Jaz spent the rest of the day in bed resting. Any attempt by her to get up was kyboshed by whoever discovered her trying to get out of bed. Finally Cade pleaded with her, "You need to rest, besides as soon as word gets out that you're up and about we'll be inundated with visitors. Are you ready for that?"

All the energy drained out of Jaz at Cades words. "No." she got back under the covers and got comfortable. "There are things that need to be said Cade. Old wounds that need to be opened. There are things I need to discuss with my brothers. No, actually there are things I need to flat out tell them. They won't like what I have to say."

Jaz sighed rubbing a hand over her face. "This isn't going to be easy; people are going to be hurt. First of all though I need to talk to you and Cord, explain..." she laughed sadly. "I'm not exactly sure how to explain everything. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to tell the story twice, but I'll try. You deserve that, you both do."

"When you're ready okay, for now rest. Jax is likely to come back soon. He'd really like to see you. If he can give me his word he won't say anything about you being awake you should probably see him."

Jaz nodded, she at least owed that man that much. "I agree, but for now I'm feeling rather tired." She put her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. Jaz knew she needed to rest, the time was coming when she'd need to share her secret. It would be painful, draining and she wasn't yet prepared to consider how it would affect others in the Pack.

Jax came by early next morning, he didn't have to be a damned Were to sense the tension around Braedon and Nicolas. He knew it had something to do with Jaz, but he wasn't one to judge. Besides he just wanted to make sure she was okay. He was after all the person that hit her with his car.

As he entered the house he knew something had changed. Cord had a smile on his face and Cade didn't look so worried. "I take it Jaz is awake?"

Cade looked him over, judging if she could trust him. "If you'd like to see her and can keep your mouth shut about it, then maybe she's awake?"

Jax zipped an imaginary zipper across his lips and Cade could see the smile in his eyes. "Okay, but not long she's still needs her rest."

They moved quickly up the stairs, Cade knocking on the bedroom door before entering. "Mum, Jax is here to see you." She turned to Jax, "I'll wait outside, remember not too long."

Jax approached the Jaz sitting on the chair next to the bed. "You look a whole lot better than you did the last time I saw you." He reached out and patted the back of her hand. "How you feeling?"

"Tired. I need more rest and I'm fairly certain Cade will make sure that happens." She lowered her eyes, frowned as if in deep thought. "I owe you an apology. I was in no condition to be out running alone. I should have gone up the mountain to the Elders. I put you in a terrible position. I'm sorry."

"No apology necessary. I just needed to make sure you were all right. Cade said you were, but..." he sighed.

Jaz looked at him curiously, "There is something else on your mind Jaxson. I can feel the tension around you. What is it?"

"Your brothers are..." he ran a hand through is hair. "I don't know what's going on between the three of you and it's really none of my business, but I can feel... something... I don't know, it's hard to explain. There's anger, frustration and..."

He saw how his words were affecting Jaz and stopped. "Now it's my turn to apologise. Your brother is a piece of work you know that... both of them. And don't worry I've been sworn to secrecy; as far as they know you still aren't up to having visitors. Rest, do what your daughter tells you for now. I'll be around for a few more days. I'll drop by and see how you're doing if that's okay?"

"Of course and when I'm up and about, perhaps we might even go for a walk. There are some lovely spots that I doubt you wouldn't have been shown if you were given the 'official' tour."

Jax smiled and took his leave careful to let Cade know he'd visit with Emma in the kitchen for a while so he could honestly say he'd been sitting around in the kitchen waiting on news.

By mid-day Jaz had had more than enough of being in bed, she needed to get up and more, if only in her own home. When she came down for lunch both Cade and Cord would have argued with her, only Emma gave her a welcoming smile, "Once you've eaten you should sit on the back porch and get some sun. No visitors yet, just soak up so sun and relax."

They couldn't argue with that, so sat quietly to their meal. Jaz was slowly getting her appetite back, easing the worry Cade had regarding her recent loss of weight. After lunch Cord sat with Jaz until he started getting restless, she then sent him off to play with a few of his friends.

Cade and Emma could see Jaz from the kitchen window, but stepped back when Jacob showed up not wanting to get in the middle of their conversation. At first he sat quietly in the seat beside her looking out at the trees. Jaz did the same knowing he'd eventually get to the point of his being there.

"I don't think I we can hold them off much longer Jaz." He sighed running a hand over his tired looking face. "This time they'll want answers. They won't let you fob them off. Eli's getting a great deal of flak from Nicolas as well, but he hasn't told them you're up and about as yet."

Jaz reached out and Jacob took her shaking hand, the next moment they both jumped surprised by the sound of movement coming from the side of the house. They laughed when a cat strolled out across the yard then ran after a nearby bird.

"For a moment I thought someone was..." Jaz shook her head. "I know what I have to do Jacob. I wanted to tell Cade and Cord first, explain to them what happened all those years ago then confront my brothers and... Nate."

Her eyes teared up, Jacob pulled her close, "Jaz, what you have to say will be painful you might be better off telling them all together."

"Phia is pregnant, I have no idea how this will affect her. I won't be responsible for anything happening to her baby."

"Jaz it's time. You can't hold on to this pain any longer. Look at what it's done to you already." He got to his feet pacing the porch in front of her. "If only I'd known, if only I'd gotten to you sooner."

Jaz laughed, "Jacob, you know as well as I do what would have happened. I'd have been forced into a loveless mating." She saw the surprised look on his face, "I eventually realised that though Nate cared for me, it only went as far as it would get him in regards to what he wanted. And he wanted to be an Enforcer."

She laughed to herself, "In any case what would have happened when he eventually met Phia? There was never going to be a good outcome Jacob. He'd have been torn between his true mate and his son. Me he would have only resented for keeping him from his mate. That's no kind of life, not for anyone."

"I could have..."

"No. You couldn't. You have Talea. Besides, he's gone. My heart didn't survive. I only had him such a short time." Jaz cried softly, not wanting to alert those inside.

"Damn it Jaz I..." Jacob heard another quiet sob, stepped quietly away just in time to see the tail end of a blue skirt, Phia's skirt if he was correct in his guess move quickly away from the house. Shit!

He moved back to Jaz who'd gotten her emotions under control. "I'll have Eli tell my brothers I'm awake, but I need some time to consider the reasons I lost control. When I'm ready I'll call everyone relevant to the house and explain myself."

She sighed. "In the meantime there are a few things I need to consider and I can't do that if I'm worried they're going to show up any minute."

"I'll do my best to keep them away. Now if there's anything you need, let me know. "

"Thank you Jacob. It can't have been easy keeping my secret all these years."

"Jaz, you're my friend more like a sister. Who else if not your brothers could be there for you?"

Jaz got to her feet embracing Jacob. "You are as true a brother as Nicolas or Braedon. There have been times when I was barely holding it together; knowing you were there helped. Now go before they come looking for you."

Jaz sat around the house for the rest of the afternoon. Cade stayed close but gave her the space she needed. She curled up on the couch dosing off and on until Emma brought her a cup of tea and a slice of one of the cakes she'd made with Cord. After that she made her way up to her room for a nap.

She'd barely fallen asleep when she heard shouting downstairs. As she came to a sitting position Nate stormed into her room a furious Eli and Cade coming up behind him. "What the hell did you say to my mate? I can't believe you feel so sorry for yourself that you ruin the relationship I have with my mate because you can't find one of your own. Have you any idea just how sad that is Jaz?"

"Nate, I have no idea what you're talking about?"

"Bullshit! Phia won't let me near her. She even tried to kick me out. When I explained she was in no condition to be alone, she packed a bag and went to Emma's."

Jaz was confused. "What on earth does that have to do with me?"

"She told me I was a bastard, wasn't sure if she'd ever forgive me for what'd I'd done. She kept looking towards your house Jaz. She wouldn't tell me what you said to her. But I'm damned certain you said something! Stay the hell away from me and my mate is that clear!" he turned shoving his way passed Eli and Cade before stomping down the stairs and out of the house.

Jaz sat on her bed confused, doing her best to think on how or what might have made Phia so angry with Nate. Shit! Jaz suddenly remembered earlier when she was with Jacob. He'd thought he heard something and went around the side of the house to check it out. She hadn't thought anything of it at the time, but... the colour drained from her face.

Jaz wasn't sure if she was going to throw up or pass out. Her breathing quickened, she was all but hyperventilating; shaking her head from side to side unable to speak to get any information out to the two people trying desperately to calm her down.

She looked up helplessly, tears streaming down her face. She needed to tell someone but who? Who could she trust? A moment later Jax walked in, seeing the situation he took control. "Cade go make a pot of tea, some umm... camomile if you have it. Maybe put some home out to have with it?"

He waited until he could hear Cade's footsteps on the stairs and moved towards Jaz. "Eli, can you get me a glass of something strong, Whiskey if you've got it?" When Eli didn't move he turned towards him, "Now if you don't mind?" he got moving and was back well before Cade.

Eli stood in the doorway watching Jax. He'd wrapped a blanket around her and was sitting on the side of the bed holding her hand. Her breathing had slowed down, it was then that he realised the man was talking softly to her helping her remain calm... barely.

Jax took the glass from Eli when he offered it to him and held it to Jaz's lips. "Nice and slow now, tiny little sips until you get used to it. That's it, good girl."

To the best of Eli's knowledge no one had ever referred to Jaz as a 'girl' not since she was in fact a child. That this man was doing so and she was calming to his touch gave him hope that just maybe Jax was her mate.

"Enough Jaxson, enough," Jaz sighed. "I'm fine now."

Jax put handed the glass off to Eli and took both her hands. "Look me in the eye and tell me you're okay."

Jaz took one look at the overly serious expression he held and burst out laughing. "Good. I haven't lost my touch." He grinned and got to his feet. "I came by to see if you were up to a walk, maybe later. Is there anything I can do for you in the mean time?"

"No, thank you. There are a few things I need to sort through and someone I need to contact." She lifted her head hearing Cade coming up the hallway. "I'll have my tea then I need to spend some time in my office."

The men left and Cade put a cup of tea on the bedside table. "Mum?"

Jaz patted her hand, "Soon Cade, soon I'll explain everything." She sighed, "For now I need to work through a few things."

They left it at that, Jaz sipping her tea while Cade left to meet with Trace and go through some drills."

When she was finished with her tea, Jaz slipped out of the house making her way to the clinic and her office. Making sure she locked the door behind her Jaz shut herself in her office so she could think.

Phia had to have heard what her and Jacob speaking. It surprised her that the young woman hadn't told Nate what she'd heard. She sighed, knowing all too soon word would get out. Whether she wanted it or not, it was time to tell her secret.

Opening her desk draw Jaz pulled out her private address book. It had the contact details for many of the Healers across the country. There was one she had gotten to know through online forums and emails. Being Healers they rarely if ever left their Packs so they hadn't had the opportunity to meet, but Jaz had a good feeling about him.

Jaz needed time to think, to consider what to do and that wasn't going to happen with a Pack to look after. Taking a deep calming breathe, she dialled his number before she had a chance to reconsider.

The call was picked up on the fifth ring, "Jaz? To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"Maddock are you alone?"

"Give me a sec."

Jaz leaned back into her chair, closing her eyes as she waited. Maddock was a good man, young and still learning as a Healer, but he was good at what he did and people tended to like him. She let her mind drift a little knowing whatever he was doing would be important to his Pack.

"Okay, I'm alone and out of hearing range. What's up?"

"How would you like to visit the Compound for a while? I need some time out and I need someone to take over for me."

Maddock laughed, "Jaz, you know I'll be there in an instant. I won't ask you what's wrong, just know that you can talk to me if you need an outside perspective. And Jaz, you know as Healers what's said between us is sacrosanct. Anything I can help with, you only need ask."

"You can help by taking over for me for a time. I haven't been well Maddock and I need some this... time away from it all. What do you say?"

Maddock liked Jaz, his concern for her immediately kicking in. "I can be there day after tomorrow if that suits you?"

Jaz took a breath suddenly realising she'd stopped breathing. "That would be suit well. I'm not sure if there is any available housing, but there is a room and kitchen attached to the clinic with your name on them."

"Sounds good. Jaz, I'm going to have to let Zac know what I'm doing. Does Braedon know I'll be arriving on his doorstep?"

"He'll know by the end of the day and as this is my position he has no choice but to accept my choice of replacement. I'll make sure the kitchen is fully stocked, although you'll be more than welcome at my table."

"Let's see how we go okay. I'll speak to Zac first thing in the morning, so Braedon's likely to get a call. I'll see you in a couple of days."

Jaz sat quietly in her office for almost an hour, knowing that when she left she'd finally have to deal with at least one of her brothers. She was tired, so damned tired. Not the sleepy kind of tired, but the completely drained tired where your bones hurt from tensing up all the time. Getting to her feet Jaz made sure everything was in its place before making her way home.

When she was sitting comfortably in her living room, Cord snuggled up beside her she opened up the sibling pathway to her brother and Alpha. Braedon, tonight after dinner I would like to speak with you. Only you. I am as you are now sensing feeling somewhat better and would like to discuss how best to move forward.

Jaz didn't have to wait long for a reply. Braedon may well have been angry with Cade for making him and Nicolas leave his sister's home, but he was concerned about her. She was the Pack Healer, Jaz had to realise they all depended on her.

Jaz, you are my sister. Your health has concerned me greatly. I will come to your home as you've requested.

The connection cut off and Jaz knew in her heart that though her brother loved and cared for her, he was still the Alpha and still more than angry about being kept in the dark. She smiled at her son, ruffling his hair. Too bad brother, unfortunately you will be kept in the dark a while long.

That evening over dinner Jaz took the opportunity to speak with her family. She looked around the table first at Cade and Eli then Cord. There was little conversation, something Jaz hated as she'd always enjoyed to liveliness of the interactions between her children and their friends.

Putting her cutlery down Jaz cleared her throat. "I have something I need to tell you." All eyes were immediately on her. "I contacted Braedon this afternoon and asked him to come to the house. I've decided to step down as Pack Healer for the time being."

Seeing the shock on each of the faces Jaz kept talking. "I've already spoken to a Healer friend, explained that I haven't been well and asked him to take my place. His Pack are fortunate to have two Healers, so there should be no problem in his coming here for a while."

"Just until you're well again right?" asked Cord.

Jaz could feel her jaw tighten, not wanting to lie to her son. "Cord, my friend Maddock will be taking my place. If he fits, I may not want to go back to being a Healer... at least not here."

She waited for the fallout, was surprised with her son's reaction. "Where will be live then? Will we stay here or will we move to the city or..."

"Cord, that's a ways off yet. There's plenty of time for Jaz to think about where we'll all be going to live." Words spoken as Cade looked into her mates eyes. Words letting both him and Jaz know that wherever she went both she and Cord would be going as well.

Eli wasn't surprised. With the life that had been dealt to his mate, finding a home with Jaz had been close to a miracle. There was no way Cade or Cord would abandon her. Cade was his mate, making Cord and Jaz his family, he would not abandon them either.

He looked at Cord a mischievous grin on his face, "How about when the new Healer settles in we both go to town and grab some travel brochures? Even if Jaz doesn't decide to move away, she might want to take a vacation."

Almost nodding his head off, "That'd be cool Eli!"

Jaz again cleared her throat, "I haven't decided what to do yet, so please keep it to yourself. I don't want word getting out that I'm leaving." They all agreed.

Once dinner was finished and the dishes done Jaz insisted everyone go about their normal routine. If they were needed when Braedon showed up she'd call them. In other words they were to make themselves scarce unless they were needed.

Jaz put on a pot of tea, organising cups for her and her brother in the kitchen. She knew he'd be arriving shortly. She'd just sat down when she sensed him at the front door. Eli let him in and without a word spoken he made his way to the kitchen.

Jaz gave him a nod in acknowledgement and indicated he should take a seat, which he did. She poured tea for them both taking a sip and placing her cup on the table before she looked fully at her brother. She waiting, knowing he'd want the first word.

"Jaz, you are looking well." Then he really looked at her. "Perhaps not as well as you should be. You've lost weight." He sighed. "Maybe Cade was right to send up from your home."

"Braedon I know there is a great deal you don't understand about what's happened... what's been happening with me." She laughed and not in a good way. "To be honest I'm still trying to sort through everything and..." she sighed.

"What is it Jaz? I've been concerned about you, we all have. You have responsibilities to the Pack, it needs you, that's not going to change. If this is about Nate finding his mate..." he shook his head. "Damn it Jaz what was between you and Nate was so long ago."

Jaz did her level best to remain calm. She knew Braedon would believe everything stemmed from her feelings for Nate. "I'm not well Braedon. On an emotional level I'm not well enough to care for your Pack." She saw surprise in his eyes. "I'm stepping down as Pack Healer, at least for the time being."

"And who do you expect to take your place?"

"I've already organised to have someone take over. His name is Maddock, he'll be arriving the day after tomorrow. His Alpha Zac is likely to give you a call to verify. And before you ask, there won't be any problem with his leaving, they have two Healers. Zac is likely to see this as a good will gesture."

"You've already organised! Without speaking to me..." Braedon's hands fisted on the table. "What the hell is going on with you Jaz?"

"I have things I need to come to terms with Braedon, then and only then will I be ready to tell anyone the truth of what's been going on. Is Nate and Phia involved? In a manner of speaking yes. But don't assume I've been sitting her pining away for him all these years because that couldn't be any further from the truth. I'm not ready to talk about it brother. When I am you'll have a front row seat."

Braedon came to his feet, anger blazing in his eyes. Cade, Cord and Eli came in to stand by Jaz and he realised if he fought her, he'd be fighting them all. They truly were a family. "How long Jaz? How long before you come to your senses or decide you are ready to tell your family what's going on?"

"The way things are going I'd say only a few day. Now please, leave me in peace until I'm ready to explain myself to your satisfaction."

Braedon saw tears in his sisters eyes, "Jaz, I do care about you. I just don't understand."

"I know brother. You and Nicolas have always carried the burden of protecting the Pack. You taught me well as a young woman, as a Romanoff I have an obligation to the Pack and the Pack always comes first. I'll let you know when I'm prepared to speak to you all again."

One very angry Alpha left Jaz's home that night, angry and confused. He had no idea what the hell was wrong with Jaz or why she wouldn't talk to him. Realising he had no choice but to wait until she was ready he left, doing his best to calm down before he reached his own home and mate.

Jaz sighed, it couldn't be helped, she wasn't ready to tell her secret, wasn't ready for the fallout. Most importantly wasn't ready for what it would do to her to put it out there making it all so very real.