Chapter 12

     Another day, another time I had put my self in the firing line.  I was never a dangerous person, I was reserved, quiet, naive and innocent. I didn't ever make myself well known, I didn't ever do anything adventurous enough for it to be exciting.

I was never the wild one.

But Aaron came in to my life and I was doing the most dangerous thing I could ever imagine myself doing. I took him with a passion I never knew I had. It wasn't like me but for some reason, I just couldn't stop it.

I chucked on my work clothes as Aaron did the same. Now, how was we going to get out of here without anybody seeing us?

The panic I felt after ever time I have slept with Aaron was just too much to deal with. But I kept falling in to his trap.

It's not like I didn't want him, because the truth was, I really wanted him. Wanted him to the point where I was willing to put everything in danger just to touch him, feel him, have him.

I was stupid, the most stupid person to grace the Earth. It was obvious Aaron didn't want me for more than what this was, he had been so long without sex I knew I was easy because he knew exactly the effect he had on me.

"Stop it." I heard Aaron's voice come from infront of me. I looked up to him to see him staring at me,  his clothes now on. I wondered what he'd look like with other clothes on, a casual look like jeans and a t shirt, maybe even a suit on his body. I bet he'd look fit. I did desperately want to see him like that but I knew that Aaron wasn't ever going to get out of here.

My heart sank at the thought.

"What?"

"I don't want you to look so panic stricken after every time we have sex." He said. "It's not good on the old ego of mine."

"I don't care about your ego." I said. His lips turned up in to a smile.

"No, neither do I." He shrugged. "But still. I don't like it."

"What we're doing is wrong, it feels right but it's morally wrong. You're in here for killing someone, Aaron, this isn't just every day life." I couldn't help but tell him what I was feeling. His eyes made me do that, they made me want to tell him every secret I've ever kept hidden.

"I know." Aaron didn't say much else but he did lower his head. I didn't think he wanted me to see what was going on behind his eyes.

I didn't think I wanted to see either.

"I can't help myself when it comes to you." I lowered my voice. He lifted his head and his eyes met mine. "I've tried to stop this from happening and look where it's gotten me." My hand came out. The passion Aaron and I had when we were together was something else. I felt him whenever I saw him and could feel him for days after.

I couldn't get the smell of him off me. I couldn't get him out of my mind.

"Underneath me."

"Again." I stated. "You said you wanted me, it's obvious I want you too."

"I won't let you lose your job." It sounded like a promise. "I'll make it my life's mission." He smiled and it blew me in to the next room. I couldn't speak for a minute, I could only admire.

Was it stupid of me to believe him? I didn't know yet. Everything had already been lost for him and as selfish as it sounded, I didn't want to end up the same.

Once we were changed, Aaron went close to the door, placed his ear against the wood and when he thought it was all clear, he opened it. We both walked forward.

"What the fuck?" I hissed. Before me stood Aaron's cell mate, Jeff. My heart started to spike, sweat started to pour from ever pore on my body. Full on panic had set in. I opened my mouth a few times but all it could do was close it. I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, how to stop this from happening.

Jeff stared at the sight of us, not one ounce of shock on his face. He looked as natural as anything where as I was anything but.

"It isn't what it looks like." I said his way. I looked to Aaron but all he was doing was staring at Jeff. I couldn't see what he was feeling or predict what his next move was going to be.

"Okay." Jeff shrugged. He started to walk off and I wanted to run after him. Aaron kept me still, he gave me a look to say he had this and he walked off to follow Jeff to what I presumed was their cell.

My heart was still beating a mile a minute. What if Jeff told somebody? What if he knew exactly what was happening?

My life was over.

Aaron

I followed Jeff back to our cell, anger bubbling in the veins of my body. Chloe looked frightened, scared half to death, what the hell was Jeff doing outside of the shower cubicals?

I wondered if he had followed me.

As soon as Jeff and I entered the cell, I grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and slammed him up against the wall.

"Don't breath a fucking word about this." I hissed. He didn't look fazed, in fact, he was smiling. That angered me more.

"Say a word about what?" He asked. He was acting stupid, I knew it. Was this his mind games? I wouldn't ever let him get away with that.

"Don't act fucking dumb." He knew, I knew he knew. This was Jeff, he knew everything. "You say a word about this and you're a dead man."

"Why would I tell on you?" Jeff asked. "You're my friend and don't pretend as if I didn't know exactly what was going on before hand. Get a grip of yourself, this isn't high school, you fucked the prison guard, it's not like I'm going to go playing Chinese whispers." His voice was no nonsense. I hated the way he said "fucked the prison guard" but I didn't want to mention it, I had more important things to attend to for now.

But I didn't really know why it made me feel uncomfortable, it was exactly what I was doing.

"I don't want to put her job on the line." I stated honestly. My grip loosened on Jeff's neckline. He moved away from my body when he had the chance.

"You did that the first time you slipped it in." Jeff rolled his eyes as he sat on his bunk. Did he have to be so honest? Maybe that was exactly what I needed, after all. "You're playing a dangerous game, you know that, don't you?"

"Yes, I fucking know that." I was getting angry again. Of course I knew what I was doing, that didn't mean I could stop myself. When it came to Chloe, I didn't even know if I ever could.

"You're a melt of a man, King. If you were to ever get caught..." he trailed off. I wasn't going to get out of here anyway, things were too far gone. It wasn't me I was worried about though, it was her.

Jeff knew that. Jeff knew exactly how much I didn't want her job to be sacrificed, or her life. She wasn't the right person for prison.

"I won't tell anyone. I've got your back, I promise you that." He held up his hands. "You seem happier than the first time I met you. If you're happy, I am too."

Without thinking, I grabbed Jeff's skinny body in my arms and I hugged him. I hugged him because I was so grateful he wasn't going to put Chloe in any danger. I couldn't thank him enough for that.

I believed he wouldn't say a word.

It was weird. I hadn't hugged anyone since I was with her. I didn't trust easily and as soon as I did, it got thrown in my face. I wasn't always the most loveable but I was at one point in my life. I'd have done anything.

Now? I wasn't the same person.

"It's good, I don't have to kill you." I said to him. I wouldn't have killed him, a part of me liked the guy. I didn't want to beat him to a pulp, even though I would for Chloe.

"I feel weird." Jeff stated. "I don't mind a hug every now and then but from you? I'd have put my money on fucking the chief before this." I shivered at his words. Not the chief. She wasn't as lovely as Chloe, no where near.

"That's disgusting." I said. "But you're right. Can't I just punch you now?"

"Can't hurt as much as your words have." I knew he was joking by the twinkle in his eyes. Jeff was an extremely witty man and it was growing on me, a lot. "Anyway, how was it?" He sat casually on his bunk and I jumped to mine.

"How was what?" I asked, confused.

"Your time with Chloe."

"If you want sex details then you're not getting them." I didn't ever want him thinking about her like that. I didn't want any other man thinking of her like that.

"Come on, man, I've not had sex for so long I've grown my virginity back." He huffed. I couldn't help but chuckle.

God, what was wrong with me? Chuckling, hugging, talking? This so wasn't me. Was I liking my new self? My old self? I guessed so.

"That's your problem."

"I've got cobwebs on my jewels."

"That's a lovely thought." I said. Jeff chuckled at his own joke.

"You're boring." He said.

"You're a fucking pervert." I slapped back. Jeff continued to chuckle from his bottom bunk.

We stayed in silence for a while and I couldn't help but let my mind wander off. Chloe was the first bit of excitement I had since being here and I had been here for so long.

I didn't want to put her life on the line just because I was too selfish enough to stop this. She was exciting and she was something I needed behind these metal bars but I had to realise that I had nothing left to lose and I couldn't make her life hell just because of the way I was feeling.

It wasn't fair but I didn't want to let her go just yet. I liked the passion we had, I liked the connection I felt when I was inside of her. I hoped she felt that too.

"King." Jeff said my name to grab my attention. "Don't you think you should try to find Chloe?"

"Why?" I asked puzzled.

"To reassure her that her job isn't on the line." He said, as if I was stupid. "Come on, King, don't you know how to treat a girl?"

"Not really." I was being honest. I had rinsed my hands of all women and had vowed to myself that no woman would ever hurt me the way she did. She didn't just hurt me, she broke me and I didn't have the chance to piece myself together properly because these four walls and the metal door was a hard enough place as it was. "And anyway, we're just fucking."

Jeff was quiet.

"Still, you need to reassure her because this is a big thing for her too." He stated. "I mean, she's got some big balls hasn't she? I hadn't realise just how ballsy she was until now. Good on her, but don't let her down because it's not easy to trust someone like this."

I stopped. She trusted me? It was stupid to ask myself again because I knew she must have had to trust me to allow me in like she had. She wouldn't have slept with me twice if she didn't because her work meant a lot to her.

Jesus, it scared me. Her life was practically in my hands.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Jeff said. My brows furrowed.

"How do you always know how I'm feeling?" I blurted. He wasn't even looking at me this time.

"Usually it's a talent, this time you just made a weird noise and I kind of just guessed I had freaked you out." I heard his voice from below me.

"I'm not scared." I lied. "It's just a big thing for me, that's all." All of this was. This wasn't like the outside world, I couldn't just have sex with the girl and see her whenever I could. So much was on the line and so much was at risk.

It was very stupid and very risky but I couldn't seem to stop myself every time she was close to me.

I sighed.

"Stop moaning." He hit the bottom of my bunk, the top of his. "Haven't you got somewhere to be?" I was frustrated that I had smiled.

Fucking Jeff.

"I'm going." I jumped off my bunk and put on the shoes I had slipped off earlier.

"King?" I looked up to Jeff who was watching me carefully on his bunk. "You'll make sure she's safe won't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've put her in to this situation and you better not ruin her life because of it." Anger flared up inside of me. How could he think that I'd do that to her? I wasn't going to just fuck her and ruin her life, I wasn't that cold hearted.

"Jeff." I growled.

"Our lives are ruined but she's too innocent for this." He stated. He didn't seem fazed by my mood at all. "It would probably kill her."

His words were forceful. My anger evaporated because I realised he was right, too right. She wouldn't, couldn't live through the life of prison. She wasn't dark, she wasn't cold, she was anything but. She wouldn't survive it.

And his words felt like a big blow to the stomach because I didn't like the way I felt when he said them.

The word "kill" circled my mind as if it had no filter, no stopping button.

Nothing was going to happen to that girl and I'd make sure it never would, whether in my hands or not.