I sit on my bed, feeling my chest ache. I don't know why. I know that it's because something has been taken from me. Only in the sense that it does not reside within the same four walls with me anymore. That is why my chest hurts. It's a pain that feels all consuming and it's all I can focus on. It's not the first time I've felt this way and it won't be the last. 

During times like these, most people just process the loss and move on right? well not me. I can't. Well, it's complicated. I'm going to use an example to help you further understand what i mean. Say your beloved grandfather passed away suddenly. And for the sake of this example, let's say he was 95 years old. Long life, right? He's been around all your life and went through a lot of life's ups and downs until you came along. During his life, every holiday was celebrated at his home and all your cousins and aunts and uncles were there. You loved him so much you couldn't put it into words, but you loved him. Now imagine getting a call one morning that he had suddenly passed away from old age. Devastating right? Yes. Most of your family is understandably sadden by this sudden loss, but you freeze.

Most of your family has moved on a year later but you still feel that same feeling you felt when you got the news a year ago. You've went to therapy and have tried multiple medications but still feel stuck, dwelling on that significant loss. To everyone else, it's just a part of life but to you, they were your life, and your world. You don't know how to go on with life without them. It feels like it will never end. And what makes it worse, is no one close to you understands that you can't process emotions the same way.

This is the life of someone dealing with OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and a host of other undiagnosed mental health conditions with only one person in their corner.