Chapter 28

Nag-search ako sa google out of nowhere... or just mere curiosity.

How does it feel like to be with someone who's is interested in you anymore?

Though may mga na-search naman ako, but it doesn't really suit my situation now. May mga ilan lamang sa list na tumutugma pero iilan lang iyon at hindi pa rin konektado sa mga nararamdaman ko kay Heikenz.

It's been two days since we got here in Krabi, I was left alone inside their house while Heikenz left. He's already gone when I wake up saka babalik na lang siya kapag matutulog. I feel like my presence here wasn't welcomed at all. Lalong-lalo na sa tatay ni Heikenz who ignored me and his son.

Ang sabi pa ng mother ni Heikenz, they will talk to each other soon and time will tell that they'll be fine soon. Hindi na naman ako nagbigay pa ng komento because I feel like that's a very personal and private thing they should talk about. Ayokong makisawsaw o kung ano man. But it's just so sad that Heikenz and his father isn't on good terms just because of his sexuality... or maybe there are other things as well. Ang sabi ko nga, ayokong makisawsaw. What they would say to me, iyon lang ang alam ko.

Last night, I've heard Heikenz talking... ang akala ko pa nga ay nagsasalita siya ng tulog, but to my surprise, he was wide awake talking to someone over the phone. But that's not it, he was under the blanket—on his earphone and moaning. But I know something has been going on there, he's been touching himself and he's on phone sex.

Nakikinig lang ako at minsan pasulyap-sulyap kong ibinubuka ang mata ko just to see what he's doing. And he's been pleasuring himself. May pagkagat pa ito ng labi niya at nakapikit ang mga kanyang mga mata while he's uttering the words... I'm coming...

Feeling ko gusto ko na lamang magpalamon sa kama ko nang marinig ko iyong ginagawa niya. Madilim ang kwarto at malamig gawa ng aircon. Saglit lamang ay bumangon siya ng dahan-dahan mula sa pagkahihiga at dumiretsyo siya sa banyo. He left his phone on the bed and I just tried to scoop in to who he was talking with.

His recent message was Rune Tanawat on his WhatsApp. I tried to open the message box and see what leads them there pero hindi ko rin naman maintindihan dahil naka-Thai characters ang mga ito. I just took a screenshot of it and airdrop it on my phone. Si Heikenz ang maraming message kay Rune... their call lasted for almost forty minutes and I think the fact that he's coming back to him could only mean one thing.

He's not ready to leave him yet.

When I heard him leaving the bathroom, bumalik ako sa pwesto ko at nagmistulang tulog muli. But I tried to sneak my eyes a little open, he has shifted off then just get back into the bed and was finally asleep.

Hindi ako pinatulog no'n kagabi and until now, hindi ko makalimutan kung anong ginawa niya kagabi. Kanina pagkagising ko, wala na siya sa kama niya kaya mag-isa akong kumain ng breakfast ko. I asked her mother, hindi raw nito alam kung saan ito pumunta.

Kahit alalang-alala ako kung nasaan siya ngayon, hindi ko magawang isipin kung ano ba talagang gustong gawin ni Heikenz. I feel like I'm on the void at palaging walang alam sa mga nangyayari.

E 'di sana pala kung palagi rin kaming hindi magkasama, sana pala hindi na lang talaga kami tumuloy. But just the fact na excited pa siya no'n at ipinakita niya sa akin 'yong pananabik niya but everything changes right after.

"Hello, Miles!" unang pagbati ko nang sagutin nito ang tawag ko. Parang siya na rin ang nagiging takbuhan ko patungkol kay Heikenz. Though he doesn't have any responsibility towards him, napapalagay naman ang loob ko kahit papaano kapag nakauusap ko siya.

"I'm not expecting you to call me," sagot naman nito. "Do you know why I'm not expecting you to call me?"

"Uh... bakit nga ba?"

"I thought you'll have fun there," he said. "You're with Heikenz and you wouldn't give me a call dahil busy ka riyan sa Krabi. And what happens now? Magkasama ba kayong dalawa ngayon? Anong ginagawa niyo ngayon?"

"Ah... iyon na nga, e. Umalis si Heikenz kaninang umaga na naman. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya nagpunta. Hindi siya nagsasabi sa akin. Parang wala naman siyang pakialam so bakit pa ako mage-effort hanapin siya kung siya naman itong layo nang layo sa akin."

"That's one of Heikenz's problems where cannot imposed him what he should do with the way we wanted him," Miles said. "Iyon ang gusto niyang gawin sa buhay niya, hindi namin siya pinipigilan, but we're there to guide and leave advices to him. I believe sinusunod naman niya, I just don't think he's letting himself done it according to what needs to be done."

"But I don't think things are changing..."

"That's the saddest part, I know," he said, sighing. "But I know Heikenz doesn't really wanna be home to Krabi. Na-kwento na niya sa amin 'yon for one time, but he never talked it about once again. His father doesn't know about his sexuality, he has suspicions that's why when Heikenz had an opportunity to stay in Bangkok, he stayed there... are you guys even talking?"

Napabitaw ako nang malalim na buntonghininga. "We barely talk. Minsan, hindi pa nga. And what's worse, kagabi narinig ko siyang may kausap over the phone. And he was having phone sex with Rune..."

"Oh... si Rune..."

"What's the deal between ba, Miles?"

"I'm not really sure... hindi ko rin alam kay Heikenz, but they still get to see each other often matapos ng break-up nila. Pero hindi ko alam na they were doing that. That's new to me. Akala ko they were casually talking to each other. Hindi ko alam na aabot pa pala sa point na 'yon."

"Yeah... that surprised me, too..."

"Pero alam mo, Andrew, ang gawin mo na lang ngayon, kausapin mo siya at tanungin kung anong problema. Maybe he will open up at sa pagkatataon na 'yon, mapag-usapan niyo 'yong kung ano ba talaga ang dahilan. Baka sakaling maliwanag ang both sides at hindi iyong ganito na para bang pinipilit mo na lang ang sarili mo sa kanya."

"Hindi naman sa gano'n..." Natawa pa ako nang bahagya.

"But I know he's the reason why you stayed," aniya na sumapol talaga sa akin. "Okay lang naman kahit hindi mo sabihin, alam mo naman. Ramdam ko naman."

"Sa tingin mo... balik na ba ako ng Pinas?"

"Hoy, hindi! 'Wag!" pagpigil nito sa akin. Medyo slight shock ako sa sagot niya, but I'm also kind of expecting it. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. "Work it out. Kausapin mo si Heikenz. Alam kong mabigat ito para sa kanya, but this is not the time to give it up. Ano ba 'yan, Andrew. 'Wag mo ako i-disappoint, ha! Work it out, akong bahala sa 'yo. Basta 'wag kang uuwi ng Pinas. Sinasabi ko sa 'yo, ha!"

Natawa na lang din naman ako sa sinabi ni Miles.

"Sige, I'll keep that in mind... thank you ulit, Miles..."

"No worries! Tawag ka lang kapag may kailangan or need mo ng kausap. I'm only one call away, alright?"

When he dropped the call, napabuntonghiniga na lamang ako. My day went normal na ako lang mag-isa. Tahimik at gumawa na lang ako ng mga bagay na pwedeng pagkaabahalahan. Habang wala pa ang father ni Heikenz, I tend to help his mother do some house staff. Sino nagtataka na rin siya kung ano pang ginagawa ko sa bahay nila since Heikenz isn't all day in the house.

Nauna akong mag-dinner sa parents ni Heikenz so nagpahinga na lang din ako sa kwarto at naghintay kung uuwi nga ba si Heikenz ngayong gabi. I was preparing to go to sleep when the door opened and Heikenz walked in. Nakatingin ako sa kanya nang dumating siya at parang hindi pa rin niya ako pinapansin.

"Heikenz..." pagtawag ko sa kanya. "Saan ka galing?"

"Just somewhere else," tipid nitong sagot sa akin. "I'm tired... I'm just gonna go to sleep."

Nagtanggal lamang ito ng damit niya saka siya tumabi sa akin sa kama. Tinakluban niya ang kanyang sarili at wala itong imik. Gusto ko pa sana tanungin kung anong ginawa niya at kung saan siya nagpunta pero mukahang hindi na naman siya interesado pang makipag-usap sa akin.

Nagising na lamang ako nang may maramdaman akong humagksan sa akin. Hindi ako masyadong gumalaw at napansing kong nakayakap sa akin si Heikenz. Hindi ako gumalaw baka magising ko pa siya at alisin niya ang pagkakayakap sa akin. I let that happen until the he woke up. Nagising din ako nang magising siya. That was quarter to six. Naligo siya at kinuha lang ang wallet at phone niya saka siya umalis.

At this moment, sinubukan ko nang gawin na sundan siya kung saan man siya pumunta. Hindi na naman ako naligo. I just grabbed my stuff and followed him out of the house. Hindi pa rin gising ang mga magulang ni Heikenz. Medyo madilim pa ang paligid pagkalabas ko ng bahay and I have no idea where Heikenz would be going to.

But then a second later, Heikenz just went to get on a taxi and that leaves immediately. Naghintay rin ako ng taxi pero wala nang sumunod. Bumagsak ang balikat ko, ending up heading back to Parvati's House and went back to bed.

Fuck. How does this keep happening?

***

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Let me know your thoughts! I would appreciate it so much

#AWeekInBangkok #AWIBChapter28 #WTS7

Interact with me on Twitter >>> @Imjacobxoxo