Sunday, 9:03 AM

Tendou: oh? 👀 is this our reward for being in the right place at the right time? 😼

Iwaizumi: It's Oikawa's punishment for being a dumbass. Also, never use that emoji again.

Ultimate PB: 😼 does it make you uncomfortable, iwa-chan? 😼

Iwaizumi: Don't call me that, furry.

Ultimate PB: 😼

Ultimate PB: 😸

Ultimate PB: 😺

Ultimate PB: 🐱

Professional Shit Starter: We get it, Kuroo-san. You're a furry.

Ultimate PB: keep bullying me akaashi and i'll tell bo what REALLY happened to s'tony stark

Bastard McFuckhead: wait what does he mean what really happened to s'tony? akaashi? what happened with s'tony?! did he not actually go to live on your farm up north?!

Professional Shit Starter has left the chat

Bastard McFuckhead: AAAAKAAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHIIIIII!!!!!!!

Iwaizumi: ...Anyways. Tendou, Ushijima, you two have been added to the chat because Oikawa does not like you two and he deserves to suffer for being an idiot.

Lickety Lick: harsh

Ushijima: Is the fact that Oikawa doesn't like us part of the reason I was not added originally? Was the purpose of this chat not to set up practice matches via the captains of the teams?

Daddy~: To be honest Ushijima I just forgot to add you.

Ushijima: Oh, I see. It is similar to how Nationals keep forgetting to add Karasuno to the competitors list.

Ushijima: Oh wait, they don't forget to add Karasuno. Karasuno just never qualifies.

Daddy~: ...

Ultimate PB: AND WHAT'S THIS? ITS USHIJIMA WITH THE HARSH TRUTH!

Iwaizumi: Oh shit.

Tendou: 😍 get their asses baby ❣️

Bastard McFuckhead: what's with the overuse of emojis?

Tendou: 👁️ 👄 👁️ what's with the UNDER use of emojis? 🤔

Bastard McFuckhead: ...shit you right... 🤯

Daddy's Baby Boy: god fucking damnit, tendou made bokuto realize he could use emojis whenever! fucking hell

Little Bitch Boy: yes suga that is the true crime here

Little Bitch Boy: let's ignore the fact that you PIMP SLAPPED ME so hard i BLACKED OUT and then proceeded to TAKE A SELFIE WITH MY LIFELESS BODY ON THE GROUND AND MY BIGGEST NEMESIS IN THE BACKGROUND before you listened to that traitorous iwa-chan and ADDED THEM TO THE CHAT

Ushijima: Biggest nemesis? And you say I'm the obsessed one.

Little Bitch Boy: ex-fucking-cuse me?

Ultimate PB: ushiwaka is not holding back. go off king

Ushijima: Thank you, Ultimate Pterodactyl Brute, I will.

Ultimate PB: this is the best morning of my life

Little Bitch Boy: really, tetsu-chan? you're siding with ushiwaka over me?

Bastard McFuckhead: sounds like there aren't even sides in this. seems like it is very one sided

Little Bitch Boy: ...

Tendou: 🙀 oikawa's boyfriends are betraying him?! the scandal!

Little Bitch Boy: i'm deleting you two on animal crossing

Bastard McFuckhead: hey, woah! that's going a little far!

Ultimate PB: if i write a handwritten apology will you stop crying and come cuddle?

Little Bitch Boy: throw in some milk bread and we have a deal

Iwaizumi: Oikawa, Kuroo is in Tokyo. That is a six hour trip ONE WAY and you want to do that on a school night?

Bastard McFuckhead: technically it is still morning

Ultimate PB: plus he can skip tomorrow

Iwaizumi: Why don't you two just come here instead?

Bastard McFuckhead: cannot

Bastard McFuckhead: i already missed school the other week after my emo mode got activated

Ultimate PB: same here

Iwaizumi: So you two are asking Oikawa to go all the way to Tokyo and skip school and you're not even spending the day with him tomorrow?

Ultimate PB: don't be ridiculous

Ultimate PB: of course we will be spending time with him

Little Bitch Boy: 💗

Daddy~: How are you going to spend time with him if you aren't skipping?

Bastard McFuckhead: not to worry

Ultimate PB: we have a plan

Lickety Lick: care to share?

Ultimate PB: no ♥️

Bastard McFuckhead: stfu tets

Bastard McFuckhead: we are all going to school

Bastard McFuckhead: morning classes will be spent at fukurodani

Bastard McFuckhead: we will go off campus to eat lunch

Bastard McFuckhead: and then end the school day at nekoma before chilling with kenma and akaashi

Ushijima: You would still be missing classes.

Little Bitch Boy: missing classes, sure. but since they were there for half the day it is not skipping and therefore won't go on their records

Iwaizumi: Great plan. How will you sneak the other two into school?

Bastard McFuckhead: easily

Ultimate PB: we are all basically the same height and build so we will just give spare uniforms to the other two

Lickety Lick: suga just let out the most unholy screech i have ever heard in my life

Daddy's Baby Boy: sorry terushima, my bad. kuroo, did you just say you and oikawa have the same build as bokuto? bokuto koutarou? the captain of fukurodani volleyball club? that bokuto?

Ultimate PB: ...yes?

Tendou: 😆you can add delusional to the descriptors for nekoma's captain 🤣

Little Bitch Boy: testu, baby, furry of my life...you must see the error of your way

Ultimate PB: ...oh my god, you're right! i am ashamed of myself, really

Little Bitch Boy: it's okay, tetsu-chan, repent your sins and all will be forgiven

Bastard McFuckhead: what the hell is happening?

Daddy~: Kuroo couldn't see clearly, what with being a cyclops and all.

Ultimate PB: cyclops is a bastard and i would love to go a couple rounds with him

Little Bitch Boy: nerd. colossus is where it's at

Bastard McFuckhead: shut up about your stupid fight over which x-men character you want to dick you down (the answer is most definitely magneto, dilf/gilf supreme) and tell me what is wrong with what tets said

Little Bitch Boy: look in the mirror

Ultimate PB: and then look at us

Bastard McFuckhead: ...oh my god, i'm thicc as hell and you two are twinks!

Lickety Lick: could they actually be characterized as twinks?

Tendou: 🤔i don't see why they couldn't be 🤷

Bastard McFuckhead: you two would be S W I M M I N G in my uniforms and i would rip your uniform to shreds, tets!

Little Bitch Boy: that's kinda hot, ngl

Daddy's Baby Boy: bokuto really does have nice arms and shoulders, doesn't he?

Daddy~: Have you seen his back? Bokuto is built like a tank.

Ushijima: So true. Bokuto does have very impressive muscles.

Tendou: 😲don't be jealous! you also have great muscles! 🎉

Ushijima: I'm not jealous. I'm gay.

Ultimate PB: holy fucking shit, ushijima wakatoshi is thirsting after one of my boys. this is how i die

Daddy's Baby Boy: i'll set up a holiday and memorial in your honors, kuroo and oikawa

Little Bitch Boy: oh hell no! i will NOT stand for ushiwaka stealing my mans!

Ultimate PB: baby, look at ushijima! L O O K at him! he would destroy you faster than suga did!

Little Bitch Boy: wow, tetsu-chan, never took you for a coward. i may get my shit rocked by ushijima in a fight but at least i would go down swinging and fighting for my man. it would be an honorable demise

Ultimate PB: okay but why was being called a coward by oikawa tooru so fucking sexy?

Iwaizumi: Y'all are strange as hell. And so dramatic, what the fuck. Ushijima just said he was gay and was appreciating how attractive Bokuto is. Never said anything about pursuing him to add him to his cultish harem.

Tendou: cultish harem?

Iwaizumi: Oh, please. Don't act surprised. We all know your entire volleyball club is in love with and worships the ground Ushijima walks on. I actually wouldn't be surprised if you did some weird dark magic rituals in your down time.

Lickety Lick: did you guys notice how serious tendou got when iwaizumi mentioned the cultish harem? man knew he had been found out and INSTANTLY started planning a human sacrificial ceremony for iwaizumi

Bastard McFuckhead: Ushijima, I am flattered, sincerely. However, I must decline the offer to join your harem. I would not have the time nor energy to dedicate to the cult rituals as my loyalties lie with my volleyball club, a six foot furry, and an alien loving twink. My deepest apologies.

Daddy's Baby Boy: akaashi wrote that, didn't he?

Bastard McFuckhead: No, that came straight from my heart.

Little Bitch Boy: babe, nothing about your heart is straight

Ultimate PB: akaashi, you finally telling him about how you kicked his pet rock into the sewer drain after he ate part of your lunch?

Bastard McFuckhead: Now he is crying and accusing me of sacrificing S'tony to Pennywise. Thank you so much, Kuroo-san.

Ultimate PB: anything for you, baby 😘

Little Bitch Boy: back off, akaashi. they're mine

Ultimate PB: love when you get all territorial and possessive 😍

Ushijima: Don't worry about Pennywise. The clown won't do anything to your pet, Bokuto.

Daddy~: Do you know Pennywise personally or...?

Ushijima: Of course. He's my wife and my middle blocker.

Daddy's Baby Boy: ooh i can't wait to tell semi and shirabu they got beat out by a demonic child eating clown for position of ushijima's wife

Tendou: bold of you to assume they are not also his wife and us each other's wives

Daddy's Baby Boy: you're right, you're right

Daddy's Baby Boy: do you take turns laying his eggs?

Daddy~: What the fuck, suga.

Lickety Lick: he has a point...they are eagles after all

Tendou: wakatoshi-kun actually lays all the eggs, we just incubate them

Daddy's Baby Boy: fair enough, carry on

Iwaizumi: Oikawa, I'm billing you for all the therapy I'm going to need for the years of volleyball and the batshit insane people playing this sport has exposed me to. If it weren't for you I would be living a blissful existence not having to read this conversation with my own eyes.

Ushijima has renamed 'Iwaizumi' to 'Bore Whore'

Bore Whore: Why

Ushijima: You're a whore for being a bore.

Bore Whore has renamed 'Ushijima' to 'Try Hard'

Bore Whore: Maybe instead of trying to insult me you should focus on yourself and your intense need to seem cool in front of others.

Little Bitch Boy has added Akaashi Keiji to the chat

Little Bitch Boy has renamed 'Akaashi' to 'Professional Shit Starter'

Daddy's Baby Boy: akaashi, the girls are fighting

Professional Shit Starter: Oh, good. It was getting a little too chummy around here.

Bastard McFuckhead has renamed 'Tendou' to 'Whore Hard'

Ultimate PB: what the fuck

Whore Hard: i do whore hard, don't i? 🐣

Daddy~: It is entirely too early for me to even begin to understand how a hatching chick is related to whoring hard.

Daddy's Baby Boy: takes one to know one

Daddy~: Goodnight.

Ultimate PB: it isn't even noon??

Daddy~: GOODNIGHT.