Chapter 10: The Almost Kiss

I got out of the car, shoving my hands in my pockets as the rain poured from the sky. My sister looked at me. "Are you still worried about what Elliot said?" she asked me.

The other day, I told her about Elliot's theory. She didn't share her opinion on it, which I was really looking forward to. She simply told me: "Ask Phoenix if you're so curious." Obviously I can't do that. Then he'll think I like him, which I don't.

"What did Elliot say?" my brother asked. He seemed to cool down a bit since Saturday. I mean, it's been five days. He didn't talk to me these past few days. He only told me to hurry up this morning.

"Nothing, Elliot said nothing," I blurted immediately.

My brother's eyebrows furrowed before raising and dropping. "Okay," he replied before walking ahead of us. I waited until he was gone before turning to my sister.

"No, I'm not worried about what Elliot said," I hissed.

"Then what do you call that?" my sister asked as she pointed to my brother, who was now disappearing inside the school.

"How do you think he'll take it if he finds out about Phoenix's theoretical feelings for me?" I inquired. My sister nodded and I scoffed. "Exactly," I muttered as I held open the door for her.

"I don't why you won't just ask Phoenix if you're so curious," my sister suggested.

"Ask me what?" Phoenix asked as he stood beside his locker, which was placed near the girl's bathroom. Pervert.

"Nothing! Go away, you...creep!" I snapped as I grabbed my sister's arm and dragged her down the hallway.

"Smooth, Grace," my sister scoffed.

"I wouldn't have to come up with quick responses if you weren't so loud about it," I told her.

"How was I supposed to know he was standing there?" my sister asked.

"Now he's suspicious!" I groaned.

"Had you not opened your mouth, that could've been avoided," my sister reiterated. I hate to admit it but she's right.

+ + +

"Are you guys going to homecoming?" I asked Camryn and Alice as we sat at our lunch table. I was tapping my fingers rhythmically along the table, looking around curiously.

"I don't know," Camryn shrugged.

"Yeah," Alice sheepishly muttered.

"Yeah?" Camryn smirked, mocking our shy friend.

"Are you going with Valerie?" I inquired.

"I haven't asked her yet," Alice murmured as she stared at her tray of food.

"Well, when are you going to ask her?" I inquired.

"I'm not mentally prepared," Alice frowned.

"Too bad," Camryn shrugged. "Ask her or someone else will."

"You still have a month, Al. Don't stress it. If you're not ready, don't do it. You have to be confident when you ask," I explained, ignoring Cam's 'wise words.'

"What if she's not into girls?" Alice exhaled nervously.

"Then there isn't much you can do about it," I shrugged. "But what if she is?"

"But what if she's not?" Alice frowned. "I just want to get to know her before I ask."

"Then do that," I responded.

"I still think you should just ask and get it over with," Camryn piped.

"No one cares what you think," I reminded her with a roll of my eyes. The bell for last period rang and I knew that Alice had her last class with Valerie. "Good luck, Al."

"Thanks," she grumbled as she gripped the straps of her backpack. "I'll need it."

+ + +

I was grateful that I ran into Elliot before homecoming committee, because I needed to ask him a very important question. I didn't want to come out of the blue and ask him over text, because he'd tease me for thinking about it so long. So I decided to set up a trap. I was walking with Phoenix towards the auditorium, but I made sure that we would encounter Elliot's locker. It was a 50/50 chance that he'd be there, and I was so fortunate to see him hunched over as he moved stuff around in there.

"Save me a seat," I insisted Phoenix as we approached Elliot's locker. He looked at me.

"What?" he asked.

"Save me a seat," I pressed as I shoved him towards the doors of the auditorium. He stared at me in confusion. Just on Tuesday, I was telling him to get away from me and not to sit next to me anymore. Now I'm telling him to save me a seat.

"Okay, okay, no need to be aggressive," he muttered as he slipped into the auditorium. I watched as he neared the tables before turning around.

"You need to talk to me?" Elliot asked as he stood beside his locker.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" I inquired.

He sighed, shaking his head. "I am just guessing."

"Well, I have a question," I told him, checking to make sure Phoenix was still in his spot at the front of the auditorium, where Valerie was preparing.

"Yes?" he questioned.

"Does Phoenix know about Ramona?" I inquired. "You know, just wondering."

"No, you are the only one I've told. I should tell the girl in my English class. She keeps flirting with me," he explained.

"Oh, well, you probably should tell her," I informed him. "I have to go. You know the ole committee. Speaking of homecoming committee, are you going? To homecoming, I mean?"

"I'm not sure yet," he answered with a shrug.

"Well, the tickets go on sale next week. Make up your mind or else it's going to be too late," I explained with a grin.

He smirked at me. "You should, too, you know, or Phoenix is going to move on."

I patted my pockets for something to throw at him but I came up short. With a grunt, I closed the auditorium doors, glaring at his retreating back as the shut. I turned and crept towards my seat, trying to be quiet so I wouldn't interrupt.

"We have only three and a half more weeks until homecoming and we still have a lot to get done!" Valerie explained as she walked around the small section that we occupied in the auditorium. "Now get to work!"

I looked at Phoenix, who had a paper in his hand. "What are we doing?" I asked him.

"We're formatting and printing out tickets," he answered me. I simply nodded; it sounds easy enough. In silence, we headed to the library. As we were walking, I felt Phoenix's eyes on me. "What?" I hissed, becoming uncomfortable under his stare.

"You've been acting weird lately," he blurted.

"No I haven't," I told him.

"Yeah, you have," he explained. "Look, I talked to Elliot and-."

"And what? What did he say?" I asked with wide eyes. Would Elliot tell him? That'd put me in such a bad spot, not to mention Phoenix. He'd probably tease me all the time!

His eyebrows rose as he blinked a few times. "If you'd let me finish, you might know."

"So finish," I hissed.

"He said that doesn't know if he's going to homecoming," Phoenix explained and I sighed. "What'd you think he was going to say?"

"What?" I asked him with furrowed eyebrows.

"Well, you were obviously nervous. Is there something you need to tell me?" he asked.

"What? No!" I retorted.

"What'd you have to ask me earlier?" he inquired.

"Nothing," I answered. He continued to stare at me as we approached the library. He caught me off guard by hopping into the middle of the doorframe, gripping the sides so I couldn't slip by.

"What was it?" he continued.

"What was what?" I asked, looking at the floor. What if I crack under pressure? I usually do!

"Grace!" he snapped.

"Gracelyn," I corrected him as I looked at the space between his arms and the door. Maybe I could squeeze through.

He grunted loudly as he stared at me. "What was it?"

"Nothing," I drawled as I advanced closer to him. I made a quick attempt to get by, practically tossing myself between him and the door. As if anticipating it, he turned quickly and grabbed my hand. I was pressed against the wall as he held my hand tightly, moving it up the wall so it was at my shoulder. He hovered over me, only a few inches away. I stared up at him with slightly wide eyes as he watched me, his eyes darting around my face. They landed on my mouth and he seemed to have leaned closer. I felt his body heat, seeing as he was only centimeters away. Swallowing nervously, I opened my mouth to speak. "Phoenix..."

"Hm..." he trailed quietly as I stared at him and he gazed at me. He was still examining my face is if committing it to memory. His green eyes scanned my face over and over, as if searching for something he couldn't find. He was nibbling on a small section of his lip as he furrowed and unwrinkled his eyebrows absentmindedly. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and I wondered if his heart was pounding in his chest.

"We should probably get to work on the tickets," I told him quietly. He slowly blinked his way back to reality and pulled away from me before realizing our fingers were entwined. He released my hand and I quickly stuffed it back in my pocket as I followed him towards the back of the library, staring at the ground with wide eyes as I went.

+ + +

"Avery!" I hissed as I ran into the house. My brother was sitting on the couch, looking at me; perhaps it was because of my boisterous entrance. I ignored his odd stares and ran up the stairs at lightning speed. I practically kicked open her door to find my older sister lying on her bed with a magazine in her hands.

"What?" she asked in a monotonous voice as she sat up, placing the magazine beside her on her black bedspread. "It better be important. I was just reading about Ashton Kutcher."

I closed her door carefully and crept over towards her bed, dropping down as I gazed at her. "I think-you know-I feel..." I stuttered before pausing and exhaling. "What does a guy do when he's about to kiss you?"

My sister quirked an eyebrow as she crossed her legs. "Why?"

"Just answer the question," I told her. Before I go making any accusations, I have to be sure that that's what happened.

"Well, it depends on the guy..." she trailed. "Some of them just...do it. Others beat around the bush."

"Beat around the bush?" I asked, leaning in slightly as if asking her to explain.

"Yeah, like, they hold your hand. They move closer to you. They stare at your mouth," my sister explained. "You know...the basics."

I'd have explained to my sister that I didn't know because I've never been kissed but instead, I stared at her bed with a puzzled look on my face. I mean...Phoenix did all of those things. Does that mean he...? Now this just makes it all real.

"So who are we supposed to be thinking about here?" my sister inquired with a furrowed brow.

"Phoenix..." I quietly explained, expecting my sister to jump off the bed and start doing the worm on the floor while laughing at me for saying such a thing. Instead, she just made a quiet noise of affirmation.

"Care to explain?" she asked.

I shrugged largely as my eyes grew to be half their usual size. "I don't know! I mean...he just got all close to me and looked all weird and wasn't acting like his usual self."

"What happened?" my sister pressed.

"We were talking. He stood in the doorway of the library, questioning me. I tried to get by him but he caught me by the hand. And he stared at me like he was seeing me differently after all these years. He kept looking at my mouth and, he was really close to me. Like, really close," I informed her.

"How close?" she asked with slightly narrowed eyes. I put my hands up to estimate the amount of space that was between us. My sister looked at it before nodding. "Yeah, he was going to kiss you." I waited for a further explanation but she only lifted her magazine up and flipped open to the page she was on before.

"So?" I asked her.

"So?" she responded.

"Well, what does it mean?" I asked her. "He hates me. Why would he try to kiss me?"

"Maybe Elliot's right..." my sister trailed as she flipped the page. "Maybe Phoenix does like you."

I scoffed as I got up, glaring at her. I opened the door to her room, looking at the stupid magazine in her hands. "Yeah, well, Maybe Ashton Kutcher loves you," I retorted.

"Maybe," she drawled as I slammed the door.

+ + +

Thursday, 10.15.15

Dear Diary,

"No one's going to ever want to kiss you," Phoenix would tell me when we were younger. Of course, I didn't have my two front teeth and I'd gnaw on my bottom lip when I was mad (which was unsurprisingly often with Phoenix around) but words hurt. But he was proven wrong just an hour ago by no one other than himself. I know, shocking, right?

At least, I think he was trying to kiss me. Avery said so, too. I asked her why he'd do that, because as far as I'm concerned, he hates me. She didn't give me an answer. I'm surprised she didn't tell me to ask him. I mean, she told me to ask him about whether or not he likes me. I don't even know why I go to her for things; every time I do, she tells me things I don't want to hear. They're usually not very helpful either.

I'll probably talk to Elliot about it tomorrow. I mean, he seems to be the only one with his head on right. Maybe things were different in Spain. He'll probably tell me to ask Phoenix about it. But I don't think I can talk about it. The entire thing after that was awkward. Making the tickets was awkward and don't get me started on the car ride. We mostly sat in silence and he'd make a move to say something but he'd quiet down, thankfully. I don't know how I would've gone about answering his casual questions.

I'm not quite sure what to do now. I mean, what if Elliot's right? What if Phoenix does like me? It seems so impossible, though. Maybe it was just a heat of the moment thing. I'll talk to Elliot about it first thing tomorrow, and maybe he'll be able to provide me with a good, hearty answer.

- Grace