"Don't ask me how I know," Olivia prefaced.

Asiya nodded. She assumed Olivia had discovered whatever she would tell her through one of her clients.

"I don't know what happened at the wedding. But people are talking. They're saying Yusuf and Sarah were found together. Alone. Again, but this time in a locked room."

The Earth skewed off balance, and everything malfunctioned. Earth was no longer rotating; people were moving weirdly, the rhythm of their limbs was off, and their movements looked imbalanced. Or maybe Asiya was the imbalanced one. The one who was wobbling and falling apart.

Gravity stopped working, and Asiya felt herself lift away from her body, and her heart split.

The oxygen in the atmosphere was punched away, and Asiya's insides began to feel cluttered. She was hyperventilating. Her lungs were panicking and drawing and releasing sharper and shorter bursts of air as though they were preparing her to vomit, scream, cry, take in a final breath or do all of those things at the same time.

Asiya could see Olivia's lips moving, but it was like her voice was on a treadmill; it wasn't getting anywhere.

Olivia's voice was too small and was being swallowed by the voices of the other restaurant patrons, and their voices were being devoured by the sound of Earth self-destructing.

"Asiya. Look at me," Olivia demanded as she grabbed Asiya's hand and anchored her back to reality.

Asiya blinked as she regained consciousness. The other patrons were fine and acting oblivious to what was happening. Asiya's body was intact, and those sounds of self-destruction were coming from her. Asiya was sniffing. She sounded like she was choking.

Asiya raised her free hand to her cheek. It was damp. Was she crying?

"I just need a second," Asiya said as tears whispered through her lashes.

Olivia nodded, but her grip stayed firm around Asiya's hand.

"Sorry." Asiya released a frothy laugh. "This is so embarrassing."

"No, it's not. You're okay. You're going to be okay. I've got you," Olivia reassured.

Olivia opened up a menu and propped it across their table, shielding Asiya from stray and nosey eyes.

"Did you say Sarah? Alone? Did you say again?" Asiya coughed out her questions.

Asiya hadn't misheard Olivia, right? Her body wouldn't be reacting without her mind if she had. Olivia had said that it had happened more than once. Sarah and Yusuf had been alone more than once.

Olivia didn't say anything. She kept the menu sturdy and used her free hand to pass Asiya napkins.

Asiya scratched the tissue against her eyes and didn't bother to brush away the crumbs that broke off and clotted together on her face.

Sarah. Sarah. Sarah.

How could that happen? How could it be Sarah? How could all the roads lead back to her?

But of course, it would be Sarah. Sarah was close. Always around. Sarah attended the same events, gatherings and parties. She acted like a trapped ghost in that haunted house. Yusuf's family had shown Asiya that her friend was indispensable; it was like she was a piece of priceless, inherited furniture.

Statistically speaking, people were more likely to be hurt by people they knew. Asiya knew Sarah, so why hadn't she seen her coming?

Sarah was beautiful. Stunning. Yusuf and Sarah had a history, maybe a history where they were more than classmates. Perhaps Asiya should've believed her when she said they had had a courtship. Otherwise, why else would she act so comfortably? Why would they visit each other, and why would Sarah serve him and his mum tea?

Sarah was open but didn't give away too much to dull her mystery. She was Pakistani. Sarah was everyone's ideal. She was Yusuf's family type. If they had been able to build him a wife, to choose his wife, they would've selected Sarah.

Families had influence, more influence than people liked to admit. People wanted to separate themselves from their bloodline and claim independence from the same genes they had been knotted together from. Sometimes, that wasn't always possible.

With prolonged pressure, Yusuf could've been influenced.

Asiya knew Sarah. But she had also thought she knew Yusuf better than anyone.

Yusuf was closed off with strangers. He only gave them surface-level things. Yusuf didn't talk to women outside of what was necessary. He barely used his social media and didn't follow any women on it either. His feed was packed with Islamic reminders, car videos, commercial digests and upcoming developments in AI.

The idea that Yusuf was cheating on her, with Sarah out of all people, was senseless.

That was what people were saying, wasn't it? That was what Olivia had practically said. Asiya could read between the lines. Married Muslim man + single Muslim girl (alone + locked room) = Cheating.

The situation was so senseless that the longer Asiya thought about it, the more it made sense.

The brain was a machine, and its purpose was to protect. It kept one sane by reasoning with the situation and comparing it to familiar ones. It worked on and produced answers, filled in gaps, and formed conclusions based on the information presented.

It took from what it knew if it needed to add something, build a bigger picture or tease out the context.

Asiya knew Sarah could be sly. She knew Yusuf could keep secrets. She knew something had happened that day.

Perhaps they had been caught, and Hina had been the one to catch them? If Hina had, it would explain Yusuf's outburst. Yusuf knew Hina would use it for her gain.

It would also explain Hina's behaviour. Discovering her golden boy wasn't made from real gold would've broken Hina's heart.

Asiya also knew Yusuf felt guilty. She knew Yusuf had wanted to make confession after confession to her. He had even tried to slip them through his kisses, but Asiya hadn't let him because she had convinced herself that she wanted to move on.

Asiya's brain was gluing her disbelief together into something believable. Because that was what one's brain did when something unbelievable happened. When they got told something unbelievable.

"You don't believe it, do you?"

Asiya's glassy eyes met Olivia's clear ones.

Olivia dropped a napkin and shook Asiya's hand. "Asiya. Tell me you don't believe it."

Asiya searched for her voice, but she couldn't find it. It was occupied, having an argument with her mind.

"Asiya, come on! It isn't true!" Olivia wailed as she clutched Asiya's hand. "Crap, crap, crap. I'm so sorry. I should've never told you!"

"I made you tell me."

Once again, Asiya was to blame. What answer had Asiya expected to get from Olivia? Had she really believed Olivia would tell her something good? There would've been nothing to tell if Olivia had had good news.

Trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am would be what her mother would tut if she could see her right now.

"Asiya think," Olivia hissed.

"I am."

"No! Think properly!" Olivia snapped as she hit her fist against the table. "This. Is. Yusuf. You know Yusuf. He isn't a cheat. Even if he didn't love you anymore, think about who he is. The things people are describing. Who they're trying to portray him as isn't him. That isn't who he is. Think about the type of people this news comes from. You know who they are, too."

"What did you text me when you had your becoming moment. Your self-awareness breakthrough? Hm?" Olivia nudged Asiya's hand urgently with her own. "Read out the text."

Asiya let go of a breath. Her body deflated into her chair, but her hands stayed in her lap. "What's the poin–"

"Asiya!" Olivia slapped her hand against the table. "For God's sake! Read it out loud." Olivia's voice cracked through Asiya, whipping electricity into her Frankenstein limbs.

Asiya pulled out her phone and numbly scrolled through her and Olivia's messages before her thumb stopped at the relevant ones.

"Their words weren't a reflection but a projection," Asiya mumbled.

"Exactly!" Olivia exclaimed while nodding her head vigorously. "Their words aren't trustworthy. We already know they're not true. They're projections of their insecurities, Asiya. It's a projection of their hate."

Olivia's words helped to deactivate Asiya's brain fight mode. It was a protective but rational organ. It paused the story it was building in her mind, dismantled the narrative she had started to believe and quietened down so her heart could take the stage.

Asiya shook her head madly as though her remaining thoughts would fly out of her ears.

What were people accusing Yusuf of? What was she accusing Yusuf of?

Such accusations went beyond a breach of their marriage contract. They were accusations of zina.

Even if Asiya felt she no longer knew her husband, she knew what Allah said. The rules Allah had put in verse twelve, surah twenty-four of the Quran, Surah Al-Noor, told Asiya how she was meant to react.

'When you heard it, why did not the believing men and women think well of their own people, and say: "This is a most evident falsehood?'"

Asiya was supposed to defend Yusuf. Help get rid of the rumours, not add to them. Asiya was meant to protect his character and reputation.

If Asiya could no longer do that in her duty as a wife, she would do it because she was a Muslim.

As a Muslim, she was meant to think the best of people, and Yusuf had proven to be one of the best people Asiya knew, so that should've been easy.

If everyone followed the rules from Allah, as strictly as they followed the ones in their stupid games of whispers, Asiya wouldn't be sitting here, doubting her marriage, feeling lower than an arrow that had dropped out of the sky mid-flight.

"Should we leave...You could come to mine?" Olivia offered tentatively as her eyes wandered around the restaurant. "No pressure, though!" Her arms jutted out. "I get it if you'd prefer to go home," she added quickly.

Asiya wanted nothing more than to limp into her bed where she could cradle her heart and whisper dua's of strength into it under the protection of her duvet, but she couldn't go home because Yusuf was in it. "No. Let's order."

For what felt like the first time in their relationship, Asiya knew the faces on all the cards Yusuf kept against his chest. Asiya could launch a strong offence. But doing so felt sleazy.

How Asiya had gotten the information felt wrong. Like she had received it in a duct-taped bag in a dark alleyway.

If Yusuf was a cheat, she was a thief. She had thieved him of the opportunity to tell his whole truth. Confronting Yusuf now felt like Asiya would be robbing him of more, and Asiya was also scared she would be robbed of the little she had left of him.

Asiya could clean her ears with a cotton bud, hover them over a steamer, rinse them out, or block them with oil and pretend she didn't hear anything. She could pretend her mind was untouched, a blank page ready for Yusuf's story.

But regardless, everything Yusuf would say would enter deaf ears, or at the very least, biased ones. Ears that had already heard one version of the story and were almost convinced by it.

Asiya wished she had let Yusuf tell her his truth when he had tried to, and she wished Yusuf had tried harder. She wished Yusuf hadn't given up at the first hint of security and surrendered their relationship for a comfortable cell crafted from his secrets, where nothing could get in or out.

All those things Yusuf had said to Asiya in the morning now felt like lies. Yusuf's ability to comfort her through touch didn't feel thoughtful. It felt manipulative, even though Asiya knew he wasn't.

Olivia raised her hand and busied herself with trying to flag a waiter while Asiya struggled to mentally pin down everything good she knew about Yusuf.

"Are you going to speak to him?" Olivia asked after they had placed their orders.

"I don't know...What would I even say?"

"I don't know. I don't want to say anything more. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, I shouldn't have asked. Or forced you to say something," Asiya rebutted.

Olivia scoffed. "We're both adults, Asiya."

"But for some reason, I feel seventeen again."

Like the bottom of a curtain after the final act, Asiya's head wilted into her hands. It was like someone had unzipped Asiya. Even Olivia's arms that quickly roped around her couldn't stop everything from avalanching out of Asiya.

Asiya had done everything she was supposed to do. She had made dua and prepared. Asiya had exerted more patience than she ever imagined having. She had bit her tongue so many times, to the point her mouth had filled with blood instead of words. Asiya had tried to take advice. She had tried to be better. She had tried.

Yet Asiya was back to being clueless and jumping with her arms stretched upwards as she tried to get the answers held high above her head by her so-called friend.

Asiya was left questioning why Sarah had the answers. Why, out of all the women in the world, had Sarah been the woman in the room? Her brain burned with a hot headache as mental images of Sarah and Yusuf together intruded into her mind.

Asiya was back in that place where she compared and all of her and Sarah's differences contrasted.

Olivia placed her chin on top of Asiya's head.

"If I say anything," Asiya hiccupped, "It won't be now, and we won't be alone. I'll say it in front of sister Khaladi."

Asiya felt Olivia's chin shift as she nodded.

"It's just...Ramadan is starting," Asiya blubbered. "I don't want my Ramadan to start like this."

"It'll be okay," Olivia shushed.

"I know it's a test, Liv. Allah says do men think that just because they say: "We believe" they will be left alone, and not tried? Indeed, We tried those before you. I know I should be grateful to be amongst those loved enough by God to be tested." Knowing that every tear she shed would fill a bucket of mercy and forgiveness was meant to help Asiya feel better. However, Asiya still scrubbed her hand against her heart like it was developing a rash. "I knew I would be tested in this marriage. I just didn't expect it to hurt this bad."

Being tested in her marriage was a given. It was half of Asiya's faith.

However, the way Asiya was teetering between believing Yusuf and not believing him. Hopping between the choices of waiting or leaving. Questioning whether her marriage was worth it. Toying with the idea of divorce like it was a yo-yo, coming close to believing in it, planning it, mentally running through and picturing life as a divorcee, then shredding those images in her mind and pushing that idea far away from her, was proving that marriage was either going to strengthen Asiya's faith or destroy it.

-

Chapter Glossary

Muslim: An individual who practices the religion Islam and believes there is only One God. 

Trouble dey sleep yanga go wake am: Nigerian saying. Means that someone went out of their way to cause or find trouble (yanga). They didn't mind their business. 

Quran: The thing that is recited. The religious book.

Zina: A major sin in Islam. Adultery, sexual acts/acts of a sexual nature committed outside of marriage.

Dua: To call out to God. It is an act of worship, prayer.

Ramadan: The ninth month in the Islamic calendar. Muslims who have reached puberty, are (mentally and physically) healthy, not pregnant, breast feeding or on their period are obliged to fast from sunrise to sunset everyday.

The verse: Do men think that just because they say: "We believe" they will be left alone, and not tried? Indeed, We tried those before you. Is from Surah (29) Al-Ankaboot Verse 2.