Hi!  My name is Ricky and I'm a 16 year old FTM from Southern Ohio (in the United States).  I've been dealing with homophobia and transphobia for a long time.  I came out as a lesbian to my parents when I was 12, crying because I was so scared.  I had nightmares every night of me coming out, then being beaten by my dad.  The physical abuse didn't happen, but they hurt me more emotionally.  They reacted badly.  They said it was demon-possession and that it was my choice.  They told me I was 'messed up in the head' and that it was my fault for such-and-such reasons when I was younger.  But finally, everything died down until I was 14 and a half.  My mom even forgot I was attracted to girls.  I brought it up again, confident that they would accept me.  It got even worse.  They always talked about hell and the gay agenda and how I was a big disappointment.  They felt any pro-gay message on the news or in the media was an attack from me to them.  They told me 'you might as well commit suicide because you're going to the same place anyway'.  I relapsed into self harm.  It even led to my suicide attempt that same summer.  I finally decided it was time 14 months later.  I couldn't live with the big secret of my gender identity any longer.  I told my parents that I'm transgender in August 2016.  It couldn't have gone worse.  They said they don't want to see me after I graduate, and that "if I don't change my sinful ways" I'll never see any of my four siblings again.  It's currently September, and it's not getting better.  It's an almost daily occurrence that I get called a tranny, faggot, or another slur.  It's exhausting.

I used to receive anti-gay hate at school.  My (before my parents made me grow it out) short hair and androgynous style targeted me as the victim of bullying for being 'queer', 'dyke', 'lesbo' and a 'fag'.  I couldn't believe other kids could insult me for something they didn't understand.

(If you're interested in my life story, go to trash-boy and read my book, Thinking Out Loud.)

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I started this account yesterday, September 4, 2016, because I want to help other kids like me.  I don't have very many (like, none) people that I can relate to about this.  And that's great.  I love that our society has changed to help include LGBTQ people.  But I feel so alone.

And I don't want to feel that way anymore.  And I don't want any of you to feel that way.  So let's get through this together.