Joey's genius idea of a weapon was to pick up the first object that he came across in the old lady's house. While that does save him ample amount of time in choosing a weapon, it was also brilliantly ludicrous, as the first object he came across, was a chart. A piece of paper, to be precise.

Joey face palmed.  Was that what he was going to kill her with? He would have wasted time thinking how to kill her with THAT. He had placed the paper on the kitchen counter in a bid to get back to bed, and now it was staring at him, mockingly. And you call yourself an assassin? *insert evil laugh*

However, a pink sketch caught his attention. He smoothed the rolled up chart, and placed his cup and spoon as paper weights, to straighten it out. It didn't have just pink sketches. It had all sorts of colors. 

It was a family tree. And marked in big letters, was the house owner's name.

Joey slowly beamed. This was a miracle. A gift from heaven. A god's sign. No no, not a god's sign, he thought. God does only good. A devil's sign. Not so good. Okay anyway.

Now, he had plenty of targets. He wanted to hurt the house owner. If not through his mother, why not through someone else? Closing his eyes, he randomly pointing to a name. Joey was very fickle minded. He used this method to save time.

His finger pointed to a new addition.

Piella Proovis

Joey gulped. The name sounded so innocent. Did he really want to kill a baby? But the moment his house owner's face came into his head, Joey tightened his fist.

YES, he shouted. 

Taking his notebook out, he crossed out the WHO of the five W's. Now where was the question. That's easy. Obviously where the baby lives, he reasoned. Google searching the house owner's name, along with Piella, he found the first link. 

Piella had her own Facebook account.

Joey had to control his laughter. It amused him that even babies were up to date with technology. Okay, maybe their parents uploaded stuff for them, but still. They had an account.

He clicked on the link, and did a little stalking, finding the place where she lived. It wasn't direct. He had to make a lot of assumptions. Hoping he was right, he crossed out the where.

When.

Definitely not midnight, he sighed. It was obviously the best time, but not his best though. Leaving that for the time being, he moved on to the next W.

What.

Joey had watched enough number of movies, and not a single one of them had featured a little kid, let alone, a baby in them. Figures, he thought.

Searching online, he looked at articles covering baby murders. There was one that caught his eye. 

Mother accused of poisoning baby.

Ah ha, he cheered. It was as foolproof as possible. So that was it. Now he would come back to when. Now that was still difficult. How would we poison ourselves? Would we drink it plain, or put it in something sweet?

Light bulb. 

Joey got a splendid idea. He hoped it would work this time.

Several hours later...

Ding dong.

A harried woman opened the door. She looked at Joey questioningly.

"Arhem, Good afternoon, ma'am, I have a product on sale for you."

The woman scowled. "Not now. Can't you see I'm extremely busy now?"

Joey faltered. This woman seemed grumpy. But he needed to come inside. "No, I assure you this wont be a waste of time. This product will be extremely useful in taking care of your child."

Now the woman frowned. "How did you know I have a six month old baby?" she asked, suspiciously.

"Madame, you are a beautiful woman, still glowing after pregnancy. How could I not guess," Joey said, flirtatiously. If his grandmother had been there to witness his poor flirty performance, she would have puked, Joey grimaced.

But the woman seemed to have bought it, as she told him to come inside and sit on the sofa. Then she went inside her room to bring her child, and a bottle of milk.

"Okay, now explain your product," the woman said, blushing.

"Er, okay." Joey started.

And just stared at the woman.

He didn't think he would actually be expected to explain his product. If only he had allowed all those pesky salesmen inside, he would have learnt a couple of convincing lines to persuade the woman.

"What is your name, my lovely maiden," Joey asked, requesting for the woman's hand.

The woman willingly obliged, and gave her hand, which Joey kissed. And inwardly cringed. This woman was as unattractive as possible. 

"Sherene Liala," she said, shyly.

Stalling for time, he continued to flirt with her, till he got some ideas on how to sell his product.

"So what is a beautiful lady like you doing all alone in the house?"

Apparently, that was a wrong question to ask. The woman burst out crying.

Joey blinked. Was he stuck with an emotionally deranged woman? Sighing, and patting her on the back, quite hesitatingly, of course, he asked her what was wrong.

"Everything," the woman wailed. "My husband is cheating on me with the other woman he's been having since before our marriage. I had caught him red handed, and he begged and apologized, and I forgave him. But he never stopped, and I found out, only a month ago, and I have a six month child, and I don't know what to do." 

Joey looked taken aback. "That's why you should never marry," he tried to say, helpfully but Sherene sobbed harder.

"I loved him so much, and I don't even know if he loves me at all," Sherene droned on, and for the next half an hour, Joey listened to her ramble, tried to help, but made her cry even more.

Finally after what seemed like ages, the woman composed herself.

"I'm sorry. I had to get it all out of my system, and to thank you for your time and patience, I'll buy your product," Sherene said, getting up.

The baby which was sitting on her lap all this while, was thrust into Joey's lap, and her bottle of milk. 

"I'll get the cash from the room," she said, and walked away.

Joey was dumbfounded. Here was an absolutely perfect chance for him to kill the baby. And what's better? He could get rid of the baby for Sherene, and Sherene could start a new life. In jail, he added, after a second thought.

But the baby looked so peaceful. And beautiful. What was wrong with him? Taking the poison out of his bag, he put a few droplets into the milk bottle, and just as he kept it in his bag, Sherene came out, chuckling, and asking him how much his product cost. 

In his fear of almost being caught, he said fifty cents, and realized he almost gave it away. 

The woman frowned. " Fifty cents? Why would you sell a product for fifty cents?"

"Oh that's the discounted price for you," Joey said, as a quick save.

Sherene smiled, and went back.

"Here, you want milk, you gooey baby?" Joey asked Piella, making puckered faces.

Now watching Joey pucker, as disturbing as someone picking their nose and eating it. 

So naturally, Piella got frightened, and started crying. 

Crying.

And crying.

Now, Joey has no idea how to take care of a baby, let alone feed her. His parents died in car accident when he was eight, and ever since, his grandmother had been taking care of him. He lost all memories of him being a baby.

Joey did the first thing anyone who didn't know the first thing about babies, would do. He handed the bottle to the baby.

Just. Like. That.

Piella stopped crying for a nano second, confused by what Joey had done, and then resumed crying again. She refused to take the bottle, until Joey had the idiocy to open her hands and give her the bottle. Piella got really angry and threw it at him, crying harder, as she really wanted her Mom, to save her from this monster.

Joey had forgotten to close the lid properly after putting the poison in. When the bottle was thrown at him, the milk spilt all over his clothes. 

"What the," he started, not finishing it when he remembered not to swear in front of kids. The expression on his face was pure shock and hatred, that Piella instantly stopped crying when she looked at him. 

"Finally, you shut up," Joey said, smiling at the baby. "Who's your boss? I am. Who's your boss? I'm. That's what I'm telling you."

He tried to keep the baby down, but the moment he did, she started crying, crawling back into his lap.

Joey sighed. None of this was a part of his plan. Hell, he didn't even know what his plan was, but it certainly wasn't this.

Piella made a weird sound. Even though he couldn't understand baby body language, he knew this one instantly.

"Oh no, you don't" Joey started, but was stopped when she peed right into his mouth.

Furious, he immediately got up, almost making Piella fall to the floor, but catching her at the nick of time. 

Sherene was about to come out of the room to see what the commotion was. In her distress, she couldn't find two quarters. How embarrassing. She decided she would pay the actual price, when she heard Joey stumble out the door, shouting that she could keep the product for free, and all he wanted to do was get away from her blasted child.

"Don't you dare call my child that," Sherene yelled back, but instantly stopped when she saw him.

His dress was drenched in milk, but a weird smell emanated from him. It was a combination of milk and pee. The stench was so strong, she could smell it from the driveway.

And for the first time in ages, she laughed. She laughed like she had never before.

        Silly man, she thought. He probably posed as a sales agent, just to ask me out. Oh dear, Piella scared him away. She hoped they crossed paths again so that she could ask him out on a date. What other man would have listened to her ramble like that? 

   She looked back to the spot where Joey sat.

   Sitting in the middle, was a pair of socks.

   And her theory was proved.