Season 3 episode 8 spoilers!!!!

"I've decided I'm going to take it," Janine said to everyone.. that was about the last thing I heard after I started realizing.. Janine was.. leaving?.. but.. it was supposed to be just a fellowship.. my chest felt tight, and my mind felt full, but i put on a weak smile as I heard Janine call out to me worryingly..

"I'm... very happy for you, Janine.." I smiled at her as my lips quivered.. "I uh.. I gotta take care of some things, um.. I'm really.. proud of you, Janine.. congratulations." At that point, I had put on my mask.. I knew Melissa would notice maybe even Jacob.. hell, I basically lived with them..

But I couldn't be there.. mentally or physically.. I walked out of the library and headed to my classroom.. once I got in there, the panic attack started.. luckily, I always took some stuff that calmed me down everywhere I went.. but.. this one was bad..

"Tesoro?.." I heard Melissa call softly, and I jumped as I looked back at her.. completely freezing... "Oh.. hon.." she walked over to me, picked me up off the ground, and held me in her arms."She's not leaving us amore.." Melissa tried to say before I cut her off, "Not yet!.. but she's going away.. and she will eventually leave.. l-like everyone else!.." I basically yelled into her chest..

The downside to dating a teacher and an Italian lady is that they read emotions easily.. I've never told her about this fear, but she knew it had to have happened a lot for this much anger and sadness to form.. Melissa.. the smart and strong woman didn't even know what to say to her lover..

"I won't leave... Barbara won't leave.. Jacob.. Gregory.. hell, even Ave has a soft spot for you.. and Janine.. oh Tesoro I don't think you'd ever be able to get rid of her." Melissa said with a soft weak chuckle.. "Janine loves you, sweetheart. We all do."

I just stayed quiet listening to her words.. before I heard.. who would have thought.. Janine. "Y/n- ... oh y/n!" Janine almost ran over to me, hugging me tightly as Melissa stepped back with a smile.. "Why are you crying? Are you ok??? What happened???" Janine asked with so much worry and concern in her voice..

I smiled softly and whipped my tears away.. "n-nothing... I'll be ok.." I whispered weakly and hugged her tightly..

...I was so close to fucking sobbing this episode.. since the first episode I have been needing to grab my comfort items in case I need to feel a bit better because JANINE is triggering my attachment issues which seems to be way worse with teachers🙃 I am writing this purely so I can go to fucking sleep because it is 3 am and I've been crying and I need to get knocked out so I can forget this happened until I rewatch this episode with my mom tomorrow🥲