Once everyone individually paid their respects, took about twenty minutes, I stood behind the podium once again and said, "I want...I want to thank you all for being here. I thank every one of you that was never for us."

There were whispers.

"All seventy five of you smiled in our faces and stabbed us in the back. Every last one of you. Half of you are Bible totting hypocrites. Just like our mothers."

Walking down the steps, I pushed the flowers from his casket and kissed his lips before I closed it. A small card was on the floor. It must have come from the flowers.

I picked it up and read it. No one said a word.

The flowers were from Jonathan's cousin, Lorrie. I ripped the card in two.

Sorry for your loss, the card read. I love you both.

No you didn't, you lying bitch. She was the reason he was yanked out of the closet without his consent. She switched him out because he wouldn't be the look out man while she cheated on her boyfriend with his great uncle.

I stared at my hands before I faced those fake bitches behind me, putting Lorrie out of my head. I assembled them all together for one reason and one reason only.

Pastor Long said, "Harry. I know you're upset about Jonathan's passing, but the question of where his soul wound up doesn't seem to concern you."

I gave him a long, lingering look. "It doesn't. Because I know where he is. In heaven with my Heavenly Father, you biased fuck! You need to worry about where you're going to end up. Last time I checked no one is good, not even you or that ugly ass robe you're wearing."

"It's bad enough you defiled God's house with your presence, but the fact that I allowed a homosexual funeral in my church has me questioning my leadership."

"I should beat the robe off your ass. I guess two thousand dollars bought your morals without sales tax. Security!" I called out and a couple police officers were by my side.

I paid them nicely. None of us were getting shot in our heads today.

"Escort Hypocrite Long outta his own church, please."

"You are an abomination before God!" Pastor Long ranted, trying to get some religious recognition, but hadn't he forgotten that there were no phones, no videos, no Facebook or Instagram Live today. It was all about laying my husband to rest, and cutting off phony people, forever.

"No man will ever lay eyes on God so technically I'm not anything before Him."

Once he was gone, I looked my frenemies (enemies posing as friends) in the eyes.

"After today we will be no more. I cut all of you out of my life. The closing of Jonathan's coffin was the end of who you were to us. I can't heal if I keep all this fake crap in my life.

"Don't say a word. Please. I don't want to hear it. I don't think you all realize that my soul died with Jonathan."

There wasn't a dry eye in the building. They cried for a number of reasons. Mainly because they were taken aback that I knew that they never took our friendship or kinship seriously. Called only when they wanted something or when it suited them.

"I'm leaving now. I'm not having a repast. Everyone...go your separate ways. I changed my number this morning and I've moved out of my apartment. I don't care to be reached. Every memory you have of us. Force yourself to forget. Any pictures of us, set them on fire. Any pictures with you in them with us, cut our faces out of those fake moments in time. As of this moment I forget you all."

Holding on to the mustard seed of faith, all the faith in God that I had left, I was escorted to Jonathan's hearse, strapping myself to the passenger seat.

With police detail, I was driven to the grave yard in Richmond Heights.

The only vehicle in the middle of the motorcycle police detail.

The Graveyard

Seated before Jonathan's closed casket in an iron chair, I was shaded by a row of monstrous leafy trees, cool under an open sided green tent. I was he only on seated before my husband, moments before he was to be lowered back into the earth.

I didn't know how I felt or how to feel. I knew I was alive, existing but certainly not living. I missed him so much.

I wanted him back. I felt so alone without him, without his smile, without his love making...without his protection.

I leaned forward and placed my open palms on the side of it, rising to my feet.

The sun was blocked by huge dark clouds. The gloomy atmosphere was depressing.

A few raindrops brushed my left hand.

I didn't know how I was going to go on.

Two male ground keepers slowly lowered Jonathan six feet into the earth. I never cried so hard in my life. To never fall asleep in his eyes again tore me to spreads.

To never again, in this lifetime, be the first person he laid eyes on when he awakened devastated me.

"Good bye, Jonathan Waters. I love you so much baby."

My tears fell on his casket.