Green_Crow

The cover was okay in terms of the bare branches. Other than that I didn't get a sense of cold or being cold. The Christmas balls were an added touch but didn't do much to reflect your plot. Also, the text of your title was very difficult to read. I thought your summary was perfect, just right for a one-shot. It drew me in and had me interested. Unfortunately, there were many spelling and grammatical errors here that were distracting and held back your plot. This can easily be fixed by editing or using an editing app. You did a good job describing the scene and the character's actions and your plot was well structured, you knew exactly where you wanted to go. Your third-person narrative was well thought out, I didn't see a problem with your tenses. I like your talent for slipping in things like her asthma without adding too much background since this is a one-shot. For creativity I'd say that the story was a tad cliche, the characters didn't seem to have a spark to them that made them stand out and the plot was a simple boy meets girl, boy defends girl story. Overall this was a cute, cozy holiday story. Nice job.