It was my last day with Ray. I’d spent the whole day after she busked trying not to stare at her, but it was getting harder and harder to stop thinking of her. That night, I lay in bed with Jamie, and knew I didn’t want to be there anymore. Once upon a time, I’d craved his presence. I’d longed for him to come home in the evenings. I’d longed for him to kiss me and trace my hips with his fingers. But somewhere along the line, we’d lost the spark. Everything that was once new and exciting became stale and familiar. Maybe it’s me. Maybe long term relationships don’t work for me. But I just didn’t feel the need to draw out our relationship. Not anymore. Not when Ray’s hips and lips and eyes were constantly on my mind. Not when I thought of what could have happened if Jamie hadn’t rung two days before. The way I saw it, Jamie and me weren’t working anymore. Not just because of how Ray had changed me, but because he himself had changed.

 I made him breakfast, as always. He was punctual, as always, coming downstairs at seven sharp. I placed a plate of eggy bread in front of him and he dug in right away. As though nothing had happened between us those past few days.

 “This is nice, Frey,” he said. I leant against the kitchen counter awkwardly. My hands were shaking.

 “Good,” I replied stiffly.

  He smiled at me angelically “I’m so glad we’re back to normal now,” he said.

 “Jamie, I-”

 “It’s been an awful few days. Without you. I missed you.”

 “Look, Jamie, I just need to-”

 “What is it?” Jamie was smiling. He didn’t seem to sense what I was about to do.

 “I just…I just…” I made the mistake of looking at Jamie. He was smiling so sweetly, his blue eyes wide and the corners of his lips stretched out in a huge grin. I took one look at how happy he was and couldn’t do it.

 “I just wanted to say I’m happy too,” I said. Jamie smiled.

 “Come here,” he whispered. When I didn’t move, he stood and took my hips in his hands, dragging me into him. His lips pressed to mine and his hand began exploring my body. He pulled away, eyebrows raised.

 “You’ll be late,” I said quietly.

 “So what?” he murmured. Then, for the second time, I went to bed with Jamie and wished it was Ray.

***

 I was quiet all day, and I think Ray noticed it. We were just having a day in, watching films and snacking, but normally, we’d talk all the way through, predicting the plot and who would be killed off next. But I had other things on my mind. I was concentrating hard on how close Ray was sat to me. She’d draped a blanket over our legs, and we were almost touching. I could feel the heat of her. As the day drew on, I found that we’d got closer. Like some magnetism was drawing us slowly together. Ray’s arm lazily rested on the back of the couch and I rested my head against her shoulder. The whole time, though, I felt ridiculously guilty.

 “Let’s go out somewhere,” Ray declared “Get drunk. Liven you up a bit.”

  I was about to protest, saying I needed to get home for Jamie. But I didn’t. Even if you can’t have Ray, it doesn’t mean you can’t spend a night with her I thought to myself. I forced a smile, still feeling guilty.

 “OK,” I said “Let’s do it.”

 “Help me pick out an outfit, then. You know more about fashion than me,” Ray said. We headed upstairs and Ray slid open her wardrobe, revealing the hordes of clothing she owned. I stepped into the wardrobe and sifted through the clothes, picking out a black dress that clung to her curvy body. It dipped down at the front, revealing a lot of cleavage, and the slits in the sides exposed her pale skin. I wanted to touch it, kiss it. I was wild with lust.

 Ray slipped on a pair of strappy black heels and twirled around, her eyes smoky and her lips painted purple. She smiled at me, almost shyly, and pretended to curtsy.

 “How do I look?” Ray wanted to know.

 “Beautiful,” I told her without hesitation.

***

 We got a taxi to Seel Street and wondered around the bars and clubs, ending up in one called Chameleon. The blue lights coated Ray as she smiled, immediately taking to the music and starting to dance. I loved the way she danced like no one was watching. She closed her eyes, lips parted and became the music, hips swinging, hands running through her hair. When she opened her eyes again she caught me staring, and I realised I’d been watching her for too long. But she just smiled. Her hand moved to my waist and I jumped, like she’d branded me with a hot iron. She drew me in closer. Our noses bumped.

 “Dance with me,” she whispered.

 “I can’t dance,” I told her.

 “Sure you can,” she said, “Just move your hips.”

 When I didn’t move, she began to move them for me. I tried to move in time, and Ray smiled, her arms moving fully around me. Our hips were touching and we were moving together as one. Ray’s face buried into my shoulder and I couldn’t breathe. I was sure she could feel my heartbeat, my heavy breathing, the sweat on my skin. But she didn’t move away. If anything, she moved closer. I found myself pulling away, forcing myself to let go.

 “Drinks?” I asked her. She looked disappointed, but she nodded.

 We drank a lot of shots, and suddenly it wasn’t so easy to resist Ray. I found myself running my hands through her hair. It was coarse to touch, easy to grab in fistfuls. Ray tucked her hands into the back pocket of my jeans, holding me close. I wanted her purple lipstick all over my neck. I wanted her. Needed her.

 And still, I forced myself to move away. I took my time, but I did. Ray frowned, trying to pull me back, but I shook my head.

 “Let’s go home,” I said firmly. Ray bit her lip, looking confused, but shrugged, and followed me out of the club. I called us a taxi and we took the ride back to Ray’s house in silence. I tried to catch Ray’s eye, but she wasn’t looking at me. She stared out the window and I wondered if this was it for us. Whether this would be the end of our friendship. The end of whatever connection we had.

 I told myself it might be a good thing. I should have maintained a professional relationship with her. But the problem was, I didn’t want it to be over. I wanted Ray.

 We got out the car and Ray strode up to the house without a word. She turned the key and swung the door open, waiting for me to follow. I hesitated before following Ray upstairs to her bedroom. She was waiting for me, hands on her hips. We watched each other for a long time, not saying anything. Her tongue flicked over her lips, and I found my knees had gone weak.

 “What are you afraid of, Freya?” she asked. I shut the door behind me for something to do. When I turned around again, Ray had moved closer. She leant her hands on the door behind me, trapping me. I could smell the sweat on her skin, mixed with her perfume and the sharp alcohol on her breath. “We both know what you want,” she said quietly “Just take it. I want you, Freya. I want you.”

 I shook my head “I can’t,” I replied “Jamie…”

 “Forget Jamie. You’re meant to be with me. You know it. You know it, honey,” Ray said. There was desperation in her tone. When I didn’t respond, Ray slowly moved away.

 “Fine,” she said “Have it your way. I’m getting ready for bed.”

 She adjusted the lighting so the room was only dimly lit. Then she walked slowly to the mirror. Her movements became excruciatingly slow and deliberate, each of them sending shivers through me. My heartbeat became erratic as she slowly lifted her dress over her head. As the dress dropped to the floor, her white hair stood on end, ruffled from her removing her clothes. She looked in the mirror to make sure I was watching. Of course I was. She knew I would be.

 Her body was perfect. Her black lacy underwear revealed the curves of her hips, the folds of her stomach, her rounded breasts. She was watching me in the mirror as her hand trailed up her back leisurely, like she had all the time in the world. She unclipped her bra and it fell away, revealing her. My breathing was ragged. Ray let her arm cover herself as she moved towards me again. Her hands reached for the buttons on my shirt and began to undo them.

 “You don’t have to resist,” she said softly, her breath tickling my neck. Unwantedly, my hands shot up to her face, cupping it. She stopped undoing my buttons, her arms dropping to her sides. She was allowing me to explore. I let my hands move down her body, trailing over her breasts and resting lightly on her waist. Now that I’d touched her, there was so many places I realised I wanted to touch. I wanted to kiss her collarbones. Graze my teeth on her earlobes. Press my lips under her chin.

 Our eyes met. Without me noticing, Ray had removed my shirt. She pressed me close and kissed my lips.

 “I knew you’d come around,” she murmured.