Nakakainis.

Nakakairita.

Nakakabuwisit.

Hmp! Panay si Bea ang tinatawag niya sa recitation kahit pa nga ba sa lahat ng mga tanong niya ay walang mintis ang pagtaas ko ng aking kamay. Kahit nga sa mga tanong na hindi ko naman talaga alam ang sagot ay nagtataas ako ng kamay, hoping he would call me. Na lilingon siya sa direksyon ko at papansinin na pumasok na ako sa klase niya bilang ako mismo!

But he didn't. Not once did his eyes drift in my direction. Each time he asked a question, I'd see his gaze sweep over the room, but it was like there was a blind spot right where I was sitting. It was infuriating.

I was in over my head. Baka masyado lang akong nag-iisip at ang totoo pala ay wala naman talaga siyang pakialam. Masyado lang siguro ang pagbasa ko sa kilos mga kilos niya. I hated that I was letting this get to me.

Nagpatuloy ang discussion. Ako naman ay nawalan na ng gana na makisali. I sighed, lowering my hand slowly and finally deciding it wasn't worth the effort. Hindi naman ako pinapansin. Why should I bother? I watched as he paced at the front of the classroom, still effortlessly engaging with other students, particularly Bea. Every time she answered, he seemed genuinely pleased, and it annoyed me more than it should have.

Kaibigan ko si Bea pero papansin siya ngayong araw at nakakainis lalo dahil pinapansin naman siya!

Feeling frustrated and a bit defeated, I decided to take out my phone and hide it behind my notebook. No big deal—other students did it too when the class got boring or when they were no longer interested. Katulad ng siyang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Bahala na sila. Sila na lang ang mag-aral. Magpapaturo na lang ako kay Anja mamaya sa bahay pag-uwi namin para hindi naman mababa ang score ko sakaling magpa-quiz siya.

I scrolled through my feed, looking for something to distract me from the irritation boiling inside. As I scrolled, I saw a notification from Skyler, the senior I'd had a crush on for a while. Napangiti ako. Papansin rin naman ang isang 'to sa akin pero mas subtle ang galawan nito kumpara sa iba. Maybe because he knew I liked him back.

He'd replied to one of my Instagram stories. Seryoso at tahimik lamang si Skyler, kaya ko nga ito nagustuhan. Maybe I had a type. Ayaw ko sa mga lalaki na katulad ni Oxygen, mas madaldal pa sa babae.

Skyler wasn't much of a talker, but I'd always thought he was cute in a laid-back, mysterious kind of way. Binuksan ko ang notification na nakuha ko mula sa kaniya.

His reply was simple—a smiley face with heart eyes emoji. Not exactly a conversation starter, pero dahil bored ako ay puwede na rin. I quickly typed out a response, adding another emoji—a wink with a tongue out, playful but not too forward. Sinend ko na agad bago pa magbago ang isip ko.

I glanced up briefly, checking to see if Mr. Yniguez had noticed my distraction. But he was still focused on the discussion, asking more questions, calling on other students. Eh, 'di huwag mong pansinin!

I went back to my phone, feeling a little more relaxed now that I had something else to focus on. Pilit ko talagang kinakalimutan ang inis ko. Binalingan ako ng mga katabi ko nang mapansin ang ginagawa ko pero no comment naman sila dahil pare-pareho lang naman kami. Tulad ko ay gawain rin nila iyon!

I waited, watching the screen for any sign of Skyler typing a reply. I tapped my fingers lightly on the edge of my desk, trying to act casual, pero ang totoo ay excited na akong sumagot sa kung anuman ang mini-message nito. This was silly, I knew, but it was also fun. A welcome distraction from the frustration of being ignored.

A few seconds later, my phone buzzed with another message from Skyler. Napangiti ako kahit pa nga ba hindi naman kangiti-ngiti ang reply nito. Wala. Masaya lang ako na hindi ko kailangan ikulong sa inis na nararamdaman ang pansin ko. I quickly opened it. It was another emoji, a laughing face with tears of joy.

Nag-reply ako. This time, salita na at hindi basta emoji lang.

Me:

Nakakatawa ba?

Who knew? Maybe this would turn into a real conversation.

Bago pa nga mangyari iyon ay isang tikhim ang nagpatahimik sa buong klase. Agad kong nabitawan ang phone ko sa lamesa at inipit iyon sa notebook na ginagamit kong pantakip.

"Miss De Salvo," tawag sa akin ni Mr. Yniguez.

Agad akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. Para akong pinanunuyuan ng lalamunan habang pinagmamasdan ko siya. His expression was calm, almost unreadable, but there was a seriousness in his eyes that made my stomach drop.

Hindi pa rin niya ako halos balingan ng tingin.

"Do you have something important to share with the class?"

Kalmado man ay ramdam ko ang talim ng tanong na iyon. Of course, normal lang na mainis siya dahil gumagamit ako ng cellphone sa klase niya na para bang hindi ako interesado sa itinuturo niya.

I shook my head quickly, trying to keep my composure. "No, sir. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Sabi ko na lang kahit pa hindi naman talaga ako sorry. I did that out of spite! Kaninang nakatuon sa kaniya at itinuturo niya ang atensyon ko ay hindi niya ako pinapansin. Tapos ngayon...

He raised an eyebrow, not looking directly at me. Halatang iritado. Lumakad siya patungo sa aking kinauupuan. "I would hope not. But just to ensure that we all stay focused on the lesson, I'm going to have to confiscate your phone for now."

Damn! Ganoon naman talaga ang ginagawa madalas ng mga teacher. Pero sub lang naman siya, ah! Hindi ba niya puwedeng palagpasin na lang?

"Sir, please—"

He held out his hand, seryoso ang tingin niya sa akin habang hinihintay na ilagay ko doon ang hinihingi niya. "Hand it over, Audrey. You can collect it from the office after class."

Fuck. I hesitated for a moment, glancing down at my phone hidden beneath my notebook. I knew there was no getting out of this. Reluctantly, I slid the phone out and handed it to him, my fingers brushing against his as I did. His touch was cold and impersonal, but it sent a shiver through me nonetheless.

At talagang naisip ko pa iyon, ah? Nakuhaan na ako ng cellphone at lahat!

"Thank you," he said simply, taking the phone and placing it in his pocket. "Let this serve as a lesson to everyone: distractions have no place in the classroom. Our focus should be on the material at hand, not on our phones."

Tahimik ang buong klase. Ang iba ay napapabaling sa akin ang tingin. Hindi ito ang unang beses na nakuhaan ako ng cellphone sa klase dahil aminado naman akong medyo pasaway talaga ako. Pero ngayon ay parang doble ang hiya na nararamdaman ko. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, but I tried to keep my expression neutral, not wanting to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me flustered.

"Let's continue," Mr. Yniguez said, turning back to the board, still not looking directly at me. He resumed the lesson as if nothing had happened, his voice steady and composed, not a hint of frustration or annoyance in his tone. It was like I wasn't even there, like the whole incident was just a minor inconvenience that he had already brushed aside.

Sumandal ako sa aking upuan at pinagmasdan siya. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung bakit ba gustong-gusto ko na pansinin niya ako. Tapos ngayon na napansin niya na nga ako, nakakainis naman. Pinansin niya ako. Pinagalitan. But not once did he look straight in my eyes. What was his problem?

Eye contact was all I had with him.

Tapos ngayon, pati iyon ay wala na.

The rest of the class continued without incident, but I couldn't focus. My thoughts kept drifting back to my phone, to Skyler's message, and to the fact that Mr. Yniguez now had my phone in his possession. What if he looked through it? What if he saw something he wasn't supposed to?

Hindi naman siguro niya iyon gagawin.

Mukha namang hindi siya ganoong klase ng tao. Hindi siya pakialamero.

When the bell finally rang, signaling the end of the period, I quickly gathered my things, ready to bolt out of the classroom. Tumayo at nag-unahan na rin sa paglabas ang aking mga kaklase.

Mr. Yniguez then called my attention yet again.

"Miss De Salvo," he said, his tone still calm but commanding enough to make me stop in my tracks. "I'll see you in the office to retrieve your phone. Please don't forget."

"Yes, sir," I muttered, not trusting myself to say anything more.

Isang tango lamang ang ibinigay niya bago kunin ang ilang mga gamit niya na nasa lamesa at lumabas na rin ng classroom.

Agad akong nilapitan nina Anja at Vios. Pinag gitnaan pa nila ako kaya hindi na nakalapit sina Bea na gusto rin sanang mang-usisa. Mabuti na lang! Bea just smiled at me and waved goodbye. I smiled back pa rin naman dahil hindi naman nito alam na nainis ako kanina and wala rin naman itong kasalanan sa akin.

"Sinadya mo bang mapagalitan ka?" Duda ni Anja.

Sinamahan nila ako ni Vios papunta sa office.

I rolled my eyes and answered sarcastically. "Oo, Anja. I was actually eyeing a potential incident report dahil baka miss na nina Mama at Papa na pumunta rito sa school."

Anja shrugged. "Malay ko ba! Ikaw pa? Eh, ang dami mo laging pakana. Hindi na nauubusan ng gimik sa katawan!"

"Sige na, Audrey," tinulak pa talaga ako ni Vios sa tapat ng faculty kung saan naroon ang opisina ni Mrs. Vergara na sa ngayon ay ginagamit ni Mr. Yniguez. "Dito ka na lang namin hintayin!"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. I just needed to get my phone back and get out of here. Huwag na sana magtanong pa ng nakarami si Mr. Yniguez!

I stepped inside the faculty office, my footsteps echoing lightly against the tiled floor. Tahimik sa loob at may mga iilang guro rin ang naroon. I smiled at them politely. I made my way toward the cubicle that Mr. Yniguez was using, feeling the tension in my shoulders tighten with each step. Bigla akong kinabahan!

Abala siya sa pag-aayos ng mga nagkalat na papel sa kaniyang lamesa. My phone sat on top of the desk, a small, mocking reminder of my earlier mistake. Humugot akong muli ng malalim na hininga atsaka mas humakbang papalapit.

"Sir," I began quietly, not wanting to draw too much attention from the other teachers around us. "I'm here to get my phone."

He didn't look up right away, tumango lamang. "Before I give it back to you, there's something I need you to do."

I watched as he reached into a drawer and pulled out a single sheet of paper. He placed it in front of me, next to my phone.

"It's a written report about the incident in class today," he explained. "I need you to sign it, acknowledging that you were using your phone during my lecture."

Higpit naman nito! Kung si Mrs. Vergara pa ay isang sorry lang magpapadala na iyon. Baka nga hindi na kunin ang cellphone ko, eh!

"Sir, is this really necessary?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level.

He finally looked up at me, his eyes meeting mine for the first time today. His gaze was steady, searching, like he was trying to read something deeper in my expression. Mukhang hindi ko na rin mababago ang isipi niya tungkol sa written report.

"Yes, Audrey, it is necessary," he said firmly. "It's important to understand the consequences of your actions. I'm not doing this to be difficult. It's just part of the process."

Pormal na pormal ang pagkakasabi niya sa paraang hindi na mababali ang kaniyang desisyon.

I nodded reluctantly, knowing I didn't have much of a choice. I picked up the pen he'd placed next to the paper and began to sign my name, my hand moving slowly across the page. As I did, I could feel his eyes on me, watching me closely.

Kanina sa klase ay hindi niya halos ako tignan. But now? He was really looking at me, not just glancing in my direction or skimming over me like I wasn't there. His gaze was intense, thoughtful, and I could feel the weight of it pressing down on me. It was like he was trying to understand something about me, something I wasn't sure I even understood myself.

When I finished signing, I placed the pen back on the desk and looked up at him. "There. I've signed it,"

He nodded, taking the paper and glancing over it briefly before setting it aside. "Thank you," he said quietly. "You can have your phone back now."

He picked up my phone and handed it to me, but he didn't let go right away. His fingers brushed against mine, and I felt a slight jolt, like a spark passing between us. His eyes were still on mine, and for a moment, neither of us moved.

"Why didn't you pay attention in class today?"

Nakuha niya pa talagang itanong 'yan, ah? Gusto ko tuloy ulit mainis! I was paying attention! Sobra pa nga, eh! Ang kaso ay hindi niya ako pinapansin! Para ba akong hangin lang!

I hesitated, not sure how to answer. Baka kasi mamaya ay mali pa ang masabi ko. O 'di kaya ay iba ang maging dating sa kaniya.

"May mas mahalaga ka bang kausap sa phone mo kaya mas pinili mong doon ibigay ang pansin mo kaysa sa akin?" Mas sumeryoso ang kaniyang tinig.

"Gusto mo ng pansin ko? Eh, ako nga hindi mo pinapansin!"

Natigilan ako. Bago pa ako makapag-isip ay lumabas na ang mga salitang iyon mula sa aking bibig. Sandaling sumingkit ang mga mata ni Mr. Yniguez, sumeryoso lalo ang kaniyang anyo.

"What makes you think that I'm ignoring you?"

I shrugged, feeling a bit foolish for saying it out loud. Pero ano pa ba? Eh, nasimulan ko na. "I don't know. It just... it felt like you didn't notice me at all today. Like I wasn't even there."

Hindi ko na dinagdag na nagtataas ako ng kamay tapos hindi niya ako pinapansin. Nakakainis pero ayaw ko naman maging masyadong oa. Pakiramdam ko naman rin ay alam niya na ang tinutukoy ko. Well, he should know. Siya ang gumagawa noon, eh.

May ilang sandali lamang siyang nakatingin sa akin na para bang pinag-iisipan at pinipiling maigi ang mga gagamitin na salita. It was as though he wanted to protect my feelings over something. Baka naman dahil sa reklamo ko ay isipin niyang sensitive ako?

"Audrey," he said softly, "I notice you more than you realize. But it's not my job to give you special attention. It's my job to teach."

Ouch. Ngayon ay mukhang ang arte at demanding ko pa ata. Nakakainis at nakakahiya naman itong ginagawa ko. I understood his point. Tama naman siya, eh. All the more I was frustrated with myself.

"Alam ko naman po iyon, sir. I just... I don't know. I guess I wanted to feel like I mattered."

Sukat doon ay umangat ang sulok ng kaniyang mga labi sa isang maliit na ngiti. Hindi pa rin niya inaalis ang tingin sa akin. "You do matter, Audrey. But sometimes, we have to earn that attention through our actions, not just by wanting it."

I swallowed hard, taking in his words. Now he sounded like my parents! It was humbling and a little annoying, but I couldn't deny the truth in what he said.

I nodded, trying to muster up a response, but before I could say anything, my phone buzzed in my hand. Umilaw ang screen at kitang-kita roon ang pagpasok ng notification mula kay Skyler.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Mr. Yniguez's gaze shift downward, following mine to the phone. He raised an eyebrow slightly as if he'd caught a glimpse of the notification. His expression changed subtly—his earlier calmness giving way to something else, something more guarded.

"You can go now, Audrey," malamig niyang sabi sabay yukong muli sa kaninang inaasikaso niya. "Your friends are waiting outside."

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit parang hindi ko pa gustong umalis sa kaniyang harapan. Kahit pa nga ba tama siya at nasa labas nga sina Anja at Vios, naghihintay sa akin. But then, ano pa ba ang gagawin ko? Ano pa ba ang sasabihin ko para mapahaba pa ang usapan namin?

Wala na akong maisip!

"Oh, um, okay. Thank you, sir," iyon na lang ang nasabi ko bago marahang umatras na palayo sa lamesa niya.

I turned to leave, pero bago pa ako makahakbang paalis ay muli siyang nagsalita.

"Audrey," he said, his voice still cold and distant, but there was a different edge to it this time—something almost reluctant, like he was forcing himself to acknowledge what he was about to say.

I turned back to face him. "Sir?"

He looked up from his papers, his gaze finally settling on me with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. Hindi ko alam kung saan, kailan, at paano nagsimula na maging ganoon ang epekto ng mga tingin niya sa akin. But I could definitely feel it now!

His eyes studied me for a moment, and I couldn't quite read his expression. There was a hint of something there—disappointment, maybe? Or was it something else? Hindi ko masabi dahil mahirap basahin si Averianov Yniguez! It was as though he had mastered the art of concealing his emotions.

"I'm glad you finally decided to show up at my class as yourself,"