"To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves."

― Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding
and Yerma

Fingertips brushed against each other, her stomach churned, and her heartbeats echoed.

"Here, lighter." He smiled, putting his hands back into his pocket. He was unaware of this small action that had electrified her senses. She felt on top of the world with just a touch while he was lost in his world, unaware of the intensity of her feelings.

"Uh, the line's way too long. And it's freezing outside. Do we just go home?" His voice echoed. The thought of not seeing him sooner than she expected made her react faster than her brain could process.

"I mean, it's going to be just a little longer. I..."

His deep voice overtook her words," Actually let me go ask the others, I'll be right back."

While he was just trying to enjoy his night downtown, she longed to have his presence, his smell intoxicating her senses. She watched him walk towards their group of friends, wishing he knew how much his every breath took away her consciousness but he was absolutely unaware of the power he held. He was a nice guy, a healed version of himself, focused on finding what he loved. She respected him, respected his decision of not wanting to ruin the friendship. She made everyone believe that she was done and over him, happily living through life but her heart knew that she was stuck, just with how he could pull at her heartstrings without any effort. She knew her feelings were too deep for him to comprehend, to even understand that depth.

"The red dress looks absolutely stunning on you."

She looked straight to be met with a pair of unknown light brown eyes. The moment their eyes met she felt naked like he had seen through her soul. There was an intense tug at her heart that made her feel like she'd always known him. She was not the type of girl to entertain any stranger in her life. She was a beautiful woman that attracted the attention of many but would always ignore them like a flowing breeze. For the first time in her life, she smiled ear to ear, " Thank you."

"I don't usually do this, but there's something about you. You're genuinely breathtaking."

"Is that what you tell everyone?" She raised her eyebrows still smiling widely.

"Fortunately not. Tell me, if I had to steal you away right now, would I be making someone jealous?"

His words brought her back to reality. The cold wind hit her face as if knocking her truth back into her heart. Those few seconds of solace where her mind was not occupied with controlling intense emotions were enough for her. Her smile faded, which brought confusion to his face as he tried to study her more clearly.

"If only." She said, her eyes drifting to his back, the one she had loved for years as she took in the scene in front of her. He was laughing with her friends, his hands around their shoulders. Jealousy ran through her veins but she knew she had no right to act upon it, to even feel it.

"What-"

"Run away. I wish I could run away." She whispered, her eyes locked onto the scene. She had never felt so many things at the same time. She felt nauseous looking at him being platonic and as much as she knew how negative her thoughts were, she couldn't stop herself. She hated herself more and more with every passing second, and it was him, he was the reason for it all. He had been nothing but nice to her, had cared for her like a friend, loved her like a friend but oblivious to anything beyond that.

While she was stuck in her moment, she failed to realize those pair of eyes that followed her through her entire journey. He saw her eyes looking at him like her world consisted of him and him only. He noticed the slight change in her twinkling eyes the moment he laughed. He saw her holding her breath to control her emotions but still letting sadness take over her heart the moment he showed interest in another. He saw the confidence in her body drop low the moment she realized she was hoping for the impossible.

"Let's run away then. Allow me to take you far away from this city." His words snapped her out of it.

"And get me in trouble, to be never found again? No, thanks." She laughed, brushing away the bizarre idea from her mind.

"Ouch. I'm offended. Did I not present myself gentlemanly enough?" He smirked, happy to get a response back.

"Oh no. That's not what I-"

Before she could finish her sentence, a very familiar voice which had always given her the comfort she craved, spoke "Shit, I'm so sorry, I got caught up with them. Anyways, we all thought we'll go someplace else, come on."

She glanced at those unknown pair of eyes hesitantly, before replying." You go ahead, I'll just finish my conversation with this gentleman here."

She did something she would have never done. She showed the guy she was in love with that she was interested in someone else. Did she do it out of ego? Or was it that craving to see some jealousy on his face? Maybe it was genuinely the solace she found in being with the stranger she had met minutes ago that made her not want to leave him so soon even at the cost of creating a misunderstanding that she would have always avoided. She had absolutely no idea, but if there was one thing she knew, it was the fact that she wanted to be away from him, from how much her heart hurt when they were together. And she had no one to blame for this change, except herself.

"Oh, sure." Surprise flashed through his eyes as he looked up to the gentleman introduced," Hey man, nice to meet you."

"Hey." He nodded back.

"Stay safe." He winked at her, walking away. Maybe that little hope of hers, which craved to see him being possessive, jealous, and protective, broke into a million pieces.

"Let's go." She snapped, staring dead into those beautiful brown eyes, "Take me to the end of this world. I don't care what happens next, what you decide to do, but before anything let me take one breath in peace, just one. And till we reach you don't get to speak a word, do you understand? Not a word."

Never had anyone spoken to him in this tone, they were too scared of the consequences, but surprisingly he was not offended at all. Maybe because he knew she herself had never spoken like that. Or maybe it was just that he had been in her shoes, he knew the frustration, the anger that got her to run away with a stranger not thinking twice about her safety.

"Follow me." He stated, turning around and walking towards his car with her silent footsteps following behind.

She didn't know what she was doing. All she knew was that she had left her belongings with her friends and was on the road sitting on the passenger seat of a stranger's car, giving him permission to take her wherever he wanted. She knew this was the most dangerous thing she could ever do. If anything went wrong she could not call for help, she could not scream, she was helpless. Was this something she wanted? Was the thought of it all ending making her take these steps, or was the thrill of the unknown getting her more excited? It was either a trip to paradise or death. It was all on his hands, in those pair of light brown eyes. And she was ready to gamble, as long as she found peace, in any way whatsoever.

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She tried to trace the wind using her fingertips as they drove for hours in sheer silence. Her eyes marveled at the breathtaking view, while her nose was filled with the refreshing scent of the air. Her mind processed every emotion she had felt for him like a film reel. She saw herself meeting him three years ago and immediately falling in love with his ways of caring. She saw him laughing at her dumb jokes and herself getting nervous at his wholehearted smile. She saw him holding her hand tightly when she was afraid of falling. She saw him remembering the smallest details of her life. And just like the twist in a movie, she saw him change into someone who forgot his promises. She saw him canceling her birthday party for a date. She saw him getting attracted to a whole lot of people, just never her. She saw herself looking in the mirror and realizing where she stood in his life. She saw herself being insecure, blaming herself for it but then realizing the truth about the situation. She saw herself finally accepting that every love is different but still not being able to come to terms with it. And finally, she saw herself drifting off from his life, away from the negativity that was slowly consuming her.

She smiled, closing her eyes. Taking a deep breath she asked herself if she already knew everything then why was she still so much in love? Why was it this hard to move on? Was it those little hopes of a 'maybe' or was it simple stubbornness?

Lost in her thoughts, she failed to realize that the journey had finally reached an endpoint. A set of words finally broke the stillness, "We've reached."

"Where are we?" She asked, leaving the car. They had arrived at a field overlooking the ocean. The grass was lush green and the air had a scent of saltwater. It was visible that the cliff abruptly ended at a distance, the blue expanse of the ocean taking over their view.

" I don't know if this place is the end of the world, but it surely is the end of my world." He replied. The anguish in his voice made her gaze at him in silence. She decided to admire the view in front of her, waiting on his explanation.

As they walked toward the edge, she observed a small stone suck into the soft soil giving it the appearance of shrinking. The moment they reached inches away from it, her chest tightened as she saw the engraved words on them.

"There was this one day when I had cracked a very boring joke and didn't even realize how dumb I sounded until all my friends burst out laughing." He started speaking," I remember looking at her across the room, watching her try to control her laugh but failing miserably. It felt like time had stopped just to capture that moment when I fell head over heels for her, with every single action of hers."

She quietly listened to his story, very subconsciously relating to the moments she remembered of her falling in love.

"Every day I gathered the courage to tell her about how I feel, but the moment our eyes met I just couldn't. The thought of losing the friendship or her being disappointed in me or anything that could keep her away from me was so scary, that I just couldn't..."

"Rather keep them in your life than not." She whispered, clutching the side of her dress tightly.

"She was different though. She said it the moment she felt it. After years of loving her from a distance," He chuckled, " One day she came up to me and started yelling at how she was disappointed in my skills of making an effort for the change we both longed secretly."

She smiled, picturing the moment in her head. It was evident from the way he spoke about her that it must have been the best day of his life.

"This is where we came for our first date. I had known her for half of my life but when we kissed that day, right here, under the stars, I thanked the world for her presence."

She noticed the slight smile on his face slowly disappearing," I thought the universe had it all planned out for me but unfortunately, I was so caught up in the moments that I failed to realize that everything has a time limit. Mine was just a little early. In a blink of an eye, instead of getting down on one knee to propose, I was here, standing in front of this stone every night, just wishing things were different."

"I'm so sorry. I could only imagine how that must have been for you." She spoke softly, her heart filled with different emotions.

"You know, I did not interact with people for the longest time. I was either locked up in my room or spending nights just standing here. I ended up losing not just the love of my life but also my friends who tried so hard to be by my side, only because I was so much in my own cocoon blaming every walking thing on this land for taking so much away from me that I just...I forgot to be grateful for what I had."

"I'm sure they understand."

"Sure but let me tell you," He sighed. "I could only hope that forever exists but sadly every bond, every relationship has a time limit." He finally turned towards her, looking straight into her eyes," I know that sometimes those bonds might not exactly be the way you imagined it to be, but it's still there you know. So hold onto it, before it's too late."

She saw the longness in his eyes. It was like he was begging for another chance to do things differently. If he knew the outcome of their journey he would have not waited so long. He would live every single moment with her like it was their last.

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The drive back was way different. They spoke for hours about each other's life. They spoke about lovely moments they had with their loved ones, they spoke about healing their scars, they spoke about life, about business, about principles. In those few minutes, they had studied each other deeply. They realized they were two very different individuals but their core values were very similar. It's like they had both found a friend in each other who knew the most intimate secrets of their lives.

"Thank you." She sighed as the car pulled over in front of her house. "Very sincerely, thank you."

He gave her a big smile, "That's alright, I got something off my chest as well."

"I'm glad I wasn't just a crazy burden then," She laughed, him joining in shortly after.

"Hope to see you again?"

"Hope to see you again."

She watched the car leave as she turned around, walking towards the house ready to face the music of her reckless actions when she heard a very familiar voice behind her.

"Have you entirely lost it?" He rushed towards her, "Do you know how crazy we all went looking for you?"

"I'm so sorry-"

"Do you realize that you left your phone, your purse, everything and just vanished for hours with a -"

Before he could finish his sentence, she hugged him tightly. He was taken aback by her sudden action but soon gave into her embrace.

"I was so worried about you." He whispered into her ears.

" I know, and I'm sorry. I needed to figure some things out." She replied, tightening her hug.

"Well, I hope it was worth it?"

"Yes," she smiled, stepping back. She looked into his eyes and gave him a gentle smile, "It was definitely."

"Damn." He commented with a perplexed look on his face.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just been a while since you've spoken to me like this."

"Like what?"

"So openly. I mean you look happier, I guess" He replied, trying to figure out how to frame his sentence.

"You ass, do you mean you miss how I mistreated you?" She laughed, putting her arms around his shoulder and walking towards the door.

She couldn't tell him about the roller coaster she had been through because of her own feelings for him but she now knew how to do things the right way. It's not like her escape for a night had changed how she felt about him but rather changed how she approached her feelings. It was alright if he couldn't be in her life the way she wanted to,  but he gave his personal best to be a fabulous friend. And she had realized that sometimes it's more peaceful to be grateful for what you have than to yearn for what you don't. She had decided to appreciate every moment they shared together and let go of the expectations that had blurred the beauty of those moments.

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