Chapter Nine
Yusuf was taking full responsibility this time. It was his fault Asiya had bumped into him.
He had been loitering in Clyde & Co's food hall, swallowing his yawns with large gulps of bitter coffee.
Working for a busy commercial law firm meant his days were always full, the meetings always ran over, the tasks were always urgent, and the deadlines were always too close.
Yusuf liked the work. He enjoyed the puzzles.
He didn't mind the hours either. Yusuf couldn't manipulate time, but he could stay ahead of it. That was a challenge he enjoyed.
Finishing tasks early also gave Yusuf a few seconds to breathe before the whoosh of falling files squashed all his air again.
But recently, just as Yusuf finalised a file, another file would fall onto his desk just as quickly. Or a demand disguised as a 'polite request' would fly into his inbox.
It was like people were stalking Yusuf, monitoring his digital diary, waiting for a blank space they could colour in.
That was how Yusuf had ended up at Clyde's. He was covering for his co-worker. His fellow trainee had called in sick. Again. For the third week in a row.
Alice, Yusuf's supervisor, had beckoned him to her desk, explained the situation, and innocently asked if Yusuf would like to sit in on the upcoming briefing. Just so he could get a feel for the case and see if he liked it.
Yusuf didn't have to take it if he didn't like it. That was implied, not said.
Yusuf had sat in the briefing and struggled to keep his eyes open. He had dragged his stylus over his tablet, creating sleepy scribbles as he listened to the client yammer on.
After the meeting, Yusuf didn't want to take it.
However, Alice had implied he had a choice but did not say so. Unspoken words or hints weren't binding in Law.
Plus, an extra case was a chance to earn more approval. A crumb of approval was advantageous, especially as a trainee.
All the trainees were in their final round of the Hunger Games. The arena was built from desks and chairs; their weapons were their work.
The prize? A chance to be one of the dozen trainees retained after their two-year training contracts concluded in a few weeks.
Yusuf wanted the promise of security, stability, and success through a job offer. He willingly joined the race for that contract.
But Yusuf's legs were becoming tired. It was becoming harder to keep up with the standard he had set, and the further away Yusuf got from his dream, the more its shape twisted and morphed into something that resembled a nightmare.
Alice had promised Yusuf he would have more flexibility and time when he qualified. However, Yusuf had witnessed Alice tell lies and claim they were borderline truths, so he wasn't sure whether he believed her anymore.
But his accommodation was quiet. Too quiet, even for someone like Yusuf, who had learnt to exist and thrive in it.
Under all the files, cases and papers, Yusuf hadn't found his voice to tell Alice no. But at least he wouldn't hear his inner voice while he was under them.
Yusuf was overworked.
Yusuf was so sleep-deprived that he had thought he was hallucinating when he saw Asiya walk into the hall. He hadn't believed she was real, so he had made an excuse about needing serviettes and ventured forward.
Yusuf had needed to make sure Asiya wasn't a figment of his imagination or a stranger with a similar face.
He had taken fast and giant strides towards Asiya and had become winded when he realised it was really her.
Everything inside him had burbled with excitement as Asiya turned in his direction.
His cells had practically screamed out celebrations as she got closer.
Yusuf had planted his feet in Asiya's path and waited for her to reach him. He had waited for her to notice him, but Asiya hadn't changed. She had been distracted.
Yusuf had also been too starstruck to notice that he had underestimated the time he had to move out of Asiya's way.
Asiya hadn't noticed him until she crashed into him and helped his drink escape from its cylinder-shaped prison. Yusuf hadn't moved until his scorching hot coffee sought freedom on his white shirt.
-
She was real. She remembered me, Yusuf dreamily thought as he and Matthew tailed Alice through the hallways of Clyde's.
The way Asiya's features had screwed themselves into a knot of realisation when he had spoken may not have been the way Yusuf had wanted her to react. Still, she had reacted. Asiya hadn't forgotten him.
Yusuf's heart almost combusted when he thought about how Asiya's fingertips had nearly strolled across his chest when she had thrust the tissues at him.
Does she work here? Probably. Why else would she be in the hall? Maybe after the meeting, I can walk around and get lost and found in Asiya's office.
Yusuf liked Asiya so much that he didn't just cling to his memories of her; he also fed them.
His daydreams of Asiya, his uncanny ability to liken almost everything he found beautiful to her, and the mystery he created about her by wondering about her movements, growth, and feelings meant the flame Yusuf had initially held in his heart for Asiya had strengthened into a blaze.
I wonder if she's married. I didn't see a ring...but she could be engaged. Or have someone around. Ouch.
"Thank you so much for meeting us." Alice extended her hand, and the Clyde consultant took it.
"Thank you so much for coming!" the consultant beamed. Her American accent was strong, the ends of her words curled with a heavy twang. "I hope you don't mind. I booked us a table at Carluccio's. I thought we could get lunch before discussing the brief."
"I don't mind at all!" Yusuf's supervisor grinned. "My helpful trainees haven't eaten lunch either."
Yusuf and Matthew waved politely as the American woman smiled at them.
"That's great! I think my junior associate has already had hers, but whoever complained about a longer break? I'll grab her, and some canteen passes for the boys, so we have a more private lunch," the consultant winked.
She hobbled out of the room on her heels and returned a few moments later with Asiya.
Yusuf felt winded all over again. It was like Asiya had sucked all the air out of the room with her entry. The natural act of breathing suddenly felt like the hardest thing for Yusuf to do.
Yusuf deliberately pulled air through his nose too quickly and coughed, jump starting his lungs while Asiya shook Alice's hand.
"I will leave you in Asiya's capable hands," Kerry said.
"Boys, please meet me back here at three," Alice instructed before she and Kerry exited the room.
"Kerry said you guys haven't had lunch. I haven't eaten either. I got occupied. It's almost time for me to pray, though," Asiya said.
"I need to pray, too," Yusuf said in an unnaturally high voice.
Yusuf noticed a look of confusion flicker across Asiya's face and cringed. It made him want to beat the volume out of his chest like he was Tarzan.
"I don't mind waiting for you guys," Matthew said as he pulled out his phone.
"Great. Thank you," Asiya said before turning to Yusuf. "Follow me."
-
Even though Yusuf was meant to follow Asiya, her footsteps lagged behind his slightly.
The way Yusuf's heart kept whirring, and his lungs kept stopping and starting made him understand why Islam said such actions were for the best.
Yusuf liked Asiya but hadn't expected himself to react this way around her.
Not after all this time.
Now that Asiya was near him, the flames within Yusuf felt so large and uncontrollable, like they would flare out of him and light the nearest object on fire.
Yusuf cleared the stickiness in his chest. "How do we always up in an apology bargaining situation?" he playfully asked.
"There was no bargaining. I said sorry," Asiya snapped.
Asiya grimaced. "Guess you're right. It's just been a long day. A lot of work. Horrible bosses," she sighed.
"Oh. That's a shame. She seemed nice," Yusuf empathised.
"Oh. No. Not Kerry. Not the American one you met. She's great."
"So..." Yusuf heard Asiya stop behind him. "We don't have a dedicated prayer space. I'm hoping we'll get one soon. In the meantime, I normally just quickly pray in whatever room is free and seeing as Kerry is out with your boss, my office is," Asiya explained.
Yusuf nodded understandingly.
"After you," Asiya said as she motioned towards the fogged glass doors in front of them.
Yusuf stepped into the spacious office. The walls towered above him, and glass windows expanded along the ninety-degree corner, giving him a postcard picture of London's financial district.
Yusuf couldn't help but whistle.
"How did you snag a corner office?' Yusuf asked Asiya without removing his eyes from the view.
"I share it with Kerry. It was her office first before she insisted I move in."
Yusuf heard Asiya shuffling around the room behind him.
"She likes to keep her trainees close. She didn't want me on the floor with the other trainees, and when I was retained, so was my place as her roomie."
"That's nice. It sounds like she cares," Yusuf observed.
He inspected the rest of the office, ignoring the corner Asiya was rummaging in.
A large plant was potted close to him. Two desks were on opposite ends, parallel to each other. Tall, minimalistic filing cabinets lined one end of the wall, and a curved sofa, littered with unprofessional pillows, was pushed against another.
It was clear which desk belonged to Asiya. Like that day in the library, her personal items were spread over her desk.
Yusuf's hands stretched at his front, wanting to touch Asiya's things.
He wanted to count her bulky safety pins in a clear plastic box, hover over the zips of Asiya's pencil case, and ask why she needed one with so many pockets.
He wanted Asiya to show him and explain what was inside. He wanted to discover why those pens had passed her selection process and deserved so much space.
Yusuf wanted to pick up Asiya's papers, pile them neatly, and ask her what she was working on and if she enjoyed her work as much as he enjoyed his. Ask how she had gotten her job.
She wanted a prayer room. Her office didn't have one, but she was rallying for one. Some things about her hadn't changed.
Yusuf wanted to find an excuse for him and Asiya to talk and not stop.
A cupboard door banged shut, startling Yusuf back to reality.
"Like I said." Yusuf's ears pricked as Asiya's steps sounded closer. "Kerry's great. Prayer mat?" Asiya offered.
Yusuf turned around and forced himself to stare at the folded fabric as he took it from Asiya's hand. "Thanks."
"No problem. I'll wait outside and pray after you're done," Asiya said.
Asiya scampered out of the office, leaving Yusuf with enough room to breathe but not nearly enough for his thoughts.
-
The high Yusuf had experienced after seeing Asiya had worn off, and his chest tightened as he painfully crashed back down to reality.
If Yusuf didn't want Asiya to walk away from him again, if he wanted a marriage, he had to confess that to her. Now.
But they weren't alone. Matthew was sitting opposite Yusuf, and two girls, one with long beaded braids and another with light skin, were sitting with Asiya a seat away from him.
Additionally, whenever Yusuf tried to plan out his words, they got lost in a maze of his thoughts.
What if Asiya isn't interested in me like that? What if she finds my confession creepy and me weird? I need to have some haya. My feelings aren't justified. What even are my feelings?
How could Yusuf explain them when he barely understood them himself?
When they were erratically bouncing through him, hitting against his core systems, disrupting his bodily functions and slowing his processing units, making it impossible for him to pin them down and dissect words out of them.
His feelings weren't ones of love.
Even if they were, that would not be a sane point to start with.
They were of an attraction of some sort.
An attraction that was so unexplainably strong that it was turning him into an asthmatic.
An attraction that caused a yearning feeling in Yusuf that, for the first time ever, had decreased due to their proximity.
Asiya's friends waved goodbye, and Matthew stood up.
"I think I'll use the bathroom. You know how these meetings can get." Matthew rolled his eyes.
"Yup," Yusuf nodded. "I'll wait for you."
It was just him and Asiya.
She was hunched over her phone and, her fingers were tapping on its screen.
Yusuf glanced at the clock. 2:43 pm.
Asiya looked like she didn't want Yusuf to speak to her, which made him briefly panic about how she would react if he confessed anything to her. They had only ever had a few conversations, and none of the contents warranted what would essentially be a proposal.
Time was ticking, and the threat of Asiya slipping away intensified with every tick.
Yusuf's potential future was pitched in front of him, and if he didn't swing now, he would miss it.
"Asiya," Yusuf choked out.
Big brown eyes met his. Yusuf took a breath to calm himself down, but it didn't work, and suddenly, his mouth was overflowing and working faster than his brain.
"I am going to say this in the least creepy way possible...Asiya, I really-lik-admire you. I have since we were in school. I'm saying this because I realise I may never get to say this again. I like you, Asiya. I like you a lo-enough for me to want to get to know you properly. I want to get to know you. For marriage," Yusuf stuttered.
"Because we're Muslim," he quickly added, as though their religion was the primary reason for his actions.
Yusuf paused and watched Asiya's eyes widen before continuing.
"So...can I have your dad's number?" he asked weakly.
Yusuf then mentally exhaled before casting his eyes downwards, afraid that Asiya's face would give him an answer before she did.
"I...didn't expect. Umm. Wow," Asiya said.
Yusuf felt his heart stammer to a stop like a failing engine.
Yusuf had known Asiya not liking him was a possibility, but he hadn't fully considered what it would feel like when that possibility played out.
Truthfully, Yusuf hadn't thought it would play out.
The feelings Yusuf had for Asiya felt magnetic. Like they were being silently reciprocated through invisible waves.
The feeling of them being pulled together didn't feel like it was completely in Yusuf's mind.
It felt deeper than that. It felt like a larger, stronger, greater pair of hands were scooping his and Asiya's worlds together because they had drifted too far apart.
Their connection felt like fate. It felt like qadr.
Yusuf winced as Asiya continued to struggle with her sentences. Her splutters were going through Yusuf, extinguishing his flame.
He couldn't take it.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything," Yusuf said.
"No! Oh my gosh, no!" Asiya exclaimed. "No. Yusuf. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say. But...I'm glad you said something. Really."
Hope struck a match against Yusuf's chest. "Really?"
"Yes. Really," Asiya said.
Asiya didn't explain why or say she liked Yusuf back, but the next thing she said still rendered him breathless.
"How about I take your number instead? I'm going back home this weekend. I could mention it to my dad. Better than him getting a jump scare from your text. I also wouldn't want you to get jumped," Asiya joked.
Yusuf fumbled for his phone in his trouser pocket. His hands were so sweaty that they visibly failed to grip the thin model.
"You don't have your number memorised?" Asiya questioned.
"I do," Yusuf laughed nervously as he finally pulled out his phone. "But I don't want to make a mistake. I want to make sure I get it right."
-
Author's Note: They're back. 🤭 Numbers have been exchanged...well taken. Eeep! Can you hear the bells? 👀 Or do you think they're not going to ring? Would love to know! 🤍 Hope you enjoyed it!
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Chapter Glossary
Haya: Modesty.
Qadr: Destiny.
Muslim: An individual who practices the religion Islam and believes there is only One God.
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