Thursday, 2:56 AM

Bastard McFuckhead: what if the world operated like those with anxiety thinks it does? like imagine you idk get on a bus or a train and people just stop and stare at you. they like yell at you to get off the bus bc you are a dirty rotten motherfucker that nobody likes and you should walk into traffic instead of onto public transportation

Lickety Lick: mf u good???

Bastard McFuckhead: ha

Bastard McFuckhead: no

Bastard McFuckhead: i am a dirty rotten motherfucker that nobody likes and i should walk into traffic

Bastard Simp #2: bokuto koutarou

Bastard Simp #2: if you keep bad mouthing yourself and convincing yourself of blatant lies i will be forced to throw hands with you

Bastard Simp #2: nobody shit talks my bestie without getting their ass beat

Bastard Simp #2: even said bestie isn't safe

Bastard Simp #1: ooh are we lovingly beating the shit out of a certain bastard until he learns to accept his strengths and flaws and begins to build up some self confidence and worth?

Lickety Lick: uh

Lickety Lick: i'm just trying to sleep

Lickety Lick: good luck tho

Bastard Simp #1: tyty

Bastard Simp #2: bro

Bastard Simp #2: lemme in

Bastard Simp #2: i'm outside

Bastard McFuckhead: ...

Bastard McFuckhead: are you forreal going to beat the shit out of me?

Bastard Simp #2: only if you don't let me in 😀

Bastard Simp #2: i have a surprise for you

Bastard McFuckhead: fine

Bastard McFuckhead: but i reserve the right to kick you out if i don't like the surprise

Bastard Simp #2: naturally

Bastard Simp #2: but that wont be necessary bc you will love this

Bastard McFuckhead: we'll see

Thursday, 5:34 AM

Daddy~: Bokuto, are you okay?

Daddy's Baby Boy: yeah you seemed to be in a really bad place last night. everything good?

Bastard Simp #2: bo is okay now

Bastard Simp #2: thanks for checking up on him tho

Bastard Simp #2: that will definitely make him happy when he wakes up

Daddy's Baby Boy: are you still at his place kuroo?

Bastard Simp #2: yeah

Bastard Simp #2: i'm gonna be here all day. i called out sick from school today and convinced bo's mom to do the same for him

Bastard Simp #2: you guys are all more than welcome to join us in skipping

Bastard Simp #2: the more the merrier

Lickety Lick: sorry i kinda ditched last night

Lickety Lick: i have a big exam today that i cannot fail

Bastard Simp #1: no worries

Bastard Simp #1: tetsu-chan and i took care of him

Daddy's Baby Boy: 👀

Daddy~: You two didn't murder Bokuto, did you...?

Bastard McFuckhead: they murdered my heart ❤️

Bastard Simp #2: aww bby ❤️

Bastard Simp #1: ...i wanna hate crime you two so badly...

Bastard McFuckhead: ooh~

Bastard Simp #2: hate crime me harder~

Bastard Simp #1: blocked ❤️

Daddy's Baby Boy: keep the weird foreplay to a private chat, thanks

Bastard Simp #1: don't kink shame us

Bastard McFuckhead: yeah, don't kink shame, daddy's baby boy

Daddy~: It is far too early for these jokes. Cut it out.

Bastard Simp #1: ...sure...jokes...

Lickety Lick: 👀

Daddy's Baby Boy: at least i've got the balls to make a move

Daddy's Baby Boy: i've earned the right to kink shame those too cowardly to take action

Bastard Simp #1: how do you know i haven't made a move?!

Bastard Simp #1: after all, you told me to keep the foreplay to a private chat~

Daddy's Baby Boy: please

Daddy's Baby Boy: if you had actually made a move or even considered it we would never hear the end of it

Daddy's Baby Boy: admit it, grand king, you are in fact a

Daddy's Baby Boy has renamed 'Bastard Simp #1' to 'Little Bitch Boy'

Daddy~: Suga, please be civil.

Daddy~: Also, unrelated, come to the club room early. We need to discuss your behavior towards rival teams.

Bastard McFuckhead: just say suga being a merciless bitch gets you hot and bothered and you wanna pound his ass

Bastard McFuckhead: why beat around the bush, we all know that's what's happening

Lickety Lick: damn...

Lickety Lick: i guess this morning is the morning for brutal honesty...

Little Bitch Boy: don't act as if you aren't enjoying the show

Bastard Simp #2: this chat is the best thing to ever happen to me

Bastard Simp #2: nothing like watching a bunch of homosexuals cat fight

Daddy's Baby Boy has renamed the chat 'Gossip Gays'

Bastard McFuckhead has renamed 'Bastard Simp #2' to 'Homo Squared'

Lickety Lick: homo squared...?

Homo Squared: yeah

Daddy~: Why?

Homo Squared: bc i am a homophobic homosexual

Daddy's Baby Boy: that checks out

Daddy's Baby Boy: you are a hateful bitch

Homo Squared: yes pretty boy~

Homo Squared: insult me more~

Little Bitch Boy: stop

Homo Squared: jealous?

Little Bitch Boy: you wish

Homo Squared: i wish i could see your cute little face seething with unbridled rage at not being the one flirted with

Little Bitch Boy: i hate you with my entire ass

Homo Squared: what ass?

Little Bitch Boy: ...

Little Bitch Boy: @Bastard McFuckhead

Bastard McFuckhead: on it

Lickety Lick: damn

Lickety Lick: oikawa has bokuto wrapped around his finger

Daddy~: Bokuto, what did you do to Kuroo?

Bastard McFuckhead: relax, daddy, he'll live

Daddy's Baby Boy: LMAOOOOO KUROO GOT HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM

Daddy~: Kuroo, are you okay?

Bastard McFuckhead: he won't be able to answer for awhile

Bastard McFuckhead: the cat is otherwise preoccupied

Little Bitch Boy: good boy

Bastard McFuckhead: 😘

Friday, 6:18 PM

Homo Squared: oikawa tooru

Homo Squared: the next time i see you in person i am going to peel your flawless skin off and shove it up your ass

Lickety Lick: what the actual fuck

Daddy~: That...sure is a colorful threat.

Daddy~: Is it warranted?

Homo Squared: HA

Homo Squared: is it warranted?!?

Daddy~: I mean, he just asked Bokuto to hit you?

Homo Squared: HIT ME?!!?!

Homo Squared: i am just now able to walk ever since that fucker sicked the himbo on me

Homo Squared: A WHOLE FUCKING DAY AND A HALF LATER

Homo Squared: and after i was kind enough to stay with him all day after he had a rough night, this is how the jerk repays me

Little Bitch Boy: don't act like you didn't like it~

Homo Squared: go fuck yourself

Little Bitch Boy: i'd rather fuck you

Daddy's Baby Boy: smooth

Daddy's Baby Boy: but from the sounds of it, you'll have to let him recover first

Homo Squared: i'm going to get my revenge, captain oikawa, and it will be so satisfying

Bastard McFuckhead: like i was yesterday?

Homo Squared has left the chat

Little Bitch Boy: aww, he's shy~

Little Bitch Boy: how cuuute

Daddy~ has added Kuroo Tetsurou to the chat

Daddy~: Put this beef behind you guys. You're captains, act like it.

Kuroo: fine

Kuroo: i'll play nice

Lickety Lick: your name reset

Bastard McFuckhead: well we can't have that, now can we?

Bastard McFuckhead has renamed 'Kuroo' to 'Ultimate PB'

Bastard McFuckhead: 😘

Little Bitch Boy: good to know~

Daddy's Baby Boy: ha! welcome to the club, kuroo

Ultimate PB: i am going to end you two assholes

Bastard McFuckhead: ohoho i'd like to see you try

Little Bitch Boy: you have nothing on us, PB

Ultimate PB: 🙂

Ultimate PB: receipts are a wonderful thing, dontcha think?

Lickety Lick: wish i had popcorn for this

Daddy's Baby Boy: i think i know where this is going...

Daddy's Baby Boy: @Daddy~ come watch kuroo get his revenge

Bastard McFuckhead: shit

Little Bitch Boy: wait, tetsu-chan, i'm sorry!!!

Ultimate PB: you will be 🙂

Ultimate PB has added Iwaizumi Hajime to the chat

Ultimate PB has added Akaashi Keiji to the chat

Ultimate PB: [insert picture]

Ultimate PB: [insert picture]

Ultimate PB: [insert picture]

Ultimate PB: those are the bastards, officers!

Little Bitch Boy: wait, iwa-chan, you don't know the whole story!

Iwaizumi: Shittykawa.

Little Bitch Boy: fuck

Little Bitch Boy: i won't forget this betrayal, tetsu-chan

Akaashi: Bokuto-san, please refrain from getting other captains put on injured reserve. I know you want to win, but this isn't the way to do it.

Bastard McFuckhead: but akaaaaaaaaaashiiiiii

Akaashi: No extra tosses for a week.

Bastard McFuckhead: you wouldn't...

Akaashi: That's the plan.

Lickety Lick: this is the best night of my life

Akaashi: I'm sorry for the trouble Bokuto-san has caused you, Kuroo-san.

Iwaizumi: Same. Shittykawa took it too far, interfering with your ability to play. Sorry for him.

Ultimate PB: i appreciate it

Ultimate PB: you two are among the few who understand my pain of dealing with those two

Akaashi: Not in the same way, but the sentiment still stands.

Iwaizumi: Thank fuck it's not the same way Kuroo deals with them. I'd rather kms.

Little Bitch Boy: hey!

Akaashi: How I feel every practice, Iwaizumi-san.

Bastard McFuckhead: ouch

Bastard McFuckhead: you win this time

Bastard McFuckhead: don't get comfortable as a victor, i'm going to get you for this, kuroo tetsurou

Little Bitch Boy: you will rue the day you tattled on me to iwa-chan

Little Bitch Boy: i will destroy you

Ultimate PB: you think i can't take both of you?

Ultimate PB: bring it on

Daddy's Baby Boy: what did i say about foreplay in the group chat?

Daddy's Baby Boy: it's like you three are virtual exhibitionists

Akaashi: Oh, look, another who feels my pain.

Iwaizumi: I wish I could say it gets better, Sugawara, but it really doesn't.

Daddy's Baby Boy: oh no, you're mistaken!

Daddy~: He lives for the drama.

Iwaizumi: Daddy...?

Akaashi: Karasuno's captain.

Lickety Lick: he's into it

Iwaizumi: Oh.

Iwaizumi: Get it, I guess.

Daddy~: I'm deleting this chat and blocking all of you.

Daddy's Baby Boy: mhm sure you are

Daddy~: Packing my bags to leave the country as we speak.

Akaashi: Save a seat for me on the airplane, please.

Iwaizumi: I know a place we can hide.

Lickety Lick: don't forget to send post cards!!

Daddy's Baby Boy: or shirtless selfies since you had to burn yours and huddle together for warmth, clinging to each other's half naked bodies

Akaashi: What the fuck.

Iwaizumi: I can see why you and Oikawa get along so well, Sugawara. Practically the same person.

Daddy's Baby Boy: i'll take that as a compliment

Iwaizumi: Don't.