forgot about him," she said.

"Honestly. For a second, so did I," Asiya admitted.

Ibrahim was Asiya's current potential. 

For the first couple of weeks into their courtship, Asiya had felt as though Ibrahim had the potential to become her husband.

Ibrahim checked off all her parent's boxes, which was expected because they had been the ones to introduce them to each other. He fit the cliché description of attractive. He was comfortable enough to offer Asiya a life of comfort, one where she wouldn't have to work, even though she wanted to.

Plus, unlike Yusuf, Ibrahim was extrinsically like Asiya, so all she had to do was focus on whether they were intrinsically similar.

"We've been getting to know each other for almost six months," Asiya sighed.

"And you still don't like him."

"That's not true! He's a great person. I like him...as a person. An individual."

Asiya nibbled on the corner of her lip.

"I just don't like him enough to marry him," she quickly confessed before she downed a large amount of hot chocolate, hoping the sugar would sweeten the taste of the bitter truth in her mouth.

Over the last six months, Asiya had learnt that similarity did not equal compatibility.

She and Ibrahim were both black. Chatting with him had been comfortable because Asiya didn't have to explain her culture or pieces of herself the way she had sometimes had to do with previous potentials. His family adored her, and hers adored him.

For many people, that would've been enough. Many people said that was enough for Asiya to say yes and agree to marry Ibrahim. However, it wasn't enough for her.

For whatever reason, Asiya couldn't connect with Ibrahim.

Once she had gotten used to his looks, nothing else about Ibrahim gave her butterflies. She found him boring, and his attraction to her had become irritating.

Halfway through their courtship, Asiya had visited home and had tried to tell people this.

She had been sitting in the masjid for the sisters' Q&A and had tried to seek advice when horrified eavesdropping aunties had pressed their fingers to their lips and shushed Asiya like she was a misbehaving child.

"Rubbish! How old are you? What do you know about love?" one had jabbed. "Don't say that!" another had cried. "Love comes after marriage!" one had proclaimed. "You just need to get to know him more. Speak to him more!" one advised. 

"You'll never know him well enough!" another had rebutted. "Stop complaining and just marry him!" another hissed. "If you like him, that's enough!" "Marry him! You'll grow to love him!" one assured. "Love? Kini love?" another had kissed her teeth. "Love isn't necessary for marriage! You just need to have kids!"

Asiya hadn't bothered going to her older sister because even though Aminah was now married, she believed in short courtships or not having one.

Her mother had been of little help. Ibrahim was a good man and the son-in-law she wanted.

Asiya's mother had patted Asiya's cheek and told her that if she found Ibrahim attractive, as long as he treated her right, her feelings for him would grow.

Her mother had made love sound simple and like her feelings were a low-maintenance plant.

But six months had passed, and Asiya still didn't like Ibrahim. In fact, she was starting to hate the few things she had initially liked about him.

Asiya couldn't even argue that she was going with the flow because nothing had been flowing between her and him.

But Ibrahim was too stubborn (or liked her too much) to let Asiya go, and he continued to create conversations over the few sentences Asiya sporadically spared him.

"If you don't like him, why are you still talking to him?" Olivia questioned.

"Because of what everyone has said," Asiya said.

What the aunties had said. What Asiya's mother had said. 

Because Ibrahim was her parent's choice. Because their parents were friends. 

Her mother's friendship with Ibrahim's mum would be collateral damage. Their relationship would be reduced to smithereens and sooty ashes if Asiya dropped a bomb by saying she didn't want to marry him.

Plus, on paper, Ibrahim was the right choice. Ibrahim was a safe choice.

"He wants to be engaged by Winter," Asiya said as she watched Olivia's eyes enlarge. "He told me that three weeks ago, and I know we're not engaged–"

"No. You're not. I'll always be the first person to remind you of that," Olivia interrupted.

"But ripping the chord, telling him I don't want to be engaged. Not now. Not ever. Feels so difficult," Asiya finished.

Asiya and Ibrahim had been 'speaking' for so long that Asiya no longer knew how or if she could cut things off.

Asiya hadn't meant to lead Ibrahim on. Ibrahim had been inconveniently placed in her life due to her parent's desire to have their second daughter marry a good man. Because of external pressures, Asiya had kept Ibrahim in it.

"Asiya, I love you, but you can't keep playing him. He is a grown man with genuine feelings for you. If you don't want to marry him, you've got to use your voice and cut things off," Olivia said.

"I know. It just feels scary. He's the type of person everyone says I'm meant to be with. That I should be with. He was the type of person I wanted for a long time," Asiya said.

Ibrahim was safe. Safe was good. Safe was what Asiya had always been told to seek out.

Safe was cushioned furniture and rounded edges in a home where she didn't work. Safe was a relationship without bright colours, giddiness, or rushes of excitement.

But safe also meant no explanations, immediate acceptance, and fewer insecurities for Asiya. Things that Asiya had always wanted.

Connection aside, Asiya and Ibrahim balanced each other out.

There were so many differences between her and Yusuf that if they sat on a seesaw, only one end would rise to the sky instead of two.

"We've been speaking for ages. What will people say? There's also my family."

"Look, Asiya, no one said that just because you speak to someone, you have to marry them. You're speaking to them to discover if you want to marry them. You've done your best, honoured everyone's wishes, spoken to Ibrahim, and decided you don't like him enough to marry him. That is a valid reason, and it is time to honour yourself by telling him that," Olivia said.

Olivia grasped Asiya's clammy hands and squeezed strength into them.

"I guess...I could always get my parents to do it. My dad is my wali, after all. He could just speak to Ibrahim's parents instead of me speaking to Ibrahim," Asiya pondered out loud.

"Aren't you lucky," Olivia giggled. "You'll do it then? You'll cut things off?"

"Yes. Tonight. I'll tell my dad once I get home," Asiya said firmly. She had dragged Ibrahim through her life for too long.

"Hurrah!" Olivia cheered as she clapped her hands loudly.

"Try not to hide your excitement," Asiya laughed.

"I can't help it. With Ibrahim leaving the picture, there's space for someone else to enter it." Olivia wiggled her eyebrows, which she had dyed ten shades darker than her light hair. "What are you going to do about Yusuf?"

Asiya absentmindedly swirled the lifeless clouds of marshmallows in her drink.

If Asiya told her dad, Yusuf and she would no longer be mutual acquaintances. 

They would be people who harboured unspoken feelings for the other and would be allowed to express them.

Asiya didn't know if she was ready to do that.

She was tangling herself into knots over ending a courtship with someone she didn't even like. What would happen if her courtship with Yusuf ended?

It had been years since Asiya had seen his face, yet her heart had been hammering violently in her chest, mimicking the drums of war, when Yusuf had spoken to her. 

Asiya's heart had felt so loud that she was sure Yusuf had heard it.

However, Asiya had never seen Yusuf as a serious contender for a husband. He was her childhood crush.

Asiya had liked the old Yusuf. The 18-year-old Yusuf. She didn't know this grown-up version of him.

Her feelings could be a revival of old ones, archaic and due to nostalgia.

Asiya also didn't need to get to know Yusuf to realise they were different.

Their courtship carried greater risk. There would be a list of things Asiya would have to consider with Yusuf that she hadn't needed to consider with Ibrahim.

That was why Asiya had always focused on finding the feelings she associated with Yusuf in other people.

"I don't know," Asiya replied. "My feelings...don't they belong to a time that has passed? One that no longer exists?"

"It hasn't passed! It still exists! Yusuf has told you that he liked you then and likes you now!" Olivia exclaimed. "I feel like you owe it to yourself to get to know him. It's almost like it's your destiny. Bumping into him in London and him saying all of that? Don't you believe in destiny? I don't think this is a coincidence."

Asiya was already finding everything too confusing without the addition of qadr. She pushed her mug away from her and nodded towards the black rimmed clock on the wall.

"Right now, my destiny is catching my train home. Come on," Asiya said as she lifted the handle of her suitcase. "It's probably on the platform."

-

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) Saying: Souls are troops collected together and those who familiarised with each other (in the heaven from where these come) would have affinity, with one another (in the world) and those amongst them who opposed each other (in the Heaven) would also be divergent (in the world).

Sahih Muslim, Book 45 Hadith 204 - 205: The Book of Virtue, Enjoining Good Manners, and Joining of the Ties of Kinship.

- 

Chapter Glossary

Qadr: Destiny

Kini: (Yoruba) What. 

Haram: Something that isn't allowed in Islam.

Masjid: A place where Muslims pray.

Wali: A guardian. Someone that has authority.