I leave Flint's house with an urge to clear my head. Driving around is the perfect medicine for me. Tanya leaves me a few text messages along my route, but I don't feel like answering them. I could probably use some of her amazing advice, but I want to be alone. I've spiraled before into this weird state where I'd rather keep to myself than be with my friends. It was around the time I was looking for mom and I didn't feel like they would understand.

I have a lot of homework to do. My brain is fried, I'll probably accept the point deduction so I can go to sleep. Drum beats pound from the music room as I pass by. It's a sound that I haven't heard in a very long time. There's a small ray of light seeping out from the room. I take the extra few steps past my bedroom to take a peek.

Inside dad has his headphones on and he's drumming away like there's no tomorrow. He's still in his work clothes, but has a few top buttons of his shirt undone. He hits the drums with such a force I've never seen before, like they are a giant stress ball. His brows scrunch together as he shuts his eyes. I decide it's probably best that I don't interrupt. In the corner of my eye I catch sight of the old fender strat I learned on. There's an ache somewhere deep down to pick it up again.

Back in my room I shut down my phone for the night. I'm in need of a social media/technology break. I make the room dark to where I can't even see my hand in front of me. I drift off to the sound of my dad steadily beating on the drums in the background. Dreamland greets me like an old friend.

Echoes of my scream vibrate in my ears. My covers are tossed all over the place and my pillow somehow ended up on the floor. There's sweat dripping down my back and forehead and an annoying throbbing behind my eyes.

I take note of the way my pulse skips around several times as I attempt to take a few deep breaths. I wait for it to go back to a somewhat normal pace before I let the memory of the dream take over my mind. This time Flint disappeared along with my friends. The only major difference with mom's departure this time was that she turned to me and said, this is all your fault.

My breathing has calmed, but my head feels like someone took it and slammed it against the wall. The first thing I do the moment I'm able to stand without wobbling is grab some tylenol from my night stand. I focus on the alarm clock, the red numbers read 8:03AM. Shit! Cam and I were set to have a date today and if I want things to get back to normal I need to go on that date.

When I'm done getting ready I head down to grab a quick bite. In the kitchen Lucille is humming to herself while washing dishes.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"

She jumps and turns with a hand flat against her chest. "I tried Marnie, you felt feverish and dad said to leave you."

Her eyes don't leave me as I rummage through the basket of fresh muffins she makes every morning.

"I already called the school," she tells me.

"No. I have to go to school. I'm okay now." I grab some water from the fridge and take a bite of the muffin as I head for the garage door.

"I have things to do today, and I can't miss school."

I'm speaking so fast that I start to stutter. I'm dizzy and a little thrown off but I'm fully blaming the dream for that. Tears threaten to form at the idea of missing my date with Cam today.

"Marnie, are you sure you're okay? Your face is flushed. I really think you may have a fever."

"I'm fine!" I shout.

I feel bad for yelling at her. She nods and reaches for the landline to call the school and notify them that I'm coming. Once in the garage I quicken my pace. With shaky hands I unlock the car and throw everything in. When the garage stops spinning I start the car and head to school.

I pull into the parking lot just in time for Creative Writing. I grab my things and head for the door. A rumble of laughter catches my attention. I lift my eyes and gravitate towards one familiar laugh, it's Cam. He and a few friends come jogging through the lot.

He pauses for a moment, wide eyed like he wasn't expecting me to show up.

"Uh - it's Tuesday," I say.

"Shit, it is..." His eyes are looking everywhere but on me.

He tells the guys he'll be over in a minute and stops in front of me. The dizziness returns along with the tears. At my side I ball my hands into fists and glare at him.

"Where are you going?"

He still can't look me in the eye.

"So umm... Ryan got tickets for the wrestling event tonight at the arena. We are leaving school early to head out there. Mom signed me out."

The water in my eyes starts to bubble over. I bite down on my lip to try and stop them, but they really do have a mind of their own.

"Look, when you didn't come this morning I figured you were sick. Ryan had an extra ticket and asked me to go."

I find it hard to swallow with the lump in my throat. I don't know what to say to him at this point. I'm starting to hate how he's okay with finding a spot to makeout, but if I mention a real date he freaks and finds a way to cancel. I'm trying so hard to not be bothered by what is happening, but I'm not okay today. I'm about to lose it in the school parking lot and I've never cried at school before.

"I'll make it up to you."

I shrug, and he gives me a quick kiss on the forehead then jogs off. I watch him and his friends run through the lot to their cars. I'm not sure if I can handle Creative Writing today and seeing Flint, so I head back to my car to attempt to calm myself down. I sink down low in my seat and cover my face with my hands. The tears spill out before I can stop them. No one likes a cry baby, Marnie, pull yourself together.

I repeat the words over and over in my head. I don't know why I'm so emotional this week. I'm due for my period soon, but this is too much. I gently bang my head on the steering wheel.

Out of nowhere there's a soft knock at my window that causes me to jump. I peek through the openings between my fingers. The passenger door opens. In the corner of my eye I see Flint sliding into the passenger seat like he was invited into my car.

"Hey." There's a softness to his voice that I've never heard.

I wipe along the edges of my eye and face him. I'm sure I look lovely and must have makeup rolling down my face. He finds my hand on the center console and places his over it. I fight the urge to punch him, what the hell does he think he's doing anyway?

"Mr. Shepherd is looking for you. He was told you'd be in class. I offered to come check on you."

I stay quiet and stare out over his shoulder at a group of trees on the other side of the parking lot.

"Is your boyfriend still being an ass?" he asks.

I shoot him a dirty look, but don't say a word because if I do I'm afraid I'll cry again.

"Can I say something, even if it sounds completely cheesy?"

I shrug my shoulders and sigh.

"No guy is worth crying over..." He pauses and grins. "Even me. Although I mean I'd cry over me so... " He teases.

I appreciate his effort, but he's honestly the last person I want to see right now. He elbows me lightly in the side and it tickles. My lips defy me and start to pull upward, but I stop them before they can.

I don't know why he's bothering to keep me company when I probably wouldn't do the same for him. I hate that I sort of know the real him. We are kind of the same in a way. We both come to school in these masks that hide who we are at home. I never thought someone like him would have anything in common with me.

"Are you still interested in walking in my shoes after school?" I ask, barely above a whisper.

I'm taken aback by my own words, but we have a lot of work to do. I won't admit it outloud, I find some comfort in the idea of spending more time with him.

"I have to stop by my job first..."

"You work?"

The shock in my voice makes the statement sound super bitchy. He takes his hand off of mine and the space feels empty and cold.

"Of course, you'd be shocked." He laughs. "You'll never have to work a day in your life."

My jaw drops. "You can get out of my car now."

I cross my arms at my chest and stare out the windshield. Suddenly spending time with him doesn't sound so appealing. Why is it so hard to imagine me having a job? I don't have one now because dad is dead set on all of us putting school first. Dom didn't have a job until the summer he graduated high school.

"Sorry," he says in a flat voice. "It's just hard to be nice to someone who looks at me the way you do."

"Oh, and how's that?" I face him, fury blurring my vision. I grip the sides of my seat and squeeze.

"Like I'm trash. I saw how harshly you judged me yesterday, don't think I didn't notice." The soft voice from a few moments ago vanishes.

"Ha!" I laugh."Go ahead and turn it all around on me like you weren't judging me too!" My voice grows a little louder, "Oh, she can't cook because she has a maid," I mimic, tightening my arms around me. "Why are you even in my car anyway? Mr. Shepherd asked you to find me and you did, now scamper back to class and tell him you found me."

I release a shaky breath and turn my attention to the front doors of the school. I have no desire to say anything else to him.

"So are we still getting together after school for the project?"

Doesn't he ever give up?

"I think you might like to check out where I work. Figured it might be your style. I know you already walked in my shoes, but it wouldn't hurt to see what I do to make money for my family," he says.

"Screw you, Flint. You think just because I have money it means I'm not a hard worker or that I'll never work a day in my life. News flash! You know nothing!"

"Jesus, Marnie," he growls, running his hands through his faux hawk in frustration. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm being honest when I say I think you might be interested to see it, that's all. Forget I asked."

"Fine. Here's my address."

I reach into my backpack, pull out a slip of paper, and quickly jot it down. I hand it to him, his hand brushing mine as he pulls it from my hand. Why does the zap between us have to feel so good?

"Just come when you're done." I shrug.

Without another word I grab my backpack and head out of the car first. Once he steps out I lock it and the two of us head back to class.

***

I've never struggled to get through my favorite class until today. The throbbing in my head still hasn't subsided and my eyes feel raw from crying even though they've dried out. The bell rings and I almost cover my ears, but I don't need everyone to see how much of a wreck I am today.

I head to the vending machine on the other side of the school for a small snack. When the second bell rings it nearly knocks me on my ass from how loud it is. The pain is a migraine level, and the thought of eating these greasy chips makes my stomach queasy.

Instead of going to lunch, I find myself in the nurse's office. Maybe Lucille was right, I should have stayed home today. Thankfully, the nurse lets me lay down on one of the cots in the backroom. It's quiet and peaceful back here.

The nurse wakes me up before eighth period. I'm still groggy, but thankfully the headache has subsided. I attempt to finish out the rest of the day, but I once again hide myself from my friends. Thankfully Tanya has an away game, and Rose has cheer practice. By the time I head to my locker at the end of the day everyone has already gone to do their separate things.

I wonder if this will be the new normal, avoiding my friends to sneak around with a guy that just a week ago I couldn't stand. I don't like who I'm becoming and if I don't change it soon I may lose everyone I care about.