-Randall-

I said it.

For a brief moment, I just stared at Cole, unable to breathe. I couldn't believe what I just did. What the fuck did I just do...? What the fuck did I just say? Why did I say that?

Cole only stood there, watching me with a weird smile on his face. It was... full of...

What did I just do?

What did I just do!

"You..." he spoke, stopping to clear his throat. "You want me... to what?"

Lie. Lie right now!

"I..."

I forced air into my lungs. If I didn't lie right now, things would get so goddamn difficult. This peace I had built for myself would be destroyed for good. I was not ready. No! There was nothing to be ready for! I was not... I wasn't one of them.

"Squealy pigs!"

I could only stare at him. I had nothing to be... nothing to be afraid of... I didn't...

"I..."

His smile was full of hope. And happiness. He knew that was it. He knew that was all I had meant to say, but he wasn't sure if he could believe it. That was written in his smile.

And it scared me.

I looked away from him, unable to think. I was... scared. I just wasn't sure what I was scared of. Why was I scared...?

"Hey," Cole breathed out, taking a step closer to me, and my panicking mind came to a screeching halt. "Let's just take a deep breath, okay?"

Take a breath? After what I just blurted out? Impossible! First, I never should've said such a thing, and second, who the hell said stuff like that, huh? I was so embarrassed I wanted to... to...

"It's all right," Cole continued, taking another step closer. "I... You know how I feel about you, so... I mean, I can pretend you didn't say anything, but..." he trailed off, his smile getting a hint of sadness in it.

Why was I scared...? That sadness in his eyes right after seeing him so happy... It hurt.

"No..." I found myself saying before I could think it further. And honestly... I wasn't scared. Well, a little, but... not the same way as a second ago. "If I take that back now..." I muttered, and his smile grew brighter again.

"It's all right," he said, stopping only a foot away from me.

"Yeah, it is," I whispered.

I said it.

I looked at him closely, my heart calming down a little every time I breathed out. I could only wonder how he was able to calm me down with a few simple words. Nothing had ever calmed me down like that. Hell, I hadn't even known what it was like to feel calm until I met him.

"Can I..." Cole spoke softly, taking half a step closer to me. "Can I hold you?"

I froze. Even my mind froze for a brief second. Part of me wanted to tell him no and escape the room, but the other part...

And it was a bigger part...

"Okay..." I muttered.

His smile was warm and gentle when he closed the distance between us and carefully wrapped his arms around my back. I could only stand there without moving – or breathing – and just wait for him to do his thing. I was uncomfortable. But not for long.

He let out a deep breath, his hold on me tightening slowly. I felt his entire body relaxing against mine. I could feel how much he enjoyed holding me. That eased up my soul, and slowly, I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder, moving my hands up on his waist, then around on his back.

After all that pain and numbness, being held was... I liked it. I was scared to admit it, but I did. Comfort, huh...? That, too, scared me, but at the same time, it calmed me. I couldn't remember feeling anything like that in my entire life, not after losing Mom. There had never been comfort for me, no one to give that to me. To be fair, I never would've accepted it, anyway.

I still had an urge to push Cole away. It wasn't strong enough to make me act on it, but it was there. I wished I could someday get rid of all these negative things and urges and feelings. Pushing him away wasn't what I wanted. I wanted this. I couldn't stand the idea of what this meant, but I wanted it, nonetheless. That urge was just something my old man had forcefully taught me to feel.

Thinking about Dad made all those negative things grow stronger, but then Cole started humming like he'd sensed my father close by.

As I listened to Cole, I started feeling a bit ridiculous. Why would I be scared? Why would I need to be scared? Dad wasn't here. There was no pain in this place. No humiliation. No fear. I didn't have to act; there was no need for me to deny anything. I could be whoever I wanted and do whatever I wanted. I'd learned that already, but it was still so goddamn difficult to remember it. It was so unbelievably hard to stop trying to protect myself even after the threat was already long gone.

At least there was no hurry and no pressure since Cole understood I was still a mess. He was so great about it...

I hugged him tighter, pressing my head harder on his shoulder. I breathed in his scent and listened to his slow humming. I was warm, and the house was quiet and calm.

I said it. Now he knew, and I didn't want him to pretend I didn't say those words. Why would I want to take an immediate step back after taking a big one forward? Why would I want to go toward that empty, gray, cold corner I had built for myself? It would be easier to take that step, yes. It would've been easier to turn my back on Cole's bar right there in the beginning, but I didn't, and that was why I couldn't do it now, either.

I wanted to go forward and see the new corner I was building for myself now.

Cole interrupted my thoughts when he moved his hand on the back of my neck. I forgot everything else when he caressed me slowly. His fingers were a little bit cooler than my skin. His touch made me shiver. Sometimes that hand moved down on my shoulder, but always returned back behind my neck.

Touch had always meant pain, so I wasn't sure if I was getting used to being treated so gently anytime soon...

"I will protect you," he suddenly whispered. "I will not let anyone hurt you ever again."

"I know," I murmured back, and his hold on me grew even stronger.

"I..."

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. He let out a deep sigh instead.

"What?" I asked.

"It's... nothing..."

"What?" I repeated.

"I just... The first time I saw you... I knew something was wrong. You had such a tense look on your face all the time. I could see so much fear in you... I've wanted to protect you ever since I laid my eyes on you," he spoke quietly. "I've wanted to take that fear away and replace it with everything good."

I didn't know what to say. His words comforted me, but I was unable to reply to him. I hoped he didn't wait for me to say anything. I knew I should've, but... I just couldn't.

Thankfully, he continued. "I want to give you all the good things in the world. If you'll let me, I will give you everything I can because you deserve everything good. And... I want to see you happy. I want to make you smile. I want to hear you laugh..."

Now I was so lost in his words that I wasn't even able to think about replying to him.

He was silent for a moment and then let out a small, sad sigh. "I haven't even heard you laugh yet..."

I was glad my face was buried against his shoulder. I'd never felt so emotional before. There was nothing numb about me anymore, and I was glad he couldn't see that.

"I know..." I whispered again, wrapping my fingers around his shirt.

I needed a short moment to recollect myself a little. There was something I needed to say, something he needed to hear. And it wasn't that scary this time.

"I want you," I murmured. "When I stepped into your bar... I did it because you were in there."

He sniffed against my shoulder and squeezed me tightly.

"I want you to make me happy," I added, almost choking on my own words.

"Then I will," he replied. "I will make you the happiest man on Earth."

I nodded, unable to speak any more.

That was the corner I wanted. No matter how scary it was, no matter how scared I was, that place was worth fighting for, and I was not going to take any steps back.