Chapter 4

As soon as she left the room, I willed my body to stop reacting. It felt as if it was drawn to her, itching to move towards her body, itching and craving to feel her beneath me, her skin on mine.

I had been locked up in this prison for two years already and I hadn't felt an ounce of emotion or lust since being here. It was easy to fall in to a state of depression and nothingness, and much harder to get out of it.

I felt as if everything I had felt before had left me the instant I walked in to this place. What did I have to life for?

That being said, my body buzzed around her, the petite guard here who looked just as innocent as she probably felt. Her eyes showed me that she was sheltered, her head was strong but she hadn't seen life.

I didn't want to scare her, but she knew exactly who and what I was. To her, I was a monster. To me, I was just somebody who wanted to start feeling something again, on the other hand, I didn't want to get close to anybody new.

I was in here and here was where I was going to stay. She wasn't trouble but she was trouble to me because I wanted her, badly. From going to nothing to feeling this strongly, it was extremely unnerving and it hit me all at one go.

I needed to have her but what were the consequences? More importantly, she didn't want me back. I hated wanting somebody I couldn't have.

She was petrified of me.

Who would want to sleep with a murderer, after all?

With a sigh, I jumped back on to my bunk. It fucked me off that her scent stayed in the room even minutes after she had left. I was a typical animal and my body wanted that scent all around me.

I wanted her. There was no doubt about it.

As soon as I jumped on to my bunk, Jeff came back in to the room. He was a weird man, very skinny and a man I could easily wrap around the toilet bowl if it ever came to it. He was greasy looking but was only behind bars because of a drug deal he had been pulled in to.

He was the optimum of wrong positioning and wrong timing and I saw myself in him at times. I didn't always like him but he was vulnerable and even when I acted differently, I felt it too.

Like I wasn't meant to be here.

"King." Jeff acknowledged me with a firm nod and I nodded back at him. "Has she been?" He asked. I looked to him in confusion.

"Has who been?" I questioned as my legs moved with gravity off the side of my bunk.

"The guard." He said, his voice so matter of fact it made me sound dull, as if I was meant to know what he was on about.

His tone of voice and the fact he mentioned her was enough to piss me off. Why would he care if she came or not to do the daily routine? Why would he care about her?

A weird feeling of jealousy and annoyance over came me. Was I jealous or was I just starting to feel something other than nothing and I was getting confused?

"What about her?" I tried to sound normal but my voice was starting to sound exactly how I felt; fucked off. I hope he didn't notice.

"Did she come or have I missed her?" My fists clenched as he spoke.

"She came." I said through gritted teeth. "You missed her."

"That's a shame." He sighed. "She's nice to look at."

"Stop acting like a bitch on heat." I spat. Jeff was used to my ways and hopefully he didn't catch on just how pissed off I felt.

If she didn't want me, I didn't want her having anybody else. She didn't strike me as the type to want anyone here but I was in here for murder, he was just a drug dealer. Out of the two of us, he was the safest and I was the most dangerous.

"I haven't seen a nice woman since I've been here, King." He rolled his eyes as he looked to me. "Cut me some slack. I've been in here longer than you."

"Two months longer, Jeff, at least I'm keeping my eyes to myself." Barely. I was lying of course, the girl was easy on the eye and maybe I had been deprived of seeing a pretty girl here too.

"You're obviously gay." He stated. I glared at him.

"Do I look gay to you?" I snapped.

"Not all gay people have a certain look." He replied. "My brother was gay and he was probably a lot bigger than you."

I highly doubted that. The man before me could have been mistaken for a fucking pencil.

"Shut up, Jeff." I snapped again. "I'll wring your fucking neck." I rolled my eyes.

"Only because you've killed somebody on the outside, it doesn't mean you scare me." He said.

I continued to glare at him but I didn't say a word. I had had a fuck full over the amount of people who labelled me a murderer. I was in here because of it, but it was starting to piss me off.

Instead of retaliating this time, I laid on my bunk and it squeaked as I moved to stare at the wall, my back turned to him.

He knew our conversation was over as I heard him shuffling around and soon, he was lying in his own bunk. He started to read as the place was now quiet.

I continued to stare at the wall, the same wall I had stared at for the last two years. It was white and it had always looked the same but what else was there to do? I had counted every line in the brick from one corner to another, I had stared at that wall as I wished for something better.

The wall was my solitude in a way.

I stared at the wall for hours until my cell was unlocked. I had thought about a lot in the two hours I was doing so. I thought about the guard and her brunette hair. I wondered how it would feel in my hands as I tugged gently, I wouldn't hurt her, I wouldn't even try. She was tiny, small enough to crush, but I thought about taking her in every way I could.

Had she ever had a man big like me? Had she ever wanted a man like me?

I doubted that highly, but the thought of her wanting me too was enough to send me crazy.

I wanted to continue thinking like this, I wanted to stay here and continue my thoughts. I would have missed dinner for it, but I heard a voice through my now open cell door and I was automatically pulled.

It was her.

I jumped off my bunk and wiped down my grey sweatshirt.

I left the cell and followed the sweet voice from down the hall way. Other inmates swept across the hall as they rushed the opposite way for dinner.

Dinner wasn't always that appetising anyway. I had a tastier meal somewhere else and I was ready to see her again.

God, what was wrong with me? I never acted this bad even on the outside.

I got to the staff room door and knowing I wasn't allowed inside, I waited on the wall beside it. I could hear her giggle as I stood there.

Shit, I wanted her badly.

I had probably waited there for ten minutes before finally, the door opened. I waited until everyone left the room.

Knowing she was still in there, alone, I opened the door wide and sneakily made my way inside the staff room.

I watched her as she moved around the staff room, cleaning everything in sight before her. I watched her as she hummed a soft tune to herself, her mind absent from the world and her eyes glazed over wth thoughts. Maybe she was a dreamer just like me.

As she turned, she jumped as she saw me and laid a hand to her chest.

"You're not allowed in here." She whisper hissed. The look of absent dreaming was now off her face and was replaced with a look of fear and curiosity.

She didn't have to be afraid of me.

"You look scared." I stated. She took in my form and I saw her throat constrict as she swallowed hard.

"I'm just wondering what you're doing in here." She said. "You need to get out. We will both get in trouble." Her eyes looked everywhere but at me. I wanted her to look at me, I hoped she would see right through me. I wanted her to know who I really was.

"Stop panicking, I'll blame it on myself if anything happens." I said. "I'm the criminal here." I shrugged. It was obvious I was the one who was going to get in trouble here, not her. I didn't care. I never cared. I wasn't thinking at all, I just wanted to see her.

"You could prevent that if you just left." She stated. She slowly backed up against the wall of the room as her wide eyes looked my way. Was she really that scared of me? Surely not. If she was, why was she doing this job in the first place?

"I'm not going to hurt you." I said.

"I know." Her voice was quiet as she spoke.

"You know?" I questioned. "Are you sure?" I tipped my head to the side as I looked at her. She really was fucking beautiful it hurt.

It just aggravated me that she thought I was some serial killer who would go around hurting people. I didn't hurt people, it wasn't me.

"Of course." Her voice sounded stronger this time. "I'm not scared of you."

"You shouldn't be."

I slowly walked over to the plastic chair before me which stood before a small table. I sat down on it and looked to her again. She watched me, her eyes on me but her mouth not showing any emotion.

"Aren't you going to sit down?" I asked. I was hoping she would. I didn't know what I was doing, what I thought I was trying to achieve. Maybe I just didn't want her to be afraid of me. Maybe I just wanted her that badly.

She ignited something within and I was so ready to find out what it was about her.

Come on, sit down.

As if she was reading my mind, she walked slowly over to the chair opposite me and sat down. She seemed so hesitant but also curious.

I liked how curious she was.

"See, was that bad?"

"Don't patronise me." Her voice was low but equally as firm. I leaned back in my chair.

"I'm not trying to patronise you, I'm just trying to show you that I'm not someone to be afraid of."

"But-"

"I'm a murderer, a killer, I know." I sighed. "You keep saying." I was becoming bored with the labels. She didn't know a thing and I doubt she ever would. It aggravated me.

"No." She rolled her eyes. "I'm not scared of you." She repeated. Her voice started to become aggravated too, just as if this whole thing was becoming boring. It was.

She wasn't afraid of me, even though she acted like it, and I was becoming repetitive.

I hadn't talked to a girl in so long, I guess I was just a little rusty.

"Do you want to tell me your name?" I asked. Her eyes swivelled my way.

"Not-"

"Tell me you're name." I said. "You know mine, it's only fair."

"Chloe." She stated. "Chloe Collins." Her name oddly suited her. I liked it. "And yours is obviously Aaron King." Her lips twitched with the start of a small smile.

"Obviously." Mine twitched too.

"I like your tattoos." After she said the statement, she blushed but her small smile made my heart skip a beat.

What the hell? It seemed I was also becoming poetic.

"Which one?" I asked. She looked to my face and then back down to my bare arms as my sweatshirt was rolled at the elbows.

"That one." She pointed to the small heart I had in the midsts of all the quite depressing and aggressive tattoos. Did she really just pick out the most loving tattoo I had?

"A heart?" I questioned, my lips twitched again with the urge to smile. This girl really was sheltered but her innocence really turned me on.

"It's pretty." She stated. "But it doesn't really go with the theme of knives and guns." I mean, the tattoos weren't exactly the best idea I had. I regretted them as soon as the police had my hands in handcuffs for murder. I had tattoos which suggested I liked that kind of thing; I didn't. I was just young and foolish, wanting to act much harder than I was. "It must symbolise something." She stated.

It did. It symbolised something I didn't want to go in to. Especially not with her. Not with the girl I wanted beneath me.

"It symbolises nothing. I hate it." I shrugged. I've hated it since. "But now you like it, I guess I like it too." I said. The comment made her smile, her earlier hesitancy now gone.

Even though you could tell she didn't want to, she just couldn't help it. She rolled her eyes along with her smile and I swear it blew me back through the staff room door.

Fuck. That damned girl.

"You should really get out of here before you're caught." Chloe stated. I didn't care whether I was caught or not, but I guess doing this was selfish as she had a career to uphold. Me being in here just to talk to her was just a little bit risky. "I wouldn't want you to get in to more trouble."

"You really couldn't get in to more trouble, babe." I said. I got up from the chair I was sat on and walked to the door. I hadn't meant to call her babe, it just flew from my mouth. It felt good in a way to actually say something so normal and...nice.

Prison really did change a person.

I felt like a hormonal teenager all over again.

"Stop being so hard on yourself." She said. I wish it were that easy. If only she knew.

But she was the first person to ever say something like that since I had been here. Everyone wanted me to be hard on myself, they wanted me to be punished, tortured almost for the loss of life that was made by me.

Why did this woman who didn't know me and who was on the other side of the fence want me to be positive about this?

I mean, shit.

"It doesn't help when everyone else is hard on me too." I murmured. I opened the door and left her to it before she could reply.

I needed someone to protect me from the things I wanted from her.

She needed someone to protect her from me.