CHAPTER WARNINGS: CUTTING, BLOOD, BITING

My moms leaving tmrw to go to Chicago w two of her friends and Lilly

I can't even get 1.5 weeks w my mom before she goes off again

My little brother gets back from his school trip today

I found out my older brother Hudson is l̸e̸a̸v̸i̸n̸g̸ moving sorry

It feels like he's leaving

He's the only one I can tolerate 24/7

Everyone annoys the fuck out of me and I hate it

I just need someone to talk to sometimes

But now that person is gone

And I hate it

My dad comes back tmrw from visiting the second house to make sure it's alr

He's been gone for 2 weeks

I have a theory he's cheating on my mom

Idk if it's true tho

I hate my mom so much

I can't even

It's not even that she's doing this to me

It's my little brother

I hate my little brother

But seeing him cry breaks my heart to pieces 

My mom hasn't seen my little brother in a week cuz he was on a school trip, he got back yesterday 

And now she's leaving to Chicago. Idk why I don't even care that she's leaving me. I just know he really wanted to talk to her for at least a day. And now she's taking off again for the 6th time this month. 

Dad comes home today 

We have staz as our babysitter for the day

She's Lilly's best friend and my practical sister 

I've known her since I was four, she's been around for well a lot of years.

She just had her bday and is now nineteen (say happy late bday staz)

Last night I cut for the first time in a month 

The urge grew too big 

And... I had my scissors for the first time in a month 

So...I cut my ankle 

Blood

I love bloood 

So fucking much 

Idk why but I do 

I ate chargers as a kid

Like the phone chargers? Yeah I ate those 

And I bite the inside of my lip

So much blood

I love it 

It hurts a lot 

But it's amazing 

This week i bit myself for the first time since January 

It hurt a shit ton 

I have marks still two days later 

I bit my finger 

My wrist.

The wrist one looks awful, like a dog bit me

I mean to be fair my fourth middle name is dog

So that might be why 

Idk tho

The relationship I have w my dad is one I hope will never change and just exist as it is 

He's my favorite person in the universe and actually gives a shit abt me 

He makes the best food and lets me buy endless supplies of books 

And then the best part is 

He lets me rant abt them to him 

So I just finished an amazing book (betting on you by Lynn painter) and I get to rant to him abt it and he will listen and just give the best answers and make me piss my pants

And now we get to talk abt the audio book he's listening to and it's great 

I hate him for treating Lilly like a little princess and spoiling her like the little queen she fs is 

But as long as he gets me books, let's me rant, and fangirls w me abt conan gray, I'm alr.

Well I'm going to bed 

Long day fs 

Love you ppl!!