Good morning, lovelies!

Today's Tip Topic (damn, look at that amazing alliteration!) isn't just for writing stories; today's topic is a life lesson!

As said by Orlando Jones in the movie "Evolution", "There is always time for lubrication!"

The reason this is making it into my tip book is pretty straight forward:  I read a lot of LGBTQ+ fics.  Most of them involve guy-guy relationships.  Many of those dive into smut.  And, I'll be completely honest with you guys: most of them are doing it wrong.

*holds up a sock-puppet*

Sock-puppet: But Littie!  You're a woman!  How would you know?

I'm glad you asked, Sock-Puppet!  

Welcome to "Littie is probably older than you, and is also a kinky bitch."

I've been around for a while.  I've tried many things in and out of bed.  I know sex.  Regular, heterosex, lady-lady sex, butt sex, non-penetrative sex.  I could write a book on this stuff-

Oh, wait.  I am.  

Now, I'm going to actually cover how to properly sex in a different chapter.  This chapter is strictly about one of the most important, and often neglected, aspects of sex when written into fanfics: Lubrication!  

Let's drop some background information first

I don't care what gender you are.  Sometimes, everyone needs a little lube.

However, if you're a dude, and you want to have penetrative sex with a dude, lube is a MUST.  Probably 80% of the fics I read that get into full on penetrative butt sex don't mention lubrication.  Guy A just goes to town on Guy B as if there's a vagina involved.  

Sorry, guys, that isn't how that works.  At. All.

Sock-Puppet: Why's that?

You're just full of good questions today, Sock-Puppet!

Everyone, take your hand and make a tight fist with your thumb on the outside.

Good!  Now, while still squeezing your fist as tight as you can, push the pointer finger of your other hand into the curl of the fingers.  

If you've kept your fist tight, it should not have slipped right in but taken some effort.  That's because neither of your hands have any sort of lubrication on them.  The whole purpose of lubrication is to reduce the friction created by rubbing two dry things together.

Vaginas create their own lubrication (some more successfully than others - if you have one and you don't think it's doing a very good job of this, relax.  Everyone's bodies are different.  Go buy some lube, it'll make things so much better).  From an evolutionary standpoint, a slippery vagina is a good thing because it allows for the sexy-times to occur smoothly and, thus, increases the chances of propagation of our species.

However, your ass does not create its own lubrication.  It doesn't need to; there's no evolutionary purpose for it to be slippery back there.  Mpreg fics aside, you can't get pregnant via your ass, therefore it's not designed to receive visitors.  It's supposed to be an exit-only.

Go to any store with designated exit-only doors, though, and you'll clearly see that humans suck at following directions.  "Exit-only?  Fuck that, I'm going in this way!"

Your ass is not a grocery store door, though.  It's a tightly bunched ring of muscles called the sphincter, and it isn't open for business without a little bit of prep work.  

You see, since the ass doesn't create it's own lubrication, you can't just jam something in there and expect it to go smoothly.  We'll talk more about stretching and prepping in a later chapter.  This chapter is about lube.

Now that we've gotten the background information about why we need lube out of the way, let's go over the types of lube that should (and should NOT) be used.

Lubrication 101

Keep in mind that the setting of your story can affect what type of lubrication your characters can use.

If your story takes place in modern times, just calling it a bottle of lube is appropriate.  There are tons of different types, some of them actually designed to be used for anal.  

If your story takes place in medieval times, you can't just pull out a bottle of Astroglide.

I'm going to be going over these lubes with respect to anal sex because, let's face it, that's when you need lube the most.

Good Types of Lubrication

1.) Bottles of commercially produced personal lubricants (modern day settings only)

These are things like Astroglide, KY, Pjur.  They typically come in two general types: water-based and silicone based.  Personally, I find water-based lubrications get sticky too quickly as your body will absorb the water in them as time goes by.  I much prefer silicone lubricants if I'm going to use them.  Unless I'm using toys - never use silicone based lubricants on silicone toys or latex condoms; it'll actually break down the material.  Check the packaging or ask the sexy-times shop employee if you're unsure what type of lubrication can be used on the toy.

2.) Natural oils (non-modern day settings)

If you're writing a story in a time where commercially produced lubricants wouldn't exist, your best bet is to go with a natural oil.

For example, in "Six" the guys use oils mixed by the alchemists specifically for the purpose of personal lube.

If you're looking to use oil in real life, stick with olive oil.  Don't use it on latex, though, and be aware that it can stain clothing and sheets, and it can clog your pores if you don't make sure to clean it off when you're done.

Bad Types of Lubrication

Let's talk a little bit about what not to use to accomplish the butt sex.

1.) Saliva

If I had a dime for every time a character shoved his fingers into his partner's mouth and used that to lubricate the sphincter, I'd be retired and living my hermit-life in the mountains.

Saliva does not last very long and is quickly absorbed by the skin.  Don't believe me?  

Lick your wrist then rub the wet spot with the pointer finger of your other hand at a steady pace.  I bet that, within 30 seconds, all that saliva is gone.

The same thing will happen if someone tries to use spit to lubricate fingers or dick.  

Saliva can be used in the initial stages of prepping but that's a different chapter.  My point here is that you can't use it as the primary source of lubrication; it just won't work.

2.) Cum

I'm guilty of writing this as a lubricating agent in stories.  Guy A gives Guy B a blow job then uses Guy B's cum as the lubricant, fucking him with his own jizz.  Sure, it's hot.  But it isn't really a good lubricant.

Semen actually dries very quickly when not in a vagina.  And it gets sticky AS FUCK.

I know with fanfics, sometimes dirty-sexy wins out.  That's fine; fics are supposed to defy real life at times.  But if you're doing something in your real life, don't use cum for lubricant in butt sex.

3.) Food

Do not fuck your partner with mashed potatoes.  Or mayonnaise.  Please.

4.) Oils that aren't meant for personal lubrications

Industrial oils are a big no no.  You could get very hurt using these.  WD-40 should be nowhere near an ass.

-----

That's really all I have for you today, lovelies.  I hope you've learned something helpful.  

Remember, whether in real life or in a fanfic, there is always time for lube.  

I encourage you to write lube into your fics sexy-times.  It makes it more realistic, and I usually enjoy the realistic writing more.

With that, take care!

~Littie~